Hi.

Sorry this chapter is a day late. RL is not being easy on me. Any who...

kellyprovence - BETA!

Bbebar - pre-reader & my twifey!

Warning: For How Long deals with physical & emotional abuse. If these things offend you or are hard for you to handle then please don't read. It won't be anything too graphic but the abuse is still there

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight & all that. I own this.

For How Long - Lose-Lose

-At times the happiness of others hurts worse than the pain. At times the happiness of others is the only cure for the pain-

"Bella, it's so nice to see you again." Esme looks beautiful. I wonder if she has to try or if it's just a natural thing?

"Thank you, it's wonderful to see you again as well. I'm sorry for having to reschedule on such short notice. " She takes my hand and shakes it. Gesturing to the chairs in front of her desk, she invites me to sit.

I had to call and let Esme know that I was going to be helping out with the blood drive and would have to reschedule our consult regarding the decor ideas for the apartment. Thankfully, Wednesday worked better for Demetri otherwise he would have been even more upset. It was rude to break appointments.

"No need to apologize Bella," she answers with a small laugh, "You were helping out my daughter."

I nod and smile. "My husband is actually here as well...or he will be in just a minute. He's stuck in traffic I'm afraid."

"Oh, well that's okay. We can skim the top of the what we're wanting to do until he arrives."

I sit and so does she. She pulls a file out of her top drawer.

"So, this is a three bedroom, two and a half bath, correct?" She asks without looking up from the file.

"Yes, that's right. It's only been vacant for a couple of months and it's fairly new...but I want to make it my own."

She nods. "I understand. You want to make it your home."

I don't confirm or deny this statement. It won't ever be a home but it'll be as close as I'll get, I'm sure.

Esme's assistant pops her head in the door and announces that Mr. Volturi has arrived. Esme says to show him in and we both stand.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. Afternoon traffic is what it is though," he explains after kissing my cheek and shaking Esme's hand.

"It's no problem, Mr. Volturi. We were just going over a few things."

"Please call me Demetri and fill me in."

For an hour we sit there listening and commenting on Esme's ideas for our new apartment. Demetri seems to like most of them and Esme in general. I rarely speak up as to what my opinion is, only doing so when Esme asks me directly. Demetri never does.

At the end of the meeting we schedule a time for all of us to view the apartment. I explain how we're remodeling some of the structural pieces and Esme said there would be no problem getting a feel for it.

She would have her whole team with her the next time we met and we'd get started right away. Demetri made it no secret that he wanted to be in the apartment as soon as possible.

"Just give Bella a call if there are any problems with the time we've chosen," Demetri says, right before he heads back to school.

"You're husband seems lovely, Bella." Yeah, I know...lovely.

"Yes." That's all I offer in the form of agreement. He seems to be a lot of things but he's so much more than he seems.

Esme gives me a curious look but quickly switches back to professional.

"I'll see you in two weeks then, if not before. I'd like to arrange a lunch or dinner where we can all get together soon."

I turn to her. "That would be nice. Just let my mother know or you can call me directly."

She nods and wishes me a good afternoon.

xx-xx

When I enter the apartment, I look around. It's so clinical here. Everything having it's place. It doesn't even look lived in most days. I sit on the couch and pull my legs up under me. I lay my head back and behind my closed eyelids I see a house with two children who have toys in the living room and shoes in the door way. A man who kisses me like it's the first and last time-every time. I see happiness and love. There is no fear or anger. I sigh because I know that is the only place I will ever see these things.

My phone interrupts my day dreaming. I pick it up out of my purse, look at the caller ID, and debate on whether I should answer.

It's Edward.

I take a deep breath and tap answer call.

"Hello?"

"Good afternoon Bella, how are you?"

I smile...I'm not sure why...but I do.

"I'm fine, thank you. I just got home from a meeting with your mother actually."

"Ah and that went well I hope."

"It did, thank you. How have you been?"

"Oh, I'm just fine. Eating this nutritious cafeteria food. I wanted to see how you were feeling?"

I thought about telling him exactly how I felt. I'm tired and I'm sore. I have a sprained wrist and bruises that would make a grown man ache.

"I'm feeling better, thanks."

"I'm glad to hear it. I hope I'm not bothering you."

"No, of course not. I'm actually free most afternoons." Why did I just tell him that?

I'm not sure how to feel about Edward's calls and texts. Actually, yes I do know how I feel about them. I don't mind them which is probably the worst way to feel about them. I deleted his text and I'll clear this call out of my call log. I also hope he doesn't stop. Which again doesn't make sense. I've only seen the man twice and neither time would be called life changing. He's just...different. Maybe that's why I don't want him to go anywhere.

"Oh, well I'm glad I'm not keeping you from anything. I did have another reason for calling. Mother mentioned having you and your family over for dinner Friday. She said that it will be a pre-gamer for Saturday's gala."

"Your mom knows what pre-gaming is?" I ask with a giggle.

"No. Which is why what she suggested isn't pre-gaming." He also laughs.

"Has she talked to my parents?"

"Yes and Mom was going to call you but she had to meet a client so she asked me to do it."

So he didn't just call to talk. This makes me frown and again, I don't understand the reaction.

"Oh. I see. Well, I'll run it by Demetri and get back to your Mom. I'd hate for you have to play middle man."

"I don't mind. Talking to you is hardly an inconvenience, Bella," He says quietly.

There's a moment of silence. I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't want to say something inappropriate and he's probably fighting the same battle. He gives first.

"Well, you can definitely just give me a call if you want but if you feel more comfortable with my mom, I understand."

"It's not about comfort, Edward," I sigh,"I'll let you know, soon."

"Sounds like a plan. I'll let you go. Take care, Bella."

I say good-bye as well and then there is just silence.

xx-xx

When Demetri gets home I'm just setting the food on the table. He greets me with a hello and a kiss to the cheek. He sits down and we say Grace. It's quiet for some time. I'm too busy thinking about Edward and Demetri is most likely waiting for me to ask how his day went.

"Something on your mind, Bella?"

I'm startled out of my thoughts by D's question. "No, just tired."

He nods.

"How was your day?" I ask. I really don't want any fighting tonight.

"If you really wanted to know, you would have asked fifteen minutes ago when I got home," He says with an edge.

I know that what I do next is going to mean the difference between a dull and predictable night or a long and rough one. I take a deep breath and hope I can diffuse the situation. Then I remember that Demetri's temper is, in fact, the most unpredictable character flaw he has.

"I'm sorry, Demetri. It was incredibly rude of me not to ask how your day was. You're tired and all you want to do is vent. Please, tell me how your day was."

I don't move. I don't breathe for what seems like an eternity. I'm waiting. Waiting for him to decide what's going to happen. This is almost the worst part. Almost.

The minute his eyes glance at me, I accept defeat. He's angry. I can't tell if he's truly angry at me or just the day in general. I wish the day got some of his wrath.

"You don't care how my fucking day was, Bella." His voice is deceivingly calm.

I go to clear the table but Demetri slamming his hand on the table stops me.

"All I want is a wife who cares about my fucking day. Is that so much to ask? I didn't think so at first, but every night for the last five fucking days, you seem to have more important things...or people...on your mind."

I wish he'd yell. I'd gladly take yelling over his evil calm.

A normal person would respond here, plead their case but I know better. My words would only make it worse. So I sit there as he berates me. I don't know what else to do.

"Tell me. Right now. Who are you seeing? Does your mother know him? Your mother has never liked me. She would be a bitch and set you up with someone else," he pauses and stands, "No, it's probably one of your father's colleagues. You are into us older men aren't you? At least for a little while?"

He's moved so now he's standing right beside me. I don't look at him. I'd start to cry if I did.

I don't realize he's pushed me out of my chair until I hit the floor. My wrist, the sprained one, takes most of the force. I catch my breath and go to stand up.

"I didn't tell you to get up, Bella."

"Please Demetri, don't do this. I didn't mean to upset you."

He laughs but there is nothing happy or humorous in it. It's evil.

"Upset me? Oh Bella, when are going to understand that that's all you do?"

He grabs my arm and yanks me up in one swift motion. He's squeezing my bicep to the point where circulation is being cut off. He more or less drags me to the living room and throws me down on the floor.

"If you wouldn't be so damn inconsiderate of my feelings, I wouldn't have to do this. I wouldn't have to teach you over and over how to take care of your husband."

He brings his foot back just a bit and kicks me right in the mid-section. It knocks the air out of me and my eyes start to water. My arm immediately goes to cradle my stomach.

He crouches down and touches my cheek.

"Now, you'll sleep on the couch tonight. I have no use for you in our bed."

He sees it as a punishment but to me, it's a Godsend.

xx-xx

It's Friday morning before Demetri will speak to me again and that is only to call me incompetent.

"Why didn't you tell me we were having dinner with the Cullens tonight?"

"You wouldn't speak to me. How was I supposed to tell you?"

He snaps his head up and glares at me.

"You could have just fucking said the words, Bella. I'll pick you at seven. I hear dinner will be served at eight."

I nod even though he's not looking at me.

"I suppose I should be thankful that loser of a brother of yours called to ask for a ride otherwise I probably would still be uninformed. I, of course, looked like an idiot when he mentioned it and I had no idea what he was talking about. Was that your goal, Bella? To make me look like an idiot?"

I couldn't help the sigh that accompanied my answer, "Of course not, D. I simply forgot. I had no ulterior motive."

He scoffed, "Like hell you didn't."

He stood up and gathered his briefcase. "I suppose I shouldn't feel obligated to tell you this, since you obviously don't feel it necessary to relay things to me but I'll be out of town next week. Tuesday through Friday. We'll talk about rules and such when I come to pick you up."

He exited the apartment without waiting for a response.

Demetri rarely took business trips. College professors didn't usually have the luxury of taking time off. Classes and grades waited for no one. D being out of town meant I'd have rules, usually certain times he'd call or that I wasn't allowed to go certain places. I was hoping that he'd still be somewhat open with the guidelines...I did make him mad, after all. I couldn't wait to have the apartment and my life to myself, mostly, for four days.

My phone rang before I could day dream too long.

I looked at the ID and smiled big when I saw it was Emmett.

"Hello, Em."

"Bells! How are ya sis,?"

"I'm...alright. How are you? When did you get in?"

"Yeah, I've been alright. Just got in about an hour ago. Come save me, please."

I laughed. I could only imagine what Mom and Dad were putting him through. The usual questions I'm sure. How are you, how's work going, have you met anyone, when am I gonna have a grandbaby to spoil. Yup, just the normal stuff I'm sure.

"I'll be there in half an hour with Jazz."

I hung up with Emmett, called Jasper up-informed him of the impromptu rescue mission and left the apartment.

xx-xx

"Dude, please tell me you didn't just bang her to bang her."

I covered my face with embarrassment when the waitress approached our table. Emmett was a lot of things but quiet wasn't one of them, usually. She gave me an amused smile, set our refilled drinks down, and shook her head as she walked away.

Jasper only met his volume. "Nah, I mean she was cool. Legs for days, I mean a real looker but she wanted to meet Ma and Dad after like, the second date. I'm too young to settle down."

I cleared my throat and raised an brow. I was younger than he was.

"Well, for guys it's different, Bells. I mean marriage is something that you took to real nicely. I wouldn't have the guts to even pop the question."

I shook my head. "You guys are pigs. One day, you'll find a girl who you can't live without and then you'll decide not to."

My brothers looked as if I had two heads or something. I suppose spelling it out for them was my only option.

"You'll decide not to live without her. Geez, keep up boys."

For fifteen seconds it was silent. Then laughing. Very loud laughing.

I again, hid my face and tried to blend in with the table. I had no idea how I was related to the likes of these two boys.

"Bella, that's fairy tales and bullshit. I will never meet a girl I can't live without," Jasper retorted, doing an awful imitation of my voice for the last part.

I took a minute to really look at my brothers. They were still kind of chuckling. They looked happy and weightless. I envied them. They did what they wanted to do and didn't have the consequences I did. I didn't blame them or anything. I chose the life I have. I would gladly take what I have so they could be the happy ones.

"Hey Bella, you alright? Where'd ya go?"

I blinked a couple times and gave Emmett a small smile.

"I...uh...no where. I'm right here."

"So, Demetri sounded a little peeved that he didn't know about the dinner at the Cullen's tonight," Jasper noted, before taking a bite of his steak.

I nodded, "Yes, he wasn't happy with me at all. I'm not sure how I forgot about it."

Emmett shrugged his shoulders, "It happens."

That was the thing though, it couldn't happen. I had far too much to lose by letting things like that slip my mind.

"Anyway, I asked for a ride, but I'll just ride with Emmett. I don't wanna piss Demetri off anymore than he already is."

Silently I thanked him. It's not that D didn't like Jasper but he didn't see how a man Jasper's age could still be a reckless, man-whore. Demetri's words...not mine.

"Well, ride with Em if you want but don't feel like you have no other choice."

'Hey, I'm not that bad!" Emmett cut in.

I laughed and then Jasper joined in.

"Okay, so maybe I am."

This was what I missed. The three of us just having a good time and laughing.

Emmett leaving will hurt so bad.

xx-xx

The rest of the day was boring, not that I minded. I knew that the evening would be anything but.

Demetri picked me up at seven sharp. Half the drive to the Cullen's was spent in silence. When Demetri finally decided to talk, it was about his trip.

"I'll be at a seminar. They've asked four professors to speak and I was chosen as one."

"That's wonderful, D, " I said sincerely.

"Anyway, I'll leave early Tuesday morning and will be home around eight Friday night. I will call you three times a day. I expect you to let me know what your daily plans are when I call you in the mornings. Are we clear?"

"Yes, we're clear."

These instructions were always the same. Whether it be for four days or four hours. I'm not sure what knowing my plans accomplished exactly. He was going to be more than five hours away. It's not like he could stop me from doing anything. I think he just knew I wouldn't take the risk...and he was right.

"You are only to see your family. Immediate family. No Cullen's-not even Esme. We aren't scheduled to meet with her for another week."

I did not like this condition.

"Why can't I see the Cullens?"

"Because, I don't like the influence they have on you. Really Bella, you've been around them two or three times and already you're forgetting to tell me things and you're mind is otherwise occupied. No Cullens."

"I don't see how thats-"

"I said no!"

Demetri's volume startled me. In the car, he was far too close and I didn't want to make him so upset he decided not to go on to the dinner. I looked out the window, waving my white flag, so to speak.

"That's what I thought."

His voice was smug. He got far too much joy out of my misery.

We pulled up at the Cullen's just a few minutes later. The house was beautiful. It was Victorian. White, big, and grand. A wrap around porch fit so well with the atmosphere that the landscaping brought. I felt like I was in the deep south rather than Chicago.

Carlise met us at the door. I hesitated a bit before following behind Demetri.

"Ah, Bella, so nice to see you again. I'm so glad that you and your husband could make it."

I nodded, "Yes, thank you so much for the invitation. Doctor Carlisle Cullen this is Demetri."

Demetri extended his hand and Carlisle shook it firmly. I didn't miss Carlisle's eye flick to me when he did so.

"Nice to meet you Doctor Cullen."

"Please, if I may call you Demetri then you must call me Carlisle."

Demetri gave a slight nod and polite smile, "Of course. Thank you."

Carlise led us further into the house and as I looked around I noticed how, though the house was quite large, it still felt comfortable and lived in. It felt warm.

Just before we entered what I assumed was the living room, I saw a family portrait and then three slightly smaller pictures of individuals.

I stopped just a second to see them.

"Rosalie was seventeen, Edward was fifteen, and Alice had just turned thirteen." Carlisle explained.

"Your family is beautiful," I whispered.

Rosalie proved my theory of being born a gorgeous female. Her blonde hair was almost blinding. She had this smile on her face that made you think of the Cheshire cat from Alice In Wonderland.

Alice had longer hair in the picture. It was just past her shoulders, where as it was just below her ears now. Her bright blue eyes shined just the same though.

Edward looked exactly the same. He, of course, looked a bit more mature, but it was quite obvious his hair couldn't be tamed then either. His green eyes made him stand out but his subdued smile helped him blend in. He was amazing, even at fifteen.

"Come Bella. We don't want to keep everyone waiting."

I looked over at Demetri to see his arm extended and a look of annoyance on his face.

"Oh it's fine, dinner won't be ready for another ten minutes or so," Carlisle was polite in his explanation.

"Still, we should join the others."

Again, I saw Carlisle give me a look that asked so many questions I couldn't begin to answer.

He gestured down the hall and told us to take the first left we came to. That would be the living room.

I glanced at the few other pictures on the wall and saw the Cullen children grow up in front of my eyes. They all had breathtaking eyes. The girls with the crystal blue ones and Edward with his entrancing green ones. Perhaps green was too simple of a description. Emerald maybe? Jade? I'd have to study them more to be sure. Bad idea, Bella. Bad idea.

"Bella! I'm so glad you found the house without any problems."

Esme greeted us as soon as she saw me step over the threshold. She was wearing a blue cocktail dress that wouldn't look half as good on me. It's definitely a natural beauty.

"Thank you again for the invite, Esme. You have a wonderful home," I replied accepting her hug.

I saw my parents and brothers stand as well and went over to greet them. Kisses, hugs, and handshakes were all dispersed evenly over the next couple of minutes.

"I'll go get the kids, dear. Dinner will be ready in just a couple of minutes."

"So, Bella, what's it like growing up with two brothers? Made you tough I'd imagine."

Carlisle's question was a simple one and I'm sure no one else thought anything of it but I was paranoid. I didn't want him to turn this into something it shouldn't be.

"Um, yes. Well I certainly learned how to stand up for myself," I answered with a slight smile.

"Bet you got all kinds of battle wounds to show for it."

"She sure did," Emmett supplied, "This one time she had a cut all the way up her leg because she didn't want to be left behind when Jasper and I went rock climbing. We were camping with some friends and she had to tag along."

"Yes, and then she cried the whole night when she thought we were all asleep. She put up a brave front when it happened though. Just shook it off and kept going," Jasper finished the re-telling of the childhood memory.

The words were too much. I don't stand up for myself and Jasper was right, I do put on a brave front, but I'm a coward behind it all. I gained nothing as far as self-preservation from having two brothers.

Everyone laughed. I smiled though I'm sure it look as fake as it was. I wanted to be that brave little girl again.

Esme came back in the room with her three beautiful children.

"Ahh, there's my family. Rosalie, Alice, Edward, I'm sure you all remember Bella quite well. This is her husband Demetri. Demetri these are my children."

Demetri shook each hand and said hello.

"So nice to meet the people Bella has been talking about or to."

Rosalie winked at me.

"Esme, Emmett and Jasper were just telling us about how brave Bella used to be when she was little. She toughed out an awful cut so she wouldn't be left behind."

"Oh, well if that's not Edward, I don't know what is!"

"Mother, no."

Edward sounded scared to death but in a humorous way. His smooth voice made the whole room seem calm.

"Oh shush. Edward had been sick for nearly four days, a cold of some sort. He was ten. Rosalie had over a couple of friends from school. Lexi and Davis. Anyway, they were all out seeing who could jump off the porch and land furthest away from it. Edward saw all this happening from his bedroom window and decided to sneak down and try it himself."

"I told him he was too little," Rosalie interjected, looking at Edward with a smirk.

"I was not too little. I was weak with fever," Edward answered, with a serious look on his face.

"He didn't have a fever the whole four days he was sick," Esme replied.

I couldn't help it, between the look on Edward's face and the raised brow of his mother, I laughed.

I immediately covered my mouth and look to Demetri who again had an annoyed look on his face.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

Carlisle and Alice laughed this time.

"Laugh sweetie, it's fine. We all do every time we tell this story," Esme revealed.

"Yes, yuck it up clowns."

I giggled when Edward had his lip stuck out slightly. He was pouting. Adorable...

"So, anyway, Edward went to jump off the porch and landed about three inches away from it. He broke his leg and was in a cast for six weeks. All because he landed on concrete rather than the trampoline the other kids were landing on."

"They didn't tell me it was down there!"

We all looked at Edward and this time Emmett led the chain of laughter.

Carlisle cleared his throat after everyone had calmed down.

"Well, Bella, if it means anything, it's okay to be a little scared every now and then. Sometimes, we cry at night when it's quiet so that someone will hear us."

I looked in his eyes just as he looked in mine.

As Esme started to gather us and lead us to the dining room, I thought about what Carlisle said.

He's right.

The only problem is that at night when I cry, Demetri is the only person who hears it and he couldn't care less.

There ya go. Whatcha think? Let me know!

So, just to be safe..I'm gonna say the next update is gonna be sometime next weekend. That way if it's not posted on Friday, I won't have to feel bad for fibbing & all that.

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-rach.