I know I am very, very, very evil. But if its anything to you, I am sorry. Updates should pick up now that school is done, excluding this next week cause I'm going on holiday in Turkey and I have no laptop. This is actually the reason for this update, since I'm leaving tonight and I wanted to give you a little somethin', somethin' to keep ya hooked 'till I come back. This is actually a little dark and tenth Doctor OOC, but I hope that he still manages to be somewhat IC. The inspiration after all this time hit me after re-watching "Secret Smile" and once again reminding myself of David Tennant brilliant acting and watching "A good man goes to war". River's identity kinda clashes with my plans for her, but hey, this is an AU fix, right?
Read on... and review... (if there are any of you left out there :/ jk :D)
He was finally numb.
He had felt tired… so tired of everything. He was sick of feeling so fucking helpless and useless and unworthy.
He could feel her screams echoing around the claste walls and a sliver of that helpless feeling caused a zing to erupt in his chest.
He wanted to help her. He wanted to forget about what he was doing here and run to her.
Run to the only woman who had helped him and truly cared about how he felt, even if for only the few short hours they had spent together and postpone – indefinitely – the final act in this twisted tale.
He heard her scream again. River's soft, mellow voice that always seemed to carry a teasing tone in it was hoarse. Her pain carried in her whimpers and frightened, pained moans before ceasing for a few seconds, becoming choked with her own bloody tears.
The Doctor's jaw clenched and he shut his eyes.
He wanted to help her so bad he thought he would break.
But he knew he couldn't. River had made him swear… well, she had tricked him into swearing he wouldn't come for her.
The person who always cares for everyone… who tries to keep everyone happy… is always the loneliest person in the Universe, she had said.
Her eyes had been filled with an odd, ethereal sadness. Almost other-worldly in its intensity, he had stared at her, transfixed, unable to move a muscle.
All these years, so many times, over and over and over again, you have come for me, every time I called. But not now, Doctor, not this time. This is the one time you will have to let me fall…
With a roar of centuries of bottled-up anger interspersed with bone-deep pain – old and new – he twisted his body, simultaneously clenching his fist and slamming it into the stone walls that surrounded him, caged him.
"It's not fair!"
His mind was a jumbled mess of thoughts and feelings and emotions and for once, he welcomed the cracking sound of his knuckles breaking.
He stared at his bloody hand with indifference and slowly brought it to his lips. Without really feeling anything, he twirled his tongue around the ripped and bloodied skin; tasted the iron tang of the life-giving liquid and drank it with an almost feverish hunger.
His eyes were unseeing and his hearts slowed their beats, continuing to beat a simple, even-toned ballade.
The emotional avalanche was still there, underneath the surface, boiling, simmering and just waiting for the opportune moment to spill.
River's moans and terrified screams still bounced around him, but he was indifferent to them.
The Doctor was finally unseeing, unhearing and most frighteningly of all, unfeeling.
He allowed a small, chilling smirk to grace his crimson lips as he continued his trail to his destination with a small bounce in his step.
He found what he was looking for in next to no time.
His Time Lord senses had taken over, erasing every last bit of humanity that had been left in some buried corner of his being.
He could smell her long before he could see. The tangy taste of tears and sweat and arousal hung heavy in the air around.
Turning the last corner that led to her cell, he smiled a feral grin upon seeing her.
Huddled and crouched in a corner, her arms were cradling her head as she rocked back and forth, slamming her back into the wall behind her forcefully. His keen sights registered that her shoulders were shaking and there was a heavy feeling in his chest that for the first time in a very long time, wasn't his own.
It was guilt.
His little Rose Tyler was feeling guilty. The Doctor's eyes glistened with a dangerous glint.
Good…
He walked to the simple force field that contained her from breaking out. He smirked again.
Of course, it was powerless to contain him from breaking in.
He flicked his hand, a tiny, imperceptible motion, but delivered it with enough strength that the force field shattered in a matter of milliseconds.
He leaned against the newly-formed doorframe and crossed his arms at his chest. His entire posture screamed casual, but his eyes were fierce and glowing with the silver-ish shine of the Oncoming Storm.
"What happened to you, Rose Tyler?"
He knew he had been wrong to speak the words that have been haunting his mind as soon as they passed his lips.
Going for impersonal and indifferent, they were cold and drowning in the venom that had been corrupting his blood and blurring his mind since the moment he saw her with someone else.
With someone that wasn't him.
Her head snapped up from her curled up position on the floor and she looked up at him with tears shining in her big, hazel eyes. Never a man of great patience, his self-control already stumbling and cracking and tearing at the edges, the Doctor was past the point of caring, even though her gaze reminded him of a lost little girl, desperate and scared.
"D-Doctor?" her mumbled words only served to anger him even more.
How dare she?
Rose, his Rose, the woman he would have given the Universe to if she had just asked for it – had given her the Universe, actually – and would have allowed entire worlds and planets to collapse and turn to dust and ashes as long as he could have her by his side.
And she betrayed him…
"I said what happened to you Rose." He spoke through gritted teeth as he watched her pull herself up in a standing position.
At one moment, it seemed as though her knees buckled and she swayed precariously.
In that instant, still standing stubbornly at his position by the door, something inside him cracked. His hearts were beating a samba once more – only for her – and every trace of anger and betrayal that burned his blood was gone. Suddenly, he was still the same, old good Doctor that cared for everyone. His legs ached to run over to her and his hands were begging to touch her delectable skin, so soft to the touch.
The Doctor simply clenched his jaw even harder and remained standing on the far end of Rose's little confinement cell, while she was on the opposite end, completely aware that without the distance between them, he would crumble.
He would break down and scream and shout and cry and beg her to answer him, to tell him why, was he truly that bad, had she really had enough of him and wanted to leave him, but didn't know how to tell him…
NO!
Rose Tyler may be crying and it may be killing him not to go to her and not to sooth her, but the hatred that filled his gaze at the mere thought of her hypocrisy and propelled his hearts to shut themselves before she could crush them furthermore couldn't see that.
The silver-hued monster that had awoken within him let out an animalistic growl as it saw the purple marks on her neck that descended sharply down, deep into her cleavage and the puffiness of her lips and their sudden redness that hadn't been there before. Her soft, sun-kissed hair seemed mused and tangled, sticking out this way and that, whilst her clothes were so rumpled he could even stand to keep his gaze on her anymore.
He turned away from and shoved his hands deep into his pockets; closing his eyes and fighting against the onslaught of the salty moisture he could only remember feeling a handful of other times in all of his lives.
How dare she reduce me to this…
"Doctor?" her light footsteps behind him were suddenly deafening in the silence that reigned over them and he broke.
His anger blazing, his eyes shooting sparks, he walked to her in a blur of movement and grabbed her by her arms, rattling her wildly as the compulsion to throw her away from him suddenly became so alluring, so feasible…
"Why Rose? Answer me, damn it. Was I not enough? Do you hate me so much that you would go as far as to throw yourself at the first pretty boy that came across your way?"
Spittle was slipping from his lips and his eyes turned a sharp, fluorescent silver as he pushed her backwards into the wall and pressed his body against hers.
"Was he better than me? Huh, Rose? Do you really think that he can satisfy you better than I can?" his hands had begun running down her sides, clawing at her skin.
"Doctor, please." The worlds felt like a slap to her face. "This isn't you, Doctor. I'm beggin' ya to stop."
"Oh, my Rose." He looked into her eyes as he flashed a crooked, evil smile at her. "We are only just beggining."
His lips crashed upon hers in a feverish, cruel kiss that was intended to punish. It sickened her to her core as his lips assaulted her mouth, kissing and licking and biting without a halt.
The Doctor closed one hand around her throat and the other wrapped itself around her waist, pulling her sharply against him, lifting her off the ground and aligning them perfectly.
Rose felt the exact moment when the hand around her throat began to tighten and her eyes snapped open in fear, for the first time ever truly afraid of her Doctor.
Her chest began to hurt with the exertion of pumping air into her lungs and tears began to gather at the corners of her eyes.
She tried to fight him, but he was so strong. Too strong for her. His tongue began to push its way between her sealed lips and it made bile rise up her throat.
The Doctor was moaning and gathering strength from a place within her she didn't even know existed, she managed to push her arms between them and push fiercely on his chest, resulting in the further tightening of his hand.
Her breath was coming in pants and her skin was crawling with disgust and suppressed rage.
"Doctor, please, please, I don't want this, I don't want you. Let go of me, you're bloody choking me." Her screams rang around the silent cavern and twirled around the tension filled air.
The Doctor stilled. He was breathing heavily and his hands fell away from her, his head hanging low. He didn't even look at her as he walked away to his previous place by the door. His back hit the stone and his slid down to ground in a heap.
Rose stood frozen.
Her body was still covered in goosebumps and even the slightest thought of what had transpired only minutes ago was enough to make her sick, but she hadn't meant to say that.
Never that.
Heaving a deep, morose sigh, she frowned. The Doctor knew. Somehow, someway, he about her and… and the other Doctor.
"I'm sorry." Her words were quiet and humble. No one spoke and her plea went unanswered. It was a long while before either of them spoke again.
"I understand." The Doctor broke the silence and it wasn't the way Rose had hoped it would be.
"I understand why you would want him over me… I understand why you would ever do such a thing… I can even understand why you pretended to like me, I mean compare a nine hundred year old Time Lord and a nineteen year old human girl and you'll understand who has the upper hand in every thing, but…" he looked up at her and Rose let her mouth fall open at the sight of tear tracks drying on his face.
"What I don't understand, is why not confront me about it. Do you think me that much of a monster that you were afraid I would hurt you, or… or Rassilon maybe do something even worse than that if you told me that you didn't like me?" the very thought made his hearts pound with self-loathing and sickness rose up his chest, grasping him like a vice.
Did she really feel the need to hide behind a façade because she thought he would hurt her?
"No… no Doctor, of course not. It's not like that, I"
"Then tell me what it's like, Rose, because I'm trying very hard to figure this out here and somehow, someway, I am failing. So please, oh wise one, enlighten me." The Doctor growled at her, cutting her off, than immediately clenching his jaw and reeling backwards upon seeing the frightened expression on her face.
"I'm sorry."
"Doctor, don't be, I know. I hurt you and I am sorry, you've got to believe that. I am so, so sorry." Slowly, like she was approaching a wounded animal, Rose crawled over to the Doctor.
When he showed no signs of even noticing she was there, she sat down next to him and pulled his head to her chest.
The Doctor didn't give her a hard time, he just leaned into her and wrapped his arms around her waist, allowing Rose to cradle him and comb her fingers through his hair like he was a lost child away from its home. Which, in a way, she supposed, he really was.
The lonely wanderer without a home.
They sat together in a companionable silence, locking themselves away from the world and coexisting together just the way they always wanted to be. Just the two of them and no one else.
Over time, Rose became aware of a scraping noise coming from within the walls and someone's distant, far-away screams ringing through the corridors.
"Doctor, can you hear that?"
"Hm." He seemed dazed for a second and a bit annoyed at being interrupted, but his ears perked up.
Almost immediately after detecting the sound, his expression became dark again and his eyes closed off from her.
"Doctor?"
"It's River." At Rose's clueless and slightly angry look, he huffed in annoyance, the darkness never leaving his face.
"Oh, don't look at me like that, Rose. River Song bloody helped me find you. While you were smooching with you precious stranger, we were risking neck and head to get to you." He growled, getting to his feet and dusting himself off.
This time, at his jibe, Rose felt a bit more confident about responding, recognizing the difference between the Doctor with an angry, silver aura and eyes as black as coal and the Doctor with shadows forever haunting his face and eyes that hid eternal sadness.
"Oh, Doctor enough, he wasn't a stranger, he was…" and then she remembered.
She could never tell him. She mustn't. From what she had managed to gather, an unbelievable amount of things depended on it, obviously including the entire Universe, as always.
Then again, whatever Rose would have said next stopped mattering a single bit to the Doctor, since he gave a scream of pain and fell to the ground in a jumble of interlocked limb, spasms and profanities.
His fingers were locked at his temples and pleas for help began slipping from his mouth, in ever language she had ever heard and each and every single one she never had, along with the occasional string of curses.
"Doctor, can you hear me? Doctor, are you… Oh my God." Rose herself let out a scream as a large gash appeared on the Doctor's cheek, bleeding an intense crimson and a large, gaping wound on his knuckles she hadn't even known was there, reopened and began bleeding again profusely.
His body began to emanate a threatening golden-crimson glow warning her away from him as he continued to convulse and shiver on the cold floor, leaving Rose on her own to deal with the sudden intruders – or most probably, guards – that were fast approaching them if the sounds of their heavy footfalls were anything to go by.