Here we are, Chapie before last. Not really any of the prompting from before as Garcia's freaky, secret cyber world has kept her otherwise preoccupied, but the snowball effect has kicked in and now the boys find themselves with other…consequences to face.

BTW, I just realized this fic has been a shameless dedication to Reid's ass…I'm sorry. No I'm not. Have you SEEN that thing? God! I so just wanna …quit being a pervert and let you get on with the story. :)

CHAPTER FOUR

Sometime later, Morgan went to run off a few forms Hotch had requested. When he hit the button to scan the last sheet, the epitome of sleaze stepped up beside him. Ugh. He really didn't like Paul Handcock. Honestly, he had no real good reason not to. Well, aside from the way the guy always seemed to be mentally undressing his best friend. He knew Reid was a big boy and could take care of himself, even when it came to the likes of Paul and he didn't think the guy would actually do anything, but that didn't stop Morgan from wanting to pop his head like a giant zit.

"Hey Morgan."

"Paul."

Morgan lifted the lid of the scanner to retrieve his document. He was just about to reach for the copy when Paul once again addressed him.

"So, I was curious, between us guys, are you and Doctor Reid involved?" He asked, leaning against the wall facing the mocha man.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, Charlene, Agent Thomas I mean, told me about what happened in the break room the other day. And I think everyone saw the little massage you gave him on Monday. I just figured maybe that's why he hasn't accepted the invitation to hop aboard my love boat."

*More like walking the plank.* Derek thought.

Morgan took a deep breath while he considered every violent act he would love to visit upon various parts of Paul's anatomy.

"I don't know what to tell you man, maybe you just aren't his type." He replied as calmly as he could manage.

"So then you two aren't slappin' skin?"

"What? He's my best friend man! And I don't even think he swings that way, okay?" Morgan spat, snatching the paper from the tray.

"Maybe not…but a guy that pretty is definitely worth persuading." Paul said, voice lust laden as he stared in Reid's direction.

Morgan clenched his free fist. Nobody called Reid pretty. That was his. He then noticed Paul gawking at his teammate as if he were a juicy cut of grade A meat. He even licked his lips.

"Yeah, well, good luck with that Pauley." Morgan said gruffly, slapping his shoulder a bit too hard. "But while on your mission of persuasion just keep one thing in mind. If you ever encroach on his personal rights or hurt him in any way…" He stated leaning in. "You'll be dealing with me." He concluded, walking away.

The next few hours passed without incident, well, Garcia induced anyway. The glittering tech genius remained uncharacteristically quiet which the two men figured was torture in and of itself. But that didn't stop Derek from planting a firm slap to Spencer's ass when he was bent over at his desk searching a drawer. When the younger man let out a yelp of surprise, Derek pointed a finger at him.

"Quit waving it around, everyone's staring."

"So you felt spanking me was the best way to deter them?"

"Hey, better me than Paul over there. Dude needs a bib." He pointed out. "Or a restraining order." He added darkly.

Spencer glanced at the agent in question who winked at him in return causing the young profiler to shudder.

"That's what ya get for bein' a tease."

"But I didn't…"

"Whatever man, just keep your butt in the chair before I have to go over there and kick his."

Spencer snorted expecting a trademark smile from the other man confirming the joke his tone failed to indicate, but he just stalked away without so much as a glance back.

*He was kidding…right?*

….

A short time later, Garcia finally emerged from her cave acting like she had a new lease on life.

"Everybody free tonight? I'm having a little shin dig at my place. Sort of a viva la independence from two-timing, dead-men-walking deal. It's a working title. You'll all be joining me?" She more stated than asked.

"Actually Baby Girl, I have…" Derek stopped short at the death glare he was given. "Um, absolutely no plans tonight and would love to come."

She switched her flesh melting rays onto Spencer next.

"I, uh," He glanced at Derek, whose eyes were both pleading and apologetic. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

When she looked to the two other women in the group they instantly nodded with tight smiles.

"Good. I'm going to go extend the invite to Hotch and Rossi. Everyone bring something for the snack table!" She called back, already nearing Rossi's hideaway.

"I'm taking off." Morgan mumbled.

"We've still got two hours left before we can go…" The genius informed, trailing off as he looked from his watch to his friend.

"I have some things to do before the puppet show and I plan on stocking up on enough liquor to dull the pain in my ass that is Penelope Garcia." Derek explained.

"Ah. Um, are you sure getting inebriated is a good idea considering…"

Derek gave him a look.

"Right. Pick me up some scotch?" Spencer added, handing the older man some cash.

"You got it."

….

When Derek showed up at Garcia's place he dumped the two bags of liquor on the kitchen counter and turned to see the hostess herself sashaying in from a back room with a smile on her face.

"Hello my sexy Harlequin Hunk!"

"That's a new one. Glad to see you're in a better mood." He replied, kissing her cheek.

"Oh honey, it's amazing what cyber-sex can do for the broken hearted. Well, that and the delicious comical styling's of my two favorite boys."

"About that, Penelope, I…"

"Hey Garcia, Rossi wants to know if you have any lemon pepper for the chicken." JJ asked, poking her head in from the back yard.

"Yes I do my pretty little chickadee! Right here!"

"I thought Hotch was the grill master." Derek said, as JJ grabbed the spice jar from Garcia.

"He couldn't make it. He promised Jack he'd take him to that new Chipmunk movie. Hey, where's Spence?"

"He isn't here yet?" Morgan asked, concern tinting his voice.

"Nope. He was still at the office when I left. Said he'd be along soon. Though, that was some time ago."

"I'm here, I'm here. Sorry, I knocked but nobody answered. Figured you were in the back so I let myself in." Spencer said, heading straight for the bottle Morgan had purchased for him.

"Wow Reid, hardly a hello and you're already hittin' the booze. Everything alright?"

"Yeah. Everything's just dandy." He replied, all too interested in the bottle of amber liquid.

"Dandy? Are you sure…" Derek started.

"Dinner is served ladies and gentlemen!" Rossi called, entering with a platter full of chicken.

….

(An hour and a half later in the back yard Tiki Zone)

"No way am I playing Truth or Dare with you lot again!" JJ bellowed.

"Oh come on!" Garcia pleaded.

"Nope! I'm with JJ. Not gonna happen. Last time I had to make out with her and it's still being used as blackmail!" Prentiss complained, pointedly glaring at Reid.

"Fine! So then I guess Spin the Bottle is out?" Garcia asked sweetly.

"Yes!" The whole group exclaimed in unison.

"You guys are NO fun! Okay, how about a drinking game?"

"Like?"

"I've never?"

"Ugh, we played that six months ago and you all still haven't let me live down that round about Strauss." Rossi grimaced.

"You're the one that drank when Morgan said 'I've never kissed Strauss'."

"For the last time, I thought he said a mouse! I had a pet mouse when I was young!" Rossi defended.

"Uh-huh. Was its name Erin?" Morgan laughed.

"Minnie. And I loved her dearly." Rossi stated matter-of-factly.

"Why would he ask if anyone had kissed a mouse Dave?" Prentiss questioned.

"I don't know! You crazy kids are into all kinds a weird shit these days."

"We're into weird shit? Be it Strauss or a rat you're the one that drank man." Morgan teased.

"I'm nowhere near drunk enough for this conversation or the visuals it inspires." Reid mumbled.

"Me either. Are we going to play anything or what?" Rossi bitched. "If I wanted bickering I would have gone out for drinks with my ex."

"Which one?" Prentiss winked.

"Take your pick." Rossi winked back.

"How about a card game?" Spencer asked hopeful.

"Boring!" Garcia sang.

"Not strip poker." Morgan said with a brow wiggle.

"Definitely nowhere near drunk enough for that!" Spencer protested.

"Another drink for the doctor STAT!" Garcia shouted.

"Not happening."

"Nah, besides, we'd be here till Monday if we waited for Reid to extract himself from those jeans. They're so tight he's got ball cleavage." Prentiss giggled.

"What?" Spencer yelped, looking down self-consciously, causing everyone to laugh."

"Prentiss, you're just jealous his ass got more attention today than yours has all year." Morgan shot.

"From you maybe." She shot back.

"Can we take the focus off my butt please?" Spencer asked, trying to change the subject.

"I don't know, it seems to be a special point of interest for Morgan these days." Rossi jabbed.

"I've got it!" Garcia announced before Derek could say something he'd regret.

…..

"Five knuckle shuffle!"

"Gherkin jerkin'!"

"Buffin' the muffin'!"

"Double clicking the mouse!"

"The clam dip!"

"Burp the worm!"

"…"

"Morgan drinks again!" JJ announced, delightedly.

"It's not fair! I call for a seating switch! It's distracting going after Reid! It's too weird hearing him shout masturbation euphemisms! How do you even KNOW so many man?"

"I'm not as naïve as everyone thinks I am."

"And familiarity with the topic probably doesn't hurt." Rossi sneered.

"Hey! I occasionally peruse modern reading material. I got sick of being so out of the loop in social situations with you people. At least I try."

"What the hell have you been reading? Yogurt Slingers Daily?" Prentiss snorted.

"No!"

"Yogurt slinging? Damn, that's a good one. I'll have to remember that." Morgan noted.

"Okay, okay, switching categories…"

"And seating arrangements." Morgan added.

"Hey, you sat next to him. It's not our fault that hearing Reid talk about sex gets you all flustered."

"Dammit Prentiss!"

"Children! Next round!" JJ chided.

"Bathroom first." Derek declared.

"Remember if ya shake it more than twice you're playing with it!" Prentiss yelled, receiving the finger.

"If you do make drain babies, you'd better flush! And don't dribble on the seat!" Garcia added with a slur.

Everyone took the opportunity to refresh their drinks and grab more snacks.

"So Reid, you didn't bring anything and you sure as hell didn't go home to change clothes, so why were you so late?"

"I was working."

"But you said you were leaving soon. You were starting to pack up when I left." JJ stated.

"Yeah, and you hit the liquor so fast something must have happened."

"Nope."

"Come on Reid."

"Fine. Car trouble." He said, clearly annoyed.

"You didn't drive here?"

"I took the train alright?"

"Why didn't you call one of us?" JJ pushed.

"I didn't want to hang around waiting JJ." He replied tightly.

"And why would that be little Einstein?" Garcia asked innocently.

"Gee, I don't know, maybe because Paul Handcock wanted to show me the true origins of his last name!" The genius hissed.

"What! Kid, did that guy try anything?" Derek chimed in gruffly having appeared behind Spencer, causing him to jump.

"Um…no…"

"Reid…"

Spencer sighed.

"He just stepped up behind me at the elevator and said "Handcock. It's more than a name." in a husky voice before brushing what I think was his hand across my…uh…backside. I said I'd forgotten something and took the back stairs, but he was waiting by my car."

"What you THINK was his hand?"

"Well, I hope it was…better than the alternative."

"That slimy, sonofa…"

"My, my Derek, getting awfully worked up aren't we?"

"Penelope, I love you but this is just…"

"Very personal for Morgan. He just doesn't like to see anyone in his family taken advantage of." Spencer offered, trying to defuse the situation peacefully.

"But especially our little genius right Morgan?" Rossi cut in as he walked back outside, Penelope in tow.

"Just give her tonight Morgan. She seems to be doing a bit better. She left us alone most of the day."

"She's just biding her time, building energy. I can feel it. And that SOB molesting you by the elevator? Following you? This is officially out of hand."

"It's not that different from the rest of the week. Except, this guy wasn't coerced. His sentiment was genuine. Wrong, but at least I can pass it off as flattering once my gag reflex is back under control."

"Are you kidding me? He's an asshole! You really didn't feel violated by him?"

"Of course I did but…"

"Then you did feel violated by me."

"No…"

"Well you said it was no different kid. So which is it?"

"I didn't mean it that way Morgan, it came out wrong. I meant generally speaking one evil versus another…"

"I'm an evil now?"

"No! Would you stop twisting my…"

"Forget it." Derek spat and stormed out the back door.

"Trouble in paradise?" Rossi asked with a smug smile as Derek came outside in a huff.

"Fuck you Dave." He growled.

"Derek!" Prentiss warned.

"Hey! I've been pretty quiet lately considering the spectacle you two have been putting on, but I draw the line at insubordination." Rossi said indignantly.

"Well I guess it's a good thing I'm not your subordinate."

"I've been at the game a lot longer than you kiddo. The job, love and life in general and if you think…"

"You ran away from the job, failed at three marriages and keep publishing self-important drivel for a fan base of wanna be FBI groupies that couldn't pass the 'print your name here' portion of the application. Exactly which part gives you the right to school me Rossi?"

"Listen here you hypocritical little shit, I'm one of the original profilers in case you'd forgotten. I helped pave the way for snot nosed, hot shots like you. I stuck with the job until I was wise enough to take a well-deserved break. I've never seen you read anything that wasn't case related so I'm willing to bet my work hasn't been an exception. As for love, I may not have found my ever after but at least I had the balls to keep getting on the old white horse in search of it while guys like you play it safe back at the stable with one night 'role in the hay May' instead of getting over yourself long enough to go for what you really want. So don't lecture me on perceived life failures. I have the courage to go all in instead of cashing in my chips before I've even played a hand."

"Wow Rossi, anymore mixed metaphors you can throw in there to hide the fact that you don't know what the hell you're talking about? Maybe Reid could teach you some sleight of hand to perform as an added diversion."

"From what I hear Handcock already performed that with him earlier. And if there's one thing I don't like it's sloppy seconds."

"You sorry ass sonofabitch!" Derek hollered as fists started flying and teammates started screaming.

….

Sometime later, the two men were sitting outback on the porch, nursing their wounds while Reid and the girls were inside glaring at them through the glass door. Now everyone was pissed at Derek and all he could do was sit and sulk like a kid in time out. Which he was. Penelope and JJ had ruled it. They weren't allowed to move until they apologized to each other. The silence was stretching as they both sat there too stubborn to speak. Finally, after a small eternity, as Derek was calculating his chances of scaling the wall, clearing out his bank account and heading to Guatemala before Garcia could freeze said accounts, Rossi broke in.

"So, when are you going to tell him?"

"Tell who what?"

"Reid. I don't know what's been going on but if you were already together I wouldn't think you two would be as obvious as you have been."

"Don't start again Rossi." Derek griped, giving his bloody nose another swipe with a towel.

"I'm not. Look, I shouldn't have said what I did about him. He's a good kid. But I meant what I said about taking chances. You should just go for it." Rossi sighed, shifting the frozen packet of peas on his swollen eye.

"Go for what? There's nothing to go for. Especially where Reid and I concerned."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Rossi, I know things have seemed strange this week, what with all of the questionable…"

"Yeah. They have been. And I'm not the only one who's noticed. But I've managed to rationalize damn near all but one."

"This outta be good."

"In the bullpen earlier today you smacked Reid's rump."

"So? It was a joke."

"Maybe. But it's what happened before that I couldn't explain away."

"What? Me doing paper work? I may be known to slack once in a while Rossi but…"

"No. You looked up from your file and watched him. Looked at him like you were drinking in every detail. Then you noticed Paul admiring a certain part of his anatomy and boy if looks could kill…"

"You obviously misinterpreted…"

"Not that anyone could blame Paul. I mean, even as a straight man I couldn't help but sneak a peek. Who knew Reid had an ass like an eighteen year old gymnast? You could bounce a quarter off that thing. Hell, from behind, with the long hair, you could almost pretend…"

"Rossi, I suggest you shut your damn mouth right now because if you keep talking about him like that I swear to God I'll break your fucking jaw."

Dave raised a brow at him and waited.

"Asshole." Derek spat. "Doesn't mean anything."

"Of course not. Not a thing."

"Man, even if what you're implying were the case, he could do so much better than me. Besides, after our little backyard brawl I doubt he's willing to hear anything either of us has to say. By the way…I'm sorry about what I said too. I get why you stepped away from the job and why relationships suffer because of it. Partly why I never bothered with one myself."

"And my books?"

Derek just pressed his lips together and averted his eyes.

"Right. Look, no apology necessary. And stop with this ridiculous attitude where your worth is concerned. Spencer may have many virtues but he's not the only one. You two have a lot more in common than you realize. And even in your differences you bring out the best in one another. You complement each other perfectly. Petty hang-ups aside, what matters is that the foundation is already there. A strong one. And I think you'll regret not building on it."

Derek sent Dave a skeptical side-glance.

"When did you become Dr. Phil?"

"Oh please, that hack? I've read more insightful fortune cookies. Derek, it doesn't take some eccentric doctor to see what's going on here. But in your case, it definitely takes one to make you happy. So what are you going to do about it?"

Derek groaned and dropped his head.

"I can't believe I'm having a heart to heart with a guy that just punched me in the head."

"I'm just hoping it knocked some sense into you."

"So what the hell am I supposed to say? 'Hey buddy, you know when I call ya pretty I mean it?' Or maybe next time we share a room I could just ask, 'Wanna conserve water?' or hell, I could go with the less subtle approach and just say, 'By the way Spence, that wasn't my phone digging into your hip when we were wrestling at the crime scene.' Shit, I should just go for broke and tell him 'That outfit you're wearing makes me wanna bend you over the first available surface and…"

"Morgan, I may be supportive but there're just some things I really don't need to know." Rossi winced.

"I don't even know how he feels Dave."

"Funny, I would have thought that with all of the physical contact this week you would know exactly how I 'feel'."

Derek spun around from his seat on the porch to see Spencer leaning by the back door. He then looked back at a smirking Rossi.

"You couldn't have told me he was standing there?"

"I probably could have…but my vision was impaired by the black eye someone gave me."

"Lucky I don't give you a matching one." Derek grumbled under his breath.

"Well, I think these peas are about cooked. Guess I'll go give the green beans a try." Rossi announced, getting to his feet, patting Derek's shoulder along the way.

"How long were you standing there?" Morgan asked once they were alone.

"Not long. How's your nose?"

"Lucky for me Rossi punches like Hotch kicks. I thought you were pissed at me." Derek said standing up and brushing himself off.

"I am. And I'm leaving. I just wanted to tell you something before I go."

"Oh." Derek said, failing to mask his disappointment.

Spencer leaned in close to his ear.

"A firm ass isn't the only thing I have in common with an eighteen year old gymnast."

Spencer stepped back and smiled wickedly at an open mouthed Derek.

"Oh, and as long as we're being honest, that thing I did with the pickle at lunch Thursday…wasn't actually Garcia's doing." He grinned, walking inside.

*Holy shit*

M rating in T-minus three days! I'll post the final chapter that I like to refer to as "the after party" along with a nice little epilogue Monday night. I know I said every other day, but I just realized I'm off a day and the weekend is here. Bad time to post. Not too many people on. Then, I'm attempting to stay away from the curse of the multi-chapter fic for a bit. Seems whenever I write one, life in the real world goes wonky. It's strange. :S So I'll just read yours!

In the last one, Derek shows his concern for Spencer's health, Kevin finally gets his just deserts and we find out about a new section of the FBI building. LOL. (You'll get why I'm laughing later) Okay, again, thank you to those who have read this and to those of you who have stuck with me and so kindly reviewed. Love you guys! You make the time trying to write when I should be sleeping worth it.