This one's a bit of a filler... sorry... but it helps to get more inside their heads. Mainly Matthew hehe. Going away again tomorrow... but only for a week this time! And I shall be bringing my laptop, although I really don't know how much time I'll have. Still, getting a lot more regular! Even though... when I come back... school... -doom- anyway, enjoy the chapter~

Matthew ran out of the school and paused, glancing once towards his home before turning to run in the opposite direction. He had nowhere to go. If he went home his brother would follow him, and he was far too embarrassed and upset to face him. It wasn't like he had any other friends; the only people he ever hung around with were Alfred and his friends, who hardly ever spoke to him anyway. Apart from Ivan he had no one. Now he didn't even have him anymore.

He didn't understand. How could he do that? He thought that… He thought… What did he think? What was he thinking when he was with Ivan? Of course the older didn't like him; he knew that… didn't he? But why did it hurt so badly? Sure, he was hoping that maybe, just maybe the Russian might have a slight soft spot or something... but how could he be so cold about it? He couldn't even pretend to… to… Matthew felt a second round of tears coming and stopped.

He bent over, hands on his knees, panting. He had been running flat out for at least ten minutes and he wasn't exactly fit. Where was he anyway? He looked around. The streets weren't crowded but definitely not empty. He appeared to be standing next to a pub of some sort. He was attracting more than a few stares and odd looks in his current state.

He didn't really care about what people were thinking at the moment. He sat heavily onto the curb and buried his face into his hands. He felt dirty and used. Was Ivan really what Alfred said he was? His brother was often rambling on about how the Russian was freaky, insane, perverted, communist and just about every insult he could think of. Maybe he was just a good actor… or maybe his brother was wrong. Maybe he was one of those people who are just scared of relationships or something… but who was he kidding? Now he was just making up excuses. Alfred always could read people like a book. Sometimes it was a bit scary how he could always tell when someone was down, no matter how good at acting they were. His brother was amazing like that. Sure, annoying at times, but… amazing. Popular, funny, outgoing, confident, good looking, he was everything he wanted to be. But he was Matthew. Shy, lonely, awkward, sensitive and… well, he was pretty sure he wasn't ugly, but he was definitely not good looking.

His stomach grumbled. Great. He was starving but he had no money. And then there was that other problem that, well, hadn't exactly gone completely down yet… he was going to have to find a bathroom pronto. He heaved himself up to his feet and began to make his way to the pub, tugging his baggy red hoodie down to cover the obvious bulge in his pants. He knew there was a reason why he bought it a few sizes too big.

As he got closer his heart began to sink. Great. It was an 18+ pub. He was seventeen dammit! He was about to turn back when one of the doormen called out to him. "Hey Alfred! Great to see ya again! Been a while, eh?" He paused and thought for a minute. If it would get him in… plus, he wasn't going to drink or anything. He smiled and nodded at the man before entering, walking quickly and nervously towards the bathroom sign up ahead, trying and failing to imitate his brother's confident stride.

He locked himself into a cubical and began to take care of his… business. He bit back his moans as he stroked himself, letting his tears fall for real this time. He wanted Ivan more than ever at that moment. Wanted to be held by him, to gaze into his eyes and tell him he loved him, but more than anything wanted to be told the same thing. He wanted someone to love him. Alfred was always complaining about how half the girls in the school liked him and flirted with him and how, when he had enjoyed it at first, it got a bit annoying after a while. Matthew wanted that. He wanted to feel lovable, to feel like there was someone there apart from his brother who would cry if he had to leave them. He knew that it was selfish but… he wanted someone who wouldn't be able to live without him. Just one person that he knew would treasure him so he felt a reason to stay alive.

After he finished he stepped out of the bathroom, avoiding the other's eyes as they looked at him curiously. He walked over to the exit with a hurried pace, eyes fixed nervously on the floor in front of him. He was about to walk out when he heard someone call out to him. "Matthew?" He turned to see who it was. It didn't sound like his brother or his parents, and as far as he knew no one else remembered his name. Which was why he was shocked when Gilbert held out a hand to him. He looked at it. It looked like he was offering a handshake… but why? Last time he had seen the albino he had been punched in the face. Rather hard too; his nose still had a slight bruise on it.

"Shake…?" said Gilbert slowly. Matthew nervously took his hand and jumped when the German shook it a bit harder than he would have liked. "You won Matthew. You won the game. Congratulations. It's been a good fight. Had a good laugh. I'm backing down from the throne and moving to Argentina. Have a good life with Ivan, hope to never see you again jackass." With that he threw the confused blonde's hand aside and began to storm off when Matthew grabbed his shirt. "What?" he snapped.

"Um, I, uh…" Matthew stuttered, jumping back from Gilbert as he realised what he had done. "I… I'm n-not with I-Ivan – I mean Mr Braginski." He corrected out of habit; it would have become suspicious to others if he was on first name basis with his teacher after only two weeks of being at the school. Of course, now he would have to get used to calling him by his last name anyway… "What the fuck are you talking about? You've been fucking him like, every day." Matthew's eyes doubled in size and he cringed visibly. "How… How did you know?"

Gilbert snorted. "I used to be with him. I loved him – correction, I still love that ungrateful bastard. Enough to let him toy with me, let him use me and fuck me however he wanted to for years. Years Matthew. He never liked me, I knew that. Sometimes if he was pissed enough he wouldn't use lubricant. It hurt. It hurt like a bitch but I wanted him to feel good; to feel happy. Even though I was never enough, I would never be enough, I could never have been enough. Not for anyone. Not for my teachers, not for my so-called friends, not for my brother… not for him. If there's one thing you need to learn when you play this stupid game is that whatever you want, whatever you need, whatever you choose to have for yourself, it doesn't exist. Nothing exists. The mindless daydreams you have when you're a kid about marrying a nice girl, having a few kids and having a happy, romantic and sickly sweet life are merely that, mindless daydreams. Comes a time when you realise the only love that exists in the world is lust and selfishness. Ivan taught me that the hard way, and obviously he's doing the same to you and that dumb brother of yours."

"Alfred has nothing to do with Ivan."

"Oh really? Try this: from his first day at the school Ivan has been lusting after Alfred like a horny bunny. He even has photographs of the poor bastard hidden in his pocket. Knowing him the only reason he let you come near him is because you look like him. You're really not his type, trust me. He prefers the strong ones, those with perfect, happy lives without a worry in the world. That way he can break them. Change them. Crush their sanity and make them like himself; broken, twisted and cold."

"No… I-I refuse to-"

"Think." Gilbert interrupted, "Really, really think Matthew. Did he ever say he wanted you? That he liked you? Don't tell me you haven't noticed the way he looks at your brother. The way he flirts and smiles like a hungry lion gazing out into a field of flesh, plump deer; just beyond his reach but, with patience, will walk right into his open mouth."

"That's—"

"Think."

And Matthew thought. He thought about everything. Every second of his time with Ivan were played back to him, only this time he looked closer, read between the lines. Spider webs were beautiful; sparkling and colourful, shining prettily in the light so you want to touch it, wrap yourself in it and dissolve into it. And then the butterfly gets caught. Once it's in too deep it's near impossible to get out and you only realise when it's too late. The spider is too close by that time.

"Oh my God…" murmured Matthew.

"And there it goes." Gilbert smiled and helped him onto a chair, buying them both a drink. "Now you see dontcha? Humans are but a heap of selfish, horny hypocrites. We all are. You, me and Ivan. No point trying to change that."

"Sure we are…" said Matthew softly. He looked up from the beer in front of him to stare Gilbert squarely in the face. The two's eyes locked and neither of them could look away. "But that doesn't mean we have to be like that. There's more to us than that, we just need to look closer… I believe there's more to myself than I will ever know, just like there's sure to be more to you and more to Ivan. Why think about this stuff when we can live it? I… I think… I'm underage okay, I'm not even allowed in here, the doorman mistook me for Alfred. I'm used to it though. No one remembers my name, it's like I'm a ghost. Even Alfred forgets me sometimes. I guess I've spent so long fading away I'm beginning to realise, we think we can change but we never have and never will. We'll always be the same as we were when we first arrived on this planet. I can see that. I've seen betrayal, trust, bonds forming, bonds breaking, true love, breakups, divorces, proposals, death, birth, I've seen everything, but I've never been a part of anything. I'm too invisible. But nothing changes. Change is just a fantasy we allow ourselves to believe in. You can stop a relationship but you can't stop the way you feel. Being in the background is not as bad as you would think, but in a way it's worse. Today was the first time I've ever been hurt, properly hurt that is. It's such a strange feeling… but even now things will go on and all we can do is let the wind take us where it wants to go."

The two stared for another minute before Matthew looked down at his drink and smiled slightly. "I never drank alcohol before. Never got the opportunity… oh well." With that he lifted the glass up and downed the whole lot in one gulp.

"Holy shit, Matthew you're not meant to drink it like that! Mat-" Gilbert stopped talking as the other started laughing loudly.

"I have nowhere to go! You have nowhere to go! We're in this together mate! Argentina you say? Let's go! If we can't afford the plane ticket we'll walk! Walk to Argentina and live there ahappily ever after like… like Snow White! I'll be snowie and you be the seven dwarves yeah?" And with that the blonde tipped over on his chair, only just being caught by Gilbert. Luckily the seventeen-year-old was very light.

Gilbert chuckled down at him. He must have a really low tolerance… "Idiot." With that he carried him out of the bar and to his apartment. It was cheap and dodgy, he had managed to scrape enough money together from his savings to live there for a few months until he could get a job. He supposed he would have to let Matthew stay the night.

Meanwhile, at Matthew's home, Alfred sat on his bed, growing more and more worried as he started creating endless possibilities as to where Matthew might have gone. His phone was turned off and it wasn't like he had any friends to run off to. What if he never came back? What if he was kidnapped? Raped? Murdered? OH MY GOD HIS BABY BROTHER WAS DEAD. The teen ran frantically around in circles in his bedroom, ruffling up his already messy hair trying and failing to think straight.

His parents were going to be home any minute now! He couldn't tell them what had been going on, that would be way awkward, plus, his parents were complete worry warts! He heard his message tone go off and he immediately dove for it, cursing loudly when he saw that the text was from Gilbert. Having nothing better to do he opened it. "Matthew is with me. He'll be back tomorrow. Reply to this and I'll shoot him." Gilbert? Why was Matthew with Gilbert…? Oh well, at least his brother was alive! He chose to ignore the last part of the text, though he still didn't text a reply.

Besides, now he had other things to think about, namely Ivan…