Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, Ziploc or Trojan Condoms.
Dazed and Confused: Part Cinq
Summary: Revenge; a dish best served with a side dish consisting of a suitcase full of Trojans.
Rating: T'ish
Warnings: Sexual themes
Genre: General/Humor
Usagi grabbed a bowl of popcorn before planting down next to Ills on the couch, "This should be fun." She spoke, a twinkling giggle purring at the base of her throat.
--
Devilish naked strings yanked on the corners of Asanuma's rosé lips, spreading into a wicked grin he just couldn't shake. "I can't believe this," He spoke in a daze, his eyes plastered to the passing jungle scenery.
Mamoru, feeling a tad bit annoyed, rolled his eyes heavenwards. "You've been repeating that tired mantra for five hours now, give it a rest."
"Yes," Asanuma clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "I have, but it bears repeating, don't cha' think?" Before the older boy could retort the blonde gestured towards the sandy haired boy, who was too busy snapping pictures at everything and anything that moved to notice their glances. "Toki-kun," Asanuma called out causing Motoki to jump slightly before he turned towards the duo. "We're still in the cab," He said, pointing out the obvious. "No need to waste the batteries-"
"-Don't worry," Motoki interrupted, reaching into his bag and pulling out an overflowing Ziploc bag full of batteries. "I came prepared."
Asanuma sighed while Mamoru could only shake his head in disgust. "You two act as though you've never been outside Japan before."
Angry slits greeted him, "Look who's talking, when was the last time you journey out of Juuban, much less Tokyo? Huh, Mamo-kun?"
Mamoru snorted, "At least, I don't make myself into a spectacle. Typical touristy behavior," He jutted his chin out towards the pair.
Asanuma's cheek ballooned out in anger, "You know what," He paused, snapping his fingers at the older boy. "I'm not going to allow you to damper our vacation. I mean, I don't understand why you've been so moody all day, did Usagi close the muffin shop on you or something?"
A fierce growl rippled through Mamoru's jugular, "Usako's and mine's sex life is none of your concern."
Snapping his fingers once again Asanuma grinned wickedly at Mamoru meanwhile Motoki, who'd gotten over his aversions towards the couple tried desperately to stifle his giggles. "Touchy, so she really did cut you off then, eh?" Mamoru growled. "Was it because of our vacation, couldn't handle you in a secluded island with a bunch of half n.a.k.e.d. b.a.b.e.s. running around?"
Mamoru blinked, "No, actually she was quite supportive. She even insisted on packing my bags for me." He rubbed his stubbly cheek, "I think she was a bit miffed that I didn't automatically ask her to come along with me when I won the tickets but she has school. Not to mention," His voice took on a dark tone, "Papa Tsukino."
All three boys shivered.
"I still don't know how you did it though," Motoki spoke wistfully, leaning his head on the window of the taxi.
"What? Win the tickets? I just got lucky, I guess." Mamoru replied referring to the radio contest he'd miraculously scored three round trip tickets to an exclusive island resort. "I'm just glad that it was three tickets instead of just two."
"Mamo-kun," Asanuma face turned serious. "If it were two, who would you have taken? Be honest," He inquired, batting his eyelashes at the older boy.
Mamoru scratched the back of his head while Motoki's eyes grew wide. "I guess, I would have-"
"-Gah! The suspense is killing me, you love him more don't you!??" Motoki bit down on his handkerchief. "How could you?!"
"-Given you both the tickets and stayed home," Mamoru finished, ignoring Motoki's outburst.
"Really?" Motoki and Asanuma shouted in unison.
Mamoru nodded, "That way I could have a relaxing three nights with Usako without worrying about you two peeping janes."
"Pst," Asanuma waved his hand in dismissal. "I took down those cameras eight months ago, buddy." He replied, "Besides who'd want to watch Usa-chan suffer from ultra boredom for hours on end?"
Before Mamoru could retort the taxi came to a quick stop in front of a massive flamingo pink building. "We're here," Motoki squealed, a bit overly excited.
"Babes and sun," Asanuma chirped, rolling down the window afterwards crawling out.
"Idiot," Mamoru snapped, feeling a bit embarrassed at his friend's behavior. Grumbling underneath his breath he reached into his back pocket, retrieving his wallet and generously paying the cab driver before exiting and joining his two best friends at the front steps. "Ready?" He called out to them while bending over to take a hold of his bag.
Just as Asanuma moved his lips to confirm a loud, yoo-hoo, filled the air. Turning towards the sound the boys all spotted a red-head boy dressed in a tight fitting sailor uniform descending the steps towards them. "You must be the Chiba's," The red-head greeted each of them quite enthusiastically. "I'm Aki, your personal slave for the next three days and long nights," He smirked, practically purring each syllable towards the threesome. "So, how are you honeymooners doing this fine afternoon?"
All three boys blanched.
"Honeymooners?" Mamoru laughed rather nervously, "There must be some kind of error, we're the contest winners."
Aki placed his index finger on his chin, tilting his head slightly and appearing quite baffled. "Contest winners," He glanced down at the clipboard he kept in his left hand, flipping through his paperwork. "I wasn't aware of any contest," His face brightened. "Maybe, making up a contest was your sister's way of surprising you three."
Mamoru twitched, "Sister?"
"Yes," Aki titled his head once again in thought. "Usagi, I believe her name was. Most pleasant girl, she set up your fabulous accommodations and planned your activities. We're going to have such a super time." He gasped, "Oh! She was sure to mention your ring ceremony that you've had with your two life partners," He glanced down at the clip board once again. "Asanuma and Motoki, congratulations. May your lives be filled with joy and let me be the first to formally welcome you to the Cannon Gay Island Resort."
Motoki paled-
Asanuma's jaw fell open-
Mamoru appeared absolutely flabbergasted.
"Just curious," Mamoru tired his best to smile but failed miserably. "What's the fastest way off this island, you know in case of emergency."
Aki frowned, "I'm sorry, there isn't a way to leave the island at the moment. The last ferry left an hour ago and it won't resume until six am on Tuesday morning." Reaching forward he tried to yank the boy's bag from Mamoru's iron grip causing the latch to come lose. "Come this-" The bag ripped open spilling all of Mamoru's worldly possessions on the ground, "Way to check in." Aki finished lamely, a blush staining his cheeks.
For on the ground were several packages of Trojans, lubricant and various s & m paraphernalia.
"Oh my," Aki fanned himself with his clip board. "Looks like someone came prepared." He commented while Mamoru, embarrassed and shocked, tried his damnest to scoop all of the items back into his suitcase.
"Check in, yes," Mamoru practically yelled, bounding up the steps with Aki in tow.
An hour later the trio found themselves sitting awkwardly in what could only be referred as a love den, all three wearily eying the heart shaped bed.
Motoki being the natural optimist clapped his hands together, "This isn't so bad." He glanced around the room. "We have a big screen tv, mirrors on the ceiling, a bare skin rug and ooh, look a washing machine." He walked over to it and lifted the lid before blanching, "What the?"
Asanuma, being the natural curious one that he was skipped on over to his best friend's side, "Is that?" He questioned, shaking his head. "It couldn't- This!" He whirled around towards Mamoru, "Is all your fault!"
"How in the hell is this my fault?" Mamoru growled out through gritted teeth. "Blame Usagi, this is her sick prank! Better yet, blame yourselves for starting this whole mess."
"Prank? This isn't a prank, this is just plain fucked up! We're in a honeymoon suite in a gay resort and we even have a wash machine with a rubber dick as an agitator! Not to mention n.o. w.o.m.e.n!" Asanuma ranted. "All because you wanted to get it on without a condom, way to go!"
Motoki sensing the tension in the air sat on the floor next to his bag, pulling out his notebook.
Asanuma slammed his fist on the table, "That's it, when we get home I get to screw Usagi, no condom, that's the only way you can make this up to me Mamo-kun!"
"No!" Both Motoki and Mamoru yelled in unison.
"Worth a shot," Asanuma shook his head in disappointment. "No one must ever know about this." His eyes snapped towards Motoki, "Toki-kun, don't even think about writing a fan fic about this!"
Motoki sighed, lowering his pen he paused in mid-sen…
The End.
--
Usagi laughed, "Oh, I get it… Motoki was writing at the last sentence." She smiled, "Though, why wasn't I in this fan fic?"
Motoki shrugged, "There was no way to fit you in Usa-chan. I'm sorry, but here is a milkshake."
"Ah, you know the way to my heart Motoki," She sat up and kissed him on the cheek while Mamoru's jaw dropped.
"What in the hell!" Mamoru yelled as he grabbed Motoki by the collar.
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An: Yes, this is final installment of Dazed.. gotta run my bed is calling me.. I didn't get much sleep last night so I gotta go.
Thank you to all those that reviewed!
Um! Forgot to mention, this story on the review side is becoming my most reviewed work, only a bit more and we'll top Obsession, my top grossing fic of last year. Good job people. Keep it up!
Oh! And someone asked how many chapters I plan on doing.. um, usually collections go up to 100 chapters.. I plan on doing that and afterwards just starting another one-shot collection. Because, I'm crazy, lol. Well, I already have the next forty stories stuck in my head, now if I only had to the time to write them.
ills