Short!chapter was short, here's the next one:
"Where's Belgium?" asked the Netherlands, looking around in the dinner hall.
In response, Prussia's voice boomed over the loudspeakers, saying: "She was shot by the terrorists." (The Netherlands gave a huge NOOO!) "Oh, and you lot won't need to hold a death trial, Phase II is starting! Further instructions will be delivered into your rooms at nightfall."
…
After an agonizing day having to deal with idiots and a further ten minutes waiting for everyone to have gotten their letters (five-page, double, sided, and no tl;dr whatsoever) plus uniforms, Switzerland was ready to blow up the building. Thankfully he'd managed not to yet, and was now following Canada as he and Finland were being transferred to "administrative" positions in the DePRA. Then it hit him.
"Look, I'll be back in a minute", he said, then opened the nearest door (they were still in the rooming section), unslung his rifle, and shot the occupant – who happened to be the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus.
As an answer to Canada and Finland's questioning looks, he said: "I didn't get to shoot anyone", drangging TRNC by the arm.
…
As the first thing he did, America ripped open the package that came with the letter he'd received. Inside was a muddy green uniform, rather like the one England wore most of the time.
After putting on the uniform, he looked at the letter.
"Congratulations America!
"You are a member of the Green Army®. Your uniform is in the package that comes with.
"The Green Army® rally point is the tall, red building to the left of the exit. A map follows. You are the co-leader (along with Russia). You may not pursue any hostile actions against the Blue Army® until you have assembled at the rally point.
"The rally point has a list of all Green Army® members, weapons for everyone and plenty of ammo. Please note that the members are organized into tag teams of two. Your partner is: Russia, and your Tag Team name is: Drunk. Have a nice day.
"Sincerely, Prussia, president of the Democratic People's Republic of Awesome."
"Nooooooo..." America moaned. A tag team. With Russia. Mental note: kill Prussia.
…
"All right! Blue Army meeting number one is now in session! England, read the member list!"
"Tag team 'Fanatic': Germany, England. Co-leaders. Both of us are present. Tag team 'Axis': Austria, Veneziano."
"Veh~ We're here!"
"Continuing. Tag team 'Energy': Latvia, Norway."
Norway did his best at glaring at both Latvia and England at the same time.
"Continuing. Tag team 'Innovate': Estonia, Turkey?"
"We're here."
"All right, everyone's present."
"That few? How are we supposed to fight an eight-by-eight war?" Austria spluttered (aristocratically).
"Well, not that many people signed up for this outside of Europe, y'know. And some people are dead..." Estonia rationalized.
"I wonder who the terrorists were", Turkey said.
"Well, none of us, none of the civvies, no-one from the other army, which leaves the people who we expelled – Belarus and Iceland – plus probably a few outliers", Norway said.
"All right comrades! Let's go and attack the Green Army!"
"Comrades? Look, Deutschland, who do you think we are, members of the communist party?"
"Well, sorry, but in my language 'comrade' does not equate to 'member of the communist party', fascist."
"Look who's talking."
"That was decades ago, faggot!"
"Stop confusing me for France! Besides, in accordance to sexuality non-discrimination laws, you shouldn't use that insult, Nazi bastard."
"Don't you dare correct me, eyebrows!"
What followed was England beating up Germany in a humongous Curb Stomp Battle and Austria having an heart attack after his glasses were knocked off the vertical axis by three four hundred and fifty-thirds of a millimeter.
…
Meanwhile at DePRA HQ, Iceland and Liechtenstein were trying very hard not to laugh at how awkward Switzerland and Belgium looked on their "date", Finland scolding them because they were failing, Belarus trolling the corridors, TRNC sulking in his quarters, and Canada running around in a kilt, as per Prussia's orders.
…
"Hey! Shut up, the hero's speaking!"
"Look, darlings, I know you've fought more wars together than me and England, but could you please refrain from arguing?"
Russia made "kolkolkolkol" sounds from the corner.
"Okay? Well, me and Russia are the leaders! We're also tag team Drunk, which is a completely unheroic name, but we all know Prussia's unheroic so we'll just have to let it pass. Sweden and Denmark, you are team It's Complicated. Please hold off your urge to kill each other-"
"Actually, it's more like 'Hold off your desire to fuck eachother', 'cause we get horny after a nice, good war- Hey!" Denmark yelped after Sweden slapped him.
"Does this mean I get Finland all for myself, Sweden?" Russia asked in a deceptively sweet voice.
"Hey! Sweden, you of all people have been cheating on your self-appointed wife?"
Sweden grunted unclearly.
"Finsky doesn't mind. Actually, he videos us, uh, doing it. Deffo related to Hungary all right!"
"'Finsky'?"
"'Finny' sounds like the Finnish word for 'zit', apparently."
"Okay. Let's continue! Ukraine and Hungary are team Glory, France and China are team Hyper. Now let's go attack the Blue Army!"
"What's the plan, America?" Hungary asked.
"France and China, you surrender without a fight. Ukraine and Hungary, you back me up. For Sweden and Denmark befalls the difficult task of backing me up. Russia, you go in suicidal."
The response from everyone was a rather loud "I object to that!"
"Well, I'm the hero, so nyah!"
Russia ripped a piece of piping from the wall and hit America on the head with it ("Owww! That hurt, Commie bastard!")
"Better plan: let's just go in and try to surround them. Maybe then we can defeat them with our skillz at utilising seemingly harmless household items to kill people", Hungary suggested.
Eventually, they settled on Hungary's plan.
A/N: This is turning more humorous by the minute. Perhaps I should just give up after this and stick to crack, no? Anyway, I'm currently plotting a SF AU thingy with the Cold War analogue a-raging. We shall see whether it'll go anywhere. I've also got half a mind to resurrect Swiss Crack. Reviews, support and suggestions would be very much appreciated, as always.
And the story part has exactly 1030 words, people. Woohoo!