Why Edward? Why?
Chapter 3: Scared
It had been another agonizing few days since we told Edward's parents.
I hadn't bothered with my parents. They wouldn't really care after all. I really thought I should get my act together. I was tired of being depressed all the time.
Edward and I decided that while we were on the 'safe' side when it came to bedtime. I decided to go back on the pill and he sorted himself out. We still had a few more tests at the hospital but they said, like the other day and what Edward had said was that something wasn't ready in my body to conceive a child.
I didn't feel like I could wait at all. I didn't want to wait. I wanted my child NOW.
Edward didn't like the idea of even more testing but he only did it because I was desperate. I was being so greedy. It wasn't my fault.
Dr Irina explained that I'd just miscarriage and my body was upset that I'd lost the baby as well. "These are just nature's signs that you need to develop just a bit more until your ready? Have you ever had tests on chlamydia?"
I jumped out of the plastic seat, which fell over backwards.
Please I think I preferred the other option.
Edward nodded "I think we should Bella. It might be just that."
What? Was he mad?
"But that'll be needles and everything! I don't like that idea! The idea that Chlamydia is the reason I won't have children! Why?"
My tears were running down my cheeks and I ran out of the room. I ran out into the hall. I heard Edward and Dr Irina calling after me.
I legged it down the corridor and out into the reception area. I continued running until I was in the car. I unlocked it with a beep, got inside and stopped. I banged my head onto the steering wheel.
Why was life so cruel on me? That just scared the hell out me.
I heard a knock on the door but I refused to meet his eyes, full of disappointment and embarrassment. I started to sob uncontrollable. I heard another knocking on the door.
"Bella - unlock the door" Edward muttered from outside.
I didn't hear him. I just sat there crying. Eventfully Edward realised I hadn't locked the door and opened it. I still had my head on the steering wheel in my arms.
I was so depressed and embarrassing, why did Edward put up with me?
I asked it aloud. "Why don't you leave me?" I sobbed. "Anyone would of gotton tired of me by now!"
He looked at me. I didn't meet his gaze. The pressure and fright that all this was my fault, not his was horrific.
I didn't want to do anything but become and stay pregnant. I wanted to experience the whole pregnancy lark but my body was letting me down. I wasn't ready.
And that upset me all the more. I was letting Edward down and that upset me the most. He'd married me and we were both excited at the thought of a baby.
"I will never leave you Bella" he whispered, crouching down and looking up at me.
I moved my eyes to meet his. I saw no lie in them. He continued to gaze at me until my sobs lessened down. I was still hiccupping.
"Why - why oh why - does it have to be me? Has to be us, chlamydia?" Edward put his arm around my shoulder,
"I don't know, love - we have to fight it and put the work in. If we don't then we could be wasting precious time. Should we go back in and take the test?" I looked at him.
"I'm scared that it'll be positive." I croaked.
"Bella - we have to know the truth on what's happening. We can't do that if you don't cooperate with us, with me." He whispered again.
I nodded. "Ok" I said in a quiet voice and got up again. This was gunna be embarrassing.
We walked back into the doors and I was once again redirected to our previous room. Dr Irina was still there, not at all angry, embarrassed or annoyed.
She looked up when we entered. She carried on like nothing had happened. " So Mrs Cullen - would you like to take a test?" she seemed to force the yes out of me.
"Ok" I whispered again. Edward squeezed my hand.
"It's very simple" she explained. She got up and handed me a small beaker. Huh?
"Just go to the toilets down the hall - urinate into the pot and bring it back." I nodded.
Then I had an idea. "Edward has to test as well." I said, making Edward turn to me, mock glaring.
Dr Irina nodded "So he should" and handed him a beaker.
He rolled his eyes and chased me from the room.
He turned to me outside the 'Ladies'. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips.
"Feeling better?" he asked.
"I hope you're safe" I whispered back.
I knew it was me and me only. "Bella - I could be the problem as well." I shook my head.
"I got pregnant before - not your fault unless your buddies don't get to my egg. And you did, so I'm to blame." I didn't cry - shock horror.
He gave me another kiss and walked into the 'Mens'.
I went inside the toilets, into a cubical and got a urine sample. I came out, washed my hands and walked back down the hall way - pee in one hand and my other reaching for the doorknob.
Dr Irina looked up when I came in. Edward's sample was on the counter (hmm attractive) and I put mine next to his.
"So everything is in order. We will send these to the laboratory and they should take around 10-14 days until your results come back."
I nodded. Edward came over to me. "Come on, let's go home, love. Relax, then we find out."
I nodded again. We walked out of the hospital to the car; inside I got and drove home - still feeling numb and empty. My fate rested on a pot of my own piss. Interesting...and gross.