All The Way
Chapter 39
The return…..
The sides of the tent bellowed in and out, the leaves rustles on the cottonwoods as the evening breeze moved along the stream. Earlier in the day the university staff worked efficiently to pack and load valuable equipment and artifacts for the trip to the university as well as winterizing the site. The camp was eerily quiet as dark shadows formed in the canyon.
A lone jeep sat parked by the shower and two tents remained on opposite ends of the camp. The tents could have been on opposite ends of the world as far as Julia was concerned. Eliot had made an effort to avoid seeing or speaking to her during the journey by choosing to ride in a separate vehicle.
She had quickly showered to conserve the meager supply of water from the water tank. Sitting on her cot she stared out the screened window as darkness fell and the silvery full moon slowly peeked above the canyon rim.
During the day she had briefly contemplated searching the village again in hopes of finding the bones of the three young girls. She decided the bones had been destroyed or hidden like so many other clues. She began to question her own sanity and wondered if the bones were really from the site, or were they brought along as props or just another part of Richard's fantasy. Was Eliot correct in believing Richard was a fraud, that he fabricated the find to save his reputation?
Julia sighed, reached down and picked up her boot and retrieved the handkerchief containing the knife. Turning the knife in her hand, the blades clean and shiny gleamed in the moonlight. At the end of her bed a trunk sat neatly packed with clothing, books, journals and the special journal containing the hair and bone fragment. On top of the trunk a small box contained special items she had purchases during her trip to the hospital and Santa Fe. Heaving a weary sigh she closed her eyes and reminisced.
Hallie's release from the hospital was greeted with mixed emotions. The young woman moved like a somnambulant, a sleepwalker. For an hour she had examined and observed the young woman, logging her data and observations in her journal. Eliot lovingly took on the responsibility of caring for his niece, providing for her like a mother provides for a young child. Watching uncle and niece, Julia thought of Adam and felt a pang of guilt. The man-child was an unexpected consequence of their experiment. She and Barnabas were so helpless and had failed miserably in their dealings with him. And yet, Eliot took Adam into his home and tried to educate and explain the world to the man-child. The professor's biggest challenge was explaining the concept of adult love to Adam. As Eliot struggled to deal with the headstrong Adam, Barnabas' world continued to revolve around his needs. Looking back, she realized she had allowed herself to become a part Barnabas' world, where everything revolved around him, including her.
Writing in her journal and thinking of Eliot, she couldn't help but remember her time in the past with Barnabas' servant, Ben Stokes. What a kind, gentle, loving and devoted man he was. He was very devoted to Barnabas and extended that protection and devotion to her when she was so alone in a time not her own. She couldn't help but believe generations later Ben's kind, gentle and loving demeanor lived on in Eliot Stokes.
As Eliot and Hallie sat along the stream drinking lemonade and enjoying the beauty of the day she took the opportunity to finish important business. She had drawn samples of Hallie's blood, gathered her specimens, and borrowed Herb's car for a return trip to the hospital.
Earlier in their stay at the facility she had an opportunity to build a rapport with a young female lab assistant working in the hospital laboratory. They had shared war stories and built a quick friendship. Returning to the lab she was able to obtain a copy of the report detailing the analysis of the powder from the medicine bag. Julia explained she had a research lab in Boston where a more complex analysis could be performed and the young assistant slipped the pouch and remaining powder into the physician's possession. Julia gave the young woman an affectionate hug and slipped from the lab with a sly smile tugging on her lips.
Moving down the halls she was able to obtain packing materials suitable for shipment of biological specimens. In an isolated break room, she packed the box with vials, specimens, and the medicine pouch, and then impulsively she pulled from her pocket a bandage, a bandage crusted with dried blood. She took the bloody specimen and safely enclosed it in a brown paper bag. For a moment she stared at the brown paper bag and debated whether she should place it the container for shipment. Hastily she made her decision, and placed the bag with the rest of the items. Preparing the biological container, she addressed it to: Dr. Diane Sanger, C/O Anagen Laboratories, 8908 Hillcrest Blvd. Boston, MA, 02114. The young lab technician in shipping smiled as Julia politely asked him to call the delivery service and send the package on its way.
Driving back to the ranch, Julia felt a strange mix of excitement and anxiety. Sending the samples to a cutting edge, state of the art facility like Anagen was exciting, perhaps ground breaking work. The answers she could unlock, the doors she could open, could advance her standing in the medical community. But a niggling thought plagued her grandiose plans….her agreement with Richard Carter. She had been too smart for her own good. But she would worry about the agreement when the time came. In the meantime, her plans were just beginning, there was more to be done, so much more.
A wind gust caused the sides of the tent to vigorously snap. Julia's eyes opened at the sudden sound. In the desert, temperature fluctuations from day to night were extreme. The air that poured through the screened window was chilling and Julia felt a shiver. During the day, Eliot methodically moved between his tent and the photography tent, never turning to look at her, stoically completing the task because it was his duty. She felt the same chill from him as the air streaming through the open tent. Herb could feel the chill and tension between them as they stood together by the truck as the last of the photographic equipment was loaded. The professor stood quietly with his hands shoved into his pockets, looking off at the canyon rim, oblivious to those around him. Herb was visibly nervous standing between them. Feeling the tension building, she rubbed her temples and recalled their time together.
"Well, folks, I guess its time to pack our duds and hit the trail," Herb suggested in his folksy style.
Julia used all her courage and strength to muster the calmness in her voice. "That won't be necessary, Herb. Eliot and I have decided to stay another day. We'll wait for the last truck tomorrow, and then we'll bring the jeep in, if that's not a problem."
She could feel Eliot's chilly stare and watched his eyes widened with surprise, then quickly resumed their penetrating gaze as though trying to probe her mind for reason.
Osmond nervously cleared his voice. "Why, Julia, I suppose it would be alright." He paused and in a quiet voice asked, "But why do you want to stay out here in the middle of nowhere, especially after all we've been through?"
The professor was unusually quiet as he waited patiently, his stare unrelenting. Julia could hear the pounding of her heart while her eyes never left his.
Yes, Julia, why do you want to stay out here in the middle of nowhere after all we've been through? She thought. Was she making a big mistake? She broke away from Eliot's gaze in an effort to regain her courage.
"Well, Herb…..Eliot and I have some unfinished business here and we have much to talk about."
"I see," Herb replied sheepishly.
Julia felt her eyes growing moist. Why did she feel as though she were making more mistakes? Mistakes added to earlier mistakes.
Stokes said nothing, he did not argue, nor did he respond. The eerie quiet reminded Herb of the silence surrounding an imminent volcanic eruption when the birds stop singing or when a predator passes through the forest and all sounds cease. Herb knew from his own married life, the silence he was experiencing could not, would not last. He was visibly anxious to flee the scene before the explosion and the battle of wills began. Excusing himself Osmond slipped away to speak with the workers gathered around the truck.
Suddenly, Julia felt Eliot standing nearby, his arms folded, looking so much like her old Eliot, but so out of place in his work clothes.
"Do I need to even speak or think in your presence?" he asked sarcastically. "You seem to have my voice and thoughts under your control."
She expected this moment and dreaded it. Folding her arms and raising her chin proudly she turned to face him.
"Don't you agree that we have unfinished business here and that we have much to talk about?"
She watched his full lips purse tightly together, his blue eyes sparking with an inner fire. "I'm not sure I want anything to do with your unfinished business! And as far as any discussions we might have, I think you've made yourself quite clear, Dr. Hoffman!"
She had fought back tears so many times in her life and career and had met difficult moments head on with courage. With all the strength she could gather, she turned as if to leave.
Taking a few steps, she called over her shoulder and challenged him. "Very well, Eliot, just go home, just go back to Maine. I'm staying here. I'll do this without you." Taking another two steps she felt his hand on her arm.
His voice was firm, but strangely soft, "Julia… you can't stay out here by yourself. I won't…"
Before he could continue, she coolly added. "Let you. You won't let me." She raised her chin, eyes sparking. "Now who has everything under control?"
He quickly released her arm. "Damn!" he said louder than he expected, and noticed Herb and the men at the truck turning their heads to look at them. Quickly, he lowered his voice as not to be heard.
"You!" he began, his voice filled with exasperation. "You are the most infernal woman! You and your stubborn, bull-headed ways, you would drive a decent man to drink!"
Julia looked at him coolly, her heart pounding like crazy. Eliot heaved a giant sigh.
"Very well, I will stay. I don't want it on my conscience that I left you out here at the mercy of rattlesnakes and mountain lions."
Julia turned and walked toward Herbert Osmund. Even though her heart pounded she still managed a weak smile.
##################################################################################
In the lone tent at the far side of the site, Eliot poured a glass of sherry from the decanter and tried to estimate how long the fortified wine would last before he returned to civilization.
"Damn!" he muttered to himself as he resealed the decanter.
Was there enough sherry in the world to rid his thoughts of the most secretive, stubborn, bull-headed woman on earth?
He brought the glass to his lips for a sip…..he would have to make this last. Looking over the packed trunk, the violin with its tangle of cut strings lying on the bed, and the package of strings neatly packed in the case, some day he would restring the instrument, but not now. His toes ran through the soft lamb's wool rug, thought of Hallie and sipped the sherry again.
The warmth of the noonday's sun filtered through the trees in Herb's side yard. Hallie looked well, as a matter of fact eerily well, a sleeping beauty. She had been a walking, functioning somnambulant beauty. While his brain wandered through room after room of research, trying to find some clue, some divine logic that would bring her back, he held her hand and talked with her.
And then it happened, an accident, a fortuitous accident. An icy glass of lemonade had slipped from his hands and bathed his sleeping beauty in a frigid avalanche. He had experienced the gasp before, the gasp of someone breaking through thin ice and plunging into frigid water. The body is shocked, jolted into a new consciousness. That's what it was, an altered state of consciousness, so deep, the body needed a major jolt to claw its way back to reality. Joyously they were reunited. Holding her in his arms, he felt a mix of relief and concern. He knew from his own experiences that Hallie would never be the same.
The professor had patiently listened, his mind quickly making notes and filing them away while his niece described her physical and mental experiences. The journey was amazing, reminding him of the trip induced by LSD and hallucinogenic herbs. He forced his face to appear passively interested, but deep inside he was concerned. Would Hallie's trip occur again without warning? Had her brain chemistry been altered? And then Hallie said something that stopped him cold.
"I really saw mother, Uncle Eliot. We talked with each other just like you and I are talking right now." Hallie exclaimed.
Eliot tried not to show his shock. "Of course, you would see your mother; she has been in your thoughts. It would only make sense that in your mind you would see her."
"No, Uncle Eliot, I saw her, we touched, I felt my mother's arms around me and we actually talked with each other. She told me how much she missed me and that she loved me very much. She wanted to know if I was joining her."
Eliot fought back emotions. "Drug-induced visions appear very real."
Hallie frowned, her voice showed her disappointment. "It was real. She said she had seen you."
The professor tried to placate his niece. "Of course, Hallie, your mother would say that."
She leaned forward, her voice growing more forceful. "She said she saw you and that you were ready to join her, that finally you would be together."
Eliot's eyes widened. Hallie could see his surprise. She leaned even closer. "She was telling me that you were ready to die. Now how would I know that?"
Eliot drained the last of the sherry and placed the glass on the stand.
"Yes, how would Hallie know that? When he was near death he and Julia were alone together in the dark kiva.
Stokes shook his head.
It was in the kiva that his life force had left. During this time Hallie had breathed in the dust from the medicine bag in Julia's tent and had begun her journey. Hallie's journey was not of the mind, but a journey of the spirit. The genie was out of the bottle; his niece would never be content again. She would want to relive the experience, she would always want for more.
Eliot could understand her desire for more. He wanted more from Julia. He picked up the small tape player from beneath his canvas chair and pushed the play button. Sinatra's voice began to fill the tent.
Taller than the tallest tree is,
that's how its got to feel.
With Julia and Hallie on each arm he felt as tall as that tallest tree.
Deeper than the deep blue sea is,
that's how deep it goes when it's real.
When somebody needs you,
it's no good unless he needs you, all the way.
Through the good or lean years
and for all the in between years come what may.
Julia didn't need him, she had made that clear when she told him he could leave, he could return to Maine. What he felt was real; he loved her deeply; even through the difficult times in the past he could not leave her.
He gave a sarcastic laugh. He couldn't even leave her now. Rattlesnakes and mountain lions, oh my. Would he be like Hallie, would he always want for more?
"Eliot," A soft voice called to him from outside the tent. Stokes snapped to attention, his fingers moved to turn off the tape.
The voice called again. "Eliot"
He stood and moved to the doorway. A feeling of déjà vu swept over him.
How many times had she stood at his door in need of his help and changed his life forever? What did she want? By moonlight and flashlight did she want to search the village in hopes of finding some clue that would salvage Richard Carter's reputation? Was this her unfinished business?
He wanted no part of it as he unzipped the door.
Meekly, Julia stepped from the shadows into the moonlight streamimg through the screened window. His bluster ebbed as his eyes swept over her. Large vulnerable eyes and quivering lips had replaced the fiery eyes and determined pout of earlier in the day. She didn't wear the sensuous pale green negligee, but a simple blue cotton gown with pearl buttons at the top, a gown Dr. Julia Hoffman would have elected to wear. In his eyes she would be beautiful no matter what she wore.
"I thought I made myself clear, I want no part of your unfinished business." Jerking his head in the direction of the village, he continued to challenge her. "I've searched the village with a fine-toothed comb. I won't search it again in hopes of salvaging Richard Carter's reputation. Face it, Julia, the man was a fraud!"
She didn't raise her chin with defiance, or challenge him. For all she knew, Richard could be a fraud, she didn't care. The unfinished business she had in mind was something totally different and unexpected. Julia slipped her hand from behind her back and tossed the red Swiss Army knife on his cot.
Eliot watched the knife bounce on the cot and found he was at a loss for words.
Julia had rehearsed the words she would say over and over again before leaving her tent. Standing outside, listening, she was speechless. Nervously her fingers moved over the buttons on the top of her gown.
All The Way She recalled listening to the lyrics in Maine while waiting for the wonderful meal and fresh peach cobbler he had prepared with such love. She had been so foolish, so self-absorbed not to understand why he was playing the song. She had made so many mistakes. When would it all end?
The tent was suddenly filled with moonlight and silence. Searching his face she hoped to find a glimpse of forgiveness. His eyes and face were passive, and chin elevated proudly as he watched and waited.
Where were the words she had rehearsed? Instead, words and emotions randomly bubbled up from a deep forbidden well.
"You were right," Julia conceded and felt her lip tremble, and looked off, trying not to break down. "You said I needed to be honest with myself. It was hard turning a critical eye inward, it was uncomfortable." Her eyes swept back to his. "But I could always count on your honesty and assistance. You've always been honest with me when others were not." She swallowed hard, her fingers nervously twisting the button on her gown. "I've always admired your intellect… bravery…..honesty….. and your kind and gentle nature."
Eliot's eyes and face softened, his hands remained at his side.
"It was hard being honest with myself. I couldn't give up the dream… you know…..the dream that someday Barnabas would love me. I don't mean as a friend…..I mean romantically, as a man loves a woman." Julia's eyes rapidly blinked and looked off, her tone bitter. "I was loyal, steadfast, and devoted and I held on to that romantic dream as surely as Barnabas held on to the dream of reclaiming his Josette… Roxanne…. or was it, Angelique."
Julia emitted a deep sarcastic laugh. "It was hard giving up that dream. I had to realize that Barnabas was needy, self-serving, and immature and could never give me the mature love I so desperately craved."
She smiled weakly, looked down and watched her nervous fingers. "It was hard, but I had to look inward and come to terms with my feelings, feelings I've kept buried, feelings that conflicted with my dreams of Barnabas. I couldn't allow myself to acknowledge those feelings without destroying my romantic dream." Julia paused, her eyes sweeping up to meet his. "Those deep buried feelings were the feelings I have for you."
Eliot found he was holding his breath, his body paralyzed with anticipation.
"You were right, we did share something that night, the night we shared our regrets. Sleeping in the chair by the fire, I dreamed you kissed me."
He moistened his lips and recalled how beautiful she looked bathed in the glow of the burning fire, and how he couldn't resist kissing her, covering her with a blanket and watching her lips pull into a contented smile.
"I wanted you that night; I wanted to kiss you, and lie on that lamb's wool rug with you… by the fire…. feeling your gentle touch, your gentle ways. I wanted to make love to you, Eliot. The night of our regrets, I dared to dream those buried thoughts, the ones I kept hidden or be unfaithful to my unrealistic dreams."
Julia felt tears welling up, her eyes fluttered as she continued. "That night I experienced my biggest regret of all, I regret not telling you how much I love you."
Eliot softly gasped and stepped closer, his hands trembling.
Looking up into his eyes, she asked, "Can you forgive me?"
His eyes moved over her face and fought to find the words that would eloquently express his feeling and could only whisper a simple answer. "Yes!"
The professor who she found strong and confident was weak with emotion. His hands flexed to touch her but were restrained as though fearing she were too fragile for his touch. Slowly her hand reached out and touched his chest, her fingers running across the buttons, unfastening them one by one.
She felt his heart thundering beneath the thin fabric and looked up into his eyes and whispered, "Please, make love to me."
In a voice barely above a whisper, he asked, "No regrets?"
Her fingers paused above the last button and gave him a side-long smile. "I think I know my own mind, Eliot."
A slight smile toyed at the corner of his lips and he nodded.
Unfastening the button, her fingers slipped beneath the fabric of the pajamas and eased it over his shoulders and heard his breathing stop. Leaning in, fingers trailing across the silky hair, gently kissing his chest she heard him moan. Allowing the shirt to slip to the floor, his hands delicately touched her hair, tilting her face up to meet his, causing her to pause, her fingertips resting on his chest.
"Please," he whispered, bending, kissing her cheek. "Please, let me make love to you. I'm afraid it's been a while, it's been awhile since I've pleasured a woman."
Julia paused; his candid confession made her love him even more. Cupping her face with both of his hands, like a feather his lips brushed ever so lightly against hers, then returned to kiss her with growing passion. It was Julia's turn to deeply inhale as his lips hovered above hers.
Looking over her face, he spoke in a soft and sensual tone.
"It's been a while since I've pleasured a woman…..but I do remember how. I remember how love is expressed around the world."
His lips brushed along the angle of her jaw and felt her body yielding to him.
"Do you mind if I take it slow …and show you?"
Julia felt weak as his hands gently caressed her back and hips, his lips delicately kissing the length of her neck, nuzzling her hair and whispering in her ear.
"Slowly….. slowly I'll show you, the ancient techniques of the Kama Sutra…."
Leaning back, yielding to his kisses and the erotic images he envisioned for them, her hands explored the soft skin and hair of his chest, feeling his lips kissing and gliding across the top of her bare shoulder, slipping the gown down her arms to drop to the floor. Firmly his hands moved around her, cupping her bottom, he firmly pressed her hips against his. Julia floated, feeling the blood draining from her head, coursing and spreading, pulsing in her loins. Bending, his lips brushed across the top of her bare breasts and whispered,
"Slowly….. slowly we will engage in erotic oriental meditation…"
Lovingly his fingers trailed through her hair, his lips nipped along her neck before reclaiming her mouth, his tongue slipping between her lips for a fleeting, teasing moment, giving her a preview of things to come. Placing her fingers along the snap, she released his pajama bottoms, freeing the pulsing firmness she felt pressing against her hips. Kicking the bottoms to the side, his fingers explored the curves of her breasts, and gently kissed beneath her ear and whispered,
"Slowly… slowly, we'll enter the erotic world of the oriental garden….."
Slipping his fingers around her hands he stepped back, knelt and eased her body to the lamb's wool rug. Julia sighed, enjoying the softness of the wool on her back and marveling at the body of her nude lover. Lying beside her, eyes focused, watching the tips of his fingers glide along her thigh, exploring the tangle of soft auburn hair below her pubic bone, before trailing across her abdomen, cupping her breast, bending, his tongue softly swirling around the erect nipple.
"Julia," he whispered, "you are so beautiful!"
Moaning with contentment and the urgency of desire, she slipped her hand behind his head and pulled his lips down to meet hers for a passionate kiss. His skillful fingertips barely touched the bare skin of her breast before circling, then trailing down her abdomen. He turned his eyes to watch the progress of his fingers, focusing, meditating as he lay beside her on the lamb's wool.
Julia's fingers ran through his hair, pushing it back from his face as he kissed the side of her breast, then swirled his tongue around her nipple before leaving a trail of kisses down her abdomen across her belly button stopping at her pubic bone. Julia gasped, and wiggled beneath his touch. Stopping, he looked up and felt her fingers again slipping through his hair, urging him on with eyes filled with desire.
His lips pulled to the side in a sly smile, "Slowly…we'll enter the erotic garden and I'll show you how much I really love you…"
Julia moaned and closed her eyes as her hips rose to meet his tongue as it darted through the triangle of tangled auburn hair.
~~~tbc~~~