XVIII. Blame the Allergies

I think I've caught a cold. On top of that, we find out our Transfiguration scores tomorrow. My anxiety has reached skyrocket levels—

"Lily, you look a little pale…eat something," Selene ordered at lunch. We had Herbology soon, and I was contemplating going to Madam Pomfrey before hand for a Pick-me-up potion.

Marlene shot Selene a look, and Selene nodded, "Lily," Selene began slowly, "We need to have a talk," she glanced around, "Muffalito," she whispered, using the spell Snape and I had created one summer. I had a feeling my day was about to get worse.

"I don't feel like—"

"Oh quit it," Marlene snapped, "Listen, we're sick of watching you wallow around just because James is taken—you haven't even had the courage to tell us about it! Your best mates—"

"I'm sick—" I attempted feebly.

"We are not leaving this table," Selene interrupted, "Until you fess up and let us know what is going on."

Maybe it was because I was sick. Or perhaps I was getting tired of holding everything inside. I opened my mouth but instead of denying it all like I planned, I said, "You're right."

Ah..oops.

"What?" Marlene was obviously surprised that I'd given in so easily. Selene, however, noticed how tired i looked and elbowed Marlene, giving her a sharp look.

"Shh…okay, well, that's not horrible, Lily—" she attempted to sound comforting.

"Not horrible!" I yelled. The two of them looked around anxiously, "This is James Potter! Of course it's horrible!"

"I thought you liked him," Selene said in confusion.

"It's not a choice," I muttered, "Trust me, I've already tried to quit fancying him. I've been avoiding him like the Plague."

"The Plague—?" Marlene began but she was once again cut off by Selene.

"Why? I mean, at least you're friends and it's probably just making everything more difficult by trying to avoid him—"

"He's dating Emmeline, remember?" I snapped.

"You know, your pathetic attempt to try and break them up makes a lot more sense now," Marlene said, her lips twitching. Selene and I both glared at her for bringing that up.

"I didn't like him then," I snapped.

"Denial," Marlene coughed.

"I'm not in the mood for this," I said, rising, now wishing I had just lied to them instead.

"Quit being so irritating," Marlene said, pulling me down, "You obviously need to talk about this, so quit being such a little priss—"

"Marlene," Selene said in frustration. I yanked my arm away and glared t her, "Listen Lily, what Marlene is trying to say is that we're just worried. You've been acting a little off recently, and we just want to make sure you're okay. You can tell us that you fancy James…it's okay. We won't freak," she glanced at Marlene then sighed "Well, I won't freak."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Marlene snapped.

Okay, so people say that I'm acting oddly? What about Marlene? All she's been doing is snapping at people twenty-four seven. Now that's more concerning than whatever I've been acting like (which is completely normal by the way—the two of them are the mental ones).

Selene seems to be thinking along the same lines as me because she gave a frustrated sigh and turned to Marlene, "What is wrong with you?"

"Me?" she sneered, "Oh, well you think it's perfectly okay for Lily to go around acting like an idiot. Face it, if you weren't Emmeline's friend you'd actually be on my side and want her to actually do something about her stupid crush—"

Er—stupid?

"Don't even start," she began, her eyes narrowing, "I know that you don't like me being mates with Emmeline, but that's not your choice—"

"Yeah? What about when Lily was friends with Snape? Remember who was right then?"

Ouch.

I stood up, not bothering to listen to the rest of their argument. I heard Marlene call her a few nasty names, and Selene tore past me. I turned around and looked at Marlene.

"Smooth," I said before vanishing. I was going to disappear into Hospital Wing. Thank Merlin for being ill.

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"I'm sorry what I said about Snape," Marlene said managing to find me in the library later that evening. I ignored her, continuing to scribble notes about our Potions assignment, "It was out of line," she added. I glanced at her.

Marlene was apologizing. A step up, that's for sure. However, I wasn't in the mood to analyze Marlene's character improvement for the day.

"Did you apologize to Selene yet?" I asked, rather dully. I hadn't been able to find her all afternoon, so I'd assumed that she'd been with Amos. Marlene sighed.

"No," she admitted.

"Then what are you doing here?" I said, raising my eyebrows, "You were being a bitch," I added bluntly. (Hey, there was no other way to deal with Marlene besides I was still peeved with her to be honest).

"Fine," she said furiously and stomped off. I rolled my eyes. She was going to have to calm down eventually, and I wasn't about to abandon my Potions assignment to have her snap at me because she's got her knickers in a twist. Honestly!

"Hey."

I didn't look up. Then Sirius leaned over the table making sure he was in my line of sight and winked, "'ello, lovely."

"Go away," I snapped, "I'm busy."

He sighed, "What is with you chicks, today?"

I scowled at being called a 'chick'. He noticed and sighed again.

"Right, I probably don't want to know," he looked at me and frowned, "You haven't seen McKinnon around, have you?"

"Yes, she just left a bit ago," I said nodding towards the doors, "You can try and catch her if you'd like—"

He dashed off before I could finish. I was going to warn him that she was in a horribly cranky mood and that he ought to let her be, but he did stop at the doors and yell, "Thanks, Evans!"

I could feel the librarian's eyes glaring holes in the back of my head, so I bent my nose closer to my parchment. I sort of just stared at if for awhile, no really feeling like doing work. My mind just had so many jumbled thoughts. My mates, James, and now I was avoiding the glare of the librarian.

"You're going to get ink on your nose if you keep that up."

I jumped and nearly cursed, but I stopped when my eyes met his. I swallowed, "Hey James."

"Hey," he grinned, pulling out his stuff and taking a seat next to me, "What are you working on?" he didn't wait for answer but instead asked, "Mind if we work on Potions? You're genius at it and everything…" he titled his head, "I guess I could use a hand…if you're not busy," he added, smirking.

"Well," I said doubtfully but I was smiling. He just grinned back and leaned over to glance at my essay.

"Damn. Looks like I have to catch up. What do you say you be my tutor for tonight?" he joked.

Sometimes I think that he has no idea what he's doing to me. It's a slow, painful and yet alluring all at the same time.

"Er—Lily?"

"Yes," I squeaked coming out of my thoughts, "I mean…quit interrupting my concentration, James," I snapped irritably (but I wasn't…not really).

"Sorry," he grinned sheepishly. I just rolled my eyes and allowed him to continue sitting next to me, so I could help him with his essay. We were there until the library closed, doing homework and chatting—even laughing. Just like always. It wasn't until I glanced at my watch when I realized the time.

"We better go."

"Alright," he said gathering up his stuff, "Oh, so did you decide?" he asked as we left.

"Decide what?"

"What you were doing over break?" he said as if it were obvious.

"Oh…no. I'll probably go home though. I'm supposed to write my mum a letter."

"Ah…well, let me know, yeah?" I think I looked confused because he grinned, "Remember? Sirius' party? He asked that you come."

"Oh, right," I felt my cheeks redden a bit, "New Years."

"Yeah," he grinned, "I knew you wouldn't miss it…since you two have a…er…connection."

I enjoyed the fact that he still looked disgusted, and I laughed, "Yes, well, that's old history now," I said.

I meant it as a joke, but James looked serious, "Lily," he said, "I know Sirius said it was all just…a prank," he said his brow creasing, "But I can't help but think it was to spare my feelings. Did you two…" he swallowed, "Were you actually…uh…did you like him?" he asked, looking awkward and uncomfortable.

I laughed, but this seemed to irritate him further, "James, you're being silly. You really think I would fancy Sirius?"

He just frowned, muttering nearly incoherently, "Well all your mates do."

What was that supposed to mean? I mean, I guess Selene's crush wasn't exactly subtle. Then, a question that had been on the tip of my tongue, spilled out before I could stop it, "Why do you care?"

He looked taken aback. I'm not sure why. It's a perfectly legitimate question, "What?"

"Why do you care?" I repeated, "If I had liked Sirius…you're over me, aren't you?" I asked. Shit. Had I just said that out loud? This was bad. This was really bad. This is not how I intended for this conversation to go.

"Over you?" he sighed, a crease appearing in his forehead. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully, "Lily, I have a girlfriend," he said, stepping closer to me and holding my shoulders, "I have to be over you, don't I?"

I don't know what that means. Just because he has to, doesn't mean he is…right? Right?

"Besides," he said, letting go of me but not stepping away, "We're mates," he added, giving me a small half smile, so that he had one little dimple in the corner. I deflated a little inwardly at those words.

"Yeah," I echoed, "Mates."

We stood there for a long moment, just looking at each other, as if trying to guess the other's thoughts. I was trying desperately, "That still doesn't explain why you care?" I said in a voice near a whisper.

"Why I care?" he questioned, "How can I not? Besides…I know how Sirius is, and you…you deserve someone special, Lily. Sirius is like my brother…but he doesn't do relationships…at least, not well," he added, looking a little guilty.

I wanted to accuse him of jealousy. I wanted to accuse him of still liking me.

I couldn't. Instead, I stayed silent, entranced by his eyes. He didn't move either. I suppose some might have thought this was awkward, but we were both trying to look past the other's facade.

"We should go," he said suddenly, breaking whatever it had been that we'd had.

"Right…common room," I muttered, tearing my eyes away from his.

We were silent all the way back to the Gryffindor Tower. I didn't say anything to him as we entered. Instead, I scurried up to the girl's dormitory like the coward I am.

Crap.

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Marlene and Selene were still fighting apparently, I soon realized the next morning.

I wasn't even entirely aware what their argument was about since I hadn't been paying too much attention, absorbed in my own problems. I know, what a great friend I am, right?

I figured Selene was the safest person to ask, so at lunch the next day, I prodded her with my fork.

"What?" she asked, looking snappish (for Selene).

"I was just going to ask what's wrong with you and Marlene?" I asked, raising my arms up defensively, "Did she try talking to you?"

"Yes," she frowned, "We talked."

Ah. Great.

"She pretty much told me that Amos was a prat and that I need to learn how to pick proper boyfriends. So then—I was pretty peeved at this point—I said that she's the one who's acting like a right slag—"

"What?"

"Well," she gave half a shrug, "You know how she's been acting recently."

Er—no?

"You know," she added, giving me a surprised look when I just continued to stare blankly at her, "Her and Sirius."

"What about her and Sirius?" I asked, frowning. Selene just rolled her eyes, turning slightly pink

"Well, I just noticed… she's been flirting with him at the very least," she shot me a look. Well, that's how Marlene always was. At least, when she wasn't yelling at him. Selene sighed and continued, "So then I sort of accused her of…ahem…sleeping him which and that she's the one turning down good, nice blokes like Benjy—"

"Is it true?" I blurted before I could stop myself. Marlene and Sirius? It was blowing my mind.

Selene just shot me an irritated look, "No. Marlene doesn't keep secrets very well. Don't you think we'd know?" I didn't look convinced because she sighed and said, "She isn't you, Lily. She actually tells us things."

What is that supposed to mean?

"Speaking of which," she continued, ignoring my disapproving look, "What are you going to do about James?" she asked in a low voice, making sure no one was listening.

I frowned, "Absolutely nothing." Duh.

Selene looked exasperated, "You're just being stubborn now—"

"I'm not being stubborn," I said, frowning, "He's dating someone, and if you've forgotten—she's a mate of yours."

This made Selene frown deeply but she didn't argue. After a long look she seemed resigned to the fact, "You're such a little liar, Lily Evans," she said before getting up, "I'm going to go sit with Amos," she added stiffly.

Fine. I can eat lunch by myself.

Or that's what I thought except, to my surprise, Remus and Peter took seats beside me.

"Hey Evans," Peter said, grabbing four rolls and placing them on the plate.

"Lily," Remus nodded politely as the two of them began to load their plates. I didn't say anything but watched them, not feeling very hungry anymore.

"You're going to eat all of that?" I asked finally watching them in mild disgust.

Peter was biting into his sandwich, looking at me in surprise. He swallowed, "Er—yeah?"

"You've seen us eat before," Remus said archly.

"Yeah…well…I never realized how much you ate."

"We're boys," Peter said blankly as if that explained everything. Remus nodded in agreement. Still! They had enough to feed a family for a week piled onto their plate.

"Oh, James was looking for you earlier, I think," Peter added before stuffing the rest of his sandwich in his mouth.

"Where is he?" I asked quickly. Remus raised his eyebrows, smirking slightly.

"He and Emmeline were in a bit of a row—I think they're trying to…ahem…work it out."

"Of course," I said, nodding vigorously.

Remus and Peter exchanged looks, "I can go get him for you," Peter offered, "We don't like Emmeline that much anyway—" he began before Remus elbowed him, "I mean…er…" he stuffed his second sandwich in his mouth.

Ew.

But I appreciate Peter liking me more than Emmeline. It makes up for his awful eating habits.

"What Peter means is…er…" Remus scratched his head, "Ah, bollocks. It doesn't matter. Just don't tell, James, yeah? Sirius has already given him hell about her."

I can always count on Sirius.

"Speaking of Sirius," I began slowly, "Er—do you happen to know if he's…er..seeing someone?"

At this, Peter's pumpkin juice squirted out of his nose, and Remus patted (well it was really more of a very hard slap) him on the back before turning to me, "What?"

"I was just wondering," I said frowning at Peter, "Are you alright?"

"I thought you liked Prongs!" Peter said, once he seemed to have recovered.

I felt my face flush, "I don't know what you're talking about—"

"Oh quit it, Lily," Remus said, brushing my comment aside, "But why are you asking about Sirius?" he demanded.

Oh. Oh. Did he seriously think—oh. People at Hogwarts can be so daft sometimes. I thought I had already made it clear that I don't like Sirius that way. Not now-not ever! "No," I said quickly, "That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?" Peter asked, not looking convinced.

"Well…I had suspicions about…er…something, so I wanted to know if Sirius was…er…dating that particular person…secretly."

"Who are you talking about then?" Remus asked.

"No one you know." He looked so doubtful that I nearly felt offended, "Haven't we had this conversation before?" I asked, "I have never liked Sirius—I'm done," I added wrinkling my nose as Peter reached for another sandwich, "Enjoy your lunch," I muttered before slinking off. Remus just watched me, silently with that brooding look of his.

I can't believe all of them know that I like James now. What a mess.

I wonder if Sirius told them.

I wonder if Sirius told James!

If he did, I swear to Merlin he'll look like a lump of ooze by the time I'm done with him.

I stopped in the bathroom on the next floor (I always avoid Myrtle's bathroom). I was going through all the homework I had to do that afternoon in my head. I had planned to go to the library, but before I exited my own stall, the door had opened and slammed. It nearly made me jump.

I paused when I realized the girl was crying. I was about to open the stall door to see if she was alright—I'm Head Girl after all, when the door opened almost immediately, and I heard a familiar voice.

"Em, are you alright?" It was Samantha which mean the crying girl was… "Emmeline," I heard her say.

"I hate her!" I heard Emmeline wail.

Well. This was awkward. I debated if I should come out now or just wait until she left. While I was debating, Samantha sighed and said, "Evans?"

Wait—me?

"She's bewitched him or something!" she said despairingly. I made sure to stay still as my ears pricked at her voice.

What on earth was she talking about? And Selene thinks I'm mad at times? Emmeline is the one off her rocker—who am I supposed to be bewitching anyway?

"What happened?" Samantha asked soothingly.

"Oh, well, he was supposed to meet me last night, of course, but then he was late because he said he had to walk Lily Evans back to the common room."

"It's just James being virtuous and all that," Samantha said, "He's so romantic…" she added with a sigh. Emmeline didn't seem to notice though.

"Why was he with her though?" Emmeline demanded, "So I asked him this morning—he asked me what was bothering me—what does he think? He's obviously still in love with her! She's such a stupid slag—and she shouldn't even be Head Girl! She barely even passed Transfiguration!"

"I know, I know, sweetie, you'd make such a better Head Girl."

"I'm so much smarter than her," she began wailing again.

Huh. This is doing wonders for my self-esteem. I shifted in the stall uncomfortably. I sort of wish I had just come out earlier, and then we could have pretended this had never happened. I wonder what she would say if I walked out of the stall right now.

"Even Sirius likes her! Remus doesn't even like me that much, it seems!" she said, sniffling, "I don't know why. I'm perfectly nice to them. Sirius, on the other hand, is just absolutely horrid. I don't know how James can be friends with him—" she broke off, "Oh I just hate her so much! We wouldn't be having any problems if she would just go and find herself a boyfriend and disappear."

Samantha snorted, "It's not like anyone would fancy her," she said. All right, that was becoming quite enough! People would date me, I'm sure. Just because I didn't have a boyfriend at this very moment—er…oh what the hell. I don't care what Samantha thinks anyway. I really don't know how much I can sit here and listen to the 'Bash-Lily-Evans-Party-in-the-Second-Floor-Bathroom'. It really isn't very much fun.

While Emmeline continued to complain about what a boyfriend-stealing slag I was, I began to feel my nose tickling. You know the feeling. When you feel like you're desperately about to sneeze, your nose sort of tingles—I think there might be too much dust in this bathroom. Or maybe I actually have allergies. It might even be that cold I thought I was catching. I don't really know. All I do know is that my nose is tickling something horrible.

"..I just don't know what to do," Emmeline was crying again.

Oh bollocks.

"ACHOO!"

A/N: First of all, I would like to thank everyone who's been reviewing. I really appreciate them, so thank you! Also, I will try to keep up with posting the chapters, but as the next few months go on, it might be a little difficult to post them regularly (and to find time to write). However, I will try my very best to give you a chapter once a week, hopefully! Thank you! R/R :)