CHAPTER FIVE

3-26-08/Wednesday.

Just as the sun is rising Joan leaves her aunt's home for her morning jog. She pauses when she sees a BMW convertible parked behind her compact rental car. Standing next to the convertible, in a jogging suit, is Tyler Christian.

"What do you want?" Joan coldly asks.

"Same as last night – to talk."

"We have nothing to say to each other, and why are you here at such an early hour?"

"You mentioned you jog in the mornings, and from what I saw last night, your body is in amazing shape. I figured you train every day."

"I do, and you're holding me up." Joan says as she does a few quick stretching exercises. Tyler imitates her moves.

"You stormed out so quickly last night, I didn't have a chance to explain."

"What's there to explain? You used sexual charisma on me – turned me into your plaything for your sick amusement. This whole 'connection' thing was a total lie – just a trick on your part."

Joan turns and jogs away. Tyler quickly follows. Joan keeps her pace steady and is aware that Tyler is easily keeping up. What is wrong with the man? Can't he see how angry she is? But damn it, Joan still feels that 'special connection'. Is he still using sexual charisma on her? Never having been on the receiving end before, Joan isn't sure.

They continue jogging with Tyler maintaining a close distance behind her until they reach Jefferson Staten High. Joan heads for the school's mile long track which is deserted at this early hour, especially during spring break. Joan begins to run faster and faster. Okay old man, let's see what you've got. Maintaining a sexual charisma hold on someone requires a lot of concentration. How well can you concentrate while gasping for air?

Joan pours on the speed and soon her own breathing is labored. The pair continues to run, one mile, two miles and more. It is obvious Tyler is in good condition, but he doesn't run like this everyday as Joan does. At the third mile he begins to lag behind, and a glance over her shoulder confirms for Joan that the 32 year old is pooping out. She smiles when she sees Tyler begin to stagger from exhaustion, and then stops – gasping for air. Joan pauses and then runs back to Tyler who is now on his hands and knees breathing hard.

"You okay? You're not about to have a heart attack or something, are you?"

"I'm…okay. Haven't...pushed myself…in a long time."

Tyler stops talking as he concentrates on getting his breath back. Joan can't believe she is feeling sorry for the guy. Even worse, she still feels that special connection. There's no way Tyler is using sexual charisma now. Oh crap, that means she is genuinely attracted to him.

"Here, give me your arm."

Joan helps Tyler up and they make their way over to a nearby water fountain. After a few sips of water (he knows better than to gulp), Tyler's breathing slowly returns to normal.

"We have to keep walking or you'll stiffen up."

Tyler nods, conserving his breath as he and Joan begin walking around the track. They walk in silence and it takes Joan awhile to notice that she is still holding his arm. Reluctantly, she let's go.

Tyler says, "I use to go to school here, a lifetime ago."

"Me too."

"I still make donations to the alumni fund so that none of the school programs have to be cut."

"Like the music department?"

"Yes, but don't tell your aunt. I never took one of her classes and that's why she doesn't remember me."

"Sworn."

They come to a set of steps that lead up to the main school building, and they sit side by side. They are silent, breathing in the crisp morning air and letting their bodies relax…

"Explain." Joan demands.

"I use to be an instrument of God."

"That I had figured. Did you quit or were you thrown out?"

"I quit – almost ten years ago."

Joan nods. That explains the low level of light she has seen in him. People acquire the light by one of two ways. Deep religious devotion, fueled by a love of God and His ways is one method. The other is to spend time in His presence, absorbing 'reflected glory' while being an instrument of God. A prolonged absence from Him would cause an individual's light to fade.

"What happened between us in Atlantic City? Was any of it real?"

"When Director Dunn introduced you as his 'psychic consultant', I knew right away what you really were. Your 'glow' was one of the brightest I've ever seen. I also felt an attraction that was the strongest I've ever had with a woman. That connection between us was very real."

"Is that when you used sexual charisma on me – to make me feel it too?"

"No, of course not. The time we spent together flowed naturally and the connection we experienced was mutual. Later, after you had bested that Iranian diplomat, Dunn was going to whisk you back to New York and out of my life. I feared I would never see you again, and I very much wanted to spend more time with you. That was when I used the sexual charisma, just as my tutor taught me all of those years ago. It was the first time I've ever used the ability and I wasn't sure it would work, but you suddenly agreed to spend the night."

"I remember. I also remember throwing myself at you, but you wouldn't have sex with me."

"I couldn't, not under those circumstances. It would have been a monstrous breach of ethics. I felt guilty enough using the ability at all. I remember my tutor's warning that sexual charisma is used only by the other side, and I was ashamed I had crossed that line."

Joan blushes, remembering she received the same caution from her own tutor. "What I don't understand is how I missed what you were doing. Whenever I've used sexual charisma…"

Tyler gasps. "Joan, you've used the ability? But…it's against the rules!"

"Glass houses, buddy. But back to my point, how did I miss such an overwhelming control of my thoughts and actions?"

Tyler frowns. "You're talking about full blown sexual charisma – the last and most compelling step when an individual comes completely under your control. I would never do that. I used only step one, a mild stroking of the libido."

Joan gulps hard, remembering her tutor's lecture on the various stages of the sexual charisma ability. At level one the sex drive is revved up, but only enough to cause you to want to sleep with someone you were already attracted to…

"Oh crap, how long does that stage last?"

"As I recall, it slowly wanes over a period of 24 hours."

Joan grimaces as she remembers her time in New York and how hard it was to concentrate because she felt…tingly. And she slept with Dylan long before the 24 hours were up…

"Joan, you've gone pale. Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not. I feel like my world has turned upside down."

"Joan, I'm sorry for what I did. I know it was wrong, but I liked you so much and I just wanted to spend more time with you."

"How do I know you haven't used sexual charisma on me more than once? Maybe you're using it right now."

"Take a read on me."

Joan nods and focuses her ability to read people on Tyler, blocking all other spiritual stimuli. Tyler cooperates by letting his guard down and allowing Joan complete access to his soul. It is an overwhelming sensory experience as Joan absorbs a dizzying array of information involving Tyler's thoughts, will and emotions. Quickly she sees Tyler has been telling her the complete truth, and there are few surprises in his inner most being. Tyler is a kind, gentle man with an old fashioned nature who is genuinely attracted to her. He even has the hope that their attraction can eventually lead to much more. Despite his one deception, Tyler is an honest man, a good guy…with one exception.

Tyler Christian has an enormous grudge against God.

X X X X X

Joan parks in front of the Gerald Girardi household - sole occupant the Widow Girardi, Margaret. Joan isn't thrilled about this development. She would have preferred to stick with Tyler to find out what was wrong between him and God, but he got a phone call from the office that required his presence. Apparently re-arranging a billionaire's schedule at the last moment isn't as easy as he thought. (Tyler even made the comment, does he own the company or does it own him?) Achy and limping slightly, Tyler made it back to his BMW, but expresed the regret that he hadn't had his chauffeur drive him that day.

With time on her hands, Joan remembered her promise to Uncle Richard during yesterday's phone call to pay a visit on his mother. Uncle Richard has become concerned about his mother living alone especially since she has recently retired from a lifelong career at nursing. Having called ahead, Joan's knock is instantly answered by a 65 year old woman who is obviously in perfect health.

"Hello...Mrs. Girardi, I'm Joan. Joan Girardi."

Margaret Girardi smiles politely and waves Joan in. "Welcome, Joan. Richard has spoken often of his 'favorite' niece."

As Joan is led into a comfortable living room she jokes, "I'm his favorite only because he hasn't met my sister."

"I wasn't aware you had a sister, Joan." Margaret says as they sit on a sofa and begin to share tea.

"She's new, a late-in-life surprise for my parents, born ten months ago."

"How nice for them...I guess. Isn't Will over fifty now?"

"Fifty-two, and yes they realize what a challenge the next twenty years will be with E.T."

"With who?"

"Oh, that's what I call her. Her full name is Eleanor Theresa Girardi."

Margaret automatically frowns at the name but then forces a polite smile to her face. "Richard has told me how you visit him in Baltimore two or three times a year. He seems to have become genuinely fond of you, Joan."

"It's mutual."

"I take it he still isn't welcome in his brother's home?" Margaret asks, her voice steely.

Joan blushes. "He hasn't tried since the one time he stopped by and gave Grandpa's old police badge to Dad."

"Yes, Richard carefully preserved that badge for his brother even though it probably meant more to him than Will."

"I've seen Dad holding that badge while looking through old family photos."

"With nostolgia or regrets? The latter, I would hope."

Joan sighs. "Okay, we might as well have it out. I know you bear my Dad a huge grudge and...I can't really blame you. Feel free to vent."

For a moment a look of eagerness crosses Margaret Girardi's face - she has a lot she would like to get off her chest. But she hesitates and then shakes her head...

"No. There's no sense in stirring up all of those hurt feelings, especially to you, Joan. You're the only one from Gerald's earlier life who has made the effort to reach out to Richard."

"You're being polite, but sometimes you have to be blunt to get over things. I'll start. How the hell could Grandpa have participated in that farce I call my childhood? How could he hide you and Richard from us?"

A flash of anger crosses Margaret's face. "Do you think for even one moment Gerald wanted to take part in that...'farce'? It tore him apart to have to chose between Will's way and speaking the truth. The strain it put on Gerald, having to pretend we didn't exist like some shameful secret, probably shortened his life. But he was willing to do it because he got to see you and your brothers. It was the toll he had to pay to cross the threshold of Will Girardi!"

Joan nods. "Good. Let it out. I know what Dad did was wrong, and I sorta understand his motives, but they don't justify what he did."

"No they don't. But...to be fair, I remember Will as being a basically good young man who had this one enormous blind spot in his life, which was mostly his mother's fault..." Margaret says, her voice tailing off bitterly.

"Did you know my Grandma well?"

"No, thank God. I only met her a few times." (Shudders.) "I met Gerald while I was working at the hospital, this was about a year after his divorce. He was considerably older than me, but he was so handsome in his uniform. I fell for him almost immediately. While we were dating I learned about the divorce and his two kids, and I knew he had...strained relations with his ex. I saw how torn up he was about the mess he had made of his first marriage, and I accepted that Gerald would be bringing a lot of baggage into our marriage. I loved him so much, I was willing to accept a lifetime of drama involving his first family. That was before I met Eleanor."

"Not what you expected?"

"My first encounter with Eleanor Monroe was after an appointment with my obstetrician. I was six months pregnant when Eleanor 'ambushed' us in the parking lot. She was screaming and making an awful scene - calling me a whore and our child a bastard because we weren't married in the church. That sort of thing wasn't important to me, being married in a civil ceremony, but it always disturbed your grandfather. Eleanor always knew the right buttons to push with him."

Joan responds, "I'm...appalled by what I'm hearing. My memeories of Grandma Eleanor are all happy ones, mostly involving homemade cookies and family stories that had way too many Italian words in them."

"She never spoke against Gerald?"

Joan searches her memories. "Well...she never had anything good to say about him, but I don't recall any active anti-Grandpa campaign."

"Maybe she mellowed in her old age. Maybe she saw what a mistake she made turning her children against their father. I always thought Eleanor encouraged Will to keep in contact with Gerald because it gave her access to our lives so she could bring more pain to us."

"How so?"

"Theresa simply wouldn't speak to Gerald. He had visitation privledges, but Theresa would never go with him, and Gerald didn't want to drag her away screaming and crying. He always hoped that in time, and with patience, Theresa would forgive him. But if Will had acted the same way, Eleanor wouldn't have known what was going on in our lives so she could plan ways to spoil our happiness."

"Like showing up after a doctor's appointment to scream about your child. How bad was it with Dad?"

"At first, not so bad. He was just a little boy when I first met him, and Gerald was so happy to have him visit us. I did the best I could to welcome Will into our home, and for awhile I thought our relationship would be a cordial one. Then Richard came along and Will started to change. Our lives were so much more comfortable than what he was use to at home, and he began to resent it. I suspect Eleanor was fueling that fire. Gerald was so wracked with guilt, he never tried to discipline Will when he would mouth off about how Richard was the 'favored' child."

"From Dad's point of view, he and his sister had been replaced by Richard, and compared to where they lived, this house is a virtual mansion."

"Gerald continued to get promotions and I had a good paying job, plus there was money from my parents. Of course we provided for our son as generously as we could, but it wasn't our fault that Gerald's first family fell into poverty. We didn't cause Eleanor's restaurant to fail."

"Yeah...I always wondered about that. Grandma was such an amazing cook, how could she have lost the restaurant? It was a successful business for decades."

Margaret shrugs. "Gerald always said Eleanor was great in the kitchen but lousy with the office details. She ran a small, strictly neighborhood place that was unknown outside of Little Italy. Over time the Italian community began to drift away, especially after the city ran the Ryan Parkway through the middle of the neighborhood. Eleanor was unable to attract a new customer base. Gerald offered many times to help out, far beyond the state mandated child support, but Eleanor always stubbornly refused."

Joan nods. "Grandma still owned the building and the three of them ended up living in the small apartment above the old restaurant."

"Gerald said Eleanor tried renting the space below to other businesses, but none could ever make a go of it in that location. That's when money got really tight and Will began withdrawing from our lives. That hurt Gerald, but it hurt Richard far more. He hero worshipped his big brother, the high school star athlete who went on to try to make it in a professional baseball career. I think that if Will had been successful in baseball, it would have gone a long way in repairing his relationship with his father. When Will had to admit he wasn't going to make it in sports, it was one disappointment too many. I always resented that Will took out on Richard his problems with Gerald."

"I wish I could defend Dad, but I agree. I like Uncle Richard, and the way Dad treated him was just plain wrong. I get that he was hurt and disappointed by how his life had turned out at that point, but Richard had no part in that. I can only say, he does have a lot of regrets about how he behaved. Maybe Dad's decision to become a cop like his father was an olive branch on his part?"

"For years Gerald thought so, but I always doubted it. I think Will set out to show up his old man, to best him in everything by being the perfect husband, father, provider and cop. It was a rub-your-nose-in-it life's ambition. It is why Will was so driven to rise higher and faster than Gerald in the department. It's also why Will nearly ruined his career."

"What do you mean?"

"You know about your father and what he did when he was on the narcotic's squad?"

Joan reluctantly nods. "He used an old cop trick of pretending to get an anonymous tip in order to bring down a notorious drug dealer. It was an end-run around the rules that a lot of other detectives used, but Dad got caught. He was busted down to patrolman and had to start over from the bottom. We had our own little era of tight budgeting at that time."

"Gerald was in his last year on the force then, he was a captain and had a lot of friends in the department. Will was going to be fired, but Gerald called in every favor ever owed him to save Will's job. He never told Will."

"I didn't know that. Why didn't Grandpa tell Dad about it?"

"He thought he owed it to Will. Gerald carried with him the 'guilt that would not die'. He saw Will's moral lapse as just another consequence of his own moral failure. He wanted Will to have that chance to try again that he never got."

"Wow...the ripples just go on forever."

"Ripples?"

"Uh, a concept a friend told me. How our actions are like a stone hitting the surface of a pond and rippling out to touch areas we had never thought about. Well, maybe we can counter some of those ripples. Aunt Theresa and Uncle Richard have opened the lines of communication, and hopefully you will be a part of that."

"I don't know Joan, isn't it too late to mend fences?"

"As long as we're breathing, it's never too late. What do you say, for Grandpa's sake?"

Margaret smiles. "I see why Richard has become so fond of you. Alright Joan, I'll give it a try. I know it is what Gerald desperately hoped for all of his life. Maybe reconciling his family is the one last gift we can give him..."

X X X X X

Joan leaves her grandfather's home feeling pretty good about herself. She has this dealing with grudges thing down pat. Margaret has agreed to time her annual vacation to Baltimore with Theresa's meeting with Richard. (Joan suspects Richard will also try to get his mother to move to Baltimore so he can watch over her in her 'old age', but Margaret seems too energetic and feisty for that.) Now, when she returns to Arcadia, Joan only has to convince her father to join this family reunion. Yeah...'only'.

As Joan reaches the curb a large black limousine screeches to a halt in front of her. Has Tyler followed her? But when the limo's back door opens, out steps the hulking form of Homeland Security agent, Melvin Brown. Brown is Director Dunn's right hand man and Joan has developed a certain fondness for the giant fed.

"Hey Melvin..."

"Get in the car, Miss Girardi." Brown says in his most official government voice.

"Uh-oh, sounds like someone's in trouble. What did I do to piss off I.B. this time?"

Brown suppresses a smile before adding, "Please."

Joan enters the limo and Brown moves to the front seat with the chauffeur. The car pulls away and Joan is isolated in the sound proof/bug proof back seat. There is a large monitor in front of Joan that suddenly comes on and there is Issac B. Dunn, director of covert operations for Homeland Security. The monitor is in black & white - a subtle reminder that this is how the color blind spy master sees the world.

"I.B., how're they hangin'?"

"Joan, I am unhappy with you."

"Really? And here I thought you were about to give me my quarterly review, filled with glowing terms like 'brilliant', 'beautiful', 'should get more money' and..."

"Joan, enough of this."

"Busy day in the command bunker?"

"Always. What are you doing in Chicago, and why are you dating Tyler Christian?"

"Spying on me again?"

"No, him."

"Why?"

"Joan, Mr. Christian's company supplies the Pentagon with a lot of high tech equipment and programming packages. We naturally closely monitor any such person. For weeks it has been common knowledge in the corporate headquarters that 'the boss' has been pursuing some young woman he met in Atlantic City."

"You have a spy in Tyler's office."

"Of course I do. I was amused when I first heard about this, but that changed when you actually showed up at his office. Joan, your assignments for Homeland Security are not meant to be dating opportunities for you. Remember, you were the one who insisted we keep your employment a big secret."

"Only Tyler knows about that part, and that's because you introduced me to him as one of your consultants. As for who I date, that's a M.Y.O.B. situation."

"Your life is very much my business, especially if your dating habits compromise your effectiveness."

"Wait...you're not just routinely monitoring Tyler. You're investigating him."

I.B. frowns and then nods. "Yes. There's been a security breech at TC TECH that compromises national security. Since you are on the scene, I may call on your services. Can you be objective?"

"Tyler is a suspect?"

"He's on a short list of...persons of interest. It might not be wise to get too close to this man, Joan. Break off contact unless I say otherwise."

"You're wrong about him, I.B. Tyler..." Joan pauses, remembering that Tyler is a man who stepped over the line when he used sexual charisma on her, and is a man who has a grudge against God. Could this be the way Ryan Hunter got his start - with that first ethical compromise?

"Tyler is what, Joan?"

"Someone I like. You may be right I.B., I can't be fully objective. But you can stop worrying about me getting too close to the man. Tyler and I hit a snag in our first steps toward...a relationship."

"Just as well. Stick with those you don't meet on the job, Joan. I can tell you from experience, it saves you a lot of headaches and heartaches."

"Why I.B., you old softie. If only it was that easy to connect with someone."

"What about that Dylan Hunter fellow? After all, you spent the night with him in New York."

"Hey...!"

"Don't. You know that the agency monitors any communication that involves you. A couple of the hotel staff texted friends that the 'high school sweethearts' who were on Rapid Dough were...making up."

Joan blushes and covers her face with her hands.

I.B. continues, "And speaking of this Dylan Hunter, it seems the two of you have spent weeks e-mailing each other in what appears to be code, but my cryptography department says it's gibberish. Have you been punking me Joan to teach me a lesson?"

Joan smiles. The 'code' she and Dylan have been using is written and read spiritually. To any ordinary code breaker, it would be gibberish. "Caught me, I.B. Stop tying up valuable resources spying on me."

"I only do it because I care."

"Yeah, right." Joan says but acknowledges there is some truth in that statement. I.B. Dunn, a former field agent himself, does his best to keep his people safe - as long as it doesn't compromise the mission.

"Goodbye Joan, and behave yourself."

The monitor clicks off and a few moments later the limo pulls to the side of the road. Agent Brown exits and before heading for a following government SUV, he speaks to the driver...

"Take Miss Girardi back to her car."

The limo pulls back out into traffic and the driver opens the tinted glass partition. Joan recognizes Chauffeur God.

"Comfortable back there, Joan?"

"Yeah, it's a sweet ride. So what's going on with Tyler? Just how many lines has he crossed?"

"You read his soul in depth, Joan. You know him as well as he knows himself. What do you think, is he capable of treason?"

"No." Joan says without hesitation. "But something is going on at his company. Problem is, I.B. has waved me off. And I have to admit, after learning of what Tyler pulled on me, I'm not quite so warm for his form. If you want to call me hypocrite, I can accept that."

"Not at all, Joan. Although I have expressed my doubts about your methods, your heart has never been compromised, and that is how I judge people. The few times you have used the ability of sexual charisma, it has been to help people and complete assignments. By the way, your current assignment is still in effect."

"The one about grudges? I guess that means Tyler, but I.B. said..."

"Joan, what did I once tell you about whose needs comes first?"

"That you're God and your needs...yadda yadda. But if I keep hanging out with Tyler, I.B. will be pissed."

"Compared to Me being...yadda yadda?"

Joan smiles. "Okay, no contest. I'll see Tyler again and look into his 'grudge' problem. I may even look around to see if I can help with the security leak in his company. Besides, despite my doubts, I still feel that 'special connection' with him... Wait, did you have something to do with that?"

"What do you mean, Joan?"

"I mean my being in Chicago at this time is no accident. Sure I like Tyler, and he's a good looking guy, but I've never before pursued a man halfway across the country for a roll in the hay. Just how involved were you in this connection Tyler and I feel?"

"You are both attractive young people with strong libidos, so naturally there was some degree of sexual interest. And with both of you having been my instruments, your souls share a similar nature, which increases that sense of connection."

"That's all? You didn't put your hand into this?"

Chauffeur God holds up his right hand, thumb and finger an inch apart. "For my own reasons, I added the slightest enhancement to that already existing connection."

"Which may be why Tyler crossed the line when he used sexual charisma on me. Maybe. But why drag me into this grudge between you and Tyler? Surely you could have dealt with it on your own?"

"There were other matters that needed your attention here in Chicago, Joan."

"How efficient of you. I'm killing two birds with one stone."

"Far more than two, Joan. It is important that you hear Tyler's side. Judge for yourself the legitimacy of his grudge against me."

To Be Continued.