"But I let my heart go. . .I'm only human, I've got a skeleton in me, but I'm not the villain." - Monster, Paramore

Twenty-One Forever - Chapter Two

Arnold could feel the anger boiling inside Helga. He figured it was his special talent, like Phoebe's insane intelligence or Gerald's natural athleticism. He just always knew when she'd be having a meltdown of some sort, even after all these years.

The four walked in silence from the pancake house, Helga biting her tongue and glaring at the sidewalk. She tried to avoid being as close to Arnold as possible.

Phoebe seemed distant and worried, which upset Gerald. He pulled Arnold back subtly, whispering below the winter winds, "I think Helga said something to Phoebe."

"What?" Arnold asked. Obviously the two had talked, but what was he getting at?

"God, you're so dense," Gerald snickered. "I think whatever their girl talk was about upset Phoebe. She's being really quiet, even more than usual. And she won't talk to me."

Helga and Phoebe continued walking forwards, discussing the cold weather when Arnold got an idea.

"Hey, girls! We're gonna go into Central Park. Want to come?" Gerald, puzzled, followed Arnold's lead and crossed the street and into a side entrance to the park. Helga shrugged and smiled at her best friend. Phoebe smiled back and the two girls crossed the street, turning it into a race.

"Hey! No fair, I think your legs are longer!" Helga called as Phoebe clearly beat her to the spot the boys were resting.

"All's fair in love and war, Helga," Phoebe teased good-naturedly. Arnold nudged Gerald in the ribs and the two slipped away from the concrete bench.

"When did you get so good at running?"

"Gerald. He had this weird workout routine and decided to get Arnold and I involved."

"Oh," was Helga's reply. She suddenly felt very alone, even though the one person who truly cared about her well-being was sitting right beside her.

"I'm sorry, Helga."

"Sorry for what?" Helga shifted uncomfortably against the bench, turning her head in the opposite direction. A chill traveled down her spine. Another conversation she wanted to avoid having was happening at the worst possible moment.

"I'm sorry for not being able to help you." Phoebe's voice made Helga's heart ache.

Helga whipped around again to face her friend. "Shut up, Pheebs. I should be the one who's sorry! I just got up and left you."

"I was okay, Helga." Phoebe's smiled wavered, "I wasn't the one who just got her heart ripped out."

Helga's face fell as tears pooled in her eyes. How could it still hurt this badly after all this time? Wasn't time supposed to heal all wounds? "I'm sorry I never called or anything."

"Helga," Phoebe tipped her friend's chin up and looked her in the eyes, "I don't care. Just as long as you're safe and okay, I don't care. You're my best friend. I didn't handle the situation well. If I had run away, you would've been on the next plane out of Hillwood, hunting me down like a wild animal until I returned home." Helga laughed at Phoebe's characterization of her. She was right though.

It was silent for a minute, until Helga whispered "I guess we both fucked up, then."

Now it was Phoebe's turn to laugh.

And suddenly everything was okay. All the past feelings of hurt and anger were just gone. Having a friendship that close was incredible like that. It was easy to forgive mistakes when they truly loved each other.

"Will you promise me something, Helga?" Helga groaned before staring another giggle fit between the two. "You'll be careful, won't you? I'm just worried that you'll get hurt, you know, when you're out drinking. I almost had a heart attack after I heard what your roommate said."

Helga smiled, feeling very comforted by her friend's protectiveness. She had secretly missed that, having someone look out for her. After being alone and independent for eight years, Helga missed the idea of being worried about. Helga crossed her heart, feeling a warmth spread through her winter-chilled body. "I swear to you, Pheebs, I'll be better."

The two boys were standing a few feet away, leaning against the cold metal fence surrounding the park. Arnold turned to Gerald, arms crossed over his chest, with a smug smile on his face. "I told you."

Gerald shoved Arnold's shoulder, "No you didn't! You didn't say anything! You just left them alone."

"Well, I definitely thought something was wrong. They just needed to talk it out."

"Just like you have to," Gerald concluded.

"Hm?"

"Don't act like I forgot. I'll never forget that day," Gerald nudged Arnold's shoulder again when the girls came towards them. Both were smiling and laughing. Arnold was about to respond to Gerald, but Helga cut him off.

"Alright, let's get back to the tour," Helga threw her arms out towards the sky, "this is Central Park. And that's about as much history as I know." The four began walking along the path, coming near the pond at the southern end.

"It was created by Frederick Law Olmsted and Calvert Vaux in 1858 after the state commissioned a design contest to improve New York," Phoebe added.

"Alrighty then," Helga nodded. "Broadway is right over there," she pointed to her left.

"Oh, my god, Helga!"

Helga slapped her palm to her forehead, slowly turning around to see. . .Adam? Alex?. .the guy she hooked up with jogging through the park. Shit.

"Hey," she replied, half-waving. He walked over to her, panting and sweaty. Arnold, Phoebe and Gerald exchanged confused glances.

"You left so fast last night that you forgot your coat."

"I know. Do you think you could just send it to my apartment? I'm sort of busy," she pointed her thumb at her three friends, "and I just don't have the time to go get it."

Alex seemed hesitant to agree, but after seeing her smile, he figured it would be okay. He smirked when he realized she never said how it had to be sent to her.

Alex handed over his iPhone, letting her type in her address. He would've asked for her to add her number too, but he figured not to push it. Helga was definitely stand off-ish, but she was just so beautiful that he couldn't help himself.

"I'll see you later then?" he said before quickly kissing her.

Helga went rigid before quickly pulling back, replying breathlessly, "I have to go." Helga darted towards Phoebe, latching onto her arm and speed walking to the exit of the park, right onto Broadway.

"Was that Alex?" Phoebe asked quietly.

Helga nodded. "Ugh, God, I never want to see him again."

The four resumed their walk, passing their chance to go to Broadway and going right, heading north again, back towards the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Helga was quietly giving Phoebe a quick recap of her night with Alex, trying to fill her in without scaring her too much. Gerald caught a few words of the conversation: "martinis. . .dark room. . .sex-" and that's when he immediately tuned out. Forcing his gag reflex to settle, he focused his attention on the city. He was only going to be here for a few more days, and in that time he'd have to help Arnold move into an apartment, register him for classes, and see some sights with Phoebe.

Arnold continued to stare at Helga as he began to wonder just how much she'd changed. An odd rise of feelings settled into his stomach: confusion and jealously. Together the two twisted themselves into a violent knot that rested in the pit of Arnold's gut. Maybe Gerald was right. Maybe he had just-

"And here's the MET," Helga announced.

"You're voice is just oozing with excitement," Gerald added sarcastically.

Helga shot Gerald daggers before responding, "You've seen one museum, you've seen them all." Gerald shrugged. "I came here on a class field trip once, which reminds me. . . I have to register for spring semester."

Phoebe laughed, "Any idea what you're taking?"

"I haven't even looked. I'm studying in the Creative Writing Program, I just haven't really buckled down and taken that many courses."

Phoebe continued to offer Helga advice on what classes she should focus on, which she appreciated. Helga wasn't really the best student, but her Poetry 203 teacher said that Helga had a lot of potential, so the school didn't kick her out. Helga had this semester to prove to the school that she was a good student or else she'd have to "take a semester off."

Another chill blasted through the air, whipping up the ends of coats on the busy New Yorkers who were all mashed together on the sidewalk. Helga shivered, wishing she had her jacket back, but no, Alex had it. That was the last time she'd hook up with someone without having her coat an arm's length away.

Gerald whispered something to Arnold, who only chuckled and shoved his friend in response. Helga was a little surprised at how quiet Arnold was being. Usually he was a lot more talkative. Was something bothering him?

Why should you care? a voice asked in her head.

I always have, she defended herself, I just never show it.

"Which NYU School do you go to?" Arnold asked suddenly.

"College of Arts and Sciences," she replied a little too quickly.

Ignoring the awkward silence that settled in, the four continued walking down 5th Avenue, not really sure where to go to next.

"It's almost noon," Gerald pointed out, "think maybe we should find some food?"

"Yeah, uh, sure," Helga lead her friends towards a small café she frequented when her roommate brought her to the park to run.

The four quickly sat down in a booth in the back of the restaurant away from the tourist families with small children, the hard working businessmen on cell phones and the high school kids who looked a little young to even be out by themselves. Helga grinned at the waitress, "Helga! You haven't been in here in forever, how are you?"

"I'm fabulous," Helga smirked, ignoring her friend's snickers, "and I'd like to put in a special request to Johnny. I need four."

The bubbly brunette nodded, "Of course. You know, he's missed you."

"I bet he has," Helga added with a laugh.

The girl took everyone's drink orders before disappearing into the back.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Gerald stared at Helga, "Okay, what the fuck was that?"

"What was what?"

"That!" He threw his hands into the air towards the empty space where the waitress had been standing. "Who the hell are you, Pataki? You don't say 'fabulous', you're never that polite and what's up with the mysterious orders?"

"I didn't know we'd be playing 20 Questions, Geraldo. Jesus, relax."

"What happened to Take No Prisoners Pataki? The toughest girl in school who didn't need to be nice to people? I want an explanation, because honestly, I have no idea who you are at the moment."

The café was small, and with the crowd of people's body heat and burning fire in the kitchen, the place seemed significantly warmer to Helga. Or maybe it was Gerald's piercing stare that caused heat to rise into her cheeks. Arnold stared blankly at the table top while Phoebe shrugged beside her. "We haven't really talked in a long time," she whispered.

"Alright, fine. Since suddenly everyone's got an interest in my personal life, we'll play a game. You each ask a question, and I'll give you two answers. One will be true, the other a lie, and you have to decide which is which. And then later I get to guess about your lives."

"You're insane, Pataki," Gerald leaned forwards, "but I'll go first. How do you know this place?"

She held up one finger, "My roommate took me here after we went running in Central Park." She then flashed a peace sign, "I stumbled into this place drunk on my first night with a legal I.D."

"You have a convincing poker face, Helga, but I'm going with one."

"You sure?" she asked, hoping to give Gerald a sense of self-doubt.

"Positive."

Helga nodded, "You're right. How did you know?"

"You may be a party girl, Pataki, but you had to be innocent once."

"Alright, I have one!" Phoebe smiled. "How did you get an apartment at fourteen?"

"I had sex with the landlord's sixteen-year-old son. I had Olga's Broadway friend set me up."

Helga didn't know what was funnier, the look of shock on her friend's faces or the fact that they couldn't decide which one was a lie.

"I'm torn," Arnold admitted, "because I know you'd never ask Olga for anything, but on the other, I know you wouldn't -"

"Both are lies," Phoebe replied certainly.

Helga nodded, "I actually lived with my school's guidance counselor after she found me sleeping on a bench at the train station. I had been there for three days before she realized I was homeless." Helga shifted in her seat, suddenly feeling awkward. "Okay, Football Head, entertain me with your question."

Arnold pursed his lips, taking this game very seriously. Helga was being completely honest and open with people she hadn't seen in eight years, and he couldn't waste an opportunity like this. He had a million ideas for questions running through his mind. Why didn't she tell him? Why didn't she write to him? Everything was buzzing in his brain and it caused a nasty head ache.

"Here you go, Helga," the waitress quickly set down the drinks and the special order: four burgers.

"Yes! Thank you," Helga grinned at the waitress.

"How did you get burgers?" Arnold asked. He hadn't seen them on the menu at all.

Helga shrugged, "I may have had to eat some other meat before I could get to this."

Gerald choked on his drink. Mentally picturing that - oh my god he lost appetite. "Holy shit," Gerald mouthed to Phoebe.

Helga rolled her eyes, "It was like three years ago, get over it, Geraldo. Eat it. They're some of the best burgers in New York."

The group sat in silence for twenty minutes while they ate their burgers. No one really knew what to say after Helga's comment.

Helga disappeared behind the kitchen door to pay their waitress and say a thanks to Johnny before meeting Phoebe, Gerald and Arnold outside.

Helga smirked, "Any more questions or are you all out?"

"Where's your favorite place to go?" Phoebe asked.

"I like Rockafeller Center. I've gotten pretty good at ice skating over the years. It's a half an hour walk from here, but it could be fun."

"Sounds like a plan!"

The sidewalk began overflowing with people now that the roads became icy in the afternoon. Less cars on the road meant more people hopping on and off buses and power walking back to their offices. Phoebe, Arnold and Gerald followed behind Helga as she lead them through the throng of people. As the crowd began to push and shove, the four split into couples, with Gerald and Phoebe falling behind.

"I've got another question," Arnold announced. Gerald and Phoebe dropped back again, acting as if they weren't eavesdropping on the conversation. Arnold brought his attention from staring at the skyscrapers to looking at Helga. Her cheeks were turning red from the cold wind, her lips were a little chapped, and her sapphire blue eyes were glossed over with an emotion he couldn't identify. He wanted to say regret, but that seemed so unlike Helga. "Why?" Arnold whispered, letting his voice carry through the wind and crowd's noises.

"Why what?" Helga stiffened, voice rising unconsciously as she spoke, "Why did I become a slut? Why do I drink alcohol like it's water? Why do I not take school seriously? You're gonna have to be more specific Arnold."

"Why did you take it back?"

Helga froze mid-step and let her body get shoved around by passersby. "I don't know what you're talking about." Her voice shook, an immediate give away that she was lying. Arnold gently pulled her off to the side.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Gerald whispered to Phoebe as his arms slid around her two stood a few feet away out of earshot.

Phoebe took one quick side glance at Arnold and Helga before staring Gerald in the eyes. "The last time they saw each other, I guess?"

Arnold watched as Helga continued to grow tense. "What's wrong?"

"Is that a fucking joke, Arnoldo? You want to know what's wrong?" Arnold nodded, holding himself strong. He couldn't show fear. He could take whatever Helga screamed at him. He was certain her curses were a little more vulgar now, but she was still his fourth grade bully with a pretty big soft spot for him.

Her anger was still there, building up since earlier this morning, back when he sensed it. Arnold knew Helga just had to let it out and then she'd be okay.

"Everything is wrong, if you hadn't realized. I guess you're just too busy living in your dense fantasy world that you're always in," she seethed. "I'm a failure in school, I don't have a job or an interest in anything, and all I do is drink and fuck around. I'm not the same person you knew back in eighth grade. That Helga's gone. It's just," she gestured to herself by throwing her hands out at her sides, "screwed up, worthless, failure me."

Helga had reached her lowest point now, she was sure of it. This was way worse than her goodbye to Arnold in eighth grade. Everything just ached, it had been hurting for eight years. Running away didn't help. Seeing other guys didn't help. Nothing could numb the pain of the fact that she was alone, and the only person she truly loved had moved thousands of miles away to a foreign country. Heartbreak really fucked up a person.

"Helga," Arnold tipped her chin so she was facing him again. He could see the tears pooling her eyes and running off on her eyelashes, "you're not screwed up, or worthless, or a failure. The only thing that's changed is your age. So you're a little more open about your sexual exploits than other people, who says you wouldn't have been back in Hillwood? You can't think that your move to New York changed you, because it hasn't. You're still the confident, headstrong, no bullshit girl I knew back in eighth grade, and you always will be."

A tear escaped Helga's eye and Arnold quickly wiped it away before she could shove him off. He kept his hand on her cheek, once again bringing her piercing blue eyes back to his. "You've just grown up. You're even more beautiful than I remember."

And the winner for Saying Too Much goes to. . .

Gerald's ears perked up as the crowds died down around them. He definitely did not just hear what he thought he did, right? He made an inhumane sound, gasping at a very high pitch while muffling it behind his hand. "Oh, shit, did you hear that?" Phoebe nodded, feeling an odd mix of excitement and dread.

Gerald realized this conversation had to end now, or else a whole new realm of emotions would open and they'd be stuck outside in the frigid December air for hours. Gerald, against his better instincts, marched over to Helga and tapped her shoulder. "Um, Helga, this isn't the skating rink."

Arnold's eyes narrowed for a moment before he saw the panicked look on his friend's face. Something had to be wrong, or else he wouldn't have just interrupted like that.

Helga was still in a slight daze from being called beautiful by Arnold, so she stared at Gerald confused until his words processed in her mind. She rolled her eyes at Gerald's observation, "Change of plans. Let's get a taxi home. I need to rest and plan for tonight."

"What's happening tonight?" Phoebe asked while Helga flagged down a taxi.

"Your welcoming party, of course."

A/N: I am directionally challenged and know absolutely nothing about New York City. Every direction, place or school I've mentioned I've compiled from Google Maps and Wikipedia research, but that doesn't mean I put it together correctly.