XI. Mistake 9—Apologizing Gone Wrong

I decided that I had to find the next best person—James Potter. Since both Marlene and Selene were avoiding me, the only other person on my list—well, besides Sirius—was James. As much as I would like to kill Sirius as well, I think he's avoiding me. Wait, actually I know he's avoiding me.

He's absolutely nuts. He left me a note when I ran off after Selene. Figures. He's just the sort.

This is what it said:

Lily Flower,

He really needs to stop that. I swear, he will be the reason I get put in Azkaban before the holidays. I really can't bother to have that be on my record.

It seems that you really are upset.

Don't be mad at me. After all, Sirius knows best!

Who is he kidding?

Anyway, good luck with your mates. I'm going to be a bit scarce because I really can't afford us breaking up. Not when we've gotten so much progress! Prongs is absolutely furious. I think Emmeline is getting the hint. They're not even talking. How brilliant are we?

Okay, fine, how brilliant am I? You really are being forced into my brilliant plan, but I don't think you'll live to regret it. (See the second line from the top).

Who knows, maybe you and Prongs will really end up together in the end. You did say you'd rather date him than me…and you're dating me…so I think his chances have gone up enormously! Wait until he hears the new statistics! But before we get you two together, we have to figure out this ordeal with the Prude Queen. Ta ta, Lily flower!

Sincerely, your temporary fake boyfriend,

Sirius Black

I know. He's absolutely mad.

When I find him again, he will regret ever coercing me into his stupid, stupid ideas. However, I am going to find James first and explain all of this to him.

Of course, like everyone else in the bloody castle, that was proving pretty difficult to do.

"Remus Lupin!" I said, spotting the sandy haired boy. He was walking back to the Gryffindor tower from the library. He paused, raising his eyebrows at me.

"Lily," he said, his lips twitching. Oh Merlin, I think he knows.

"Do you know where I can find James?" I asked, my breaths coming short after running up the stairs.

He stared at me for a long moment, "Why should I tell you?" he asked finally.

I stared at him. Alright now. I mean, yes, Remus was a Marauder but we got along reasonably well! I cleared my throat, "Because it's important."

"Hm," he said, wearing a weird expression, "Listen, I don't know what you and Sirius are playing at—"

"We're not dating," I blurted out.

Remus chuckled, "Of course you're not."

"We're not!"

"I know, Lily," he grinned, "You and Sirius would make an awful couple."

"Er—thanks," I said, blinking once I realized he wasn't taking the mickey out of me.

"But I just don't understand what you two think you're doing…Sirius told me to trust him," Remus rolled his eyes, "But sometimes he gets carried away. He won't tell me because he's afraid I'll tell James. Apparently that will 'ruin the plan'."

"Oh, well, we're breaking up him and Emmeline," I said, shrugging, "But none of that even matters anymore—"

"Wait," Remus interrupted, "Why do you want them to break up?"

I blinked. I still didn't entirely understand that myself, "Black coerced me," I muttered. He just stared, "It's not my fault," I added feebly. That argument was beginning to seem less and less believable every time I said it.

"Somehow," he began slowly, "You don't strike me as easily coerced, Lily."

Probably because that was true, "Okay…well it was that a little…and I just don't like Emmeline. I thought it was going to be making her hair frizz or something…I didn't know I was going to end up dating Sirius! I don't want to date him anyway! I'm NOT dating him!" I said in frustration, "But no one believes me! My mates won't talk to me, and now I need to find James because he's royally pissed for reasons I don't understand—"

"Well, he's still in love with you," Remus said, shrugging.

Okay. People really need to stop saying that.

"He is not," I said in annoyance. What is more annoying is Remus says it so casually as if it's some well known fact. That's absurd.

"He is…or he'll realize he is soon enough. Either way…" Remus seemed to be thinking, "I mean, this was a risky plan on Sirius' part. I thought James was going to punch him earlier today at breakfast when Sirius was talking about you. He's definitely envious…so Sirius' plan is working I guess. Hopefully he won't kill him before he even gets the chance to put you two together—"

"Wait—what?" I asked, frowning.

Remus blinked, "Er—huh?"

"Did you just say that Sirius wants James and I together?" I asked in disbelief, "As in dating?"

Remus just blinked, "Of course not. Er—James is out on the Quidditch Pitch," he said before hurrying off.

"Wait! REMUS LUPIN!" I shouted as he scampered off.

People really suck. I'll just weasel it out of Remus later. Right now, I have to accomplish number 3 on my list: Apologize to James Potter. Perhaps number 6 on the list can be assault Remus Lupin.

Either way, I listened to the bloke and hurried down to the pitch. It was already later in the evening and being now the beginning of October it was already getting dark. He was there, of course. It seems obvious now. Where else would James Potter be? Duh. The Quidditch Pitch.

He didn't see me at first, and I wasn't sure if I should yell at him. I figured that wouldn't be the best. He might fly away (since everyone else seems bent on running away from me). Instead, I waited. I took a spot on the bleachers, but he must've been really lost out there because he didn't notice me for awhile.

Or maybe he noticed me and was hoping I'd give up and go away.

Haha. Yeah right. I'm Lily Evans. I don't just give up.

Usually.

When he finally acknowledged me, he flew towards the bleachers, pulling a side stop in mid air and just hung there. I stared at him, finding myself at a loss for words. I couldn't just say sorry…and I don't know why. We can pretend it's because it wasn't my fault to begin with—but I'm not sure that's quite it.

"What are you doing?" he asked finally.

"I wanted to talk to you," I said, finding my voice at last.

He nodded and instead of getting off his bloody broom, he flew down to the ground. Great. I rolled my eyes but grudgingly made my way down the bleachers.

At least he wasn't running away. That had to be improvement.

"Hey," I said weakly as I approached him.

"Hey," he echoed back, his hand running through his hair. Merlin, I hate it when he does that. He noticed me staring and quickly stopped, "So?" he said finally, "Are you looking for Sirius or something?" the way he said it was with so much venom, I nearly tripped over myself.

"Er—no," I said slowly, "I actually wanted to talk to you about that…"

"What's there to say?" he said in a hard voice, "You two like each other, yeah?"

"NO!" I blurted.

James looked surprised at my outburst, "Er—what?"

"No, you don't understand. It's all been blown out of proportion. I don't even like him! We're barely friends—he said we'd get an A in Potions, and I don't know why I don't like Emmeline. It's not my fault he's got these crazy ideas. Then he just had to go and make all this stuff up about me being the other woman and Merlin knows what he is thinking half the time! He sprung that stupid kiss on me and everything. Selene and Marlene aren't talking to me, and Remus is saying nonsensical things. Everyone hates me—even you!" I said this all rather quickly and in one breath.

James just stared at me in return, "Is that supposed to make any sense whatsoever?" he asked finally, "And what's this rubbish about me hating you?"

"Well you certainly don't love me," I said before I could stop myself. Oh dear. This was getting worse by the second, "Not that you would…or that you have. Because you haven't. Sirius is just stupid."

"What has Sirius been telling you?" James asked, looking furious now. Oh grand. I've royally screwed up again, haven't I? What else is new?

"Nothing—just—never mind. The point is, I'm really sorry and we're not dating and I don't even care if Sirius' stupid plan is working if it's going to make you and all my mates mad!"

"What plan?" James asked, looking strained. This conversation is not going as planned. I was supposed to be apologizing, remember?

"Um…I don't think you need to concern yourself with the details," I began feeling as if I was going to regret this whole thing, "You just don't need to worry about Sirius and I…we're not together. We weren't—ever."

"Why should I believe you, over my best mate?" James asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Because—"

"Listen, Lily," he said tiredly, "Maybe this is something you should work out with your boyfriend," he said beginning to walk away.

"Damnit Potter! He's NOT my boyfriend!" I shouted after him. James turned and stared at me.

"Fine. What's it to me?"

"Why are you being such a jerk?"

"Why do you think I care? I have a girlfriend, remember? I just thought that if you decided to date my best mate that the two of you would have mentioned something beforehand—"

"Oh because you're my mummy now, are you?" I snapped, "I have no obligation whatsoever—"

"Well considering our history—"

"Our history?" I asked, my voice progressively rising, "You mean where you stalked me?"

"I did not stalk you," he said in exasperation, "I was stupid—I was fifteen!"

"And you think that's changed," I said coldly.

James looked at me for a moment that lasted forever, "Like I said, Evans," he said coldly, "I already have a girlfriend. I'm glad I didn't bother waiting around for you."

Then he left.

And I didn't.

I just stood there for a long moment, feeling as if everything around me had fallen apart. I'm not really sure why either.

You think I would be glad. It was obvious James had no feelings for me now whatsoever. He'd moved on and found a great girl (ahem). But yet, his parting words had really stung.

It wasn't like I fancied him. That was the impossible.

So why did it hurt so much?

I had given up. I just figured if everyone else was going to ignore me, I was going to ignore them too. I went to class, but otherwise, I would say I'm very nifty at avoiding everyone—well except that Sirius keeps managing to find me. He keeps saying we need to talk.

I just stunned him and left him in the Charms corridor. I hope he won't be too upset.

Ah…like I actually care.

I'm just so sick of everyone. I'm furious with Marlene and Sirius. I haven't tried to talk to Selene since she ran away from me last, and I don't even want to think about James.

Ever.

Of course, he's all I seem to think about now. Even now, as I sit in the very back corner of the library, pretending to study.

I skipped tutoring and Head duties this week, but neither James nor Emmeline has tried to seek me out. I guess they don't really care.

They have each other anyway…I'm sure they talk about me all the time. How stupid Lily is for nearly failing Transfiguration. What a backstabbing slag she is for dating Sirius…and what on earth has she tried to do to her hair?

I'm sure those are the sort of things they talk about.

If I could talk to Marlene right now, she would tell me I'm being self-centered.

"Lily!"

Aw, crap. Sirius has found me…again.

"What do you want?" I hissed, beginning to gather my things up.

"No!" he said, "Listen, I think we need to call it off—"

I don't know what happened, but I think I finally lost it. It was worse than when I yelled at Potter, "Now?" I demanded, "NOW? After all my friends have abandoned me? After everyone in the school has been calling me names behind my back? You decide to call it off NOW? After you're stupid friend acted like a gigantic PRICK!" I shouted, attempting to smack him with one of my books. He's nimble though because he steps out of my way easily looking a little embarrassed.

"Er—" Sirius scratched his head, "Lily, we're in the—"

"You are the biggest GIT I'VE EVER—"

"What in the world is all this ruckus!" came a screech. Oh. Right. The librarian. She wasn't too pleased. She practically chased us out of the library—in fact, I'm not allowed back in all week. Apparently that's supposed to teach me a lesson.

"Listen, Lily, you're right, I should've listened to you—James is even more upset, and he won't talk to me, and Remus told me I was being stupid and that I shouldn't have brought you into this—"

"Oh, now you realize it?" I asked, dryly.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry," he said, looking at me straight in the eye.

"Yeah? Well you're not forgiven," I said childishly.

"Lily," he said, grinning, "C'mon, let's go find your mates and I'll explain it to them—"

"No," I said, shaking my heads, "You can go find them—I'm not talking to them. Do you want to know who I'm not talking to? Marlene, YOU, Remus, James, and you know, let's just throw Peter in there for good measure—"

"Quit being so dramatic—"

"Oh and Emmeline….and Mary. And maybe not Selene, although she's the only one who will get a proper apology at the end of this."

"You're talking to me now," Sirius pointed out.

"Well this was an exception…and I'm done now. You can go and try to fix all of it, but I've decided I've given up and I don't care."

"Well, you're going to be friendless for awhile if you keep that attitude up," he said, as he began to walk with me back to the common room.

"Well, if they're too daft to come to their senses—"

"You really aren't the forgive and forget type, are you?"

"You really screwed up, I hope you know," I said bitterly.

Sirius was silent for awhile, "I suppose…although, you never had to agree to help me in the first place. I wouldn't have really made you fail Potions."

"Don't—even—say—that…" I muttered, giving him a deadly look.

"Er—okay…" we walked back in silence. I didn't say anything to him as we entered the common room. Marlene, Selene, Jasmine and Mary were sitting around the fire, laughing about something. I caught Marlene's eye. She immediately frowned. I just turned my head away and headed upstairs. I pulled the curtains around my bed and cast a silencing charm.

Then I just cried, feeling thoroughly miserable…all because I couldn't seem to make proper apologies.

A/N: Another speedy update! Please, enjoy and R/R :)