XIV. Mistake 12—Fancying a Marauder

No. It isn't true. It isn't.

"Lily?" I heard Marlene's voice, but I shut my eyes tighter, hoping it would make them go away.

"Is she sleeping?" Selene whispered loudly.

"Are these chocolates?" I heard Marlene pick up the box. Selene whispered something I didn't quite catch. Marlene answered, "I dunno. I thought she was with Mary and Jasmine. They're not back yet." There was a pause, "Maybe she ate too much chocolate…look, the entire box is empty."

"That is a lot of chocolate," Selene agreed, "Even for Lily."

"Should we leave her alone?"

"We'll check on her before dinner," I heard Selene say before the door shut with a click.

My Halloween was ruined.

Ruined!

How could I ever leave my bed after this? I cannot fancy…

I can't even say his name and fancy in the same sentence.

What is WRONG with me?

All of these horrible things this year have resulted in my fancying…

Him.

I can never face the population of Hogwarts again. Can you think about what people will think? First I pretend to date his best friend only to find out I'm in love with my sworn enemy?

Okay. Wait. Not love.

Just a mild crush.

A mini one.

It's no big deal.

I sat up, considering all of this. No one would be able to tell that I fancied him. I didn't need to act like it, for goodness sakes! He doesn't know. No one knows—

Except. Well. Remus and Sirius have speculations….but they don't know.

There we go. See, I am brilliant! I knew I was made Head Girl for a reason. I'm going to have to give a good reason for eating all the chocolate. Marlene is going to think I'm depressed otherwise. I'm not, surprisingly, considering that I just realized I like a boy who is completely wrong for me.

He also has a perfect girlfriend.

She's good at Transfiguration. She also doesn't run away from him yelling 'chocolate'. She also doesn't pretend to date his best mate. Maybe I shouldn't go to dinner after all…

"Lily?" Selene had come in again, looking over me unsurely. Not properly thinking, I opened my eyes at the sound of my name, "Oh, you're up!" she said happily, "Are you all right? The feast is staring shortly. Why—?"

"I think I'm ill," I said, coughing. Selene looked at me doubtfully.

"Why did you eat an entire box of chocolates?"

"I was hungry."

"Oh…" she was frowning, "Well, okay. Do you need to go to Madam Pomfrey?"

"No," I closed my eyes, "I think I just need sleep." Please think I'm ill, I repeated in my head silently.

Selene looked unsure, "Is something else wrong—"

"Tell Mar I'm fine and not to worry. Enjoy the feast. Bring me back some treacle tart!" Immediately, I wished I hadn't. I had just told her I had a stomach ache. Selene didn't seem to notice, thankfully.

"Of course," Selene gave me a sympathetic look, "Feel better then Lily."

"Thanks," I croaked. She left shortly after, allowing me to sit back up and continue reading. That was, until the door burst open and Marlene was there, pointing an accusing finger at me.

"Ah ha!" she shouted.

"What?" I asked, sinking farther under my covers.

"You're not sick, Lily, you're reading!" she said stomping up to me and grabbing my book.

"That doesn't mean I'm not sick," I snatched it back.

"You look fine," she said, taking in my appearance with a scrutinizing look, "What's wrong with you anyway?"

"Nothing!"

"It doesn't look like nothing…you ate Honeyduke's biggest chocolate box…all of it!"

"I was—"

"You were not hungry," Marlene interrupted. She sat on the edge of my bed, "Seriously, Lily. What's going on?" she asked, her voice a tad bit softer.

What should I tell her? I can't tell her the truth. The truth will go with me to the grave.

"You're not depressed are you?" she asked, looking towards the empty box of chocolates. See? I know her too well. Just because I eat chocolate doesn't mean I'm depressed. I mean, I guess I consider myself depressed over my newly discovered secret, but no one besides myself needs to know about that.

"No," I said exasperatedly, "I just embarrassed myself earlier…that's all. I really don't feel like going and facing Emmeline," I partly lied.

Marlene gave me a scrutinizing look then rolled her eyes, "Oh whatever, I'll find out what it is later," she said in exasperation, "Come on, now. You can't be missing the feast. It's Halloween!" she added, cheerfully, "You love Halloween," she reminded, tugging me out of bed.

She eventually did convince me to go. I made sure that we sat very far away from the Marauders. Selene kept asking me how I was feeling, and Marlene kept rolling her eyes every time she did so. In order to get the attention off of me, I turned to them and said, "Enough… I'm fine. How did you're dates go?"

Luckily that got Selene started on her wonderful date. Amos was so sweet and absolutely charming and so on and so forth. Marlene was beginning to make faces when she wasn't looking. I glared at her. Did she always have to act like a child?

"Well great, Selene. It sounds like he is…er…fab."

"Fab?" Selene and Marlene echoed.

"Yeah, fabulous."

Selene just giggled, "You're so silly, Lily." Hm. "Marlene, how was your time with Benjy?"

Marlene shrugged, "It was alright. He's much too serious, I'm thinking. He doesn't understand my humor," she said with a heavy sigh. She perked up slightly though and added, "Although he is pretty hot and not a bad kisser…I haven't decided if I'll see him again or not."

"I think he's rather smitten with you," Selene said, smirking and pointing to the Ravenclaw table. He was sitting with his friends, but he kept glancing towards Marlene. Marlene shrugged.

"It was only one measly date…what did you end up doing, Lily?"

"Oh—er—I spent the day with the Marauders…you know, before I fell ill," I added quickly, trying to sound weak and sickly.

Marlene snorted at the last part, but I ignored her.

"Really?" Selene asked, "What happened to Mary and Jasmine?"

"They were shopping for dresses for Jasmine's sister's wedding," I explained.

"Ah," Selene nodded, and Marlene looked sympathetic.

"How awful was it?" she asked, "Stuck in the Marauders presence…you should've crashed my date," she added thoughtfully.

"It wasn't awful," I snapped, "Besides, Remus and I are kind of friends…Black dragged us to Zonko's. Then we went to the Three Broomsticks," I managed casually, "I left early because I was the only one who wanted to go to Honeydukes. I think I ate too much chocolate, actually," I managed to say carefully. See? I could lie. Although, that wasn't a complete lie, right?

"You're not telling us something—" Marlene began. However, we interrupted by a burst of fireworks coming out of the pumpkins. Ah. The Marauder's annual Halloween prank. I'd almost forgotten. I felt a bit guilty realizing these must have been the one's Sirius had purchased. I guess as Head Girl I probably should have stopped him.

Oh well. I have bigger problems.

You know, James Potter for instance.

"Lily? You're looking a bit green," Selene commented.

"I told you I was ill," I muttered, not bothering to touch my food for the rest of the evening.

I was so screwed on this 'fancying James Potter thing'. Great.

The weekend went better than I could have hoped forward. I didn't see Potter once. Marlene was too busy with Quidditch practice to bother me about the Hogsmeade incident, so I was able to forget about it…nearly.

Of course, come classes on Monday, it happened all over again. I was sitting in Defense, chatting with Selene about that French Quidditch player she's obsessed with, when he walked in.

I mean, it was nothing different than usual. He was laughing about something—probably some stupid prank they just pulled or one of Sirius' dumb jokes. But it was all different now. It's like a curtain had been lifted because now I saw someone completely different.

Well, not completely. He still did that obnoxious thing where he ran his hand through his hair making it even messier. He also still looked the same. I mean, even though he wears glasses, I never really thought anything about them. Now I realize they make him look mature and intelligent. (I know, not adjectives that describe him at all). He's got that cute little grin though as he laughs gain.

Uh oh. He spotted me. Actually, he's walking toward me. Crap!

"Hey Lily," he said easily. Why hadn't I noticed how nice my name sounds on his lips? I cannot be thinking this!

"Hey," I managed, grinning a little too widely. He didn't seem to notice.

"Listen, so the Quidditch match is this weekend as you know—" What is he talking about? Why can't I focus on his mouth—I mean face. I mean whatever he's saying. Oh no. Pay attention! "She said it would be fine."

"Er—what?"

James smiled, but he looked slightly exasperated, "Rounds…if we switched them to today instead of tomorrow…because I have practice," he added as I continued to look confused.

"Oh, right, yeah, that's fine, Potter," I said, trying to sound normal. I think I managed alright until I noticed James was frowning.

"Lily," he reminded, "It's James. Come on. I thought we were good now!"

Good? How were we supposed to be good when I just found out the awful truth about me fancying you? How is that good in anyway? Especially when you're dating Emmeline!

Of course, I said nothing like that.

"Right. Sorry, James," I said, emphasizing it for his benefit. Just kidding. It was totally because I think I really like the name James. It's so fitting on him.

I think I've gone mad.

James laughed. You see, even he is laughing at my madness. Well, not really because he doesn't know the internal struggle going on in my head...thank God.

"Then tonight at nine," he verified.

"Peachy," I replied grinning. Then he walked away.

Peachy?

PEACHY?

I think I need a brain scan or something.

There must be something seriously wrong with me for saying peachy.

"Peachy?" Selene asked, blinking at me, "What was that about?"

"Nothing," I said quickly.

I'm lucky Marlene is late today. Otherwise, my secret would no longer be a secret. I really need to get better at hiding my newfound 'liking' for James.

I think this is going to be harder than it looks.

Why was I made Head Girl again?

"So…you going to the match?"

Just me and James. On patrols. Okay. It's not like I haven't already done this. Normal, Lily. Normal.

"Yes," I replied. See? I can do this. It's a piece of cake.

"Great," he grinned, "We're playing Slytherin…" he said, looking for my reaction.

Oh please. I didn't even root for Slytherin when I was friends with Sev. I just don't hate Slytherins and feel the need to bicker with them like a bunch of first years.

"I know," I said, "You know, I don't hate Quidditch like everyone thinks," I said before I could stop myself.

James looked surprised, "Really? Er—Lily, don't you remember telling me that it was a male chauvinistic sport that continued to support the social hierarchy of Hogwarts?"

Oops.

I was just angry because he'd been playing with that stupid snitch. That was so annoying.

"Oh, I'd forgotten about that," he said thoughtfully, "I must have that snitch somewhere…"

Crap, I must've said that out loud. Yikes.

"Yes, well I do enjoy it. I didn't mean that either. I mean, Marlene plays Quidditch, remember? I don't think we'd be mates if I hated it. I'm certainly not as obsessed, but I love watching you fly—" That's not what I meant, "I mean the team, I love watching you all fly."

My face was the color of a ripe tomato.

"Huh, you love watching me fly, Lily?" he asked, his lips twitching. Yes.

"No," I rolled my eyes for affect, "I probably wouldn't have ever gone to the games if Marlene had never dragged me along in second year."

"Why not?" he asked, looking confused. He probably didn't understand why someone wouldn't want to attend a Quidditch match. Could he be a more typical guy at this point?

"I don't really like heights," I said, shrugging.

"So you don't like flying?" he'd stopped dead in his tracks, as if he'd just uncovered a great yet horrible secret of mine. I guess not many people knew, but it didn't tend to crop in conversations or anything.

"I don't think I would."He looked confused, so I sighed and confessed, "I've never flown before."

"What do you mean you haven't flown?" he asked, looking surprised, "We all have—first year. We took flying lessons, remember?"

"Yes," I frowned, "But I didn't go. I pretended to be ill. Madam Pomfrey didn't believe me, but when I…er…" I began crying because I was afraid I was going to die? Maybe, I'll leave that part of the story out. Marlene swore to never tell anyone, after all. "She just felt bad, so she let it slide and let me hang out in the hospital wing until flying lessons were over."

"You're joking," he said, looking at me in total disbelief. Okay, I realize it's a bit unusual, but it's no need to act is I've declared that I'm some sort of martian and actually have a second head or something. James doesn't seem to agree, but he dropped it, changing the subject to the upcoming holidays and stuff. His parents always force him to go to this fancy Ministry Ball that he hates. "You know, Sirius' birthday is right around New Years," he explained, "so we usually have a small celebration…my mum loves throwing parties, so she always makes a little party out of it and you know, if you wanted to come by…" he trailed off.

He was inviting me? To his place on New Years? What about Emmeline? I mean, wasn't he still dating her? "I know you and Sirius are…" he frowned, "Friends." Ah, right. He was inviting me because of Sirius. That was fine. I mean, I didn't expect him to ditch Emmeline and suddenly declare his undying love for me…again.

I mean, not really realistically or anything.

I felt silly, so I tried to shake off the weird feeling as James waited for my response. Sirius and I friends…psh.

"Yeah," I snorted, "If you can call it that."

"Yeah," he looked at me for a long moment, "Care to explain?" he asked. He wanted me to explain what Sirius and I had been up to?

Fat chance.

"No," I said, frowning, "I thought you weren't angry about that anymore." "I'm not…but I can't help but be curious," he pointed out.

"Curiosity killed the cat," I said simply. He looked like he was going to argue, but I prevented that argument by pointing out the time and saying we ought to head back. We didn't say much as we headed back to the common room.

"Well, see you," I muttered.

"Bye, Lily," he said, looking at me with a look I couldn't describe exactly. I just nodded and scurried off before my mouth betrayed me.

Who knows what I would say anymore.

It wasn't until I was sitting on my bed, flipping through Selene's Witch Weekly that I realized I hadn't given him an answer about New Years.

I was there faster than a niffler on a gold watch.

A/N: Hmm...read and review?