Chapter 3!

So, upon realizing that this chapter was going to be in February, I made it Valentines day! So I did some research on Victorian Valentines day and MAN! Victorians were ROMANTIC! Valentines day was a HUGE deal in this time and it's all very interesting…anyway…

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Enjoy this chapter!

February 14th

Today, I was going to tell him-I swear I was! I mean…it's Valentines day. What better a gift then the one I've been holding back?

I even made a sweet little card for your father with flower pedals and the prettiest birds feathers. I had written a poem also, with the news of you creatively slipped in at the end- I spent hours squinting in the candlelight to write that thing!

I don't remember it now…I had burned it in the fireplace before I gave it to him.

I'm simply so angry! Tears are streaming down my face in the most maddening way. And I'm pressing the pen to the paper so hard I'm afraid I might tear it!

Deep breath now…ok…through my teary gaze I'll sputter out the excuse for letting another day go by without the mention of you.

First of all-I'll say it again- It's Valentines day. What's suppose to be the most romantic day of the year. The day where young couples spend time together simply…loving each other. Where they exchange gifts to show just how much they really mean to each other. Well…that's how it's suppose to be…yes?

You're father wasn't even here when I woke up bright and early to open up shop. Heaven knows if he even ever came home last night…

I waited all day-that card sitting on the counter in the pie shop for him. But the shadows flew across the shop, the clock's hands spun around, and my eyes fell lower and lower.

It was dinner time before he stepped in the door.

At the sight of him I felt my heart leap. My stomach tickled and I was finding it harder to swallow. I was nervous, of course. What would he think? What would he say? What would he do?

"Nellie!" He smiled, and despite my anger, I smiled back. Cause I could tell-what a relief- he hadn't been drinking.

"Albert, finally you're home!" And I sprung step over to him to hand him the card.

The card that held our future- The card that held you.

And he walked right past me, grunting and saying, "It's been a long day. Fix me dinner and a drink."

I felt the hope drain out of me, until… for one second he stopped and looked at me- really looked at me. Under his gaze I felt my breathing become heavy.

"Nellie?" he asked again slowly…I held my breath…just wondering. What could he see? Could he perhaps…see you?

The moment hung in the air, motionless, tense. He noticed. He noticed something? Perhaps? Albert stop staring and say something!

"Lace that corset tighter, you seem to have gained weight," and he continued to walk into the parlor.

For a long instant, my eyes seemed simply frozen in place as my breath flowed out of me. When I finally could blink and fill my lungs again, all I could do was shake my head. Tears threatened to rise form my throat into the bottom of my eyes, but I swallowed them down and sighed. I shook my head harder, as if I could maybe shake away the memory of that moment. I let my eyes dart around on the floor and pushed my lips together. Just completely at a loss for words.

I sighed once again, feeling the sadness give away to anger. And suddenly my loss for words became a million angry buzzing bees inside my head.

Running my hand along the back of my neck, I muttered, "Well so have you bugger. And I don't know what that girl you're seeing every night sees in you…"

Like a fool, I proceeded to fix him a meat pie, although I slipped him water instead of gin- he didn't even notice.

I walked up to him when he was in the middle of his meal. Seemed to be the only time I ever see him now, when he's in the shop scarfing down my pies. I wasn't hungry so he sat alone. He didn't seem to mind very much…

I watched him for a moment, did he even see me standing there before I said anything?

"Albert?" I asked. He looked up from the food, something that he never did very often. That was my cue to say something.

I swallowed hard.

"Do you love me?"

Now, sitting here, looking back, its seems like a foolish question, but it meant so much to me…

"Course I do," He had muttered, gobbling down some more food.

I stopped him then, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Albert!" I walked over to him and pulled his plate out from in front of him.

"Pardon me," He spoke surprised. "But I was eating that."

He reached for the plate but out of anger I tossed it on the floor.

"Nellie?"

"No Albert! For heavens sake! If you really love me look up from you bloody food every once in a while and talk to me! Acknowledge my existence or thank me in the least bit!"

He looked at me like I had lost my marbles and muttered, "Thank you. Happy? Now if you don't mind will you please just pick my food off the ground and…"

I couldn't take anymore. I stormed out of the pie shop, locked myself in my bedroom and…here I am.

And that's why…that's why he doesn't know.

I burned the card. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve the effort I put into it. He doesn't deserve you.

I question just running away. I should just pack up my things and some money and leave! I should. I will. It'll be all too easy! Albert won't even notice if I…

…

Hm…but as I turn the page in this notebook, I'm reminded of what is keeping me here…what is tied to my ankles, weighing me down.

I mean…I couldn't just not. So I had made a nice Valentines day card for Benjamin too…and stuffed it in between these pages.

I could give it to him-I won't-but I could.

Just like I could run away from this dreadful, dead town-I won't-but I could.

I think, my love, you'll learn all too soon that you can't always get what you want. Your Mum's 'bout the best example of that you'll ever get. So I'll go over to the fireplace again.

Let the warmth burn away all my troubles, let it take me (not physically of course. God, what an awful way to die.) No-I'll let it take…my emotions…I suppose. Cause all they've ever done is cause me trouble.

I burn the card for Benjamin also-once again leaving me alone.

Hm…I smile…Not alone, I suppose.

I don't know what I'd do without you love- I truly don't.

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