CHAPTER THREE

3-23-08/Sunday evening.

The Danzig house is just over a mile away, in the next school district (toward the poorer neighborhoods). Martha Danzig is an English teacher who lives within walking distance of her school – the same high school Jimmy attended. It amazes Joan that she and Jimmy grew up so close to each other but never met. Who knows, they may have passed each other on the street dozens of times and never noticed.

As Joan walks toward the front door she feels Jimmy's presence with her. That presence is always there to some degree – his heavenly spirit pouring out his love and encouragement to her, urging Joan to be happy. Here at Jimmy's childhood home, Joan is acutely aware of her lost love's comforting spirit. The door opens before Joan can knock, and there is Martha Danzig – a petite woman in her mid fifties with salt & pepper hair and a still slender figure. It is the first time Joan has seen Martha since she was a little girl.

"Hello Joan."

"Hello Martha."

They hug and the crying begins.

Later…

The evening seems to go by quickly as Martha guides Joan through the memorabilia of Jimmy's early years. There are a lot of photo albums to go through, which include a couple of pictures of Theresa with Martha and Jimmy. It seems Theresa's judgmental nature never included Martha and her fatherless son. There is a tour of Jimmy's room, left virtually untouched after Jimmy joined the army right after high school. Plenty of sports trophies fill the room, all in the name of James Danzig (Jimmy didn't change his name to Tubbs until he was 18 and accepted formal adoption by his newly discovered father).

There are still a few items of Jimmy's clothes hanging in the closet, but most were given away to charity. There is very little in the way of music as Jimmy wasn't musically inclined, but there are numerous cardboard boxes filled with his teen years library: mostly mysteries, sci-fi and old comic books. Joan digs deep into one of the boxes filled with comics and finds on the bottom that expected rite of passage for all teenaged guys – a small collection of Playboys.

The tour over, they return to the living room for coffee and cake. The cathartic crying and sharing has left both women with a feeling of peace…

"I'm glad we had this time to get together, Joan. It has been helpful to share these memories with someone else who loved Jimmy. For this brief time, it almost seems like he is with us."

Joan nods. "I feel that too."

"I now understand why Jimmy fell in love with you, and why it was such an accelerated process. There almost seems to be…an aura of light and love about you, Joan."

"Flattery?" Joan asks as she realizes Martha has a rather empathic nature.

"Maybe a little, but mostly the truth. I hope we can always speak the truth, Joan. For instance, Theresa tells me you have a…new relationship on the horizon?"

Joan blushes. "Aunt Theresa probably wants you to talk me out of my immoral ways. Too late, she has pretty much convinced me I've made a mistake. Besides, she had no right to speak of this – especially to you."

"Because of Jimmy?"

"It's been less than a year."

"Joan, I know my son. He wouldn't want you to keep mourning or to deny your happiness. Is this man here in Chicago your first step back into…dating?"

Joan hesitates, taking a read on Martha. She detects only a non-judgmental desire to help. Joan feels an overwhelming need to share and begins an edited version of her recent history…

"After Jimmy died, I wasn't sure I wanted to go on. With the help of family and friends, I slowly began inching my way back, although it was a numb sort of life. As the months went by, I became lonely."

"Hormonally lonely?"

Joan nods, blushing again. "New Year's Eve I had my first date, and he was a really nice guy, but the date was a disaster. After that, I tried a couple of college parties, but I couldn't get anyone interested in me."

"A pretty girl like you? I find that hard to believe…unless, you were putting off a certain vibe?"

"Vibe?" Joan asks, aware that as an instrument of God people often get a weird vibe from her.

"Perhaps a lingering trace of mourning? You might not have realized you were putting out such a vibe. So…there hasn't been anyone?"

"Well, yes. Did you see me on Rapid Dough?"

"I watched it with Theresa. To think, I use to like that show. I never considered how mean the show was to the contestants. But I do remember that very handsome young man who said he was in love with you. A former high school sweetheart?"

Staring at the floor, Joan whispers: "Dylan Hunter."

"Joan?"

"I slept with him."

"Oh. Then he's the man you've come to meet?"

"No. I realized almost immediately I had made a huge mistake being with Dylan."

"Why, don't you love him?"

Joan tries to organize her thoughts and feelings into some sort of order that makes sense. "It's complicated. I've loved Dylan for years, but…there are degrees of love. When I think of Dylan, and after I get beyond all of the hormonal reactions that stirs, I have a guy who loves me intensely, a guy I like and admire, a guy I love in an 'ex-boyfriend – still very, very close' way. I know I love him too much to hurt him again."

"Again?"

"Last year Dylan proposed and I had to turn him down."

"When was this?"

"Less than a month before I became engaged to Jimmy."

"I see. That must have hurt this Dylan very much."

"It did, but I was too wrapped up in my own pain to think of that. When we reunited in New York last month, all of our old attraction was there and I was so…'hormonally lonely', I foolishly slept with Dylan."

"I'm not sure I understand why it was foolish. You say you love Dylan, and he loves you, so why aren't you exploring a relationship with him?"

"Because with Dylan there is an inescapable lockstep path of girlfriend-fiancee-wife. I took one step on that path and I clearly saw Dylan's expectations. If I take one more step, I won't be able to leave that path without crushing Dylan."

"And you're certain that path is the wrong one for you?"

"Right now, I'm not certain of anything, including why I'm not with Dylan. Someone recently pointed out to me that I'm still carrying a grudge over our high school break-up."

"Is that true?"

"Maybe…leaning toward probably. It beats the excuses I've come up with over the years. That Dylan was my rebound guy from another relationship. That the way he loves me more than I love him would eventually ruin us. That we have nothing in common – well, that was way off."

"Pardon?"

"Oh…a sidebar not worth mentioning." Joan says, smiling over the knowledge that Dylan is also an instrument of God. They have been texting in spiritual code for weeks about their experiences with God.

"So this grudge is the root problem?"

"I know it sounds petty, especially since I told Dylan I forgave him, but he really hurt me when he dumped me back then. Do you know about Ryan Hunter?"

"Theresa kept me updated on the whole amazing story."

"Dylan was Ryan's nephew and he managed to gain a lot of influence over Dylan. Ryan engineered a break up between the two of us, and then convinced Dylan I was mentally disturbed…"

"Because you talked to God when you had Lyme disease?"

"Er…yes." Joan acknowledges. (Her 'brief' time of God delusions is a matter of public record.) "Anyway, Dylan refused to believe my accusations against Ryan because he thought I was sick. In an act of 'tough love', he refused to consider getting back together until I agreed to seek help and to end my war with Ryan. That was a painful time for both of us, and Ryan chose that moment to persuade Dylan he had to get on with his life by 'banging another girl'. A girl that turned out to be one of my friends."

"Okay…I see how that would be a hard thing to let go of, even though it sounds like this 'Ryan' was the cause of your problems. Joan, I can only encourage you to let go of your grudge. I know from experience it isn't worth it. I held a grudge against Jimmy's father that was so intense, I kept father and son from knowing about each other for 18 years. Now, looking back, it's one of the greatest regrets of my life."

"Jimmy told me how he tracked down his dad after he turned 18."

"And it was a good thing for both of them. Even though they knew each other for only a few years, they developed a very special bond. It is only since Jimmy's death that I've been able to acknowledge that and let the past go."

Joan gulps as she considers, would it take Dylan's death to let go of this old grudge? "So you're saying I should stick with Dylan?"

"I can't say. You haven't talked about this other man and how you feel about him."

"All I can say is that I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since we met. I am sure that if I don't at least try to connect with him, it will haunt me forever."

Martha nods. "It's those paths not taken that cause us the greatest doubts and regrets. Do you mind if I ask who is this special man?"

"Tyler Christian."

Martha gasps, "The billionaire?"

(Later…)

Joan enters her aunt's home and immediately detects a change in the atmosphere. Theresa's disapproval of her niece's behavior has almost disappeared. Theresa greets Joan with a wide smile...

"Why didn't you tell me the man you came to meet was Tyler Christian?"

"I guess Martha called you. I didn't see what difference it made. You know who Tyler is?"

"Of course. Not only is he one of the richest men in town, he funds numerous scholarships and donates generously to many local schools. Joan, how did you come to know a billionaire?"

Joan only hesitates a moment. After all of this time working for God and Homeland Security, she has become a skilled liar. "When I was on Rapid Dough, the show arranged a quick trip to Atlantic City as an experiment in their contestant interaction segement. It turned out to be a failure since it was college week and most of us were too young to gamble at the casino. I bumped into Tyler there and we sort of hit it off."

"That was five weeks ago. Have you spoken to him since then?"

"No. I just thought I might look him up since I was coming to Chicago anyway. But thank you Aunt Theresa for talking me out of that mistake. What was I thinking, travelling halfway across to the country to try to hook up with a man twelve years older than me - one that I barely know."

"Well...wait Joan, maybe I was too hasty in discouraging you. As for Mr. Christian's age, it's very common for young women to become intrigued with an older, experienced man of the world. I remember in college about half of the co-eds had these enormous crushes on some of the younger, handsomer professors. And as I remember from his newspaper photos, Tyler Christian is a very handsome man."

"Are you now saying my original plan to seduce him is okay?"

"Nooo...but perhaps a less bold approach might be acceptable. If you call him do you think he will remember you?"

Joan smiles. "It's possible. When I got back from New York there was a bouquet of roses waiting for me. Every day since then he has sent me another bouquet of flowers...with a poem."

"But you haven't spoken to him?"

"At first I was waiting for him to call me. Then I started wondering if maybe he told his secretary to start sending me flowers with a poem and simply forgot to cancel the order."

"That's absurd. Clearly the man is smitten with you."

"Well, I don't know about 'smitten'. How interested can he be if he never called?"

"He made the first move with the flowers and was waiting for you to respond. You...are going to respond?"

Joan shrugs. "His corporate headquarters are in the Hancock Tower. Tomorrow I plan to take the tour of the observation deck and I might just happen to remember that he works there. That way if it turns out I am actually in an accidental relationship with his secretary, I won't have so much egg on my face."

"Joan, I'm sure Mr. Christian will be delighted to see you."

"I guess I'll find out tomorrow. I'm going to turn in now since I plan to be up early to jog. Goodnight Aunt Theresa."

"Goodnight, Joan."

Joan goes to the guest room door, but just before entering she pauses... "Just to be clear. It's sinful of me to come to this city to seduce a man I barely know - unless he turns out to be a billionaire?"

"I...I never said that."

Joan grins. "Goodnight..."

X X X X X

3-24-08/Monday.

After starting her day with a long jog and some meditation time, Joan took the 'El' into the downtown Chicago area. That way she was able to experience a little nostalgia about her younger days when she regularly rode the city's elevated trains, and she avoided the parking hassles in the business district. The impressive John Hancock Center, 100 stories tall, has a famous observation deck that Joan has never experienced - despite being a native Chicagoan. After paying her ticket price, Joan joins the long line of mostly tourists. It takes nearly an hour before she can get on the express elevator with its' 40 second zoom up to the observation deck over a thousand feet in the air. After pausing a moment to let her stomach settle, Joan steps out of the elvator and is immediately awed by the view.

All of Chicago is visible, along with much of Illinois, Wisconsin, Indiana and all the way across the lake, Michigan some 80 miles away. Despite this being just an excuse to be at the Hancock building, Joan lingers enjoying the spectacular views. Telescopes help Joan pick out a lot of details, including clear views of her old neighborhood, and the many tall buildings of the downtown area, including the somewhat taller Sears Tower. There is even a small section of the observation deck, heavily screened, where you can experience the full force of the breezes that blow at a thousand feet up. No doubt it is an exciting rush in warmer weather, but in March it is something you quickly endure just for the experience.

Reluctantly, and feeling very nervous, Joan returns to the ground floor and takes one of the regular business elevators to the corporate headquarters of TC TECH, Inc. Tyler's business occupies most of one of the floors halfway up the business section, and there is a bustle of activity as Joan enters. Why didn't she call ahead? Oh yeah, her 'cover story' to reduce her embarassment in case Tyler has forgotten about her, or isn't as interested as he seemed. Joan approaches the front desk where a couple of busy receptionists are fielding calls...

"Yes Miss, may I help you?" asks a lovely young woman no older than Joan herself.

"My name is Joan Girardi, and I wanted to speak with Tyler Christian."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Uh, no. I was taking the tour of the observation deck and I thought I would just pop in to see if Tyler...Mr. Christian had a moment to spare."

The receptionists briefly consults a list of names on a clipboard and smiles.

"Yes Miss Girardi, if you will follow me?"

Joan is led pass a maze of cubicles and conference rooms toward a corner of the building where no doubt Tyler has the largest office with the best view. Despite the fast pace of activity around her, Joan becomes aware that people are checking text mesages and getting a high number of hasty phone calls that seem to follow her every step she takes. Everywhere, people pause to stare and assess...

"Mrs. Packwood, this is Joan Girardi, who is hoping for some of Mr. Christian's unscheduled time." the receptionist says before walking away.

The name plate on the desk reads: Delana Packwood, Executive Assistant. On the large door behind her is the name Tyler Christian (no title needed).

"Miss Girardi, how wonderful it is to put a face to the name. I've been sending flowers to your home in Arcadia for weeks, and I had begun to give up hope that I would ever hear from you."

Joan manages not to groan. Her worse fear is true - Tyler began sending her flowers and simply forgot to tell this woman to stop at some point. Mrs. Packwood picks up the phone and makes a brief call...

"Mr. Christian...'she' is here." (Smiles.) "Yes sir, I'll send her right in." (Turns to Joan.) "Please go in, Miss Girardi."

Joan takes a deeep breath and goes to the door. Has she made a mistake? Will that amazing connection she felt the first time she met Tyler still be there? Joan enters. The office is large and has a great view. It is expensively furnished and designed to impress visitors, but Joan barely notices. Tyler Christian, medium height with a slender, wiry body, sandy brown hair and green eyes, is standing before his desk waiting for her. Joan feels her breath go short as she immediately experiences that same attraction she felt weeks ago in Atlantic City. Joan opens her mouth to begin her cover story of she just happened to be in the building, but she has no time to say a word.

Tyler quickly crosses the space between them, takes Joan in his arms and begins a passionate kiss...

To Be Continued.