Wowy! Lookie at how fast I updated!

Know why? Know why? Course not…well one of yah might…but that's cause you're my neighbor! Going on…I'm going on a trip with church this week and so I thought you guys would be more loving if I updating earlier rather then later XD So if you absolutely can't wait until next next tuesday to read the chapter after this one, try reading a word of this one every...idk... hour or so...

Thanks to my fast reviewers!

XDazedandConfusedX- 1. As a writer, I have yet to decide if making my readers cry is a good thing, or a bad thing.

2. Yes, only three more chapters, but you'll live!

3. A dress maker! I will be definitely thinking about that one!

Sweenylovett101- Girl you is staying up late! Shame shame!

Sheila Chiaroscura- YAY QUOTES! And another point for dressmaker!

Lovely- Awww! I love your rambly review! XD I appreciate you saying I have a talent with words! Means a lot to see your review in the mailbox every week!

That goes for the rest of my reviewers too! Yay!

On with this now!

Chapter 9!

Here I've been for hours…not moving…not thinking…not hardly breathing.

I'm not even sure what time it is or if it's day or night…I simply don't care anymore.

I picked up this notebook and this pen…cause I wanted to feel something…besides this…hollowness that is haunting me.

I'm crying. Tears are flowing out of my eyes and onto the paper and they're smearing the ink so you can't hardly read it…but that doesn't even matter anymore…

Ella…my baby girl…my sweet...little girl. Who I never got to hold…or see…or even touch.

And never will.

I was so excited to see you…to finally meet you! When the midwife came knocking on the door, I was so happy…

And I expected for her to come walking in with you in her arms and I could finally see you!

But her arms were empty.

And she had this look of…dread on her face…like…like she hated that she had to be the one to tell me. As if…she wished anyone else in the world could have done it.

And…she just…she just…

Why can't I simply write it? It's playing over and over in my mind like a bloody…death sentence…like it's… it's never going to stop.

She looked at me…and she said

"Eleanor…" and the way she spoke it made it feel like my heart stopped beating… "I'm sorry…but your daughter…was a stillborn. She didn't breath. And I couldn't get her to breath…I'm so sorry…"

…I'm sorry…

I'm shaking so violently I can't even hold the pen to the paper anymore…

And I wasn't paying attention anymore when she said something…something about a burial.

Your burial.

And she helped clean up a little bit, I suppose…I don't even know…I… I wasn't there. And then she packed up her things and she said…

"I'm sorry…Mrs. Lovett, but I have another patient to attend to. I'll be back to check on you next week,"

I still didn't say anything cause…

I…I died…

I died with you Ella…

I feel… you were a part of me, Ella…a part of my very being, my soul…you still are…

You were a part of my heart that got torn out and now I'm slowly dying without you.

And then my midwife left…and I just sat here…not moving…not thinking…not hardly breathing.

I don't want to breath anymore…

I want to take my breath and just give it to you!

I feel like you should be the one breathing…not me…

Darkness surrounds me now and it's sinking in…becoming who I am…it's dark…and it's too…all too quiet. And I can't trust anyone now…or anything.

It…engulfs me.

It swallows me whole…

Silence haunts me…I'm broken.

I run my fingers into my hair and I wrap them around my head. My nails dig tighter and tighter into my skull as if the pain could somehow stop the utter anguish I feel in my chest, in my throat, in my stomach…simply…everywhere.

I can't even see, the tears are too heavy - I can't even breath, the sobs are too violent - I can't even think, the wounds are too fresh.

I've never felt so alone…

…why god?

Why? !

Why did you have to take her away from me?

And now there's nothing…

She was my only light…my life…and I grasped her…and I had her. And you knocked her right out of my hands…and I lost her…

Why?

Why…?

Why would you bloody do something like that?

I don't understand! I cannot comprehend how this is fair... That I have to live the rest of my life…without her…

without you, ella…

…my love…

I never got to hold you…I never got to see you…I never got to hear you…and I never…I never got to tell you how much I love you…but I love you…

I'm sorry…

I'm sorry…

It's all my fault! I'm sorry!

God….I can't do this anymore…

*covers face with hands and peeks through fingers* Please don't kill me XD

Reviews (madness and lovingness) will be wonderful to see when I get back! And remember, still two more chapters!