Touch the Horizon

-Chapter one: A Series of Change-

By: Light of the Firefly

30 Years Later

Ise Nanao jolted awake, instantly jumping from her bed as if it were on fire.

Panting, she stood next to it in the dark of her rooms, eyes wide with terror, a cold sweat covering her body, her sleeping attire clinging. She kept gasping for breath, staring at her trembling hands, half surprised that they were clean.

She had expected them to be covered in blood.

She fisted them angrily, closing her eyes and resisted the violent urge to hit something. She stood quietly for several moments, coaxing her heart rate back to normal in the dark stillness.

She took a deep breath, filling her lungs and then let it out slowly. Then opened her eyes again.

It was quiet and dim in her bedroom. She tried to make her mind understand that this was real, not the churning turmoil of her nightmare.

That dream always did this to her.

No matter how many years passed, it never softened the blow her memories drug out.

It was the same every time.

Frustrated, she walked to the window and shoved it open. For several moments, she simply breathed in the cool air and took in the scene below of the 8th Division Barracks, her vision never landing on anything particular. The chill of the night air caressing her and caused goose bumps. She didn't mind, it helped ground her to reality even more.

Leaning heavily against the windowsill, she pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes.

It's been thirty years.

When, she wondered despairingly, would his ghost quit haunting her dreams?

"Captain Abarai," Nanao greeted formally, as the man entered the offices. She winced at the pang in her chest. She tried not to be reminded of her former captain every morning at the offices. When the redhead entered she always caught herself feeling a quick stab of surprise, she was always expecting someone else.

Maybe she always would.

"Mornin Ise," he mumbled groggily, letting out a loud yawn and went straight for the hot cup of tea waiting at his desk at the other side of the office. He was always half asleep for the first several hours in the mornings, but she had grown used to it. She had gotten into the habit of pouring him a cup and having it ready for him. Having caffeine waiting helped wake him a bit, but not by much.

"What's on the agenda?" He asked, flopping down into his chair and shuffling through the neat stack of paperwork in front of him.

"We got a batch of new recruits starting today. They all need tested and placed accordingly," she said, her voice sounded automatic, but it was mostly expected she figured. She wasn't the warm greeting type. She was the cold, emotionless lieutenant he had been strapped with, after all.

He nodded, not meeting her eyes. He took a sip of the tea, and read over the document he was holding. She watched him silently for a moment, before turning back to her own work in front of her.

Renji had settled into his new seat with surprising ease. He had been promoted to fill the gap in ranks, as there were several at the time to fill. The choice had been a surprise, but it was necessary. Division 8 had needed a captain, and he had the credentials. It had made sense, and she had adjusted.

Nanao dipped her brush into the inkwell, her neat, perfect strokes gliding across the paper smoothly. She had more down time now than before, as this captain pitched in frequently. Although the paperwork wasn't his strong suit, he did his share with little complaint. His previous captain had at least instilled that habit into him.

"I can perform the testing myself, if you have other pressing matters, Captain." She still choked on the word 'Captain', although not from lack of respect.

At first, she didn't know what to do with herself, when the office duties would be completed much earlier than what she was used to. He tried to be fair, splitting the work 50/50. So, she usually found herself doing pointless tasks around the compound, just to keep busy. She often visited the training rooms, watching and assisting when needed. It was something she enjoyed, getting to know the strengths of her division. The members would eagerly welcome her when she went; her advice on kido was priceless to them. She had gotten to know everyone much better since then, as they had gotten to know her much better as well. She was always the firm, quiet sidekick before. She had slid into a much different role over the past thirty years. She was still firm and quiet, but her more active role in the division made her stand out more. She was constantly thanked, the younger members looking at her with such appreciation. It was a task she found purpose in; teaching. Helping them kept her busy, which was what she desperately needed. And general conversation, even though it never strayed from the professional talk. Just feeling like she was important to someone meant a lot to her, knowing that they were excited when she attended the trainings.

Little did they realize how much it helped her as well. She found herself among the trainings several times a week these days; it became something she looked forward to. Before, however, it was something she had rarely found time for.

"Sure, sure," Renji waved a hand, nonchalantly. "Whatever you prefer. I have a meeting later on, then a trip to the real world. I'll be back later tonight."

Nanao glanced over at him; his personality was still something she was getting the hang of. Thirty years working in the same office, and she still felt uncomfortable around this man. They were strangers to one another, simply put. They only spoke when it was work-related. Even then, he would just agree with whatever she suggested. He was new to the seat, but she knew that wasn't it. It wasn't a lack of confidence in his position. It was his confidence in her, as his lieutenant. He knew, as did every other soul, what a hard worker she was. She was a master of these offices, and a true officer to the division. He trusted her when she made suggestions.

She was glad for it, but a part of her wanted him to resist. To make it hard on her, to question her logic and doubt her. It wasn't that she wanted to feel like she had to prove herself, or for any stupid reason so petty.

It was so she didn't feel the acceptance at his captaincy take hold of her. And it already had settled in, really. He was surprisingly easy to accept. And it made her wither a little more when she realized that.

Renji Abarai was taking his place. Not in her heart or mind, of course, but in this division.

He was loud and brash, which had taken the whole Division time to adjust to. Their previous captain having been so soft spoken and laid back. Most of the division shared those traits, among many others. It was a hard change to get accustomed to, but there was little choice. There were some who resisted the change, who resisted Renji as their new leader. But his straightforward attitude eventually won out on those members, too.

The changes were slow, but it had all happened before Nanao's eyes.

It was little things at first, like the decline of partying. They still did, and quite boisterously, but not every night. The previous captain tended to be behind the planning of those. He was also the life of such get togethers, turning the atmosphere into a cheerful and humorous time. Without his presence, it felt like a hole was missing out of the crowd. All the members felt it, and they tended to turn into sorrowful drunks. After several failed attempts to capture the essence without him, the parties slacked off.

After that, the members also took up a more vigorous attitude towards combat training. It was common knowledge that the squads tended to try to mold to their captains, and the 8th was no different. Captain Abarai thrived in combat, it was his personal joy. And it was slowly rubbing off on the members, which wasn't a bad thing.

It was just…different.

They were no cowards before, but they had shared the ideals of the previous captain. If you don't have to fight, then don't. If it is unavoidable, do it and do it well.

With the new captain, they were more excited over the prospect of the challenge of a fight. He also loved sparring, and that was his own way of bonding with the division.

He was the first to volunteer for outings, either to the real world or the Rukongai to deal with whatever threats were presenting themselves. Time and time again, he had intervened and saved a life amongst the 8th.

And so, little by little, the Division gravitated towards him as well. Nanao hated to admit, but he had earned the respect of many of them. Not that he didn't deserve to, but it still hurt a bit. It almost felt like a betrayal, like she was the only one left feeling the loss down to her core.

But of course, that wasn't true.

Several members had approached her over the years with similar feelings. Not just her own squad, but friends of his among the other 12.

She knew he was missed, she knew he wasn't forgotten.

But she felt like she was moving on, when she vehemently didn't want to. She was falling into a pattern with a new captain, falling into a new role, going about her daily life with her shoulders squared and her back straight. She was the picture of strength, the epitome of acceptance. She was looked up to by her division, and thought highly of by her colleagues. She carried out her job with the same finesse as always, performed her duties with the same skill and ease as before.

But Ise Nanao was heartbroken. Their relationship was never anything beyond platonic, but she had quit lying to herself years ago about her feelings for him. He had been her best friend, always at her side. Whether she had wanted him there or not, he stayed firmly planted next to her. She felt so lonely she wondered how she could still survive when something so vital was missing. She felt animated by some higher power, as if her own will had dwindled and died right along with him.

Died.

It was hard to think of that word, but she couldn't dance around it either.

He was gone. It had been many years now.

She still caught herself expecting to see him when she glanced at the old, worn couch in the office, draped across it in an array of color. But Captain Abarai didn't nap in the office. The couch remained empty, no matter how many times she looked at it.

She found herself expecting him to be nagging her when it was close to lunch time, with his stupid antics to get her to take a break. But Captain Abarai didn't care one way or the other, he left her to her own devises and he expected the same out of her in return. More days than usual, she went without eating lunch. It was unnoticed mostly, because her appetite still hasn't returned.

She realized she was unable to think properly in the silence of the office. She expected the background noise of his chatter, humming, whistling, or snoring. All those years of constant distraction had made it impossible for her to concentrate in a quiet environment, Captain Abarai came in, did his work, and left with as little conversation aimed at her as possible. Easy conversation wasn't there between them, and besides, it took all his focus to properly work. And to her, the quiet was still deafening.

She still expected to be woken up in the late hours of the night to either a drunk or sober man on her doorstep, depending on his mood. But Captain Abarai was nothing but formally polite with her, as she was to him. Her rooms remained empty, lacking the warm presence she wished back so much.

She caught herself staring off into the orchards when the sakura were in full bloom, waiting to catch a glimpse of him lounging in the grass, propped against one of the trees with his hat pulled down to shade his eyes. But Captain Abarai didn't waste his time doing such things, and the orchards themselves remained bare.

She found herself standing on the rooftop frequently, if for no other reason but to reminisce. She knew he was gone, but she still was having trouble understanding the concept. All these years, and she kept expecting to wake up and find him around.

He was dead. The Winter War claimed his life, along with many others. She wasn't the only one mourning a loss from that last, final day. But she certainly wasn't comforted by the idea, either.

She missed him.

With everything she had, she missed him. It pulled her apart sometimes, the need to just hear his voice. She wished she had one more moment with him. Just one, just so she could tell him everything she had been too cowardly to say before.

"Ise?"

Nanao blinked, surprised to find her new Captain in front of her desk, staring at her with a quirked brow.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" She blushed at having been off in another world yet again by him. It happened frequently, and she wondered if he thought she was flighty. He certainly never commented either way when she was startled out of whatever zone she went into. Their relationship took on a strange style, both respecting the other but never attempting to move past anything other than a formal stance. Renji had his own close group of friends, and although he was never impolite, he never showed any interest in getting to know her.

Nanao was equally to blame, she was often awkward with people in general. Captain Kyoraku had honestly been her only friend. As she wasn't into socializing, her personal life was rather empty these days. She and her new captain were a strange mix, anyway. They revolved on a 'don't get personal with me, and do your job' attitude. It worked for them, she supposed. It was what her new captain was used to from the 6th Division, so she doubted he ever questioned their relationship. She likewise knew that no matter how they interacted, he was not him, and therefore couldn't break her out of her shell in any way. She was thankful he didn't try.

"I said, I'm headed to the meeting. All the forms are in the outbox," he said, gesturing to the pile of completed work.

"Thank you, sir," she acknowledged.

"Anything else you need before I go?" He asked, a slight look passing his features. She thought it almost resembled concern, but she sorely hoped it wasn't. "I'll be gone all day after this."

"No, no," she assured him. "Nothing that can't wait. Be safe."

"Phhh." He waved. "What do I have to worry about in the real world?"

She smiled a little at his over confidence. It was a trait that he strongly wore.

"Regardless, always stay alert, sir," she said, noting that she sounded mothering even to her own ears. Renji was young, and with his attitude he was a danger to himself in her eyes. He didn't think much, just dove headlong into any battle, and she couldn't help but to offer bits like that.

"You too, Ise!" He chuckled to himself, and left the offices. He went to the real world frequently, mostly she suspected to visit with his friends over there. Rarely was it work related.

She let out a sigh when he was gone, the air dissipating of his always tense aura. He put her in mind of a coiled snake, always ready to snap at the drop of a hat. Although she had never seen these talked about flares of his temper, she had heard enough about them.

Again, it wasn't that she didn't like him.

He was just…different. Fresh and straightforward and so sure of himself you could see it a mile away.

She finished off her round of work as well over the next hour, stacking them neatly in their proper places, and rising from her chair.

With a stretch, she glanced out the window. It was fall already. The green of the world was slowly fading to the browns and oranges of the season. The air was cool, much more at night. It would be snowing soon.

Avoiding all thoughts related to winter, she quickly gathered her things and headed out the office. The new recruits needed testing, and she was looking forward to the distraction.

"She's bland," Renji grumbled. He walked at a brisk pace, heading towards the gates. The white of his robes fluttered in the breeze behind him. The short shinigami at his side snorted in response.

"Maybe you're too boring for her to waste her time with," Rukia jibed, earning a glare from him. "She's classy, maybe you're too uninteresting to her!"

"Hey! Are you kidding me? You've met her!" He fired back angrily. Rukia just rolled her eyes.

"I have. She's a quiet type," She offered honestly. She had to admit she didn't know much about Ise Nanao either. She was polite, efficient. Word was an absolute genius as well. A kido master. That's about as far as her knowledge of the other woman went. That's probably as far as anyone's knowledge of that woman went.

"Yeah, well I feel like I traded in one stiff for another," he grumbled, and she jabbed him with her elbow for the reference to her brother. "Ow, damnit!"

"Stop whining," she said, earning a dirty look. "You need to consider how much change she has had to go through since you took over the 8th. Don't be so inconsiderate."

"I'm not inconsiderate!" He argued hotly. "She has never once seemed bothered by me; she doesn't seem bothered by anything. She is always calm and collected. I don't think she is ever worked up or worried over anything! Emotionless, bland, and cold."

"Maybe you don't know her well enough to assume that, you jerk," she suggested. He glanced down at her frowning face. "I'm disappointed in you, really. She certainly doesn't deserve your judgment."

He was quiet for a moment. Rukia let the silence fill the space, knowing he was considering her words.

"I don't know her at all, honestly." Even over the last thirty years, Renji hasn't learned much of anything about her. He has never even seen her zanpakutō, which surprised him when he thought about it. Most Captains and Lieutenants sparred with one another to get a feel for their fighting styles, to ultimately be more coordinated during the battles. He wanted to smack himself for never suggesting it. "When I get back…maybe I'll try a little harder."

"You should, considering you have to work together, obviously." Rukia said.

"You make it like this whole thing is my fault. She doesn't act like she wants to get to know me either,." he grumbled.

"It probably is a mutual thing," she said, thinking on it. They really had horribly clashing personalities. Although it never prevented Ise Nanao and her previous captain from forming such a close bond. "Maybe she misses Captain Kyoraku, you know? She isn't the type to fall apart under stress, but she is probably quietly dealing with that still."

"Yeah, maybe," he shrugged, as they reached the gate. It really did bother him that they hadn't formed any bond what so ever. She was his lieutenant, for god's sake. They should try to get along, they should have a different level of bond than what they did currently. Especially after all this time. He remembers well how he felt when he first became Lieutenant of the 6th with his own cold, aloof Captain. He felt out of place, always. He never felt like they had fit together right. He felt looked down on and pushed away.

Renji didn't want her feeling like that, he had in fact decided when they made him a captain to do things better than Captain Kuchiki had with him. He wanted his subordinates to respect him because they knew him, not because of what they heard or simply because of his title.

"Tomorrow, I'll try to get her to work with me on the field at least. Maybe a spar together would help break the ice."

"Couldn't hurt to try," Rukia agreed. "I'm surprised you haven't suggested it yet."

"Hey, shut up! I just thought of it!"

"Come on, you goof," she said, sighing at his tone. "Let's get going."

AN: Just to be clear, this is NOT a Renji/Nanao fic. That's just a weird combo anyhow. I know it looks that way, but it's not, I promise.

Anyhow, please review. I need thoughts on how it's looking so far!