XIX. Mistake 15-My Broken Moral Compass

"ACHOO!"

I just have the worst luck ever.

"Hello?" Samantha asked cautiously as Emmeline quieted her. My brain was trying to think of what to do. I could hex them and run out. Perhaps they wouldn't see me…

What am I thinking? I can't just go around hexing people!

Oh Merlin. I'm turning into someone like...like...Sirius. This really is a problem.

I didn't think fast enough though, apparently, because Samantha had wrenched the door open in a matter of seconds, revealing me standing there rather awkwardly.

"Er—hullo," I said after a moment of surprise as we all stared at each other, "Please," I added, "Continue. Your conversation was invigorating," I added sarcastically. For a moment, I think they were both still stunned into silence. Finally, Emmeline managed to get out a sentence.

"How long have you been here?" Emmeline asked. I couldn't tell if she was ashamed or angry. At least she wasn't crying..ah, never mind. Now, she was giving me the most horrible glare. As if it was my fault that she decided to take up in the loo and beginning crying about her boyfriend troubles!

"Just long enough to hear you accuse me of some unfound things. Get it through your skull Vance. I don't like Potter that way. Nor does he like me. You're the one dating him, aren't you?" I asked, pushing by her. I didn't hang around to hear any more verbal abuse. I'd already gotten enough of it behind my back, and I wasn't in the mood to take more to my face.

It makes you feel really shitty, let me tell you.

I also made sure to slam the bathroom door extra loudly as I left—immature, perhaps, but very satisfying nonetheless.

"Lily!"

I picked up my pace as Emmeline came down the corridor after me just a few moments later.

"Wait!" she called, "Just hold up—listen, I'm sorry—"

I stopped, feeling the anger that I had been trying to keep underwraps previously, bubble up, "Sorry?" I snapped, "You shouldn't be sorry, Emmeline. You were being honest. For once in your life you were being bloody honest—"

"Oh," she said, her cheeks now had red patches forming, "You think you're perfect?" she demanded, "I don't know what you're playing at, but you better leave James alone," she said threateningly.

I don't know what had come over me, but I wasn't feeling very friendly (alright, so I'm really never friendly with her anyway). So I laughed at her, "You think I'm frightened of you, Vance?" I sneered, "You're a joke. So why don't you go find Potter and apologize like the good little girl you are and tell him all your nasty lies about me. See if I care," I snapped then stormed off for the second time in the past few minutes—this time more successfully.

Bugger. How do I get myself in these situations?

She did deserve that bit, though.

I didn't know what to do after that dramatic spat, but on the way to the common room I ran into Mary who informed me that Marlene was at the Quidditch pitch. Poor Mary, I think she was rather frightened of me when I nearly plowed her over in the corridor. I wasn't mean to her, but I think I was still emitting all my anger and frustration towards Emmeline. I thanked her (a bit brusquely—I'll probably need to apologize later) and hurried down there to thoroughly bitch to Marlene about Emmeline, but when I arrived she was flying circles high above the pitch. Of course, the one time I actually need Marlene she's flying around on that stupid broomstick. I trudged up to the stands, hoping eventually she'd look that way. Thankfully, she did.

"Lily?" she called, flying down towards me, "What are you doing over here—?"

"Urgh! I hate her!" I snapped as she drew near enough to hear me.

Marlene looked confused and landed her broom swiftly, frowning, "You hate who?"

"Emmeline! Who else?"

"Calm down," she said raising her eyebrows, "Any particular reason why? Or is this just general loathing?"

"Well, she's accusing me of stealing her boyfriend!" I began. I gave her a hurried explanation of my experience in the loo. Instead of being angry, she laughed.

"You sneezed?" she asked, giggling.

"Marlene!" I whined, "It isn't funny."

"Are you joking?" she asked, still chuckling, "It's bloody hilarious!"

I was not amused. I sat down, crossing my arms and giving her my fiercest glare, "You're supposed to bash her with me."

"Haven't we done that enough?" Marlene asked, "Listen, if you like this bloke so much, you have to do something!" she said, shaking her head, "All this wishy washy hoping and wishing sort of thing is going to do nothing for you. Emmeline needs to be rid of? Well, we'll make a plan. I'll ask Sirius—he owes you anyway after that last debacle—"

Ha. Never again.

"No," I said sharply, "I'm going to go about this the right way."

Marlene just rolled her eyes, "What's the right way, then? Pining over him? Watching you mope and snap about Emmeline and how wonderful she is and how you're not? Let me assure you, Lily Evans," she said, looking suddenly stern, "You're ten times the witch Emmeline Vance will ever be. Hell, just because she can transfigure a frog better than you—"

Was now really the time to bring up my lacking Transfiguration skills?

I think not.

"—you have much more character…and you actually have a sense of humor! Honestly, I don't know how James can stand her," Marlene shrugged, "She's such a nag, and she's boring," she said laughing.

I really don't appreciate the fact that she keeps making this into a joke. I never made her short fling with Benjy into a joke. When I said this, Marlene just gave me a funny look.

"Well, that's too bad on your part because let's be honest. He was a joke," she said, laughing again.

"Have you made up with Selene yet?" I asked after a moment. I knew she hadn't, but I wasn't going to be the only feeling bad.

Marlene glared, "No. She doesn't want to talk to me."

"Have you tried?" I pushed.

She only shrugged.

"Marlene!"

"What? She's being equally stubborn!" Marlene argued hotly, "I tried to apologize, but then she didn't say anything because Selene is never wrong," Marlene said throwing her hands up in the air, "You wait—I'm sure she's going to get all peeved with you because you made Emmeline cry—"

"I did not make her cry," I said hotly, "James made her cry!"

Marlene ignored me and turned back towards the Quidditch pitch, "I have practice soon," she said. Then she grinned, "Want to stay and watch?"

I scoffed, "No."

She shrugged, "Suit yourself. You're missing out…" she cocked an eyebrow, "Remember James Potter? Our Quidditch Captain?"

Ah. Tempting. But still—no. I think she could tell by disgruntled look, so I didn't even need to say it.

"Ah, come on Lily! You never come and watch me play," she whined.

"If I stayed, I wouldn't be watching you anyway," I pointed out, "Besides, it's cold out here," I complained.

"It's called sacrifice," she said, rolling her eyes, "You should act like all those fourth year girls and make him a poster," she said sniggering, "At least you would be doing something," she added. I ignored her. She was only trying to egg me on, but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction. "I'm sure Emmeline makes him posters. She comes and watches his practices—"

"I'm not Emmeline," I scowled, "For good reason. I'm not staying and watching this stupid practice—" I broke off as people came onto the pitch below, "I'm out of here," I muttered. Marlene kept blocking the stairs, and I was getting riled up again—I had threatened to hex her if she didn't quit acting like an idiot, but then Sirius and James had appeared, both dressed to play Quidditch.

"Evans?" Sirius asked in surprise.

"I was just leaving," I muttered.

"What's going on?" James asked.

"Oh, well Lily was just saying how stupid Quidditch practice is—" Marlene drawled.

"I was not," I snapped, turning pink. I looked at James, "I just have to study—she wanted me to stay and watch—"

"You should," James nodded, breaking into a grin, "We're practicing a few new tactics today."

Whatever that meant. Did I really look like the sort that was interested in their Quidditch practice?

"Come on," Sirius added in, "Do it for me," I glared at him, "Do it for Jamsie," he corrected. James rolled his eyes.

"Don't call me that."

"Fine…do it for Prongsie," he said, chuckling to himself. James just rolled his eyes but his lips twitched. They were so immature sometimes. Honestly.

I crossed my arms, "I have work to do—"

"Emmeline," Marlene coughed. Both boys looked at her, and I frowned deeply.

"Fine," I snapped, "I'll stay and watch your bloody practice," I said, sitting back down on the bleachers. Sirius let out a strange, strangled cheer. James grinned widely.

"Brilliant."

"Yeah," Marlene smirked, "Brilliant."

James didn't seem to notice her smug expression (thankfully). He just gave me his crooked smile and swung back on his broom. I nearly melted. I smiled shakily back at him before he left. Sirius was watching me with something like mild amusement.

"You're pathetic," he noted, a smirk coming across his face.

"Leave her alone," Marlene said, giving me the same look, "She was attacked by Vance earlier," she began laughing, "She was eavesdropping on her and Owens."

I glared as he chuckled. These two were really merciless. I hadn't been eavesdropping...on purpose.

"She was crying in the loo, again wasn't she?" Sirius tutted. I nodded, surprised. He sighed, "She's been doing that a lot lately. They keep fighting and then she runs off, so Prongs looks on the map and the two of them are hiding out in the loo."

Marlene coughed and gave me a pointed direction.

I hide out in the Hospital Wing—not the loo. Completely different. Marlene didn't wait listen to me. She and Sirius both took off, giving me a wave (Sirius threw in one of his darn cheeky winks) as they joined James in the air.

Then eventually, the rest of the Quidditch team spilled out onto the field and practice began. I began to get distracted—or better yet, began to daydream. I mean, what else was I supposed to do? It was cold, and I was beginning to doubt my common sense for staying out in the freezing late November weather just to watch James practice. It's not like he was even paying me any –oh. He just nearly got hit by a Bludger staring at me. Oops. I waved at him uncertainly, trying not to laugh.

More quickly than I expected, practice ended. I began my climb down the bleachers. Marlene and Sirius, of course, were arguing down on the pitch.

"Are you trying to kill me?" she was screeching.

"I was trying to give you a challenge," Sirius shrugged, "I thought you could handle it."

This seemed to make Marlene more furious because she attempted to smack him, but he easily moved out of the way, smirking. Marlene just stormed off before I could stop her.

"Could you quit doing that?" James asked tiredly coming up to him, although he was chuckling slightly, "I don't want her to quit the team."

"She's not going to quit," Sirius said confidently. Then he noticed me and nodded, "Hey, Evans. Did you enjoy…watching?" he asked, smirking now at me.

"Go apologize to Marlene," I snapped.

He just grinned and sauntered off.

"Practice ended early," I commented, I said, turning my attention back towards James who seemed to now be the only one left on the pitch. The two of us began walking back towards the castle.

"Yeah," James rolled his eyes, "Everyone was complaining that it was cold, and then Sirius kept hitting bludgers at Marlene. Smitt kept complaining about needing to study for one of McGonagall's exams, so I figured we'd just end early. We don't have another game until after the holidays," he added with a shrug

"Oh," I said. Why didn't I like Quidditch like Marlene? Then we could bond over that, "Does Emmeline like Quidditch?" I asked before I could think through my question through entirely. Ah. Oops. Now who sounds jealous?

"Emmeline?" he asked, looking guarded, "Er—I suppose. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering…I mean, I'm sure you two go flying together and stuff…" I said, trying not to sound bitter.

His lips curved into a smile and he began to smirk, "Are you asking me to teach you how to fly?"

Er—where did he get that ludicrous idea?

"Er—what?"

"You want to learn how to fly, don't you Lily," he said, looking eager now as if that's what I had suggested. How did he get that from my question about Emmeline?

"I never said that," I said frowning, "It's not the matter of learning—it's the fact that I can't. Ever. It's just…not possible."

"Don't be daft," he said, brushing my comment aside.

Daft? I was not daft! Well, not most of the time. But particularly now!

"I am not flying," I said stubbornly.

He titled his head, "I'll make you eat your words, Evans."

I stuck out my tongue, "I'd like to see you try."

I really shouldn't have encouraged the bloke, but to my surprise, all he did was laugh and offer to walk me to the Gryffindor tower before studying with Emmeline. I'm beginning to wish more and more every day that she wasn't in the picture. After all, I can't snog someone who has a girlfriend, can I? I think my moral compass says 'no'.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.

The next day was going reasonably well. I'd found out I'd gotten an 'O' on our Transfiguration exam (an O! I could hardly believe it myself). I'd finished the rest of my homework, nor had I experienced an awkward run in with Emmeline, and I had rounds with James this evening. Of course, my afternoon couldn't be perfect. I was heading to the girl's dormitory when I heard Marlene's curses coming from outside the door. I sighed and opened it up, to see a furious Marlene and pink faced Selene.

"Oh, there you are!" Marlene snapped at me. I frowned immediately, unsure why she was snapping at me, "Well, I'll let you deal with her," she snapped, storming out. I watched her loud exit in confusion.

"What's wrong?" I asked, bewildered and turning to Selene for answers.

"Nothing," Selene said sharply, "I don't know what's with Marlene lately…"

"Did she try to apologize?" I asked. I was really getting sick of their fighting. It was getting old.

"Sort of," she shrugged.

Er—not very informative, "Well what did she say?" I pressed.

"She's a bit mad about me being friends with Emmeline. I heard what happened yesterday," she added, looking at me, a slight frown now on her face.

"Oh yeah," I rolled my eyes, "Surprise, surprise, Emmeline was being a—"

"No," she said, raising her eyebrows and interrupting my (very well deserved) rant, "Emmeline has every right when you're hitting on her boyfriend. She shouldn't feel obligated to like you—"

"Obligated to like me?" I repeated. I think my mouth literally has dropped open, "I'm not, but when she's spreading lies about me fancying him—"

Selene frowned, "It isn't a lie—"

"Well it is for all she knows!" I snapped, "She can't know—James doesn't even know!"

"Well that's because James is daft," Selene said, crossing her arms, "Maybe you should try forgetting about him. I mean, I know you like him, but if they're happy together then aren't you just making things worse by trying to—"

"I'm not trying to do anything!" I snapped, "Who are you listening to? Me or Vance? She's just jealous that I'm friends with all the Marauders—"

"Yeah?" Selene said, still looking skeptical, "So you're just going to fancy all of them? Is Remus next? You do remember when you used to hate them?" she added, her arms now crossed. I tried to keep my temper cool. I couldn't believe her nerve!

"I never fancied Sirius!" I said, my voice steadily rising. How dare she accuse me of this...again! This was getting to be such an old argument. I don't even think Sirius would find it funny anymore.

"Right," Selene said, crossing her arms, "Well," she sniffed, "I'm supposed to meet Emmeline to study soon—"

"So what? You're best mates with her now? I thought you said that I would have looked good with James—" I said. Yes, I realize I was pouting, but I was rather peeved with one of my supposed 'best mates' who was choosing the enemy's side. Honestly!

"They're in love!" Selene blurted, "Emmeline told me yesterday. It's wrong Lily—what you're doing—trying to break them up. It's wrong! You know it too."

I glared at her, "You know, even if I was trying to do that—which I'm not—it's none of your business," I snapped, turning to leave.

"Oh what?" Selene's voice was high pitched, "You're going to ditch me too? Like Marlene? Just over a stupid guy? Let me remind you again that he's also dating Emmeline Vance—and they love each other. Why do you keep thinking you have a chance, Lily?" she added in a softer tone.

I felt the tears prick my eyes, but I wasn't going to turn and look at Selene and give her any satisfaction. I don't know what she was playing at, but I'd never felt quite betrayed by her before, "It's none of your business," I repeated firmly.

"It's just a little crush, Lily," she said, sounding annoyed again, "You'll get over it soon enough."

"Why don't you just run along to Amos and Emmeline? You've obviously got better people to hang around with now," I said before leaving and making sure to slam the door extra hard. I hurried out of the common room, Selene's words echoing in my head.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe my moral compass was addled.

Then again, maybe I didn't care.

A/N: More conflict...haha. The reviews are awesome! Thanks so much everyone! :)