We walked until we returned back to where my dad's room was, I saw my mum talking to caitlyn while crying.
Me:' mum please don't cry.. everything is going to be okay!'
Mum:' how do you know mitchie? We said the same thing when Ashley was sick! But now.. now she is gone!' I sat next to her and hugged her tight.
Me:' you are right.. maybe I don't know.. but I DO know that daddy is strong.. and that we have to be stronger than ever now to help him mum.. I just hope he will be okay.. but if we are weak he won't!' my mum nodded, I held her while she cried some more, then the doctor came.
Doctor:' we are starting chemo- therapy today, then radiation, we don't know if he is strong enough to bare that, so it's your choice, do you want treatment, or…?' mum looked at me with tears in her eyes, she looked confused, helpless, and broken hearted.
Me:' I think we have to try.. so I'd say yes to treatment.' My mum was still looking at me, but she didn't say a word, I helped her sit on a chair, I was getting really worried.
Me:' mum, mum talk to me!' she still didn't answer. I looked at shane, he came and sat on her other side.
Shane:' mrs. Connie, I know you are feeling so much pain right now, but.. your husband and daughter need you, and they are there for you no matter what! Mitchie.. she loves you more than anything! You can't leave her to face that alone, right?' my mum nodded, I closed my eyes and let a tear fall on my face.
My mum in a whisper:' you'll never leave me?' I started crying and I hugged her tight.
Me:' never mum! Never!'
Mum:' we have to let him take the treatment, right?'
Me:' yeah..'
Mum:' okay.. okay.. lets tell the doctor..' we both stood up with her hand in mine, and we walked towards the doctor's office, shane was right behind us. When we got there my mum took a deep breath and we knocked on the door, then we went inside and we sat down.
Mum:' okay doctor, we'll take the treatment..'
Doctor:' are you sure?' my mum looked at me, I forced a smile and nodded.
Mum:' yeah..' the doctor smiled.
Doctor:' okay, we'll start tomorrow.' I nodded then I took my mum's hand and we walked out together.
Shane:' okay, I'll drive you guys home.'
Mum:' I am not going anywhere! Take mitchie home.'
Me:' of course not! I can't leave you both alone!'
Shane:' well you both need to rest! Besides, you won't see him today, so it's better if you go home and rest and then help him tomorrow.' My mum looked down thinking. I put my hand on her shoulder.
Me:' mum, let shane drive you home, and I'll stay here tonight..'
Mum:' no way!'
Me:' mum you have been helping him since you found out one month ago! I just knew today! I NEED to be with him! Please?' my mum sighed and nodded. I hugged her.
Me to shane:' okay shane, drive her home and I'll see you tomorrow.'
Shane:' you'll see me after I drive her home! I am coming back!'
Me:' what? Why?'
Shane:' because just like you NEED to be with him, I NEED to be with you..' I smiled and nodded.
Me:' okay, but take Caitlyn with you too.'
Caitlyn:' no mitchie, I am staying!'
Me:' Caitlyn, I'll need you more tomorrow, and shane is staying tonight, so he'll go home tomorrow and you can come then. Ok?'
Caitlyn:' okay, but if you need anything call me!' I hugged her.
Me:' thank you..' she smiled at me and they all walked away. I sat on a chair and sighed. I really wanted to see my dad! I stood up again and looked through glass of his room, I saw all the tubes and machines attached to him, he looked like he was in so much pain! That broke my heart.. I just stood there staring at him, then I slowly fell infront of his room, my eyes still on him, and I closed my eyes hoping that I'd wake up from this bad dream, but when I opened them again he was still the same.. I just stayed infront of his room for a long time, don't know if it was minutes or hours, but it seemed like ages.
Shane came back after driving them home, he found me infront of my dad's room, sleeping, he carried me bridal style and put me back on the chairs of the waiting room with my head on his lap, after he made sure I was okay, he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. I was having a nightmare, about my dad, and Ashley, it was horrible! I was crying in my sleep, yelling, and I couldn't breathe! Shane kept shaking me to wake me up, but I didn't, then he brought some water, and sprinkled a few drops on my face until I started slowly waking up, for a while I just sat there trying to differentiate between that nightmare and reality.
Shane:' mitchie, are you okay?' I didn't answer, he shook me again, I stared into his eyes, without saying a word, but shane saw great fear and pain in my eyes, so he hugged me tight.
Shane:' you are with me mitchie.. you are safe.. don't be so scared..' I hugged him back. Then he pulled back and stared into my eyes.
Shane:' what happened mitchie?'
Me:' I want to see my dad..' then I stood up and walked towards dad's room and shane walked behind me confused and worried, I looked through glass and saw him just like last night, I put my hand on the glass as if reaching out for him.
Me in a whisper:' don't leave me..' then I looked down, shane hugged me from behind and then he took me to sit on the chair right infront of the room.
Shane:' mitchie, don't do this to me please.. talk to me..'