Chapter 4 – Addiction

It turned out that I liked the heat.

Charlie gave me knowing smiles the next morning over breakfast. I had cooked everybody up a nice fried meal; I knew Harry and Billy needed it anyway. They both looked very strained and uneasy. I guessed it had a lot to do with the extra beer Charlie had kept for occasions like that one. That store was empty now, I thought to myself. I rushed out to work not even bothering to say goodbye. I was embarrassed for my endless laughter last night with Jacob. I was embarrassed for him and for me. He had thought I was laughing at him, and when I tried to explain, everything got sort of sticky.

"I didn't Jacob, I wouldn't laugh at you. You're the least funny… No. Um, you're not laughable. I was just laughing…" I had trailed off, my cheeks turning crimson. Jacob seemed to know what he was doing, he had taken my hand and squeezed it and said that everything was okay.

But it wasn't. Just because I had laughed with Jacob last night did not mean that I would laugh every day. It had been a moment of weakness. I had let my walls that I had built up so carefully down for him. I knew we would be friends but I didn't want him to think I only needed him to laugh. I knew that he knew all about my strange behaviour over the last while so I knew what he would think if I started to hang out of him now. I knew it would be wrong of me to do that. So I settled on just smiling at him this morning and not initiating any conversation. It would be hard considering I was designated to drop all of them off over in La Push before I went to work in Newton's. I didn't like the idea of being alone in a car with Billy and Harry. These were dangerous men. Their words could cut like knives if they wanted them to.

"So, Bella, how is work in Newton's? Do you see a lot of hikers there?" Billy asked innocently. I knew what he was getting at. Billy was looking for gossip. There had been this whole thing over the last while about bear attacks in the woods. Billy needed to know if I heard any of the attacks second hand or if I even saw any of the hikers.

"Lots of hikers, Billy, but they mostly stay on the closer trails or they go way up north. I think everyone knows about how dangerous it is here for the time being." I answered him back stately.

"Sheesh, Bella, you've forgotten where I live!" Harry yelled at me from the back of Charlie's police cruiser. I had had to drive that because of the amount of us and Charlie wasn't going anywhere while he still had alcohol in his system from last night. I had to chuckle at Charlie's misfortunate headache this morning as he had the night shift tonight. Charlie was just happy to see me chuckle.

I swiftly turned the car around and back down the road we came up, turning off where I had forgotten to before. We pulled up at Harry's minutes later. He hopped out and thanked me and told me he'd see me soon. I wasn't so sure about that, I barely ever saw Harry.

I rounded the next corner to the Black's house. I had always liked this house. It just screamed home to me. It was a small red building with a makeshift garage round the back, and it was surrounded by the forest. It a lovely setting to grow up in. I was jealous of Jacob.

"See ya, Bella. I'll call you later." Jacob shouted to me form near the house. I could see Billy smirking, while trying to look sincere. He couldn't hide his humour from me.

I barrelled down the highway towards work, after I had collected my truck at home. I hated driving the cruiser. I wasn't looking forward to spending the whole day cooped up with Mike Newton and more than likely a shop-full of overexcited hikers. When I got to work, however, Mrs Newton was there, which was strange as she was normally off getting some beauty treatments done. She looked out of place in the shop. She was collecting lots of products from the shelves, boots, jackets, pants, traps, bags… I couldn't imagine how she held them all up.

"Mike, add these up. Come on, Mike. Hurry along. Oh, hi Bella. When you have a minute, go in to see Mr Newton, in the office, dear. We have some news!" She rambled on excitedly while I looked quizzically at Mike. Mike looked sad about something. Whatever it was I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it anymore. I was still on a high from last night. I hadn't thought about him all night. Jacob and I had laughed for so long I was worn out. I didn't wake up screaming, just whimpering, which was strange considering I couldn't remember my dream for once. But nobody had heard me.

I knocked on the office door, and entered. Mr Newton looked up expectantly.

"Welcome, Bella. I have some news. I don't know if you'll like or not, Mike certainly doesn't. I and the whole family are off on a hiking trip. We're setting off right away. I just need a holiday and I'm sure the family does too. I didn't want to wait until the break from school. I hope you understand, we won't be opening the shop for some time. With none of us around, I don't see the point and we're not all that busy lately anyway. We won't be back for a couple of weeks."

I stared in amazement at Mr Newton. I had thought he was going to fire me. He chuckled and assured me that he wasn't. It was like he knew what I was thinking. I shrugged it off and told him I had study to catch up on anyway so it might work to my advantage. I wished him well on his trip. On the way out of the shop, Mike stopped me and told me he would call me when he got home. I smile measuredly at him and left the shop. I was happy for them, able to go away on a whim and not worry about anybody looking for them.

I couldn't leave though. I couldn't go anywhere. I was waiting to be found by those that had chosen to leave me here. I knew they would come.

I got home and showered. I was tired from my lack of sleep last night and I knew I needed a nap. I took out some homework instead. I was distracted though.

I was trying to picture Jacob as being my friend. I knew it was inevitable we would see each other; our fathers were best friends, so I wondered what had my stomach in a twist about it. I hadn't been so eager to talk to someone in quite some time. It was stifling. I wished that I had time to see this coming. I wanted to avoid this kind of contact with people.

Before I knew it I was out pulling out of the drive way and headed towards La Push. My truck stopped noisily outside of the small red house that I liked so much. Jacob came running out in the rain and greeted me with a big bear hug.

"I would have called, Bella. What happened to work?" Jacob smiled a genuine smile at me and I couldn't help but feel myself respond. I liked the way he made it easy to act human.

"It was cancelled. I know you would have but I decided I would surprise you!" I exclaimed in a voice that didn't feel like my own I hadn't used it for so long. I guessed I would never feel like this again. I felt carefree. Like all I wanted at this moment was to have a laugh with Jacob.

"So, what are you doing today?"

I was feeling very brave today, so I just went along with it when Jacob told me that he and his friends were going down to the beach. I had been to the beach before. First beach was a beautiful place. That was the place where I had spoken to Jacob about …him… This was where I found out what they all were. I told Jacob that I was up for it but I had no jacket with me and it looked like rain. He offered me one but I couldn't imagine any of his clothes not being like a dress on me. I was so right. It was a total dress; he gave me a big dark green coat with a hood. It was warm and that I was thankful for.

"Who's your girlfriend, Jakey baby?"

"Hey Jake, Hey…Um. Who are you?"

Jacobs friends were total polar opposites of one another. I was introduced to the two boys. Quil and Embry. They were nice, well, Embry was nice. Quil was a slight bit obnoxious. He had a broad chest which he pushed out ahead of him, as if to make himself look bigger. Embry was thinner and taller than him. Both seemed very interested in who I was and where I had come from.

After they learned my name, we started to walk down the beach. The guys chatted easily with each other. I had never had that sort of a connection with anyone. They seemed to be able to talk about anything with each other. I liked that sense of comfort around them. It was lulling me into a secure place in my head. I felt lie nothing could harm me while I here with these boys. Jacob paid special attention to me throughout the day of walking and talking, joking and laughing. I was staring to let go of my worries, I left them on the beach. I knew they would creep up to find me later but being here now made that worthwhile.

"So, um, guess we'll see you around Bella, that is, if Jake doesn't scare you away!" Quil teased as him and Embry left me and Jake alone for the rest of the walk back to the Black's. We chatted animatedly all the way, laughing and joking. I felt like I would never stop laughing. When we arrived at Jakes, Billy was ecstatic to see us together. His eyes moved over our body language and he smiled. His smile was contagious. I was happy now that I had found this friend in Jake.

"You kids have fun down the beach? I hope you're hungry." Billy guffawed at us as he rolled out of the kitchen doorway and we caught the smell of pasta. I was starving after walking for so long that morning, so lunch sounded great. We chatted as we ate and I even kept a plate to bring home to Charlie when I was leaving. Charlie was more than happy that I had spent the morning over at Jakes.

I was worried now. I was alone again and I knew the feelings would come back. I knew my raw wound would reopen again. I knew I would pay for ignoring my hurt for so long. But it was worth it. I like spending time with Jacob. His friends were a little annoying, but what teenage boys weren't? I figured I would like to spend more time with Jake though. He had such a gentle demeanour and I wanted as much of that as I could absorb.

The next day, I rushed over to Jacobs' again. Embry was outside and he told me that Jake was on his way. He looked a little surprised to see me but I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. Quil arrived as we waited and I greeted him with a smile. He told me that he was more of a man than Jacob. I just laughed and told him that they were all still boys to me. He groaned like a sad puppy as Jake appeared. He squinted at Quil.

"What have you been saying to her?" He looked disgusted. He gave me an apologetic glance and I returned it with a giggle. I did not need him to be sorry for the immature Quil. He seemed annoyed though. He told me that they were going to the beach again, but for a swim this time. I tagged along and just sat on their shirts as they all ran down to the water's edge and threw each other in. I laughed at them and felt truly happy. I knew I wanted to be here.

I lay back on the sand and closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on the heat of the sun. I liked the heat now. I used to cringe away from it, but the more time I spent here, the more I appreciated how seldom the sun seemed to shine.

I promised myself that I would keep this feeling up as long as I could. Well, on the weekends. For as many weekend s as I could. The guys were so happy that it shone off of them and shined on everyone who stood near enough. I really enjoyed it. The heat, the warmth, the sun, the laughs.

I think I may have gotten addicted.

A/N - I don't like authors notes so I'm trying to spare you,

but I just needed to say that more will be up later,

so please let me know if you like it, thanks!