To Kill You With A Kiss

Chapter 11

...

Author's Note:

As many observant readers noticed, the title of this story showed up in the dialogue in the last chapter. Although I have promised myself NEVER to write a songfic, the title of this fic is inspired by Katie Melua's haunting song "I'd Love To Kill You With A Kiss". The title of one of my other Harry/Voldemort stories, "In the Darkness of My Dreams" is also a line from one of her songs ("Tiger in the Night").

...

Harry sat under a large, shady oak tree and looked out over the glittering Hogwarts lake. The spring day was growing warm now, and the sweet fragrance of lilac and flowering hawthorn wafted through the air. A profusion of golden berberis and marsh marigolds grew by the water, and the scents were making him a little dizzy.

The headmaster of Hogwarts is dead, the potions master became a murderer last week, the wizarding world is crumbling, and yet it makes no difference to these spring flowers; they would bloom the same even if Voldemort and his death eaters were to kill us all. Inside the castle, everything is chaos; the professors have given up on teaching and on enforcing rules. But out here by the lake, everything is the same as it has always been. Here, under this tree in spring, the world seems to be as it should be. I can almost imagine a boy with dark curls and silver eyes sitting next to me... I wonder if Tom ever sat under this tree on a spring day like this? Does Voldemort still remember the scents of spring?

Even the evergreen holly was in bloom now; tiny white flowers glistened among the dark-green leaves. Harry twirled his wand slowly between his fingers as he sat thinking. My wand was once a branch from a holly tree. How different it is now! My wand is powerful, but yet so lifeless compared to the blooming branches of the living tree! And Voldemort was once just Tom Riddle, before his transformation began. I wonder if my magic wand remembers being alive. I wonder if Dark Lord remembers that he loved me once?

Oh, Tom, how will I ever find you again? If only I could find a way to go back, to the time when you were still just Tom. If only I had Hermione's time turner!

Harry saw two figures down by the lake now, a boy and a girl. From here, the girl looked like Ginny, but he couldn't tell who the boy was. They were walking close together, much closer than friends ever would. Harry smiled to himself. Perhaps Ginny had fallen in love... He remembered that he once thought that he was in love with Ginny, but it seemed to him now little more than a sweet and fragile daydream. They had played at being in love; they had kissed each other and gazed into each others' eyes, and they had imagined that love was no more than that.

In the distance, he could see the red-haired girl kissing the boy down by the lake. The boy was tall and lanky and curiously familiar, but Harry could not place him. Harry scrambled to his feet and walked slowly towards the school; it appeared that Ginny and her friend were in need of some privacy.

...

Several students were packing their belongings now. Neville's open trunk was filled with tangled stems, quivering leaves and snapping flowers; it looked like a dire floral arrangement put together by Peeves. A dainty blue-green orchid was biting little holes in Neville's school robes, while a plant with delicate green tendrils was inflicting some considerable damage on his broomstick.

Harry sifted carelessly through the contents of his own school trunk. School books, potions ingredients, clothes, quills... What use were any of these things? Where was he supposed to travel when school ended - Little Whinging? The silver locket, his wand, and his invisibility cloak - those were the only things he needed.

Hermione was in the boys' dormitory as well, rearranging Ron's belongings neatly in his trunk, discarding his used chocolate frog wrappers, and slipping a few ancient leather-bound books that looked suspiciously like volumes from the Restricted Section in between his robes. Ron himself was nowhere to be seen.

Hermione smiled at Harry. "Here. I've got something for you. It's the spell you wanted."

They both flushed a little as she handed him a small piece of parchment. Harry read it silently and slipped it into his pocket.

"Thanks."

"Harry? Are you going to tell me who-?"

Harry shook his head and rearranged the mess inside his trunk clumsily so that it ended up looking even worse. "Maybe... Maybe later..."

"Need some help with packing?"

"No, thanks. I don't really care... Say, Hermione? Do you know what happened to the...er... necklace you wore back in our third year?"

"My necklace? Oh, you mean my... timepiece?" She smiled at him. "I'm afraid it's gone, Harry. I had to turn it in, you see, at the end of the year." She added softly: "And I'm afraid there are no other ones like it anymore."

Harry nodded; he remembered well how the other time turners had smashed during the battle at the Ministry of Magic. Broken. Small shards of broken time, scattered over the floor.

He swallowed. "Hermione? I have to go back. Is there any other way to go... back?"

"Oh, Harry." There was pity in her glance now. "Don't you realize that I have thought about that over and over again ever since Dumbledore died? I thought about it even before that, too, after Sirius disappeared behind the veil. I have turned the idea over and over in my head, done hours and hours of research. Is there a way to go back? Oh, I wish there was a way, Harry, but I'm afraid I don't know of any."

"What about memories?" Harry whispered. "The Pensieve makes it possible to see a glimpse of the past; would it be possible to enchant a memory so that it becomes real? Could a person enter a memory and change the past?"

He held his breath as Hermione sat down on Ron's unmade bed and pondered the question. Finally, she shook her head. "I don't know, Harry. What a strange idea! It would take extraordinary magic to do something like that. Perhaps a very powerful wizard, like Dumbledore or You-Know-Who could have done it; I don't know. If a time-turner were to be immersed in a vial that holds a memory, and a Transfiguration spell is spoken..." She broke off and stared at Harry. "What's wrong, Harry? You usually correct me when I say "You-Know-Who" and tell me to use the name v-Vol..." She struggled. "Voldemort. You always insist that we use his real name."

Harry shrugged. "I don't care any more, Hermione. Perhaps Voldemort is no more his real name than You-Know-Who."

Neville slammed the lid shut on his wriggling trunk and beamed triumphantly. "Hah! Got it! Oh, that's right, Harry, I've got a message for you. It came by owl a little while back, but I couldn't find you. It's from Draco Malfoy. He left school yesterday, along with Crabbe and Goyle."

"From Draco?" Harry reached out for the sealed letter and opened it with trembling hands.

Potter, the letter read,

I gave the Dark Lord your very strange message. He has no idea what you are talking about. Just a bit of friendly advice: Don't contact him again if you value your life.

DM

"Harry?" Hermione put her hand on his arm. "What's wrong? You are as white as snow."

"Nothing." Harry found it hard to speak; his voice didn't seem to be working properly. He tore the letter slowly into tiny pieces.

...

Harry escaped out to the Hogwarts grounds, taking deep breaths of the sweet spring air. Oh, Tom! Why don't you remember me? I need to go back and find the person you once were, but I don't know how... He sank down under a tree and closed his eyes. He could feel tears streaming down his face now, but he couldn't do anything to stop them. Footsteps. He kept his eyes closed, hoping that the person would walk on, but the footsteps stopped right in front of him.

Yes, the Boy Who Lived is sitting under a tree weeping. Please go away now. If you need someone to save the world, you need to look elsewhere.

Someone cleared their throat, awkwardly.

Go away. I'm not the Chosen One. Perhaps you listened to false prophets, who proclaimed that Harry Potter is some sort of savior, destined to face the Dark Lord. "Neither can live while the other survives"? What your prophet doesn't know is that I can't live without the Dark Lord, even though he no longer remembers our kisses.

"Elias?"

Oh, why can't you leave me alone...Elias? Harry's eyes flew open. He stared, perplexed, at the tall, lanky dark-haired boy who stood before him. But that's... that's... Alphard Black?

He gazed up at the grave, familiar face of the Slytherin boy from the past. Alphard? How can he be here, in this time?

Alphard smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, Elias, this must be terribly unexpected. But I was trying to find you, you see. Tom was looking for you."

"Tom... was looking for me?" Harry whispered. Suddenly, it felt as if all the sweetness of the spring day had found its way into his heart.

Alphard nodded and sat down in the grass next to Harry. "Well, "tearing the castle apart stone from stone" might be a more apt description. Tom has been desperate to find out what happened to you after you disappeared so suddenly. He seems to think that you may have been murdered by some dark wizard, the same one who killed your parents. And... well, Professor Dumbledore suggested to me that I might look for you here. "

"But how can you be here?" Harry looked at Alphard, his fellow Slytherin from the past, and he felt his mind whirling.

"Oh." A slight smile. "I do a little traveling now and then." Alphard pulled something out from under his shirt, a delicate golden instrument on a chain.

"You've got a time-turner? Oh..." Harry suddenly recalled that Orion had said something about Alphard's frequent visits to Dervish and Banges.

"Indeed I do. I have used it quite a bit, but I only end up making things worse."

"Worse? Worse than what?"

Alphard sighed. "Oh, it's a long story Elias. When I first started traveling into the future, it seemed wonderful; it was such a glorious adventure. But then I traveled far enough that I saw some of terrible things that were to happen: The rise of Voldemort. His death eaters. Innocent Muggles being killed. And Regulus, sweet innocent Regulus, my future nephew, seduced by the Dark forces. I never had any children of my own, you see, so Regulus and Sirius were like sons to me. Regulus was only sixteen years old when he became a death eater, Elias. He was blinded by the Dark Lord's power, and by his promises of a great pure-blood society. In the beginning, Regulus worshipped Voldemort, like the rest of them. But slowly, gradually, he began to realize what he had gotten himself into, but by then it was too late. He died, killed by the Dark Lord before he even had a chance to live!

I have traveled back and forth in time; I have tried again and again to make things different, to save his life, but I have failed every time. No matter what I did, I was not able to save Regulus. And then, when I traveled even further into the future, I saw that Sirius, too, would lose his life to one of Voldemort's death eaters, his own cousin Bellatrix. I think it was then that I realized that if I wanted to save them, I would have to go back to the very beginning. If I could somehow stop Tom Riddle from even becoming the Dark Lord, I could prevent my poor innocent Regulus for falling for his dark, sweet words; I could prevent Sirius from falling through the veil. Perhaps I could kill Tom Riddle before he had a chance to become the Dark Lord?

But it's not at all easy to kill, Elias, as I'm sure you know. But then I thought of something. It was so beautifully simple: I knew that Tom Riddle once applied for a post at Hogwarts. Professor Dippet turned him down, of course, but what if he hadn't? What if Tom Riddle were given a chance at an ordinary life? Would he turn out differently? Could his thirst for power be channeled into something else, a brilliant career and an elevated position in society? It was worth a try. I spoke to Dumbledore; I suggested to him that it might be better for Tom if he were given a chance to prove himself as a professor. Dumbledore listened, and eventually he agreed with me. He spoke to Dippet about it, and Tom Riddle was indeed hired as Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts."

Alphard smiled wryly. "Have you ever heard the old saying that awful things happen to wizards who meddle with time, Elias?"

"Er... yes."

"Well, my plan succeeded only too well. Tom Riddle was very pleased indeed with his new position, and he was determined to become a respected member of wizarding society. He even decided to marry. My sister! That was not part of my plan at all, of course; if he married my sister, Sirius and Regulus would never even be born."

Alphard breathed deeply. "But then, miraculously, Walburga broke off her engagement with Tom and began seeing Orion. I have no idea how that happened. Did you have anything to do with that?"

Harry flushed a little. "Perhaps a little bit, yes." He reached out and touched the golden instrument that hung around Alphard's neck. "Tom... I need to see him, Alphard. Can you bring me back with you?"

Alphard grinned now. "Absolutely. I was going to bring you back by force if necessary. Tom is going to turn into something much worse than Voldemort if he doesn't find you again soon. I told him I had an idea where to find you."

Harry smiled. He could feel his heart thundering in his chest. "How did you find me here, anyway? How did you know I was from the future? How did you know what time to find me in?"

"Oh..." Alphard got up. "Professor Dumbledore was the one who suggested it to me. Apparently, the two of you had a conversation that led him to believe, when he thought back on it later, that around here and now would be a good time and place to find you. Oh, and he was asking if you could bring him back a chocolate frog card with him on it. He's dying to see one."

Harry laughed. "All right. I'll run back inside and get one. See you back here in a minute."

Alphard smiled, a distant expression in his eyes. "Better make that fifteen minutes, Elias. There is someone I want to say goodbye to first."

Harry followed his glance down to the distant lake, where a red-haired figure stood waiting. "Ginny? Wait, were you the boy down by the lake? But when...? How...?"

Alphard's cheeks flushed a little. "I only met her two days ago. I came here to look for you, of course, but then I saw this beautiful girl sitting by the lake crying, and then we began to talk... She is a rather extraordinary person, you know. I know that she's only fifteen, and I'm... a great deal older? Or seventeen? I can't quite figure that part out."

"I know the feeling." Harry couldn't help smiling.

"You are not mad at me then?" Alphard was glancing at him now. "I know that she was your girlfriend, but she said that you had begun to drift apart..."

Harry laughed. "I suppose you could say that, yes. I'm glad Ginny is happy, Alphard. I don't think she could find anyone better than you. Wait... did you say you arrived here two days ago? Why did it take you so long to find me?"

Alphard blushed. "Well, Elias... The thing is..." His glance drifted towards Ginny. Her hair was a flame in the spring sunlight. "Sometimes it's hard to keep track of time."

...

Alphard spun the delicate golden clockwork, and the world dissolved into a whirlwind of light and color and sound. Harry squeezed his eyes shut as the world around him became a meaningless blur of hours, days, months, years.

The next instant, Harry and Alphard landed on the Hogwarts grounds with a thud. Even before he opened his eyes, Harry could sense a whisper of chill in the air and the slightly musty smell of rotting leaves and rich earth. Autumn. It smells like autumn. He opened his eyes. It was still afternoon, but the afternoon light had a different quality to it now; it was no longer the gossamer blue-white brightness of spring, but the rich golden light of September. Harry breathed in the cool September air with delight. I'm back!

Alphard lifted the golden chain from their necks. "Here we are, Elias. Welcome back. Er.. If I were you, I would take off those Gryffindor robes before entering the castle. There will be a lot of questions if you walk around the corridors looking like that."

"Oh." Harry looked down himself and smiled. He pulled his robes off and handed them to Alphard. "Would you mind? I... I need to see Tom."

"Of course." Alphard nodded gravely. "You and Tom, are you...? Oh, never mind. I don't suppose it's any of my concern."

"Thank you," whispered Harry hurriedly and ran towards the castle. He dashed wildly through the front door and along the familiar corridors, colliding hard with a few students along the way. He heard gasps and whispers as he ran, but he did not look back.

When he arrived, breathlessly, at Tom's office door, he paused, suddenly hesitant. Will Tom still be exactly as I left him? Will he still remember me? What if he is not there?

He opened the door slowly. His breath caught in his chest as he caught sight of the familiar figure within. Tom was sitting slumped in one of the chairs by the fire, a crumpled shirt in his hands. The fire was unlit, and the room felt cold. Tom glanced up, half-distracted, as Harry stepped into the room.

"Tom?" Harry whispered. "Tom? I'm back..."