Summary: The world knows of Alistair, Zevran, Leliana, and Morrigan. But what of those who came before...?

Disclaimer: Repeat after me: I own zilch.

Queen's Quornor: As you can see, Dairren won the coin-toss. I really have no preference between him and Iona, and I could easily have explored a homosexual relationship with a Cousland and his or her one-time lover. But of the two, Dairren had better long-term prospects than gentle Iona. Considering that nobility, especially girls, are groomed practically from birth for good marriages it seemed a better idea to go with the quarter's recommendation and write a chapter about the male love interest.

Dairren

I never imagined I would be queen. I figured Cailan and Anora would rule long and well, and I would be wed to some fop my parents thought I might tolerate. It was some consolation that the nobility of Ferelden are primarily warriors, but not much.

My guess was that I would be given to the Howes, to marry their eldest son Nathaniel. Father was friends with Arl Rendon, after all. It was not so strange to think it so, until much later. And Nathaniel himself was not such a bad fellow. I honestly did admire him - and still do - in spite of his father. I once entertained a romantic scenerio involving me as his wife, but now I am happy to merely call him my friend and trusted second here at Vigil's Keep.

But Mother had her heart set on my wedding one of her friends' children. I didn't care for most of them, save two: Oswyn, the son of Bann Sighard, and Dairren, Bann Loren's boy. They were the only two who saw my potential as more than a womb on legs, and were actually willing to spar with me. But Oswyn was no longer an option after our mothers had a falling-out, so that left me with Dairren.

I had thought him handsome when I spotted him at my mother's spring salon, after a separation of four years. He had filled out well since he became a squire, and his brown eyes were those of an educated man. There was still some of the shyness I recalled, and I found that refreshing. I've never liked forward men. Let me do the chasing, thank you.

I'm convinced that he and his mother, Lady Landra, came to the castle in the hopes that I would approach him. Mother was in on it as well, if I know her. Ser Gilmore and I had become very close at the time, so she was probably getting fearful that I would do something indiscreet with the wrong person. She needn't have feared. Ser Gilmore and I were friends, and nothing more.

Seeing Dairren again, well... There was certainly interest on my part, as well as his. Since it was obvious that our mothers were pushing us together, I saw no problem with acting on our obvious attraction. He was surprised and extremely pleased when I invited him to my room that night. I remember because I was so relieved when he accepted my proposal with a smile.

The bedding itself wasn't so bad. I had been taught the basic mechanics and knew my sensitive areas, and he was enthusiastic, if a bit nervous. Dairren was a tender one, I'll give him that. Alistair is a much more proficient lover, but there are definitely worse men to have as one's first. All in all, it was an enjoyable experience and I remember that I was looking forward to repeated encounters. I went to sleep in his arms, dreaming of a future with sweet Dairren.

Thanks to Howe's treachery, that future was not to be.

I blamed myself for Dairren's death for many weeks. If I hadn't been so available, so beautiful, so fiesty, so what-have-you he would not have been there. Then I blamed him for the stupidity of actually opening the door with such suspicious noises on the other side. I berated myself for not letting Magnus stay in my room with us, making him stay in the kitchen in case more rats came through. I scolded Dairren for not possessing the foresight to remain behind the door, as any man in his smallclothes is supposed to do.

At last I settled on Howe as the true reason. Loghain might have had a hand in my family's death - he did try to eliminate Arl Eamon and a few other prominent landowners, after all, and my father was as formidable an opponent, if not moreso. The Cousland name alone carries great weight in the Landsmeet - but there was no real proof of his involvement. Likely Howe acted on his own, and Loghain merely silenced any who spoke of his ally's treachery. I saw Ser Gilmore's body in Fort Drakon; the traitor would have little interest in a knight from Highever on his own.

There was no sweeter moment in all my journey than when I stood over Howe and watched him die. I let him know, with every sword stroke, exactly what he had stolen from me.

There was one more life he may have taken, albeit indirectly. I missed a bleeding during the journey to Ostagar, but it resumed on the next month. I have skipped menses before, but the first after my Joining was far worse than any before or after. The cramps were crippling, to the point that Wynne had to intervene so we could continue to the Brecilian Forest. There seemed to be more blood than usual. I actually had to take a day to rest after it began, which was highly unusual for me. None of my menses have been so difficult since then, so I have to wonder if there was more to the skip than emotional trauma. I asked Sigrun about the severity of her first bleeding post-ritual, and she told me it was no worse than any before.

It couldn't have been just a side-effect of the Joining. Dairren might have left me with more than a torn hymen and sweet memories.

But I will never be certain.

I have asked Wynne to research as many fertility potions as possible and send me the most promising ones, so I can give Alistair the heir he needs when we are reunited. He means everything to me now, and I have been faithful since my appointment as Warden-Commander. But it seems so unfair that the man I was supposed to marry might have gotten me pregnant, and because of the taint in my blood I can't give a child to the man I did marry.

I truly love Alistair. Every day I spend apart from him is almost a physical pain, so much do I miss him. I regret nothing so much as not meeting him when I was little and Mother took me along to one of Lady Isolde's summer salons. He was probably kept out of sight because of his parentage, but I wish we could have met as children.

I met Dairren when I was seven, and we were friends of a sort. I did love him, but it was not the same sort of love. I know now that, had I married him, the union would not be anything like what I share with Alistair. Dairren was very reserved, whereas my husband has become very passionate and obvious about our love. I can't see Dairren ever embracing me in welcome and giving me a kiss hot enough to light the hearths on the second floor of the palace. He was the type to kiss the back of my hand, while giving me one of those smoldering looks that promises a more intimate greeting later.

It took a lot of chasing to bring Alistair out of his shell, and I have relished watching him grow from a snarky second into a king capable of inspiring the nation. I doubt I could ever have fully cracked Dairren's husk.

Looking back on it, I can recognize my own naivete in assuming that Dairren was the one I was meant to marry. Excluding Nathaniel, he was merely the best of the options presented. That did not mean I had to love him. But how was I supposed to know the Maker had such a man as Alistair in mind for me, much less the throne?

I wish that Dairren had not died in the attack on my home. But I suppose I must thank him for showing me what I would have had without his untimely demise. Without him, I might have been skewered on that sword. I might never have joined the Grey Wardens. I might never have met Alistair.

Thank you for being a part of my life, Dairren. And especially thank you for leaving it so the right man could come along.