I slept for about 3 hours, then I woke up and shane was holding me, I slowly stood up so that I won't wake him, then I walked to the bathroom, I brushed my teeth, and took a quick shower, then I wore a green dress and a jeans jacket, I put my hair into a ponytail then I went out of the bathroom and into the room to find shane still sleeping, I kissed him on the cheek then I went downstairs. As I was walking down the stairs, I found nate running towards me and carrying me. I laughed.

Me:' what is wrong?'

Nate:' I was just so worried about you! Thank God you are okay!' I smiled.

Me:' I am fine.. don't worry about me..' then we both walked into the kitchen, my mum hugged me tight making sure I was okay, I was still feeling so much pain, but their love and support made me feel a little bit less lonely, and gave me courage to face that grief.

We were sitting in the kitchen when we heard shane yelling my name, I walked to the stairs, and I found him pulling me into a tight hug.

Shane:' you got me worried sick! Are you okay?'

Me:' yeah I am fine.. are you?' he smiled.

Shane:' I am now..' I smiled back then I gave him a tender kiss on the cheek then we both walked into the kitchen. My mum smiled at both of us, shane sat next to nate and I went to my mum to help her with breakfast. But I saw shane and nate whispering about something.

Shane:' how did she get better all of a sudden?'

Nate:' I don't know.. but I am afraid that she would relapse soon!'

Shane:' oh man! What to do now?'

Me:' okay guys! What are you two whispering about?' shane smiled at me nervously.

Shane:' nothing babe!' I raised my eyebrow and walked towards them.

Me:' you called me babe! You never call me babe except when you are hiding something or when you are nervous!' nate giggled.

Shane:' what? No! I call you babe all the time! I have got nothing to hide!'

Me:' alright "BABE" if you don't want to tell me it's fine.. anyway breakfast is ready..' he gave me a kiss on the cheek, but I didn't even look at him. We ate, shane talked to me, but I didn't answer him. Then shane went to the bathroom to wash his hand, then I found a text on his phone, I was curious, so even if I knew it was wrong, I had to check the text. It was from tess.

Text:' hey shane! I heard from barron and sander that mitchie needs help! I am sorry.. but on the bright side we can be together after we ship her to rehab;) sounds good, huh? Kisses.' A few tears escaped my eyes, and fell on the phone. Shane came from the bathroom, so I wiped away my tears, and put his phone back on the table.

Shane:' thanks for the breakfast babe!' he was trying to say a joke, but to me it wasn't funny, not then.

Shane:' what is wrong?' I was looking into his eyes, tears falling from my eyes, my eyes full of pain.

Shane:' what is it mitchie?'

Me:' I .. am not.. crazy shane..'

Shane:' wait, who said you were?' I pushed the phone towards him, he took it and read the text, then he looked at me, and I moved my head in refuse, then I ran to my room. Shane ran after me, and held my hand, I pulled it away from him.

Me:' shane.. go..'

Shane:' I am not going anywhere!'

Me:' then I will go..' then I walked out of the house. Shane came after me, he tried stopping me, but I kept walking.

Shane:' stop mitchie! Stop it!'

Me:' you stop it shane! Stop lying to me! Stop leaving me when I need you! Stop being so judgmental! Shane, just go away! I don't want to see you again! I am tired! I am tired of all the pain! Go shane.. go!' then I walked as fast as I could away from that place. As I was walking I found myself in front of caitlyn's house, I knocked, and barron opened.

Barron:' hey mitch! We've missed you!'

Me:' yeah me too..'

Barron:' come in!'

Me:' no.. no thank you.. maybe some other time..' then I turned around and left, I didn't feel like having company. I kept walking and walking, I didn't know why, or where to, I felt so lost, and my heart was hurting me badly, I needed shane so bad, but he was the only one I couldn't go to. My phone kept ringing, a lot, mostly nate, but I never answered, I just felt like words were meaningless then, like any word I would say wouldn't be heard.

It was getting really late, and I was getting really tired, I have been crying for hours. So I decided I was going to go to the one person who would never hurt me, who would always be there for me, my dad. I walked to the graveyards, I sat in front of my dad's grave. At first I just cried.

Me:' daddy… daddy God I miss you now.. I wish.. I wish you would have taken me with you… why dad? Why is this happening to me? Everything is so screwed up.. I feel like my whole world is falling apart! And I can't do anything about it! I am choking dad.. I can't.. I can't breathe anymore..' I was sobbing, I couldn't breathe, I started coughing hard. Then as I was sitting there, I felt someone's hand on my shoulder, when I looked up it was nate. I looked back down. He sat next to me.

Nate:' you got us all worried sick!'

Me:' yeah right!' in a sarcastic tone.

Nate:' you did mitchie! Don't you know how much we love you?'

Me:' we who nate? The people who think I am crazy and want to ship me to rehab? Yeah I love you guys too!'

Nate:' what the hell are you talking about? What rehab?'

Me:' did you read the text tess sent to shane?'

Nate:' no..' I stood up, then I looked down at nate.

Me:' read it and you'll understand..' then I walked away, but I was still coughing hard, and I was feeling really dizzy, I almost fell but nate ran towards me and caught me.

Nate:' mitchie! Are you okay?'

Me:' yes I am..' then I continued my walk.

Nate:' let me help you!'

Me:' not anymore nate..' and I was still walking with tears streaming down my face. I didn't want to go home, and I couldn't go to Caitlyn again. I found a small hotel, and I took a room there. I sent my mum a text.

Text:' mum I am fine. Don't worry about me.. but I am not coming home.. not for a while.. I just.. I can't face them now.. I'll handle what I am going through now and I'll be back when I can.. I love you so much mum..' then I went to sleep. I had that horrible nightmare again, but this time shane wasn't with me to wake me up, I had to face it alone. Every night I'd have the same nightmare, and I'd wake up crying and screaming, feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I cried a lot. And I felt so lonely. I thought about shane all the time, I watched all his interviews, and I kept watching the video of the concert over and over again, it was the best memory I've ever lived, it was the night when my dreams met my reality.

I stayed at that hotel for 2 weeks, not talking to anyone, just texting my mum every once in a while so that she wouldn't freak out. I even stopped visiting my dad because it was the first time they would look for me in it.

One month after I went to that hotel, there was a concert for connection 3, I stayed home, and watched it, shane looked so sad and heart broken, I knew him when he tried to hide his pain, but I always saw through him.

Shane:' hey guys! This is our first concert since that specific concert when we had the kids from the hospital and the.. amazing mitchie torres.. sadly she can't be with us today.. but we won't forget her.. and we won't let her go.. we can't.. so now I'll sing crawling back to you by backstreet boys.' The audience clapped and screamed, then shane and nate started playing on the guitar and drums.

Shane:' everybody knows.. that I was such a fool.. to ever let go of you.. but baby I was wrong.. yeah I know I said we'd be better off alone.. it was time that we moved on.. I know I broke your heart.. I didn't mean to break your heart.. cause baby here I am.. banging on your own front door.. my pride spilled on the floor.. my hands and knees are bruised.. and now I'm crawling back to you.. begging for a second chance.. are you gonna let me in? I was running from the truth.. and now I'm crawling back to you!'

I was crying watching that, I missed shane, I loved shane, but I couldn't let him back in, I was so tired. That night I cried myself to sleep, and I had the same nightmare, it was just as horrible as it always was.

After spending 6 weeks at that hotel, I decided I had to go home, I took a cap, and when I got to my house, I took a deep breath, then I knocked, only to find that shane was the one who opened the door. When he saw me he took a few steps back trying to take it all in, then his eyes were filling up with tears, he ran towards me and hugged me tight lifting me up so that I wouldn't be touching the ground anymore, I hugged back because I missed the safety in his arms.

Shane:' God mitchie! I missed you!' I just hugged him tighter, when he finally put me down he took a good look at me, I was wearing a pink dress and a black jacket, with black heels, and my hair was curly.

Shane:' you look.. beautiful' I smiled. Then I went into the house.

Shane:' they are all in the kitchen!'

Me:' all?' shane nodded. I went to the kitchen. They were talking but when they saw me they stopped talking and just started staring at each other as if wondering " do you see what I see?" I smiled and waved my hand.

Me:' hey everyone!' my mum was so shocked, she stood in her place, with her hand covering her mouth and tears escaping her eyes, while the others ran to me and hugged me tight. First Caitlyn, then nate, then barron and sander together, then mr. brown and Jason, and finally Margaret. When I hugged them all, I walked towards my mum, with a huge smile on my face, she was still pinned in her position. Then I threw myself in her arms and rapped my arms around her tight.

Mum:' my baby girl! I missed you!'

Me:' me too mum! Me too!' we kept hugging for a while, I missed her odor, she always smelled like vanilla. Then we all sat in the living room. Shane was staring at me the WHOLE time, I occasionally looked his way too.

Caitlyn:' so where were you?'

Me:' I was staying at a hotel..'

Mum:' a hotel? For 6 weeks mitchie? Why sweetie?' I sighed.

Me:' because I needed to be alone mum.. because I .. I was really tired.. and I needed to handle it alone..' my mum nodded.

Barron:' we missed you girl!' I giggled.

Me:' I missed you guys too! So what are you up to?'

Jason:' well we have been gathering here every day for the past 6 weeks trying to figure out where you could be..'

Me:' what? Are you guys kidding me?' they all nodded in refuse.

Me:' I don't.. I don't know what to say..'

Sander:' say that the next summer would be normal.. please!' I laughed.

Me:' I'll try..' they all laughed except for shane, who looked so hurt. He excused himself, but I knew I had to follow him.

Me:' are you okay?' he forced a smile at me.

Shane:' 6 weeks mitchie.. 6 weeks..' then he turned around and left, I followed him.

Me:' shane.. I just needed my space..'

Shane:' space? You could have at least told me you were alive mitchie! God damn it! For 6 weeks all I thought about was you!'

Me:' and you think it was so easy for me? Shane you have NO idea what I was going through!'

Shane:' you are right.. I don't.. because you never tell me anything anyway!'

Me:' I didn't tell anyone where I was! Not even my mum!'

Shane:' but I am not fuckin' anyone mitchie!'

Me:' but you are the someone I was trying to avoid!' at that point shane looked at me, so hurt. Then he ran towards me and hugged me tight crying on my shoulder.

Shane:' I missed you..'

Me:' I know shane.. me too..' he cried on my shoulder for a while. Then he pulled back, we sat in the backyard for hours, just talking.

Shane:' so where should we go tomorrow for our date?'

Me:' date?'

Shane:' yeah..'

Me:' shane.. I am not dating you..'

Shane:' why not?'

Me:' shane.. look.. I love you… more than anything.. but I won't date you.. we can be friends.. you can always count on that..'

Shane:' friends?' I nodded.

Shane:' fine mitchie! Have it your way! Goodbye BFF' and he walked away angry. I sighed then I walked back into the house.

Me:' nate.. shane went home.. please talk to him.. and just.. be there for him.. ok?'

Nate:' okay.. but what happened?'

Me:' everything.. he'll tell you.. just take care of him for me..' nate nodded. Then I forced a smile at all of them then I walked to my room. I sat on my bed, looking at a picture we took on the day of the concert, we were so happy back then, but after it everything turned to the worse. Then I closed my eyes, with the picture still in my hand, and I slowly drifted to sleep.