***This is blatantly a filler post, so I'll post again this weekend. Sig, Andy, and John are coming to Pittsburgh on Saturday, so my roommate and I are having a roadtrip to see them. I'm psyched.***
"Hey, Norm. It's Dana again. Um, I don't want to bug you or anything, but I'm worried. I wanted to give you your space to sort everything out with Kjiersten, but it's been two weeks since dinner. I'm starting to feel like a one night stand. What's happening here?"
"Norm. It's Sig. Dana called me today. What the hell are doing? Don't you push this one away."
"Hey, Mr. Hansen. It's Josh. Could you call me when you get this? Thanks."
"Hey, Mr. Hansen. It's Josh. I called a couple days ago, but I guess you didn't get it. I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing all I can, but I don't think Kjiersten's going home for Christmas. I'm really trying, but you know how she is; if she doesn't want to do it, there's no making her. So…I mean, things could change, but I wouldn't keep your hopes up. I'm really sorry."
"Hi, Daddy H, it's Ani. I gotta keep this quick before she gets back. Kjiersten's safe and all; she came with us to Rhode Island for Christmas. We're staying with Vince's parents for…fucking shit…no, sir, sorry, there's no Catherine here. Must have a wrong number. Uh-huh, it's fine, bye!"
"Heeeey, Norm, it's Ed. I'm dragging you to John's Christmas party even if it kills us both. Dana's gonna be there. She and Chris are apparently the best of friends now, being the lone camerwomen. You're gonna deal with this. You're gonna deal with a lot of things at this party. I'll be there in 10."
"Norman, as soon as I find you, I'm wringing your damn neck! Where the hell are you? Ed and I waited for half an hour outside your house, but we finally had to give up and get to the Hillstrand's. It's the fucking Christmas party! Why the hell would you miss that? Everyone was asking about you and Kjiersten, and you know how Ed does under pressure. He told everyone she has pneumonia and you stayed home to take care of her. Expect cards and those stupid basket things any second now. And phone calls. Lots and lots of phone calls. I'd apologize, but you brought this on yourself!"
"Hey, my man. Uh, it's John. Sorry to hear about Kjiersten, man. Hope she gets better real quick. Andy and I might stop by tomorrow if she's not contagious. Let me know what's going on. Take care!"
"Hey, sir, it's Jake, uh, Anderson. Is Kjiersten really sick? Cuz Jake, uh, Harris, we were just hanging out the other day and he said something about her staying with him and Josh. I didn't say anything to anyone, but I just wanted to know. If she's sick that fast, it sounds really serious; my mom'll want to bring a casserole or something. Uh, so, yeah, hope everything's okay. Bye."
"Norman, it's Dana. Don't freak out, I don't want to talk about us right now or anything. I'm really worried about you. What's going on? Every time I call, your phone's turned off. I mean, if you're ignoring me, I guess that makes sense, but please call me back. There's stuff we need to talk about, and I think we should do it soon. Please call me back. Okay. Bye."
"You have a lot of nerve to talk to your own father like that. Norman is your flesh and blood. If Nina or Mandy talked to me like that, I wouldn't let them back in my house. You're possibly the most ungrateful child I've ever met. Who the hell are you anymore, Kjiersten? My niece doesn't act this way. Get your damn act together, call your dad, and pray to God above he's got a better heart than I do."
"Hey, Kier. It's your Uncle Ed. I stopped by earlier, but Josh said you weren't home. So I talked to him for a bit. You know, man-to-man. Don't worry, I didn't warn him off or nothing. I just wanted to know you were okay, seeing as you won't talk to any of us. And I wanted to apologize, but that's something I need to do in person, and you won't give me the time of day anymore. If you're ever not busy, call so we can meet up. I'll even go nuts and buy you lunch. I love you, tyke. Stay safe."
"Hi, Kjiersten. It's Dana…and, wow, this is really awkward. I should've thought about this before I called, but I just kinda saw the number and dialed before I…yeah, you don't care. Anyway. I know you hate me…I kind of hate me, too, right now…but…the reason I called…is that I'm…I'm really worried about your dad. I haven't heard from him since…well, you can probably guess since when. I don't care about our relationship. Well, I mean, I care…I really really care…but that's not what I mean. I'm rambling. I-"
"Kjiersten. It's Dana again. I got cut-off, so I'm gonna try this again. This isn't me being desperate because he hasn't called me yet. I'm just worried about him overall. I never wanted to drive a wedge between you two, and I don't want him to feel like I'm tearing him away from your mom. He won't let me explain anything to him, and if he is having trouble dealing with stuff…well, could you just tell him that I'm here? Thanks."
"KJ, turn your damn phone on. How the fucking hell am I supposed to talk to you if you keep your damn phone off? We need to talk about how much you owe me for this plane ticket; they don't just give away flights to Rhode Island, you know. Bitch."
"Yo, s'Jake. I got your damn uncles calling me, and I'm not really likin' it all that much. Would you just call them already? And while you're at it, tell Josh I borrowed his car to get to therapy. You're the best!"
"Hey, it's Uncle Eddie. It's Christmas Eve, and no one's mentioning that your pretty little head isn't gathered around Sig's Christmas tree, but it's not. We miss you. Please call me. Let me know you're safe. Merry Christmas, sweetheart."
"Kjiersten Rose Hansen, this has gone on long enough. It's one thing if you want to give us the silent treatment and hide out in your boyfriend's house, but missing Christmas? That's a whole new level of fucked up. New Years is at your dad's in Yakima. You better be there with a new attitude. This isn't just affecting us, you know. Paula and Mandy and Nina all miss you. Hell, I'd miss you if you were still the same person. Get it together, or don't bother showing up on my boat for opies."
"It's Sig again. I might've been a little harsh earlier. You know you always have a place on the boat. But your attitude doesn't. So…no, Paula, I'm not actually talking to her, it's the damn voicemail!...That's it. See you for New Years."
"Hi, Kjiersten, it's good ol' Johnny Hillstrand at your service. Heard you were feeling under the weather. We tried to stop by earlier, but I guess you were at the doctor or something? No one was there. Anyway, feel better soon, kiddo!"
"Babe, did you know that everyone thinks you're dying? Seriously. They all do. Jake said it was something about the Hillstrand's party, but I was there and must've missed it. I don't know. Point is, people keep asking me how you're doing, so I've been making shit up. When you get back from Rhode Island, these people are gonna think you have brain cancer. Sucks for you, but my life is really fun right now! Love you!"
"Yeah, hey, Kjiersten, it's Uncle Ed again. I missed you at the family New Year's Eve party. It's not the same without you. I hope you had a good time with whatever you were doing. I miss you, tyke. I really wish you'd call me. I love you. Take care of yourself."
The first snowstorm of the year left everything blanketed in a layer of pristine crystals that no one seemed anxious to touch. Most people were in bed, nursing hang-overs from overzealous parties or making up for the sleep they'd lost the night before. January 1st, the day people hardly live.
Normally, she spent it in bed, too. A few years ago, she'd spent it drinking, trying to follow the idea that the best way to cure a hangover was more alcohol. She'd never done that since.
Normally, she spent the last night of the year with the family, celebrating in the quiet of Yakima, her family all around her, beer in hand, Ryan Seacrest on TV to mock and imitate his guests.
Normally, she was happy.
But her mind wasn't at ease that day, so she slipped out of Josh's arms early, changed in the bathroom so she didn't wake him, and wandered out into the snow without even thinking to put on boots or a coat. The bottoms of her jeans were soaked in minutes by the 4 inches covering every surface, and her arms had goose bumps even through her underarmor and Josh's Dutch Harbor hoodie. She noticed neither one as she got into her Jeep. Normally, she cranked the heat, blasted music that she sang at the top of her lungs, and yelled at every other driver for the slightest act against her. Today, she stayed cold and silent until she reached her destination, the only car on the road.
The path was familiar, but it looked alien that day. The snow was untouched in this part of the cemetery. She had never been there in the wintertime, not that she could remember at least. For a while, her father had taken her on the anniversary, but that stopped once she started cod fishing and they both had to go up to get the boat ready. It was one thing for a lone crew member to delay, but two put everything behind schedule, and neither one wanted to do that to everyone else.
She stopped in front of the stone, closing her eyes so the wind didn't blow hair into them. When the wind calmed, she opened them again and sank to her knees. "I'm lost, Momma."
Her knees were cold through the wet denim, but she couldn't feel it. "I know I'm doing the wrong thing, but I can't…" she shook her head and sniffed back tears. "I can't face them right now. And I know they're worried and upset and hurt, but so am I. How am I supposed to help them if I keep waking up in the middle of the night crying? They tell me could do that, put other people first no matter how bad it hurt, and I want to be like you. I wish so bad I could be…you'd tell me what to do right now. If you were still here, you'd know. You'd make this all better."
"I never even met you. Not really. I can't remember you. I don't remember what you look like, only what I've seen in pictures. I don't know what your voice was like. Dad says you used to sing to me, that you had the most beautiful laugh. I don't remember any of that. But I know that you were an amazing woman. If Dad loved you, you must have been one hell of a woman. I want to be like that. I want to do all the things they say you did."
"Did this ever happen to you? Did someone ever hurt you like this? What did you do? Because I have no fucking clue, Mom. I know what I need to do. But I don't think I can. I could really use your help."
That January 1st, Josh Harris woke up to find an empty pillow next to him and no sign of where its inhabitant had gone to. Dana Camden congratulated herself for not drinking the night before by eating a whole pizza for breakfast. Norman, Sig, and Edgar groaned at each other to stop yelling and make some damn coffee.
And Kjiersten Hansen cried.