Why Edward? Why?
Chapter 20: The Battle
Bella POV
I felt like I was falling, the air not making a sound to let me know, how fast, how far or where I was going. I attempted but failed miserably to open my eyes – begging that I was going to die. Too much pain in life, the pain of Edward's cheating, the silliness of my actions and the plead for death to cover me with six feet of dirt over my head in a marble coffin. Please. I don't want to live.
Edward POV
#Pump it, louder! Pump it, louder! Pump it, louder!!#
That cursed music was all I was addicted to. I couldn't make myself get out of bed today. The Black Eyed peas seemed to be saying how I felt.
I looked at the clock and sighed. It was half past one in the afternoon and I'd been laying here for nearly three hours since I last glanced at it and turned my bedside radio on.
#Turn up the radio! Blast your stereo right now!#
Nah, I cannot be bothered, I thought and rolled over onto to Bella's side of the bed. Her pillow had been pushed over the edge and I picked it up quickly and inhaled her sweet scent. How I miss you Bella…
I sighed deeper again and got up gingerly and walked towards the bathroom to get washed. I got into the shower and stood there for several minutes inspecting my body. I'd gained some weight and my legs were especially hairy – but that was normal for men. My abs weren't showing as much as they usually were – maybe because I hadn't gone to the gym since I last went which was a few days before Bella's accident.
I leant against the shower wall, ignoring the water splashing down on me and imagined Bella's face. But I couldn't see my Bella. I saw the Bella who had just suffered a serve car crash – lying in her bed on the Ninth ward in the hospital.
It had been five months since her crash and our argument and I was terrified that she would either a) never wake up. b) not remember me if she did wake up or c) she would remember me but that she hated me.
But all I wanted was that she would be ok. Maybe if she didn't remember me then she would be happy and divorce me without a second as she wouldn't remember me at all. Despite being a painful thought – I knew that if you loved someone enough then you would let them go without a second thought.
My family, Carlisle and Esme the most; had told me to stop acting like such a drama queen and wait for the results.
I sighed and grabbed my shampoo, maybe I was acting slightly too dramatic – I need to tell Bella beforehand anyway that I was sorry and loved her unconditionally.
Bella POV
I could now feel stabbing pains in the back of head and thought that something was happening. There was no pain yet any bliss either. I must be hovering on a line of life or death. Maybe if this stopped mucking about then I'd die.
Edward POV
I was greeted by the normal chaos as I stepped into the hospital and was glad that nobody came over to me. I was on "holiday" to my work position as I had worked overtime for nearly two years holiday at least. Thankfully I'd saved it and not even half a year's of it had gone yet as I'd been saving it up for a holiday with my Bella.
Talking of Bella, I walked straight to her room and closed the door gently behind me. My brain wanted to make me cry but I couldn't as my pain was beyond tears now. I sat in the chair beside her bed and took her hand very carefully into mine. I stroked my thumb over her palm and sighed.
"Hello again Bella" I whispered to the quiet room except for the slow heart rate monitor. I glanced at it and saw it was as low as it sounded.
"Bella, don't die on me sweetheart" I mumbled, my control slipping and the tears falling down onto her hand in mine. "I love you too much. I would say I'm sorry but I'm scared you won't forgive me however many times I say it. You saw for yourself me kissing her. She kissed me Bella but if you ever wake up and decide to hate me then I will accept your choice. I mean I love you and you maybe might not even remember me! But anyway I will let you go as that is how much you mean to me despite it not sounding like it."
I thought I felt a shudder or movement roll through her but I ignored it. It was probably nothing anyway.
Bella POV
I was in the state of the coma where I could choose what to do. My body was telling me that I could live if I wanted to and return to the living. But my sub-conscious was saying how much I hated it and that heartbreak was near and making me choose death. I saw the Grim Reaper, my life flash in front of my eyes. Hell, I even saw the best moments of my life, the day I met Edward, the day he saved me, the day he proposed, we got married and several attempts of him helping through the pregnancy battle.
But then, I felt something, something on my…hand…was it called? I felt another hand (if that is what it was called) slip into mine and its thumb stroke my open palm. I felt a rush of desire course through me as the voice spoke words that I wanted to hear.
"Bella, don't die on me sweetheart" It mumbled and I realized it my husband, Edward Cullen sitting beside me and talking to me. I was touched as another roll of happiness covered desire coursed through me.
"I love you too much. I would say I'm sorry but I'm scared you won't forgive me however many times I say it. You saw for yourself me kissing her. She kissed me Bella but if you ever wake up and decide to hate me then I will accept your choice. I mean I love you and you maybe might not even remember me! But anyway I will let you go as that is how much you mean to me despite it not sounding like it."
I felt my heart sink as all I was hearing was him giving up on me. Was he giving p on his dying wife? I felt a sob course through me and sensed he felt it.
But wait! I could choose to go back to him or stay in death! The Grim Reaper was waving his sword, pointing at his hourglass which was running out of sand. The last grain fell to the bottom and I had to choose now. Live or die?
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Next Update shall be in less than a week!