XII. Mistake 10—Reconciling With James Potter

Okay, so after a long week of ignoring nearly everyone, I think I'm making some progress. Marlene is beginning to feel a bit bad, and even Sirius decided to make it painfully obvious in Transfiguration yesterday afternoon that we were not dating, but today was Friday and the only class I had was Arithmancy which neither Marlene or Selene take.

But James is in that class…of course.

I mean, usually I wouldn't care, but for some reason, I can't get rid of this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. When I see him, it's like the bottom drops out, and I forget what I'm doing or what I should be focusing on.

I know what it sounds like…and I don't fancy him. It's just…strange. We've always had a weird and twisted (on his part) sort of relationship. Maybe I just don't like the fact that he's angry with me. That's probably it. Usually I'm the one angry with him—not the other way around.

Unfortunately, our class is relatively small—some people aren't too fond of NEWT level Arithmancy I guess because half of them dropped it after our OWLs. I enjoy it, personally. Today, however, I took a seat in the back…mainly because one of Emmeline's best mates, Samantha Owens, is giggling over something and staring at me as I walk in. Her whispers aren't that hard to hear either.

"I can't believe she thought she could date a Marauder," she whispered to the only Hufflepuff girl in our class. Some people seriously need to get a life.

I think James heard them too because he turned around and stared at me. I immediately looked down, feeling queasy again. Luckily, class began, so I tried to let that distract me. The only problem was every time I looked up at the Professor, I found myself staring at the back of James' messy, unkempt head. So I figured I should just look down at my parchment where I doodled and forgot all about taking notes…I suppose I'll just have to catch up later, I thought miserably as the bell rang.

I was the first one out the door, but James still managed to catch up with me only a moment later as I took down the corridor, "Evans," he said.

I pretended I couldn't hear him and began walking faster. After all, that usually works. In fact, the moment I turned the corner I took off in a full on sprint.

Sadly, it didn't work.

Somehow, he came out from another tapestry and appeared in front of me.

How do they do that?

"Seriously, Lily, can you just stay put?" he asked in frustration.

"What do you want?" I sneered. That was probably uncalled for. Kind of.

"Listen, I spoke with Sirius," he said, eyeing me uncertainly, "And while I still don't understand what the hell you two thought you were doing, but he did mention that it was mostly his fault."

"Mostly?" I muttered, scowling deeply.

"Yeah," James nodded, "So you should ignore what Samantha and Leah were saying…they're immature."

Easy for him to say.

"I suppose," I shrugged, "I don't care," I lied.

James grinned, "Good."

We stared at each other for a moment, and I cleared my throat, "Er—well—if that's it—"

"Wait," he stopped me, placing his hand on my shoulder to stop me. Needless to say, I froze. My heart was beating unusually fast…because he was touching my shoulder? What was wrong with me? I must've sniffed a spoilt Potion the other day or something… "I still need to apologize," he admitted with a sigh.

He was apologizing to me?

"I was out of order the other night…" he muttered, looking down. Okay. Apparently, he isn't good at the whole apology thing…does he have to look so cute while he does it?

scratch that last sentence. That was me falling into a lapse mild insanity…in fact, perhaps I have contracted some sort of disease from Sirius. A disease of the mind. Oh dear.

"It's alright," I said, shrugging. It wasn't alright though. I was still angry with him, but I couldn't say so.

He nodded, looking at me expectantly.

"Er—is that it?" I asked rather feebly after a moment.

"Don't you have something to say as well?"

"No," I said, staring at him blankly.

"You weren't exactly a pocket full of sunshine yourself," he reminded, frowning.

"Oh, well sorry," I snapped, "Maybe you shouldn't have been telling me to go and shag Sirius—who may I add—is most definitely, never, ever going to be my boyfriend. Trust me…I'm still washing my mouth out with soap."

Instead of being angry, James started to laugh. I couldn't help it, I smiled too. Then the both of us began laughing, probably looking like a pair of loons in the corridor, but it was okay.

Because James wasn't mad at me.

One down…only a few more to go.

"I'm sorry for what it's worth. I guess I let my temper get the best of me," I admitted, not feeling very angry with him anymore.

"It's alright…besides, I had to apologize. I couldn't have you skip rounds again," he said, giving me a pointed look.

I pretended to look innocent, "What? When were those? Oh…no, that was last night wasn't it?"

"You're not a very good liar, Lily," he said as we began walking down towards the Great Hall. I just laughed but then stopped suddenly.

"Er—I think I'm going to go to the library," I said, losing my appetite. I wasn't quite ready to face my friends just yet.

"The library?" James asked, "On a Friday?"

"Er—yes…you know that…uh…Defense essay."

Which I already finished…but he had no way of knowing that. I hope.

"Lily," James said in exasperation, "You are not going to the library. You need to eat—"

"No I don't," I said very quickly, "I ate breakfast. That's the most important meal of the day. Not lunch. Besides, they never have dessert at lunch and—" I began to ramble.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his eyebrows knitting together. I swallowed.

"Nothing."

"Do you remember what I just said about you being an awful liar," he asked, looking amused. I crossed my arms.

"I'm not lying. I just don't want to eat, that's all."

Then my stomach just had to rumble. Like I said…the unluckiest week of my life.

James raised his eyebrows, "Lily, you're being ridiculous—"

"I just don't want to see Marlene and Selene yet."

James' expression cleared instantly, "Ah," he said, nodding, "Well that's easily resolved—you can sit with me," he said.

I tried to argue and explain that it wouldn't help the situation, but since when does James Potter listen to me? He pulled me along into the Great Hall to where his friends were sitting at the Gryffindor Table. Everyone looked up.

I sat down across from Remus who looked surprised to see me. Peter just gave me a nod and said, "Hello, Evans." However, Sirius' expression was priceless. His eyes widened, and he blinked.

"Er—Evans," he coughed, "Er—how've you been?" he looked quickly between James and I. James wasn't paying him any attention, though.

"Bugger off, Black," I snapped.

He winced, "Still mad I take it?"

James snorted at this, and I threw him a nasty look before turning my glare to Sirius, "Black—you are not allowed to speak to me, is that understood?"

"Why—"

"I will hex you," I said threateningly.

He glanced around the table. Peter was trying to hold in his laughter. Remus had gone back to his book, and James just shrugged.

"You deserve it. I'm just much more forgiving than Lily is, that's all."

"Hold on," I interrupted, "Since when am I not forgiving?"

"You're still mad at Marlene, aren't you?" Remus said, without glancing up.

"Lupin, I'm still mad at you as well," I snapped at him.

Everyone, including Remus looked at me. "Why?" Sirius asked in confusion.

Remus placed down his book and gave me a significant look towards James, "I don't know what you're talking about, Lily."

"Whatever," I said sourly. I hadn't forgotten about what he said…something about them wanting me to date James. Ridiculous. People shouldn't keep secrets. Me included. Otherwise things just get confusing.

But you know what isn't confusing?

The fact that Emmeline Vance is giving me a dirty glare from the Ravenclaw table.

Ha.

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Otherwise, the rest of today was going by pretty well for the most part. James wasn't angry at me. Emmeline was. Then I ran into Selene. Literally. I had turned the corner heading back to the common room and—smack.

"I'm so—oh," Selene's voice trailed off. She blinked at me.

"Hey," I managed.

"Hey," she echoed.

"Sorry about that," I said after a moment of silence. Selene just stared. Oh it was so unnerving. Was I the only person that talked a lot when she was nervous or angry? "Listen," I said bracingly, "I really am sorry about this. Will you just hear me out?" I asked before she tried to interrupt, "It was a total misunderstanding. Sirius and I never were dating—and I didn't know that he was going to…" the words couldn't come out of my mouth. Urgh…kissing Sirius Black. Never again. "…do that," I substituted lamely. Selene crossed her arms at this, looking skeptical, "And I never liked him—ever. Right now, he's lucky he's got his testicles in place—"

"Lily!" Selene admonished. I grinned. At least my vulgarity was getting some sort of reaction from her, "I know," she said, shaking her head, "I just…I was upset, you know? And I got worked up about it the more I thought…anyway, I sort of figured that you had been right from the beginning, but then you were so mad—and Marlene's been such a sourpuss—"

Only Selene would describe someone as a sourpuss. I chortled, and Selene smiled tentatively at me before embracing me tightly, "I'm sorry that I was ignoring you! I should have let you explain everything sooner," she let go, "Speaking of which—what was going on between you and Sirius?"

"Wha—oh—it was nothing," I muttered.

"Lily," Selene's eyes flashed warningly.

"You're going to be mad," I said meekly, "Can I say it when Marlene is present?" There was a slim chance that Marlene would find the whole situation funny—Selene, not so much.

"It's that bad?" Selene asked aghast.

I didn't answer her but pulled her along as we went to find Marlene. Marlene spotted me first in the common room and immediately scowled and turned away.

"Mar," Selene said in annoyance, "Quit being so prattish. Lily and I've made up."

Marlene raised her eyebrows, "Really?" she threw me a dirty look.

"Yes, now come on. She wanted you to be present before she explained herself properly."

"This should be good," Marlene muttered under her breath. She didn't know I could hear her. I just grimaced.

"Yeah…that's for sure," I said. Marlene glanced at me but said nothing.

Why was she so angry anyway? How was it that Selene was fine, but Marlene was still throwing a hissy fit like a two year old? I think I have a right to be miffed with her at this point.

"Okay," Selene said as we made ourselves comfortable in our dorm room. It was Friday afternoon, so Mary and Jasmine were out—probably on the grounds instead of stuck inside their dormroom.

"Er—well," I racked my brains, "I guess it started with Sirius being my Potions partner—" Marlene snorted, so I paused to give her a dirty look, "He…er…decided one day that he didn't like James dating Emmeline. Then, he said he needed my help, and I didn't really know why…I wasn't going to do it but then he was threatening to make me fail in Potions—"

"Lily," Selene said, frowning, "How could you? Why didn't you just tell Slughorn—?"

"Because Lily doesn't like Emmeline," Marlene said, chuckling for the first time.

"That's horrible!"

"I thought we were just going to pull a prank on her or something. I didn't know he was going to try and make his own mate jealous—" I defended.

"I can't believe he would do that!" Selene said, looking angry.

"Told you he was an ass," Marlene said lightly.

"I can't believe you agreed!" she said turning on me. Why did Selene always make me feel like I was being reprimanded by my mother?

I sighed, "I know, I'm sorry…but besides the whole…incident in the corridor, we never accomplished anything."

"Emmeline has never done anything wrong. I don't understand what your problem is with her, Lily," Selene said, glaring at me. Geez. Doesn't she ever get tired of this lecture?

I gritted my teeth, "Never mind it, Selene. It's over. I'm sorry."

"You need to tell her that…not me."

I gave her a look of disbelief, "You want me to tell her…oh by the way, Sirius and I have been trying to break up Hogwart's perfect couple."

"No," Marlene butted in.

"Yes," Selene glared at Marlene who shrugged.

"Fine, but I'm just thinking…Emmeline and James are okay aren't they? Why do we need to intervene with their perfect relationship?" Marlene asked rolling her eyes.

Perfect? I swallowed. I mean….they weren't perfect together…were they?

I mean, I guess she was the sweet, popular, yet studious, Ravenclaw Prefect. He was the popular, intelligent, handsome, Quidditch captain.

I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Fine," Selene snapped, "This isn't done yet, Lily. That was wrong," she said, giving me a sharp look like a mother gives her two year old who might've stolen sweets.

"I know," I said, squirming under her glare.

"I actually think it's kind of funny," Marlene said, breaking into a grin, "Why didn't you say all this from the beginning?"

I did. Well, mostly.

"Well…I just felt awful about all of it…and I knew Selene wouldn't be too pleased with me," I muttered, glancing at her. She just rolled her eyes.

"I mean…as long as you're sorry," she said grudgingly, "I suppose it's best if we kept this to ourselves."

"True," Marlene nodded, "Good. I'm glad that we're not fighting anymore—"

I glared at her, and Selene cleared her throat, "Er—Mar…" she gave her a glance that Marlene took with a heavy sigh.

"Oh right," Marlene rolled her eyes, "Lily, you know I'm sorry. Do I have to apologize? I think apologizing gives me hives."

"You're the worst," Selene said, flopping onto Marlene's bed but grinning nonetheless.

"It's alright," I said, breaking into a smile. Hell. I couldn't be mad at Marlene. It was impossible.

And just like that, everything was alright.

You know, except for the weird feeling in my stomach that keeps appearing when James' name is mentioned. Maybe it would have been better to have kept ignoring him all together. Who needs apologies anyway?

Because I know one thing: these tingling feelings-they cannot be good.

A/N: Yay! R/R :)