Chapter 6 – Take my Sunshine Away

When I woke the next morning, the rain was pounding against the window. I didn't even register that it was Monday and I would have to go to school. Charlie came in to my room when he heard me shuffling around. He sat on the bed and told me to rest it out for today. He told me that I should keep my leg up, and told me that I was okay. I didn't understand why he was being so nice.

I suddenly had the urge to get sick. He knows. Jake, Quil, Embry: all dead. All killed by a bear in the woods. I bet those wolves were the bears everyone was talking about. There were two. I should do something. But, no, I kept my mouth shut and swallowed my feelings. I allowed that familiar numb feeling to wash over me.

Jake had been my fix. He had been my fix of pure sunshine when I had needed it most. I felt the clouds resume their smothering of my feelings until I felt nothing. It was just like before. Charlie told me that he and Billy had plans to go fishing.

What? Why would they fish? How could they at a time like this? I looked in shock at Charlie and he chuckled absentmindedly. "You could just get Jacob to come over."

"…But, isn't he?..."

"No, Bella, he's fine. I didn't kill him, this time. But he'd better take better care of you in future. In fact, Billy told me he was sick after you all got back from your hike. He's been put to bed rest for a few days. So I can forgive him for now! Maybe Quil or Embry will come over to you? Or you could go visit. Best check with Bill first though, eh, Bells?" Charlie chattered away to me while I was soaking it all up.

Jake had lied, to me and to Billy. He told me he would be back to me on that hill; the three of them. Where had they gotten to…?

I swallowed my fear and rushed downstairs, to find a stressed looking Billy in the living room. I asked him if I could go and see Jacob. He sighed. "No, Bella, he's too sick right now. We wouldn't want you to catch anything, now would we?" He looked me over as if surveying me for any sign of damage. Satisfied that I wouldn't fall apart, Billy called Charlie from upstairs. The two of them got out of the house as quickly as they could. But not before Charlie warned me not to go hiking again.

I was torn. I wanted to kill Jacob for leaving me there yesterday but I couldn't tell anyone about the current dilemma. There was nobody in Forks that could help me fend off a vengeful vampire. Hell, I didn't even think anybody within 50 miles knew they even existed. I broke down in tears on the couch. I hadn't felt so alone since…he…left. This was his fault. I didn't like to blame him. I love, no, loved him. I don't think I felt that love as fully anymore. I knew my heart was expanding to love Jacob too. But I knew the difference in the type of love, my love for Jacob was platonic, pure and innocent. My love for the other had been unrivalled. It was passionate and all-consuming. Thinking about it now, it was very consuming. My whole life had been with him. I had wanted to be like him, but I would never admit it to anyone but myself. That would never happen now. I wasn't forgiving but I wasn't letting go either.

I wished I have expressed my feeling better to ...him. I had always felt inadequate. When he left I knew I was. I knew I had to have been. I wished that that magical curtain of rain has washed over me and allowed me to show him all of my feelings. I wanted to scream it out for him. Hoping he would understand. But I knew he was not listening for me anymore. I no longer sang out to him. And he no longer appealed to me. I had thought that if he came back I would have run into his open arms with joy. I wasn't so certain anymore. I felt betrayed. I had been left to deal with all of this on my own.

One thing I had to look forward to was Spring Break with Jacob, Quil and Embry. I knew that they had to have some good things planned for us. A whole two weeks of sunshine. I would be glowing after that. I sat up and wiped away my tears. I was fine. I was always fine. I kept thinking about how much I wanted Jacob to get better, so I focused on that. I really liked Jacob being my friend, my best friend. Quil and Embry were great too. I decided to give them a call.

I dialled Quil's cell phone first. It hung up after the first ring. He must be busy, I thought. Embry next: same, no answer. Now things were getting strange.

Two hours later, the rain still pounded down outside. I grabbed my vat of homemade soup for Jacob and lugged it outside to the truck. I ran inside and called the Black's house, before I called down there.

"Hello? Black Residence, hello?" The husky voice I had come to rely on answered. No sign of any sickness though.

"Hey Jake. I heard you're sick… so I thought you might like me to bring you some sss…" I started.

"No, Bella, Goodbye." His tone was harsh and unforgiving. I didn't understand. I thought Jacob and I were friends. How could he brush me off like that?

I needed air. I couldn't breathe. This couldn't be happening again. Everyone had been lying to me all because Jacob didn't want to hang out with me anymore. I wasn't good enough. Rejection shot through me like a bullet. I ran outside, forgetting to bring a jacket with me. I ran to the trees at the outskirts of my back yard and kept walking through the forest. I was blind to the romance in the trees today. I just needed to walk. I didn't know where I was going but as long as my legs didn't give out some time soon I would be okay.

Jacob, my sun. He had left me. I know I couldn't be sure yet but this feeling was hard to deny. It just felt like the same thing over again. I knew it had to be worse to have two holes in my chest now. Both searing with pain, and longing for my only source of life left here. I would be truly alone now. I knew I had my friends at school, but they hadn't been the same since I started my informal chat with them. Angela had been but she spent all of her time with Ben, her love.

I fell over something hard on the ground and landed on my face in the dirt of the forest floor. I looked around me. I didn't know where I was. I let out a strangled gasp as pain tore through my head, making it spin. I had too much on my mind. Oh, Victoria, come take me now. Nobody else wants me.

I thought things had been going well with Jacob. I knew he liked me as more than a friend but that couldn't be helped. I needed my sun and he knew it. I allowed him to drag me in, closer and closer. He was an extraordinary person and I loved him for it.

Loved him?

No.

As my best friend.

Maybe…?

I was so confused. I lay down on the mix of undergrowth and branches beneath me. It was cold and wet and it prevented me from thinking about anything warm.

I woke up on a blanket in my backyard, and it was obviously evening time. The rain had died down. I looked around me and saw a rustling retreating into the trees. I caught a glimpse of deep brown hair between two branches. Who could that be?

I felt better now. Someone had been looking out for me. I was not hurt nor did I feel strange. I felt totally fine, physically. I was whole anyway. However shredded my insides may be, I was whole on the outside and I had to put on a good act for everyone around me. I couldn't keep having these episodes.

"What are you doing out there, Bella? The sun hasn't been out all week." Charlie called to me displeased with my obvious mental breakdown. I knew the sun hadn't been here. He had been here all week though…

"Coming, Dad. Do you want dinner?" Charlie looked pleased as I offered him his favourite meal: his catch of the day. "I've invited Billy round for some, but he declined. He says Jacob is too sick. Maybe you can see if he wants some dropped over?" I shook my head at Charlie.

"No, Charlie… I rang earlier to see how Jake was. I made soup and everything, asked him did he want some and before I could finish he… He… h-" I couldn't finish, it would only make it more real. My whole day had felt like a bad dream. But I knew that they were yet to come.

Charlie looked defeated. His eyes dropped to the floor and I knew he could see the zombie in me return.

"I'm just feeling a little cold. I'm going upstairs for a shower, I'll get started here when I'm done." I rushed upstairs. I collapsed against the back of my bedroom door and slid to the floor. I held my arms around my chest and tried to make my breathing slow. As I held my breath I saw something in the trees, below my window. As I walked nearer it moved. It was a bear. No? No. I think it was a wolf. Had that thing followed me here? Oh my, what would I do?

But just as I had started to panic again the brown shape flew off into the trees, and I heard a long wailing howl tear through the sky.

Then the rain came down again.

A/N - For someone who doesn't like authors' notes I sure do write some!

Just wanted to say thanks to those who have put this story on alert,

and to the three who reviewed so far. :)

I'm happy to keep writing no matter how many!