Well, time to read horrible fan fiction within horrible fan fiction. I don't own Total Drama Comeback or Total Drama Chris (the latter of which you might want to read to get a joke that is made later on) Enjoy!
Courtney was busily typing away on one of the three laptops for the Raving Ravens, but out of the corner of her eye, she saw that Jovie was the only teammate of hers that was there.
"Where's Gwen?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at the untouched laptop next to her.
Jovie looked up from her typing and pointed out the door. "Gwen says she writes better in solitude. And when she writes in her notebook first. She's writing in the cabin."
Courtney rolled her eyes. "She always has to do things the hard way, doesn't she? Like getting a new boyfriend by trying to steal mine!"
Jovie sighed, then looked back up at Courtney. "Hun, you really need to let that go. Duncan doesn't like Gwen like that and Gwen doesn't like Duncan like that."
"Did someone say my name?" Duncan cockily asked as he walked over and took a seat next to Courtney. He leaned closer to the former CIT and cocked his unibrow. "You miss me, team captain?"
Courtney snapped her laptop shut, glaring at him. "Quit trying to spy on us!"
"I don't think he was trying to-"
Courtney interrupted Jovie's explanation by standing up, dragging Duncan with her. "If you want to beat us so badly, then maybe you should be working on your own story!"
"I already finished mine."
"What?" Courtney blinked at him, shocked by this. "B-But you only typed for about two, three minutes tops!"
"And you accuse me of spying," Duncan scoffed, smug as ever.
"Just go!" Courtney ordered, shoving him away. "… I love you!" she added soon after. She almost slapped herself for sounding so desperate. She was lucky she wasn't able to see Duncan's smirk after he walked back to his table, or else she would have.
"Aaaaaand done!" Marilee exclaimed with one final push of the period key. She saved her document and was getting ready to proofread it when Selena bounced over, having just finished her story.
"How's the story going?" Selena asked, sitting down next to her.
"Pretty good…" Marilee looked away from her monitor and at Selena, who was wearing a black beanie she was pretty sure she hadn't been wearing before. "Uh, what's with the hat?"
"This is my thinking cap!" Selena said with pride.
"That explains why we've never seen her wearing it before…" Marilee snarkily said, rolling her eyes.
"It technically isn't a cap, though… It's just a hat."
"… What?"
"You see, caps usually have visors on them, like baseball caps, and yours doesn't have-"
"Can I read your story?" Selena asked, changing the subject at lightning speed.
"No," Marilee said, quickly closing her document. "You have to wait just like everyone else."
"Pleeeeeease?" the pink-clad girl pleaded, cuddling her fellow blonde so closely that their cheeks were smashed against one another. "I'll be your best friend on the show!"
Marilee quirked an eyebrow. "You are my best friend on the show."
"… I am? Yay!" She completely forgot about Marilee's story and skipped out of the mess hall.
Duncan shook his head. "I am not related to her. I swear I'm not. Being born with a brain sort of runs in our family."
Marilee sighed, "Selena's the sweetest thing and I love her and all, but that girl doesn't have the brains the good Lord gave a chunk of concrete…" Marilee tossed a glance at him, then quietly said, "We actually agree on something. We never agree on anything."
Duncan rolled his eyes and let out a snort. "It's not like Selena being an idiot is a debatable topic." Marilee let out a mumble, sounding somewhat confirmative, and went back to editing.
Little did either know that Selena had paused by the door to go back to edit her story and had heard everything they said. Well, after that, she certainly didn't have the guts to go back.
"I… I can't believe they said that about me!" Selena cried, looking ready to burst into tears. "Am I really that stupid? I-I always knew I wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, but stupid? An idiot?" She sniffled and rubbed her nose against her sleeve. "I have to ask the other Ferrets! Marilee and Duncan are kind of the mean ones around here. Surely everyone else will disagree!"
"Hi, Geoff," Selena greeted, taking a seat next to him on the shore of the lake. "How are you holding up?"
"I've been better," he sullenly admitted, once again back into his depression. "I'll only be okay for sure when I know Candace is fine."
"Yeah…" Normally, she would have been more sympathetic and let Geoff vent to her, but she was a woman on a mission. "Geoff?"
"Hm?" He was still looking out at the lake, but grunted to let her know he had heard her.
"Do you think I'm stupid?'
"…" For the first time since she arrived, Geoff looked at her. She didn't seem to notice that he looked like a deer in the headlights. "Uh… wha?"
"Do you think I'm stupid? Like, a moron?" Selena's gaze was cast downwards as she rubbed her arm awkwardly. "I sort of heard Marilee and Duncan saying mean things about me and I thought I'd get a second opi-" A splash interrupted her and she looked up.
Geoff was nowhere in sight and there was a huge ripple about five feet in front of the dock.
*T*S*R*
"Uh… Um…" DJ tried to avoid meeting Selena's expectant glance by looking at the trees around them. "I'd love to answer that question for you-"
"Then why don't you?" Selena asked, frowning.
"Because, uh… I have to feed… my pet beaver!" Before she could point out that a simple yes or no response would only take three seconds at the most, DJ sped off in the opposite direction.
"Hmm. I didn't know DJ had a beaver."
*T*S*R*
"What?" Trent asked, eyes widening at Selena's question. He and Grace had been on the steps of their cabin when Selena approached them. "Um… Of… Of course no-"
"Yeah," Grace simply responded, not looking the least bit fazed by the heartbroken expression Selena gained.
"Grace!" Trent stage-whispered, secretly relieved he had an excuse not to answer the blonde. "You shouldn't say things like that!"
Grace pulled her most innocent face and told him, "You also shouldn't lie, big brother."
Trent looked back up at Selena, who looked ever more miserable than she did the day before, and awkwardly said, "I, uh, like what you've done with your hair."
"I'm wearing a hat!" Selena screeched, pointing to said beanie.
"IT'S TRUE!" Selena screamed, knees pulled up to her chest as she rocked back and forth and continued to sob. "I am stupid!" She buried her face into her knees and mumbled, "Everyone here thinks I'm a joke and they act like I can't do anything right!" She sniffled and lifted her head up, staring right at the camera. "Well, not anymore!" She wiped her tears away with her clenched fists, brows suddenly furrowing in determination. "I'll show them. I'll show them all, especially Marilee and Duncan!"
A knock was heard and Marilee called out, "Selena, c'mon, Chris is getting ready to reveal the judges."
"YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, MARILEE ANDERSON! I AM MY OWN PERSON AND I DECIDE WHO I AM!"
"… Okay then."
*T*S*R*
"Where are the others?" Gwen asked. The only ones in the cabin were the writers and Chris.
"I didn't invite them," Chris explained. "They would just get in the way."
"But I wanted everyone to be able to read my story!" Marilee exclaimed. "It's even better than Total Drama Comeback and Total Drama Chris combined!"
"Total Drama Chris was great… But then it had such a sad ending… For the most important character, at least." Chris shook his head. "Never mind. Let's meet our celebrity judges!… Well, one of them is a celebrity. One of them is an online celebrity, which isn't technically a real celebrity, but still… And one… Well, I just had a good feeling about her."
"Just introduce them already!" Courtney snapped.
Chris stepped to the side of the front entrance and looked expectantly at it. "He's an Honor Roll student, the youngest of nine kids, and may or may not be a closeted homosexual! Give a warm welcome toooo… Noah!"
The bookworm himself opened the door and wandered inside, not looking thrilled about Chris' last comment. "For the last time, McLean, the thing with Cody last season was sleep-induced and doesn't-"
"Yeah yeah, no one cares," Chris muttered, waving at him dismissively. "Sit down and wait for the others." Noah shrugged and sat down at the long table placed perpendicular to the projector screen set up in front of the fireplace.
"Our next judge has seventeen Total Drama blogs, knows everything about pretty much every Total Drama contestant… even some of the new ones… and was voted Most Likely to Have a Restraining Order Against Her!"
"Hiiiiiii, Total Dramsters!" A purple-haired girl bounced in the door and upon seeing her, Selena screamed like a little girl and hid behind Jovie.
"That's right! It's Sierra!" Chris exclaimed.
"It's so great to see you all again!" Sierra cried, running over to the current authors. "Ooooh, especially you, Selena, my little gossip fountain!"
"Oh, uh, don't mention it," Selena muttered, peeking out from her hiding spot behind Jovie. "Seriously, don't mention it… Not in front of you-know-who..." She snuck a peek at Duncan, who was too busy not caring to notice either girls or their conversation. He could never know that she revealed his middle name to anybody… She valued her life, after all.
Sierra was about to take a seat, but noticed something. "Uh, where's Cody? I didn't see him outside and he's not in here either." She gasped. "You all didn't vote him off, did you?"
"Oh, don't worry, Sierra," Chris reassured her. "You'll see Cody later on…"
"Chris, what are you doing?" Marilee asked, walking over to him with a raised eyebrow. "Cody's not he-"
The host slapped his hand over her mouth and whispered, "Chillax, I've got this covered. Do you know how she'd react if she knew Cody was G-O-N-E?"
Marilee responded by biting his hand. After he yanked his hand off and whined, Marilee smirked. "Probably like that, huh?"
"Ow! Didn't your mother ever teach you not to bite people?" Chris griped, wiping his hand off on his pants.
"Didn't your mother ever teach you not to be a total jerk?" Marilee shot back.
"I don't have a mother," Chris quietly said, glaring at her.
For a moment, Marilee was actually speechless. "Oh, wow… I-I'm sorry, Chris. I… I had no ide-"
"Because I fired her!"
"… What?"
"She thought she could send me to my room…" Chris scoffed. "I sent her somewhere even worse!"
Marilee had nothing to say to that. And that's saying something.
"Now, onto our final judge!" Chris shoved Marilee back towards the other contestants and continued, "She's also the youngest of nine kids, has lived in twelve different countries and… I don't remember how I found her. It's-"
"Rosalinda?" Gwen questioned as soon as the Latina walked through the door.
"Gwen!" Rosalinda exclaimed. She walked over and gave the Goth a hug, which she awkwardly returned. "How's it going, chica?"
"Um, okay, I guess," Gwen said after they separated. "What are you doing here?'
"Ask Chris," Rosalinda said, pointing at Chris as she sat down between Noah and Sierra.
"I just told you, I don't remember!" Chris crossed his arms and huffed.
Marilee, who had been tapping her chin and squinting her eyes at Rosalinda since she walked into the room, snapped her fingers and yelled out, "I know you! You're the girl who fed those wannabe gangster clothes to Chester the goat! And your super hot brother gave him that-"
"Shh!" Rosalinda hissed, brown eyes widening. "Have you never heard of customer confidentiality?"
"Okay… I'm just going to ask, since it seems like nobody else is going to," Gwen began, looking over at the three judges. "Why did you pick these guys to be the judges?"
"Excellent question, Gwen!" Chris pointed to Noah, who had apparently pulled out a book to read since he sat down. "Noah is here because, like I mentioned before, he is an honor roll student. He'll judge your fan fics based on how well they're written. Sierra is very familiar with the Total Drama fandom. She's written over eighty fan fictions for this very show, actually! She'll judge based on the plot and the characters and how well they're written."
"I specialize in Duncney fanfics!" Sierra proclaimed proudly. "I once wrote one that got over twenty five reviews, and all I wrote about was them necking each other!"
"… As if things weren't awkward enough between us now," Courtney muttered to herself.
"And, Rosalinda…" Chris paused. "Well, she seems kind of smart."
"My eldest brother is a published author!" Rosalinda exclaimed. "I've also studied literature at one of the finest private schools in England! You're saying the only reason you chose me is because I seem kind of smart?"
"… No! I knew all of those things you just said." Chris cleared his throat and nobody bothered to fight him on that statement. "Now, let's get this started…" He walked over to the laptop hooked up to the projector and clicked a few buttons. "I've got all of your stories saved on my laptop and they will be projected on the screen in front of us. I, being the best story teller ever, will read them aloud. Let's start with our apparently amazing authoress, Marilee!"
Marilee's Wonderful Day
When Marilee woke up, she felt so filled with joy that she had to go out to spread the joy that she was experiencing with the others. But before Marilee could do that, she had to get prepared for the day. She wouldn't want to disappoint her many, many admirers by looking less fabulous than usual!
Making sure not to touch the cheap, ineffective shampoo bottles the other girls used on their hair, Marilee took her morning shower, and washed her hair and the rest of her body. That way, she wouldn't stink like that hippie Bridgette.
After drying her body off and blow-drying her gorgeous hair, Marilee put on her outfit for the day. She made it herself, but it didn't look shabby, like it might have if somebody stupid had made it. Her amazing outfit consisted of a super cute black tube top and sexy yellow short shorts, ones that did not make her butt look like a big, lumpy lemon, no matter what her stupid brother Duke said. Like he has any fashion sense. He's dumb.
"I can't help but feel like your writing is a bit… biased. In more ways than one," Sierra commented.
"Shh!" Marilee pointed to the projection screen. "We're getting to the good part!"
Once Marilee stepped into the mess hall, it was as if a bright light had been cast upon the other contestants' gloomy, meaningless lives.
"Marilee!" Courtney exclaimed. She fell to her knees and bowed down to Marilee's wonderful wonderfulness. "I am not worthy! I am not worthy!"
"Neither am I!" Jovie screamed, mimicking Courtney's actions.
"Let's face it… None of us are!" Gwen exclaimed. "Especially not me, in all my pale, hideously-clothed, self-loathing bitterness!"
"Three cheers for Marilee!" Duncan cried out, not being a big, stupid jerk face for once.
"No, three hundred cheers!" Selena cried.
"Yeeeeeah, let's stop here," Noah said, clicking the story off the projection screen and standing up.
"Hey, you cut it off at the best part!" Marilee snapped. "That was right before the part where I-"
"That's the problem. You're the only one who did anything in that so-called story… And that's not saying much, since all you did was get dressed and walk into the room."
Marilee strutted over to the bookworm and glared at him. "Well, I'm… taller than you are!"
"Take off those four inch stilettos and say that again, honey," Noah said with a smug smirk.
"… Go make out with Cody's ear!" Marilee lamely replied, storming out of the mess hall.
"Chris lied to me," Noah said, still smirking. "He told me Marilee was one of the smart ones in this season."
"I give it a three out of ten." Noah shrugged and sat back down. "I might have ranked higher if there was… you know, an actual plot. But alas, there wasn't one."
"The writing was decent, so I'll give it a seven," Rosalinda said.
"I was going to give Marilee's story a seven…" Sierra paused, suddenly gaining a deadly look on her face. "But that crack about Cody's ear just knocked my score for it down to a two."
"Next up is Selena!" Chris announced, pulling her story up on the screen. "Let's hope this ones better than the last!"
The day the knew girl cam end every1 Loved her!
It was a bountiful Sumer mourning at Camp Wawa aqua end Chris mad al the con test ants go 2 the am pie theater
'campers!' Christ ex clamed ass he locked at every won. 'I m board wit moist of yew, so I m b ringing a knew purse on in too the come petition!1'
A girl walked out form bee hind the Kurt in and every won grasped. The knew girl head dark black hare that went al the whey dawn too heir but and it had loots off died streaks in it sum where blew and sum w here a brunch off otter collars. She whore the beast cloths ever like even beater then watt My lee Cirrus wood were. Here ayes where pink even thought that is knot really puss bible and she had the vice off a angle. She was all so gouda at dance sing
'hi gays!1!' the new bee yielded. "May name is Bella Stella Daniella Jonas but yew can call me Bella four short ha ha she leafed
OMG I Think I love yew,' Dunking ex clamed. "Yew our sew much bet tar 4 me then that stooped Court knee girl! Year Evan hot ear then gwen!1!' Than they starred may king ought and than they gout marry Ed
ThE eNd!1!
"… I should have known that would jinx it," Chris muttered to himself.
Duncan's eye twitched, then he turned to Selena. "That was horrible! I thought you said you'd get, like, thirty reviews for each of your stories!"
Selena shrugged. "I never said they were nice reviews."
"Um…" Sierra poked Noah, who was now unconscious and face-down on the ground. "I don't think Noah liked your fanfic, either…"
"Why not?" Selena sadly asked.
"Well…" Sierra rested a hand on her forehead. "Oh boy, how should I put this? Um… It was horrible?" She nodded, content with her answer. "Yeah, that's it."
"Selena, chica," Rosalinda began, resting a hand on the depressed Selena's shoulder. "Let me give you a little bit of constructive criticism. First of all, the spelling needs… improvement."
"But I used spell check!" Selena argued.
"Yes, but… Sometimes the computer doesn't know what word you meant to type and it uses the wrong one."
"… Oh."
"And there needed to be a lot more romantic development between your Mary S- I mean, original character and, um, Dunking. It makes it more interesting for the reader if there's at least a few paragraphs about the two before they… get married."
"Who the frick was 'Dunking' supposed to be, anyways? Is he another one of those original character things?" Duncan asked, genuinely confused. "And who does he think he is, talking about my girlfriend like that? I'll kick his imaginary ass!"
"Aww, Duncan does still care about me," Courtney calmly cooed, looking pleased. Her eyes suddenly widened. "Wait. He talked about Gwen in Selena's story too." She gasped and started panicking. "Which one was he talking about?"
"I give it a… two." Sierra nodded. "The work was shotty, at best, there was no plot, and there wasn't even any Cody in it."
"I'll give it a two, as well," Rosalinda quietly said, avoiding eye contact with a teary-eyed Selena. She helped Noah back into his seat, and he was just barely conscious.
"It's a one," Noah muttered, gripping his pounding head. "I don't think I need to explain why."
"This wasn't the best start on my trip to being smarterer," Selena quietly said, pulling her thinking beanie down over her eyes to cover her shame.
"Up next is Duncan, our only male author here!" Chris proclaimed. "Which is pretty accurate, since most fan fiction authors are female. I guess now we'll find out if he's one of the few males who can actually write."
"Dude, trust me, I'm not," Duncan said with a roll of his eyes.
Total Sibling Rivalry Abridged
One summer, twelve of the old contestants from Total Drama Island came back to the crappy island with sixteen of their stupid siblings. They competed against each other, some of them hooked up, and one of the families won the money. The end.
"Dude!" Selena gasped, looking horrified. "You just spoiled the whole season for all of our viewers!"
"One," Sierra flatly said.
"One," Rosalinda muttered, shaking her head.
"Can we go any lower?" Noah asked.
"The panel doesn't seem to like the Fighting Ferrets today," Chris commented with a smirk. "Let's see if Courtney sucks a little less at writing fan fiction…"
"Oh, I am an excellent writer," Courtney proudly told everyone. "But just so there's no confusion, this is an alternate universe story, so it won't be held on the island."
"Where is it, then?" Sierra asked. "In Cody's bed room?"
"Eww, no!" Courtney gagged. "Just read to find out!"
A Day in the Life of Courtney Mann
It was 6:43 AM when Courtney woke up for the day. She was awake two minutes earlier than usual. "What an excellent way to start the day," Courtney said.
Courtney got out of bed and stood up. She made her bed, making sure her pillow was perfectly fluffed for that night when she went back to bed. Courtney went to the bathroom and took a shower, then dried her hair and got dressed for the day. She looked very professional, as she usually did.
Courtney walked downstairs and had oatmeal, a very healthy breakfast, because breakfast is the most important meal of the day and those who eat breakfast do better in school. She washed her bowl so that the oatmeal would not harden on the bowl and then got her book bag.
"Courtney, it's time for school," Courtney's mother said.
"Thank you, Mother," Courtney said.
Courtney walked out the door and got inside her car, where she drove 3.4 miles to her high school. She parked in the seventh spot in the fourth row in the school parking lot and got out of her car. She walked to the front door, but not before looking both ways in the drop off lane to make sure there were no oncoming cars.
Once she got inside the building, she went to her locker in the main hallway of the school, unlocked it, and placed all of the books she wouldn't need for a while into the locker. She took out the books she would need for her first two classes, Chemistry and Trigonometry. After shutting her locker and making sure it was properly locked, she went to her first class, which was in the third hallway on the first level of the school.
A loud snore interrupted Chris' dull narration, and everybody focused on Duncan, who had somehow managed to fall asleep standing up.
Courtney rolled her onyx eyes. "Very funny, Duncan. We all know you're faking." She shoved him and he fell down, but he didn't wake up. "… Oh."
Once Courtney was in Room 307, she sat down in the first desk in the fourth row and began to take the notes that the teacher had written on the whiteboard in red erasable marker. Courtney's handwriting was flawless. The notes she took in her college ruled notebook looked excellent.
"Why is Courtney the only student in my class who can write properly?" the teacher asked.
"We're sorry," the rest of the class said.
"Courtney gets an A for the day for her wonderful handwriting while the rest of you all fail," the teacher said.
"Thank you, sir," Courtney said.
"Oh, Lord. Stop, stop, just… stop," Noah pleaded, gripping and shaking his head.
"What?" Courtney snapped, glaring at him. "That was excellent writing! Surely better than any of the other stories here!" Marilee chose this moment to re-enter the room, then glared at Courtney for that comment.
"It was almost as egotistical as Marilee's story. But at least Marilee doesn't write like a computer or an eighty year old man." Noah slumped in his seat, bored, as he crossed his arms. "I give it a five."
"No Cody. Four," Sierra deadpanned.
"I found it to be better than the other stories, so I'll give Courtney's a seven," Rosalinda said. "I would have rated higher, but it lacked creativity."
"This is outrageous!" Courtney cried. "You haven't even finished my story! There's a part towards the end where I tutor Selena in every single subject and she thanks me for curing her of her stupidity!"
"Your face needs curing!" Selena lamely exclaimed, trying not to show how much that statement actually hurt. "Curing from… its ugliness!"
"Let's end this fight before it gets even lamer… If that's possible," Chris mumbled. He saw that Duncan was still asleep and kicked him in the side.
"Mmm, lemme sleep, Ma," Duncan mumbled, still not entirely awake. "I had that nightmare with the sock monkey and wood chipper again…"
"Ooooh, that could be blog-worthy!" Sierra said to herself, pulling out her trusty notebook and jotting down something.
Selena walked over to her brother and plainly said, "Duncan, I'm taking your soccer ball and donating it to an orphanage."
Duncan sat up instantly. "I stole that ball fair and square, you little-" He saw where he was, stood up and muttered, "Uh, never mind."
"Next up is Gwen… Wait, I don't see your story on here." Chris continued to look around on the folders and files in his laptop.
"I didn't have time to type it up," Gwen told him, handing the host her black notebook. "You'll have to read it from this."
"A notebook?" Chris questioned, looking at the item in his hands as if it was a fossilized dinosaur egg. "Who under fifty writes in a notebook anymore?"
Gwen glared at him. "Just start reading. And, um…" She bit back a laugh. "Just to warn you all, this story's a little… mature. Those who don't have the mental maturity to handle it might not want to listen."
Jovie began to cover Selena's ears, but she quickly pulled away and looked at Jovie in shock. "Jovie… Not you too!"
"What are you talking about?" Jovie asked, looking at her innocently.
"You think I'm stupid too!"
"I-I don't think that!" Jovie said, though the look in her eyes made Selena think she was lying. "I just didn't want you to hear anything inappropriate. You're only thirteen and-"
"I can handle it. I'll show you," Selena huffed, crossing her arms and looking over at Chris. Jovie shot a quick glance at her, clearly worried about Selena's sudden attitude, but chose not to say anything else. By that point, Chris has already started reading from the journal.
Lust and Passion
Two sets of tan, sweat-covered bodies pressed against each other, giving their kiss everything they had. His lips were so smooth… He deepened the kiss and traced his tongue along his significant other's lips, practically begging him for access. The other complied, opening his mouth ever so slightly. He wouldn't want his lover to get too much from this, after all.
Their tongues collided, wrestling each other with all their might. He tasted musky, yet sweet, just like he thought he should taste. He wanted more… So much more… He wanted all of him, every single part of him.
"It's time," he whispered as soon as they separated from their kiss.
His dark-haired lover's green eyes widened. "Are you sure? W-We might be taking things too fast…"
"I want you. I need you. I know you feel the same way," he quietly said, his hand slowly going down to the other's jeans. He unbuttoned them and there was no struggling, so he knew that he felt the same way that he did. He stopped momentarily, then pounced on him for another kiss, already missing the taste of his beloved.
They separated. Emerald eyes met teal ones as the pierced teen's hand ran his finger down his partner's glistening chest. "I love you, Trent."
Trent quivered at his touch and whispered, "I love you too, Duncan."
"NO," Duncan yelled, snatching the notebook. "NO NO NO A MILLION TIMES NO."
By this point, Gwen was on the floor from laughing so hard. Along with almost all of the contestants and two of the judges.
"That was just horrifying!" Courtney screamed. "Trent isn't gay and Duncan especially isn't gay!"
"You've got that right, toots!" Duncan exclaimed, flipping through the pages, looking angrier than ever.
Noah, who was laughing harder than anybody had ever seen him laugh, pounding his fist on the panel table a few times. After taking more than two minutes to calm down, he was finally able to choke out, "Now that story deserves a ten!"
"How about I give you ten punches to the gut, nerd?" Duncan threatened, shaking his fist as he finally looked up from the accursed story.
Rosalinda, who was one of the few people not laughing, had a tissue held up to her nose and her face was flushed. "I thought it was excellent writing," she said, hoping nobody would notice the crimson stains on the tissue. "I will give your story a nine… Um, could somebody get me another tissue?"
Sierra, still giggling like crazy, said, "Even though I would have preferred Cody to be in there somewhere, I'll give it an eight."
"I could always pen Cody in there somewhere," Gwen said between laughs. "I've never written a threesome before."
"You do and I'll totally give it a ten!" Sierra squealed, feeling a nosebleed of her own coming on at the mere thought of that.
"NO," Duncan screamed, gripping the journal tighter than ever. "If anyone's editing this, it's going to be me, and I'm editing all the gay crap out of it!" He dug around in his pocket, but then realized that he didn't carry a pen with him. "Somebody give me a pen!"
Marilee, who was bent over from laughing so hard, stood up and pulled a pen out of her pocket. "H-H-Here, use m-my Marilee-Pen!" She handed it to him, and upon inspection, he saw that calling it the Marilee-Pen was actually quite accurate. It was bright purple, read Marilee in white swirly letters on the side and the pen was topped with a chibi version of Marilee's head. "I had it custom-made," she said, once she managed to stop giggling.
"I can tell," Duncan grumbled. He clicked the pen and as he did, the pen chirped out, "Marilee is the prettiest girl in the whole world!" Everyone laughed at Duncan even more, while the punk glared at Marilee. "Can I have a different pen?"
"No."
"Why'd you make it say that, out of all things?"
"Even I need a confidence boost every now and again."
Duncan shook his head and threw the pen back at Marilee. "It's not worth it."
"But you didn't even get to comment on the purple ink yet!" Marilee exclaimed, beginning to laugh once again.
"Screw you guys, I'm going back to the cabin!" Duncan stormed out, leaving the others to laugh out loud and roll on the floor even more.
"Well, that… Surprisingly worked out in my favor," Courtney muttered. "There's no way Duncan would forgive Gwen for embarrassing him like that! I can't imagine what Trent would think of Gwen for that, though…"
"I mostly wrote that as a joke," Gwen said, still laughing to herself. "My other stories are usually a lot more serious and a lot less… sweaty. I read it to Trent… He threw up afterwards, but he wasn't mad or anything."
Chris heaved, rubbing his temples. "This has got to be the worst challenge yet." He turned to Jovie, hands clasped. "Jovie, I am begging you… BEGGING you… Please, tell me your story isn't either horrible or awkward to read."
"I hope it's not horrible… And it shouldn't be too awkward," Jovie admitted, rubbing the back of her head.
"Let's hope you're right…"
Beauty and the Cody
The girls of the Atomic Aardvarks had all evacuated their cabin to fight over the only shower with hot water in the communal washrooms, but one lone girl was still in the dilapidated old cabin. As Sienna combed her dark hair, she took a good look at herself in the mirror in front of her and thought about her first day on the island. Chris McLean had started a new season of Total Drama, properly titled Total Drama Torture. And boy, what an accurate title that was.
For the first challenge, their horrible host had made them all walk barefoot on piping hot rocks, then wrestle with the local grizzly bear, and ended the challenge by making them all listen to Ke$ha songs until the last person was standing. As fate would have it, Sienna and her fellow teammate and Total Drama veteran, Cody, had been the ones to make it through all that torture.
She thought about how the campfire ceremony was going on at that very moment and wondered who on the other team was going to be voted off. Hopefully, it wouldn't be one of the friends she made before they had been separated into two different teams. Chris, being the jerk he was, may have made them enemies, but she would never want them to get voted off.
"There's too much Chris bashing in this!"
"Shut up, Chris!" everyone yelled at once.
"Sienna?" a voice called out. Sienna froze. She knew that voice. It was the voice of her long-time crush…
Sienna spun around, seeing Cody standing in the doorway to the girls' side of their cabin. He was still dressed in his usual clothes while Sienna had already slipped into her silky pajama top and shorts. She couldn't help but blush about a boy, especially this boy, seeing her in her current attire.
"Um, yes, Cody?" she shyly asked, twirling a strand of dark red hair. She stood up and walked over to the brunet. Now Cody was the one who couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. Sienna was almost a foot taller than he was.
"I just wanted to say good job. You know, with the challenge today and all." He rubbed the back of his head and gave her a cute grin. "We couldn't have won without you."
"Thanks, Cody," Sienna quietly said, looking down at her feet so Cody wouldn't see how red her face was. "But, um, you helped me a lot. If you hadn't comforted me during Your Love Is My Drug, I never would have made it through the final challenge."
Cody smiled at her. "Anything for you."
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeei!" Sierra squeed. "Ten! Ten ten ten ten TEEEEEEEEEEEN!"
"You've only read about a fourth of it!" Jovie cried.
"Who cares! Ten!" Sierra bounced up and down in her seat, giggling like an insane person.
Rosalinda scooted her seat as far away from Sierra as possible. Noah followed suit, then cleared his throat and said, "I give it a-"
"Give it a ten or I'll post your most embarrassing secret on my Noah blog," Sierra hissed through her teeth.
"I've seen that blog. You've got everything on earth that could possibly humiliate me," Noah whispered back to her. "What else could you possibly know?"
"I, uh… know that you wet the bed until you were fourteen!"
"What? No, I didn't!"
"My blog followers don't know that! I could tell them you can vomit cotton balls and they wouldn't even begin to think I could have possibly made it up! I am a gossip goddess!"
Noah glared at her and shook her head. "Fine, I give it a ten," he said in his normal speaking voice. "It was the best one I've seen today, anyways… Even though that's not really saying anything."
Rosalinda, fully recovered from her yaoi-induced nosebleed, cleared her throat and said, "I'll give it a-"
"You! Girl who's never been on TV!" Sierra hissed.
Rosalinda raised an eyebrow. "It's Rosalinda. What is it?"
"You need to give it a ten too!"
"What, are you going to blackmail me too?" Rosalinda scoffed. "Chica, you don't have a blog to use against me."
"But I did see Trent outside," Sierra whispered, a sneaky look on her face. "Vote Jovie's story a ten or I'll tell him about your crush on him!"
Rosalinda's eyes widened so they took up about half of her face. "How in the name of Shakira did you know about that?"
"I'm Sierra Valdez! I know everything about everybody…" Rosalinda could have sworn that the blogger's eyes turned red as she said that.
"Um… I give it a ten! Best story ever!" Rosalinda weakly exclaimed and she meekly waved a fist in the air.
"Jooovie likes Cooody," Selena sing-songed so quietly that she thought Jovie couldn't hear. She did.
"What are you talking about?" Jovie asked, genuinely curious.
"Please, you were totally thinking about yourself when you wrote about Sienna's little crush," Marilee scoffed, clicking her Marilee-Pen over and over to hear its totally modest message.
"Are you kidding me?" Jovie rolled her eyes. "Tall? Unnaturally-colored hair? Sienna? She was practically a clone of Sierra! Luck just happened to make her one of the judges..."
"Deeeenial," Selena sang again.
Jovie rolled her eyes. "Whatever, girl. You don't know what you're talking about."
Selena spun around to face her, looking absolutely furious. "I knew you thought I was stupid!"
"That's not what I me-"
"I need a popsicle!" Selena yelled, in desperate need of cooling off. She stormed into the kitchen, trying her best to slam the swinging doors.
Chris walked towards the camera, smiling his signature pearly white smile. "Well, with seventy three points to the Ferrets' twenty five, I'd say the Ravens are our winners!"
"Yes!" Jovie cheered.
"I knew we could do it!" Courtney exclaimed.
"I can't believe it!" Gwen cried. She and Courtney gave each other a high-five, which shocked both of them afterwards.
"Please let that high-five mean those two have stopped fighting!" Jovie pleaded, looking at the roof of the Confession Can, as if she'd be able to see God through it.
"Selena, Marilee, tell Duncan and the others that you guys are voting someone off tonight," Chris announced as the other girls ran out of the room, ecstatic over their victory. Marilee and Selena sadly nodded, slowly walking out of the mess hall.
"Well, that was fun," Noah sarcastically said. He looked to the girls sitting next to him and asked, "You two ready to leave this rat infestation of an island?"
Rosalinda nodded. "I'm starved. You guys wanna go to Taco Bell after the boat drops us off on the mainland?"
Noah shrugged. "I don't have anything better to do."
"I need to see Cody first!" Sierra cried, worry and longing in her eyes. "Where is he?"
"Why, he's right here!" Chris exclaimed, pulling a cardboard standee of Cody out of the kitchen. He stood it next to Sierra, who squealed with delight and started hugging and kissing it immediately.
"Oh, Cody, you look picture perfect!" the violet-haired girl screamed. "How have you been? Did you miss me?"
Cardboard Cody was silent.
Sierra giggled like a schoolgirl. "You are absolutely adorable when you're being shy!"
"Yeah, enough of that," Chris muttered, yanking the cutout away from her. "Your drool is going to ruin the ink."
*T*S*R*
"This is all Duncan's fault!" Marilee exclaimed.
"We didn't do that great of a job, either," Selena meekly said, licking her cheery popsicle, which had calmed her down quite a bit.
"At least we tried! Duncan wrote a freaking summary!" She shook her head. "I'm seriously considering whether he's actually a useful member of our alliance or not."
"But you can't vote him off!" Selena reminded her. "He's still in the alliance!"
"Alliances are meant to be broken, just like the rules," Marilee told her. "I know it would only lessen your chances of winning, but trust me, it'd be for the best… I'll tell Geoff to vote Duncan off and you tell Zoey to do the same. Then I can tell the rejects to vote for Duncan too."
"I… I don't know, Marilee." Selena bit off a bit of her popsicle. "Duncan's my brother. It wouldn't feel right…"
"Selena, this needs to be done," Marilee said. "I don't expect you to understand this, since you're no brain surgeon, but-"
"Shut up," Selena bitterly said, glaring down at her boots.
Marilee shot her a glance. "Excuse me?"
"I said, shut up," Selena said, venom in her voice.
Eyebrow raised, Marilee glared at her. "Who do you think you are, talking to me like that?"
"Who do you think you are?" Selena snapped, throwing her popsicle down on the ground. "Everybody around here treats me like I'm stupid! Maybe I'm not that smart, but that doesn't mean you have to be so mean about it! You say I'm one of your best friends, yet you don't act like it!"
"Selena, you know how I am-"
"No, I don't care! It's not right to treat everybody like dirt!" Selena interrupted. "I don't care if you were born being such a bitch, you should at least treat your friends and teammates better than you treat everybody else!"
Marilee actually looked hurt by that comment. "Selena… This isn't like you. You've been acting weird all day." She placed a hand on her shoulder. "What's up with you?"
Selena shoved Marilee's hand off her shoulder. "I heard what you and Duncan said about me as soon as my back was turned."
Marilee thought this over for a minute, then gasped, realizing exactly what she meant. "Oh, God! Selena, I'm so sorry! I was kind of frustrated, that's the only reason I said tha-"
"No, stop trying to cover it up," Selena yelled, tears brimming in her eyes. "You basically just said it to my face a few minutes ago… I know that people say things about me behind my back…" Her tears finally started falling. "But I would have just hoped that you wouldn't be one of them…"
She stormed off in the opposite direction, leaving Marilee to feel like crying herself. "… This alliance is a total flop so far."
*T*S*R*
It was time for the campfire ceremony and everyone, including the three members of the winning team, were there. Selena was the last to sit down, and unfortunately for her, the only seat left was by Marilee.
She sat down, but didn't look at Marilee. The blonde looked over at her, seeing that she still didn't take her thinking beanie off. Normally, she would have said she looked absolutely horrific in it, but that would only tick Selena off more. "Selena… Can I just say how sorry I am?"
"No," Selena said, still not looking at her. "I didn't tell Zoey to vote Duncan off, because we actually know something about loyalty."
Ouch. "I, um, didn't tell the others to vote Duncan off." She hoped that would get Selena to forgive her. She didn't even look up at her.
"I know you were in the Confession Can for the rest of the afternoon… I'll bet you were talking about how stupid I am…"
"You'd be way wrong there…"
"What were you doing, then?" Selena asked, though she could really care less.
Marilee bit her lip, looking away from Selena. Just thinking about the horrific, humiliating things she did and said in there made her cringe…
The beginning of Marilee's confessional from earlier that day started as such… "Selena haaaaaaaates meeeeeee!" Marilee cried, sobbing into her hands. "She's li-like the best friend I-I've ever had a-a-a-and sh-she called me a bitch and I aaaaaaaam!" She continued to wail, drawing her knees to her chest and sobbing into them.
"Campers, it's that time of the day again!" Chris announced. "Time for one of your sorry Ferret butts to go bye-bye!" He held up the usual platter of marshmallows. "You know how this works. No marshmallow, no immunity."
"DJ, you're safe…" He tossed the fluffy piece of safety to him. "Trent, Grace, you two are also safe." He threw their marshmallows to them, than announced, "Zoey, Duncan, Geoff, consider yourself safe for another day!"
"What?" Marilee screamed. "Bu-But that means it's down to…"
"You and Selena?" Chris questioned. "Very good, Marilee!"
"Bu-bu-bu-bu-but… This can't be!"
"Oh, it be!" Chris turned towards the camera. "Which one of these equally annoying young ladies will get the boot? Find out… after the break!"
"You're stopping now?" Gwen asked. "You just love cliffhangers, don't you?"
"You bet!" Chris said, flashing her a toothy grin.
Oh boy. There go half of my fans.
There are parts of this I feel good about and parts I wish I knew how to make better. I hope it's satisfactory.