***Recap! Chapter 20 ****

Our foreheads touched, and I felt my eyes close as he bent down to kiss my lips lightly. It was nothing fiery or deep. It was soft and simple and much too short. I opened my eyes, thinking that it was absolutely wonderful, but then, the noise of someone from inside broke us apart. We were soon a foot away from each other as Sirius opened the door.

"There you two are! Remus, Marlene, Peter and I are going to raid the kitchens—" he broke off, looking at the two of us, "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Er—no, I'm not feeling well," I said, "I think I've been in the cold too long. I'm not thinking straight," I muttered, brushing past him into the castle. I heard Sirius ask something along the lines 'what the hell did you do?', but I didn't wait for answer. I took off for refuge in the Hospital Wing. Perhaps Madam Pomfrey would be sympathetic to my plight. Merlin knows not many other people would be. Ah shit.

XXI. Mistake 17—Blaming the Snow

Madam Pomfrey was not sympathetic. In fact, she frowned at me and asked why I was in the hospital wing if I wasn't sick or sprouting extra limbs.

"The library is already closed, and I don't want my friends to hate me," I explained, thinking of what Marlene would say if I told her what had just happened. Madam Pomfrey continued to give me her straight lipped expression. "Please?" I added, trying to look pathetic. It wasn't that hard. I sure felt pathetic.

Madam Pomfrey sighed. Perhaps because there were no sick people or maybe part of it was due to the lack of company she had on Thursday evenings, either way, she let me sit down and to my surprise, she asked me what was bothering me. I took a large breath and spilled into my story, giving her a rather bleak picture of my sticky and bloody impossible situation. After I was done, she just stared at me in amusement before finally asking, "Is that all?"

Is that all? Is that all! Did she not see my crisis? I just kissed the boy I fancy who is dating and in love with someone else. What part of that does NOT sound problematic? Oh not only that, but then his best mate ruined it all, and I ran away. But yeah, that's all.

"It's not as bad as you're working it up to be. Nothing that a nice chat won't solve," she said briskly. This is the nurse in her coming out, I suppose. Here's a solution that will make everything better—I highly doubt that. I don't see this situation getting much better any time soon. I wonder if James told Sirius—who am I kidding—of course he told him. They tell each other everything. Well, nearly. I don't think Sirius ever told him that I fancy the pants off the bloke.

This has gotten immensely complicated in a short span of a one evening.

Why did he decide to kiss me? Why did he think that was a good idea? It was an absolutely horrid idea—yet it was so nice…no. It wasn't. Ah Merlin. I'm not going to be able to show my face in school. Oh my goodness—what if I run into Emmeline? What am I supposed to do? I wonder if James will tell her…

The only small, sliver of light I can think of is that at least I only have two more weeks of school before break which means only two more weeks of James Potter. I wonder if I could avoid him for a whole two weeks. I think it would be possible if we didn't have Head duties together. Hmmm.

What was Madam Pomfrey saying? I think it was something about facing the consequences of my actions. Psh. If I wanted that sort of rubbish advice, I could ask Selene…or my mother. As a matter of fact, my mother would probably be nicer than both of them…

"Can I at least have a sleeping draught?"

"No," she said sternly, "You know, I'm surprised at you, Lily. You're usually so responsible—"

I was gone before I had to listen to that lecture. I thanked her for the words of wisdom and went on my way.

Oh Merlin. What am I going to say? What if I just said nothing? Hold on—brilliant idea, what if I pretend nothing happened? That would be perfect! I just have to act like nothing ever happened and—

That's going to be impossible.

How am I going to forget that he kissed me?

Particularly when I want to do it again? I touched my lips gingerly, frowning as I walked down the corridor.

Ack. I'm in quite the pickle. I was still conflicting with my inner self when I made it into the common room. Unfortunately, he was waiting for me in the common room. I should have been expecting something like that.

"The Hospital Wing, really Evans?" James asked sharply, scaring the wits out of me. He'd come out of nowhere the moment I'd entered. It was rather crowded inside and everyone was chatting loudly, a typical Thursday night.

I winced, looking around desperately for Marlene whom seemed to be missing from the crowds of people scattered in the common room. "Er—hullo there James," I tried bracingly, "Listen, if you don't mind I need to make a dash upstairs—"

"No," he said, taking a firm hold of my wrist, "We need to talk."

Urgh. Well, no one in history has ever liked those four words. Has anything good ever come from them? I think not.

"James, let go," I snapped, "I have to—er—" I tried desperately to think of something logical.

"No," he said sternly, dragging me along with him.

"It must be past curfew now," I muttered hopelessly.

"Not quite. Besides, did you forget? We have rounds tonight?"

Oh no. I had forgotten. How was I supposed to walk around the castle with him for an hour? I couldn't just skive...could I? This was turning into a worse night with every given moment.

"Listen, we need to talk about what happened earlier," he said, now turning to face me, "I didn't mean to—it just…" he paused, apparently trying to collect his thoughts…or something.

"It's fine," I muttered, grabbing my arm back, "Now if you don't mind, I really do have a lot of work to do before rounds. We'll just forget it, yeah? Like it never happened," I managed to get out. I mean, I already knew that it probably didn't mean anything to him, but I didn't really want to hear him say it. I didn't want to hear that it was all just a mistake. I just wanted to go crawl into my bed and let out a good cry.

"That's not what I meant, Lily," he said, frowning deeply at me.

"This way," I continued as if I hadn't heard him. I felt like I was going to be hysteric soon if I didn't finish this conversation now, "You don't have to worry about Emmeline knowing or the rest of your mates—I won't say anything, I swear. It was just… just…the snow. That's all. It's all because of the snow."

"Because of the snow?" he repeated dubiously.

Yes! Merlin, was he deaf? I had to have some excuse for letting him kiss me. "Yes," I said, "I've—I've really got to go. Fairy Wings," I muttered and I scrambled back into the portrait hole before he could stop me. Immediately, I raced up to the dorm. I slammed it shut as soon as I got inside. Unfortunately, the only person in there was Selene. She glanced up at me.

"What's wrong?" she asked, catching my expression. Er…

"Nothing," I said quickly, trying to calm myself and smile casually. I think it looked more like a grimace, "Just…not feeling well. That's all," I said before going into my own bed and pulling the curtains.

What was I going to do?

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So, I skipped rounds.

I'm a horrible Head Girl.

And I'm a coward.

Why did James ever like me again? I woke up, wondering why I felt so bloody awful, then Marlene reminded me.

"There you are," she said as I stumbled out of bed, "Where were you? You and James missed awesome hot chocolate last night—ooh, let me guess? Late night rendezvous?" she asked laughing. I felt my face burn up, so I headed to the bathroom, joking back weakly. I just had to act normal. Then everything would be fine.

"Oh…yeah…you know…er…with the snow and all."

"You alright?" Marlene called outside the door, "You don't sound that great."

"Yeah, I was feeling a bit under the weather. You know how I get in the cold," I said back, looking at my reflection. I was all freckly. I wondered if James liked freckles. I know he likes me eyes—he used to always say that, before he dated Emmeline anyway. He said they were so green—like emeralds. I suppose they were rather pretty. I hope he still thought so.

He did, didn't he? Otherwise he wouldn't have kissed me. Then again, he was just about to tell me what a big mistake it had all been.

What if it really was the snow. Is that even a logical excuse? Or is that just me making things up? I'm not really sure anymore. Either way, I think I'm just going to avoid James until the holidays. Hopefully, everything will work itself out that way.

...

Who am I kidding? Nothing will quite work out, especially if I ignore him. He's either going to be with Emmeline or not, and if he's not, well, we all know how likely that is going to be.

I can't tell Marlene either now because she's just going to think I'm crazy…which, you know, I very well may be.

Either way, I got ready making sure to look particularly well put together before I left the bathroom. I wasn't going to let James know, of all people, how much last night was addling my mind.

Marlene noticed I had put on a bit of make up because she grinned when I emerged, "Who are you looking cute for? James?"

"Quit it, will you?" I snapped, "I don't want to hear any more ridiculous notions of how to break him and Vance up—it's not happening, okay? I'm serious." The feeling of guilt bubbled up in my stomach, and I swallowed, determined to ignore it.

Marlene did not look very pleased—in fact, she sulked all of breakfast, but by the time we had Herbology, she'd let it go.

"Let's work with Sirius and Peter today," she said as we entered.

"What about Remus?"

"He had to leave this morning—his mum was ill again," Marlene said offhandedly.

"Right before the holidays?"

She shrugged, "I suppose."

"His mum is always ill," I said, frowning.

"Whose Mum?" Peter asked, sitting next to us, "Why are you sitting at our table?" he added, frowning slightly.

"Because they're working with us, dimwit," Sirius said offhandedly.

"Remus' mum…she always seems to be sick, doesn't she?"

"I have a better question, Evans," Sirius said, his eyes narrowed, "What the hell did you say to James yesterday?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice a little high for my own liking. I wish I was better at lying. Damn.

"Don't try and fool me," he snapped, "James has been off all morning and yesterday after whatever the hell you two were doing in the snow."

"We were just talking," I said, trying to sound exasperated, "I didn't say anything unusual," I said, shrugging, "Maybe something else is bothering him. Did he…er…did he mention anything?" I added, trying to slip it in slyly. I don't think it worked.

"No," he narrowed his eyes, "When I asked him, he said he had to talk to you and scampered off. Then after…supposedly 'talking' to you, he was in an awful mood and wouldn't speak to anyone."

"Yeah, you had to be the reason he was acting all grumpy," Peter agreed, "I mean, he was fine earlier and then you two stayed behind when we all went for hot chocolate—"

"You both are being ridiculous," I snapped, "Whatever his problem is, it's not me." Lie. I turned to listen to Professor Sprout, but I should have known Marlene wasn't going to take Sirius' comments lightly.

What did you say to James? She scribbled out on a note and shoved it at me.

Nothing. Why won't you three drop it? I wrote back hastily.

Something happened. Please tell me something happened! Did you snog him? I bit my lip but didn't look up at Marlene before writing down...

No.

Lily, you're not telling me something. This is breaking our code of friendship. She can tell when I'm not even looking at her? Ack.

I'm getting over him. I don't want to like him anymore, Marlene, so quit bringing it up.

I glared at her after sending the last note, and she didn't try to send anymore notes after that, thankfully. I hadn't been expecting that to work. I also had lied to her. Hopefully she won't find that out…she'd be more than a little pissed off. Sirius, however, had no inclination of personal boundaries, and he continued to poke and prod me with questions throughout the entire period. I ignored him and hexed him under the table a few times. As it turns out, I learned absolutely nothing in class that day because I was so distracted by everyone around me which was only putting me in a sourer mood.

Then there was James. Well, he had the nerve to try and catch up with me after class. Of course, I went with my natural instinct. I hid in the Hospital Wing immediately. I think Madam Pomfrey was in her office, so I went behind one of the curtains to avoid being caught. I'm not sure if she'd be so happy to see me two days in a row.

"Lily?"

I spun around, "Remus!" I squeaked, "What are you doing here?"

"Er—feeling under the weather. You?"

"Hiding from your mates," I said breezily, taking a chair next to his bed, "I'm sorry you don't feel—" I broke off, suddenly realizing something, "I thought your mum was ill."

"My mum?" Remus asked, looking mildly surprised, "Is that what James told you?"

"Marlene actually."

"Ah, Marlene might have misheard while my mum is sick…I'm still here. Just…er…hanging in the Hospital Wing."

"You didn't seem too bad yesterday. Do you think it's because of the cold? Were you properly dressed?" I asked worriedly. Remus gave a pained smile.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. I have a weak immune system."

"Hmm…there must be a potion for that…"

"There's not," he said quickly, giving a small smile, "Trust me, not for what I have. I'd know."

"Oh, okay," I said, sitting there quietly for a moment.

"So…" Remus said, giving me an unsure glance, "Which one of my friends are you running from?"

He was looking pretty ill. He was all pale—more so than usual. He's a pretty pale guy, "You really don't look well. What is Madam Pomfrey giving you?" I demanded, "I mean, I'm no expert but I know a few potions for when you're feeling run down—"

"It's fine Lily," he said calmly but with a tone of finality to it, "Madam Pomfrey has everything under control," he assured me. Now, I do not doubt Madam Pomfrey's healing skills, but I am rather handy when it comes to Potions so you think the bloke would appreciate my help. Apparently not.

"Oh," I fell silent before I realized I hadn't answered his question, "I was running from James. I think…er…you know…we need to give each other some space."

"Why?" Remus looked alarmed.

"Er—because?" I shrugged, "He's with Emmeline, and I need to get over him properly—"

"You can't be over him—" Remus began. He was cut off by Madam Pomfrey opening the curtain.

"What is all this ruckus—Miss Evans!" she snapped. I jumped.

"Er—hello. Good morning."

"Back again?"

"Again?" Remus asked, giving me one of his annoying quizzical looks. I ignored him and looked at Madam Pomfrey innocently.

"I was just saying hello—"

"This boy needs his rest, isn't that right Mr. Lupin? You know how I feel about visitors. Out, now, Miss Evans," she said, shooing me out.

"Sure, sure, er, Madam Pomfrey, everything I spoke to you about yesterday…absolutely confidential, right?" I asked, once we were out of earshot of Remus. Madam Pomfrey looked exasperated, but she answered with an 'Of course' before shooing me out once again. I'm beginning to think this woman doesn't like me with the way she keeps kicking me out.

"You really need to find a new hiding spot, Evans," James said coolly, "You're becoming predictable." I groaned, realizing he'd been waiting outside the Hospital Wing doors for me.

"Can't you just leave me alone? I'm trying to properly avoid you."

"Yeah, well that's just stupid," he said sharply.

I glared at him. It was not stupid! I had a good reason to avoid him. I was trying to ignore my feelings for him and that was going to be impossible if he kept popping up everywhere. I was on the verge of telling him this, when he had to start talking.

"Listen, I know what I did and what I said yesterday was stupid—"

"Haven't we already established this?" I asked irritably, beginning down the corridor quickly.

"No," he snapped, "We haven't spoken properly. You just said something about me and blaming it on the snow. What the hell does that even mean?" he demanded.

"It just means, it's okay. Neither of us like each other that way, but you know…romantic snow…it makes people do things they didn't mean to. I know you didn't mean to because you're in love with Emmeline—"

"Who told you that?" he asked, forgetting to be angry and looking extremely bewildered. Ah, I guess that was supposed to be a secret or something?

"That doesn't matter," I said, waving away his question. I racked my brains for something else, not wanting to come across as too pathetic, "And I…well, I was telling you about my guy, remember?" Eh. I wonder if I can make James jealous of himself? I wonder if he would ever actually be jealous...

"The guy without the name?" James said gruffly, "Fine. How serious are you about him?" he asked, still sounding incredibly irritated.

Sometimes I wonder why I do these sort of things to myself. After all, how do I get myself in these situations? I felt like crying, so I looked away, "Well, you know, at first I thought it was a stupid crush, but lately, I've been realizing my feelings might be a bit deeper," I tried to say as casually as possible. I have no idea if it worked since I couldn't see his face.

"Yeah?" James had softened up a bit, "And I'm just screwing it all up?"

"Something like that," I said, still not meeting his eye.

"I'm sorry. You're right…we were both just…" he paused for a long moment and then said quietly, "I guess…it was the snow."

"Good," I said feeling relieved and slightly heartbroken. Part of me was hoping he'd say he didn't love Emmeline, and that he loved me and that he didn't care anymore because he was going to be with me instead. Of course, life never quite works out like that. Instead, he said something stupid—like how we were going to keep being friends. Did he honestly expect me to be his friend after all this? For once, I didn't say anything. I nodded and smiled.

Then, after he was finished, he said he had to meet the guys. They had things to plan for later that he missed yesterday, and if he was any later today, they might murder him. I managed to give a shaky laugh at his attempt to joke with me before hurrying off to my dorm. Thank Merlin it was empty. I don't think I could've explained it all to Marlene, and if I was lectured by Selene again, I swear I might snap. Instead, I crawled into my bed and let myself have that good cry I've been needing. Merlin, I really know how to screw things up.

A/N: Hey everyone, thanks so much for all the reviews! You all have been awesome! :) I had some computer issues, but I should be back to regular updates now! :)