Disclaimer: IZ does not belong to me.

NOTE: I almost deleted this story out of embarrassment, then decided I didn't care what you people think. It's MY story and I can mess it up however I want. Point for self-confidence!

WARNING: Implied yaoi and mentions of Mpreg

As time went on, Dib began seeing odd things when he was around his rival. That weird green kid; Zim. For one thing, sometimes if he was unbalanced his hair would look like it was going to fall off. Then Zim would straighten it. Another time he found Zim playing around with his eye. He used the excuse there was something in it, but Dib didn't fall for it.

Another strange thing: Dib had never seen Zim's parents in person. Sometimes he would hear their voices, and other times he would see their outlines when they called Zim back. But he had never seen them up close. In a way, it was like they didn't exist. Zim would never talk about them; not that Dib would ask.

Speaking of Zim, his pranks seemed to get more and more complex and harmful with each passing day. Once, Dib opened his closet and found his clothes replaced with ones made of Poison Ivy. Another time Zim had snuck into his classroom and took every screw out of his teacher's desk, and they somehow ended up in Dib's desk.

Worse, his parents didn't seem to notice the weird boy. If anything, they welcomed him into their home as they would a guest. Dib almost -keyword almost- believed his parents were in on it with Zim, but decided that didn't make any sense. He settled for 'They are just oblivious'.

And never, not even once, had he been able to find Zim's home. Well, not until one day close to a year after they met. Dib's birthday, actually. The daily prank Zim pulled had been a gift full of some green glowing material that made his skin burn. But unlike the last three hundred forty-five days Zim had been torturing him, the alien got sloppy; Dib saw him running away from the party. While the adults fussed over the radioactive goop, Dib snuck off, following the alien.

Zim didn't seem to notice his stalker; probably too bust reveling in the success of his 'harmless' prank. Dib scowled. Of course, it wouldn't be the grudge-holding weirdo otherwise. Twists and turns were taken often, and Dib found himself struggling to keep up. They ended in a cul-de-sac, with Zim approaching a strange green house at the end of the circular road. It was as odd as the resident, Dib noticed, with it's glowing outside and how it looked like something you'd see a long time ago.

Dib hid behind the fence as Zim walked up the sidewalk, and into the house. Being careful, Dib trudged across the lawn, trying to ignore the fact that the Lawn Gnomes seemed to be staring at him. He hid underneath the window sill, staring in. There was Zim, walking in, but not putting that backpack he always wore in some designated place, like a normal person. Instead, he walked forward. Through the cracked open window, Dib could here him call to unknown family members, announcing his presence.

"MASTAH! MASTAH!" Before Dib's widened eyes, a green -no, he's not kidding, GREEN- dog jumped out of nowhere, tackling the boy. He laughed as a normal person would as the dog licked him.

"GIR! GIR GET OFF!" The boy laughed, pushing his pet off of him.

Gir, as the dog had been dubbed, nodded and backed off. "Sorry, mastah."

"That's alright, Gir." He pet the strange dog's head affectionately. At that moment, two more figures -the same ones who always picked Zim up- showed their figures at the door. The outlines moved in, revealing they both had Zim's green skin. But unlike Zim, neither had hair. Instead, they had thin black antennae. And their eyes were different colors; one red, one purple.

The child looked up from Gir, noticing the two for the first time. His expression, playful around Gir, now was serious, as though he were addressing a Lord. "Paternal Unit, Maternal Unit. Greetings." Now Dib definitely knew these were Zim's parents. The respect he was showing them must have been traditional.

"Greetings, Offspring." The one with red eyes addressed the child in an equal manner.

The purple eyed one, at least, seemed to show some sort of sympathy towards his son. "How was your day, Zim?" He seemed to forgo the more traditional and strict manner the other one had with Zim. Dib decided this one was the mother.

Zim jumped at the chance. "I finally got to test out that new conversion machine! It turned all that old garbage you guys couldn't find use for into icky green sludge and I gave it to the Dib as a birthday present! Apparently, these humans find their date of birth something to celebrate." Those words kept playing in Dib's mind. These humans...that meant Zim wasn't human. Then what was he? What the other two were?

"You should have seen his face, Maternal Unit! It was hilarious! Torturing my human is a great way to practice lower combat tactics!" Dib became unnerved at the words. My human. His parents, apparently, were too, because they exchanged a glance before turning back to their offspring.

Red eyes spoke. "Uh, should we be concerned that you call him 'your' human?"

"Of course!" Zim declared, making Dib shiver. "He is mine to torture and hurt and maybe someday kill. You told me that." So these non-human things were claiming humans? Well, it was better than his devilish little sister, right?

"We did tell you that," Red eyes sighed. "Return to your quarters, Offspring. We're done here."

"Yes, father."

Dib could sense it. A shift in the atmosphere. The other non-human's eyes widened at the father of the boy. Zim had sensed his mistake, and was covering his mouth with his hands, as though he could take it back. And the father... though he didn't look angry, something he radiated made Dib terrified. Though smarter than most humans, he couldn't sense fury building as an adult could.

The Red-Eyed non-human turned to his son, glaring at him like he'd just done the unspeakable; perhaps he had, Dib had no way of knowing. "What did you call me?"

Zim stuttered for a moment, but eventually found his voice again. "F-father. It's an Earth term; it means Paternal Unit." Dib's heart sank; he had taught Zim that. The red-eyed one stared Zim straight in the eye, not tearing contact.

"Listen closely, child." He sneered. "We are NOT living on this planet. Once you're trained, we're heading back to our homeworld, and you are to be like the others. That means calling us Paternal and Maternal units. Understood?" Zim nodded. "Good. If I find you've picked up another Earth term, rest assure that you WILL be punished." Zim took off, presumably to his private quarters.

The Purple-eyed one sighed. "Red, why do you have to be so hard on the kid? He's a smeet; he can't help being-"

"Stupid?" Interrupted Red.

Purple-eyes -Dib decided his name was Purple- glared. "Ignorant. Our smeet is young, not stupid. And he's proved himself pretty smart. Without any prior training he built Gir." He gestured to the dog, who shed it's green fur, revealing that it was a robot. Something must've snapped, Dib decided, because he wasn't the least bit surprised by this.

"Yeah, and Gir is defective. He acts like he's built of trash."

"He probably is," Objected Purple. "We never gave him anything to work with." Red snared, muttering something that sounded like 'details'. "And he doesn't know better; what he sees will be accepted as normal. It's that simple."

Red sighed. "Listen, I know you've got a soft spot for that boy but don't baby him. I didn't even want the smeet; he could've gone right to the Hatchery but no, you had to keep the boy and put everyone in danger! It's his fault we're still on this backwater planet!"

In the background, Dib saw Zim watching from the doorway, hidden from the other two's view. His eyes seemed to be welling up, and Zim took off. In the back, Dib heard something akin to a door slamming.

Leaving the two whatevers to argue, Dib hopped the back fence, spotting Zim huddled into the corner of the yard with his face buried in his hands. Off to the side was his hair and two round things. Gulping and gathering his courage, he called out before he could change his mind. "Uh, Zim?"

Zim looked up, his surprise clear. Dib now knew what the round things were; contacts. Zim's eyes were a shimmering red-violet color, and where his hair had been were now two thin, black antennae to match his parents. His surprised expression told to a cold, emotionless glare. "So, you know my secret. Gonna tell anyone, Dib?"

Dib's response was so sudden, so sure, that even Dib did a double-take. "No."

Zim glanced up, and a flicker of hope danced in his eyes. It was small, but enough to assure Dib of his decision. "I won't tell anyone. And, to stop this stupid war, I officially apologize for stuffing snow down your shirt." Zim frowned.

"But then, who will I torture to learn how Irken combat works?" Dib made sure to memorize the word Irken, and replied:

"We'll torture other people. Have you heard the term 'friend' before?"

"No."

"Well, a friend is like an ally. We help each other and give each other someone to talk to. I'll even help with your pranks... so long as I'm not the victim."

"Of course not, Dib-friend! I'll protect you!"

Dib cocked his head to the left. "But I'm older and bigger than you. How does that work?"

"I'm stronger than you." Well, neither could argue with that logic. About a month ago Dib had retaliated to a prank and Zim had hung him from the flagpole. Though embarrassing, he had to admit it was impressive that Zim could climb that pole by himself with Dib in his grasp.

Dib smiled, shaking his new friend's hand. Little did he know the catastrophic impact that moment; their friendship would have on the rest of the universe.

And there we go. See why I was embarrassed? Sorry to anyone I disappointed with this story; I'll make up for it with another one, I promise.

NOTE: I don't think Irken's cry tears. What Zim was doing was sobbing.