Sorry for the delay, my muses went on strike since the weather was so good, since they're, y'know, French. I have yet to find a German or British muse as a backup.
My word processor runs on reviews.
"Are they ever going to get past the holding hands and blushing awkwardly stage?" Liechtenstein wondered.
"Ssh!" Iceland hissed as the couple they were spying on almost turned their way. "And it's gonna happen, but not soon."
Both of them "D'aww"ed when Switzerland and Belgium leaned a millimeter closer to each other.
(*)
" … Wait- did America and Russia just kill each other?" Denmark asked.
"'T s'ms s'", Sweden replied.
Ukraine bawled in the background. China stood slack-jawed. France gaped at the corpses.
(*)
" … Wait- did Ukraine just die of dehydration due to crying so much?" Denmark asked.
"'T s'ms s'", Sweden replied.
China stood slack-jawed. France gaped at the corpses.
(*)
" … Wait- did China just die of a dislocated jawbone?" Denmark asked.
"'T s'ms s'", Sweden replied.
France gaped at the corpses.
(*)
" … Wait- did France just die from too much gaping?" Denmark asked.
"T' s'ms s'", Sweden replied.
(*)
"Umm… Sweden…"
"Y's D'nm'rk?"
"All these corpses are making me feel horny…"
"M' t'. W'nt t' f'ck?"
"Hell yeah!"
At that moment, Hungary came back from the dead to take photographs.
(*)
"My Awesomeness is bored!" Prussia yelled.
"On a side note, the last members of the Green Army fell victims to Death By Sex", Canada said.
"That sounds like an awesome way to die."
"Prussia, have you ever visited TV Tropes? They died horribly after having sex in an attempt by the heavily conservative Moral Guardians to shoehorn in a Stock Aesop about Sex Is Evil with a good dose of Bury Your Gays. Now I shall have to stop my litany before I become Dangerously Genre Savvy."
"Canada?"
"Yes?"
"You're awesome."
(*)
"So, what happened?" England asked.
"The Green Army practically self-destructed", Prussia explained.
"Who were the terrorists?" America asked.
Finland and Switzerland stood up.
"HEY! Didn't Switzerland say that he'd give all of us an all-expenses paid trip to wherever he wanted if he turned out to be a terrorist?" America yelled from across the conference room.
Switzerland sighed before saying, "My exact words were: 'I did not kill … whoever was killed. If, by some miracle, you were to demonstrably prove that I killed him, I would give every single one of you an all-expenses paid trip to wherever you wanted to.' And all credit for Canada's death – ordered by Prussia, by the way – goes to Finland."
"Fuck. I was expecting a trip to the Bahamas", America huffed and sat back down.
"Language!" England yelled.
Everything was back to normal.
OKAY, THIS STORY IS NOW OFFICIALLY OVER. Have a nice week-end, and don't forget to drop a review.