Touch the Horizon
Chapter Five: The Path Less Traveled
By: Light of the Firefly
OOOOO
Nanao startled awake, blinking dazedly at the sunshine in her eyes. Squinting at the brightness, she threw an arm across her eyes and let out a long breath.
She had to take a few moments to remember where she was, as she shook off the fog of sleep.
Grass tickled across her neck, and she remembered with sudden clarity.
She noticed, at that same moment, she was also not alone.
"I wondered when you would wake up." The light hearted tone of Captain Ukitake commented to her right. She suppressed a groan that threatened to escape at his humor filled tones.
"How long have you been waiting?" She asked after a moment, lowering her arm and glancing over at him. He sat cross-legged in the lush grass close to her, his white hair lifting gently in the breeze, and gazing out into the beautiful scenery.
She studied him a moment, trying to gage his mood. He had a look on his face she has come to know as the one he wore when pretending he had no other purposes to a visit.
"Not long." He turned his dark eyes to her's now, and smiled down at her. "I didn't want to wake you. Sleep seems to be hard to come by these days, hm?"
"I can't argue that." Her cheeks heated slightly, and she pushed herself up into a sitting position. It was no secret that people in the division often reported to him when they thought she needed a friend to talk to. Nanao had given up long ago being upset by this, as her division members worry about her the same she does them. Captain Ukitake was a hard person to not open up to. He was so easy, so willing to listen. It made her cringe, knowing how much she has avoided him over the years. It wasn't him specifically, more like the happiness he represented. The precious moments that were snatched from her grasp thirty years ago.
His face was lined with more worry marks than ever showed previously. Nanao always told herself to go see him more, he was still hurting too. She wasn't the only one who needed a friend to talk to after all.
"So," She started, looking around the large expanse of field in front of her. The long grasses were dotted with wildflowers, all swaying like ocean waves in the breeze. The leaves of the trees surrounding the area were a splash of fall colors. "What brings you here, sir?"
He chuckled next to her, and shook his head a little. Nanao was so hard to fool, he knew. She was untrusting by nature, even though they shared a good relationship.
"I just came for a chat." He said, trying to sound honest. She was never fooled.
"What are they saying about me now?" Nanao asked tiredly. She smoothed her hand over her hair absently, straightening out the pieces that came undone while she had napped.
"Just one person, actually." He sighed, giving up on trying to act as if he wasn't here for a reason. "But that's neither here nor there. How are you?"
She looked over and met his eyes at the question.
"I've been fine. How are you, Captain?" Her voice came out quieter than she meant it to, and it earned her a sad smile from the white haired man next to her. They stared at one another a moment.
She nodded in quiet understanding, and turned her gaze back to their surroundings.
"I was surprised to find you here, actually." He said. "I didn't think you came out here anymore."
"I don't usually. Not often." She said, adjusting her glasses slightly in unease. "Sometimes, it's just…a good place to think."
He nodded at her answer, plucking a small daisy from the grasses in front of him. She waited patiently for him to say something more. "Winter is coming soon." He said more to himself than her, picking at the little flower, lost in his own thoughts.
"Yes." She said, wondering what he was getting at. A few delicate petals fell from the daisy he held as he plucked them away.
"Everything changes, the seasons are at least predictable." He said quietly, and she watched him as he shredded the little flower with his long fingers. His head stayed downcast as he picked another. "Is that what bothers you? Is it the winter approaching that is bringing back memories?"
"No." She said, watching the whole process over again. He was a fidgeting person, and this line of conversation brought it out most strongly in him.
"Maybe it didn't have anything to do with him, then?" He asked, as if she knew what he was referring to.
"Tell me what you heard, and I'll explain."
"I heard you went to the Real World. And had a…problem. " He began, meeting her eyes then. She blinked stupidly. She wasn't expecting him to have heard about the trip, let alone her moment of panic at the end. "What happened?"
"I…" She hadn't thought of a good enough excuse yet, for this captain or her own. "I don't know."
It had been several days now since their return from the Real World. It was Saturday today, and she had declined the promised second trip with Captain Abarai, having told him she wasn't feeling well. It was a simple lie, and she thought she saw the suspicion in his features when she had told him, but she was not going back there. He had left without her, and she had retreated here. To this spot in the Rukongai. It was Nanao and her previous Captain's own personal meeting place, where they spent several days a week together. They had shared so many days here, there was an impossible amount of memories attached to this field.
The area was a huge expanse of flat open grass, surrounded by the ancient forest on all sides. The trees here were enormous, with trunks that twisted and shot to the sky. They were beautiful, seeming so high and so big it was hard to imagine how old they might be. Most of them had half their roots above ground, and they stretched and covered the wood line. She had become a master of navigating those roots, as they were huge, moss covered and slippery, and hard to step over in places. Several twisted ankles in years past had made her a quick learner.
During their spars, they had had an ongoing pact not to allow any of their attacks to ever damage the trees, as they were simply too stunning to see tarnished.
Her mind drifted easily to one of those days, one that stood out more than others.
She stared him down across the expanse between them, knowing he had some move up his sleeve he was about to use. He looked a bit ruffled, having several scorch marks and dirt smearing the knees of his uniform. Nanao had landed several perfect attacks on him.
His lips smirked, and he raised his twin zanpakto slightly. He was ready again, she knew. Hat and haori lay forgotten off to the side of the field, his white robes fluttered in the wind, dotted with burned spots.
Nanao smirked back, with as much pride as she could, anyhow. She knew she looked ridiculous, having lost a sleeve to Katen Kyokotsu's clean swipe a while ago. Her hair had came undone long ago, as well, and she had somehow lost both of her sandals.
It was warm today, but not unbearably. They had been at it for a few hours now, neither one ready to call it quits just yet.
Her kido blazed hot on her hands, her arms at her side, ready for whatever he would try. She was tiring, having fired off an enormous amount of attacks, but still had more fight in her.
He was gone before she could blink, flashing directly behind her. Nanao barley managed a gasp of surprise before the cool press of steel at her throat and abdomen tucked her back against her captain.
His breath ghosted across her ear as he chuckled, nuzzling into her neck slightly. She suppressed a shiver.
"Ah, Nanao-chan. Your slowing. Is it time to stop?" He asked, sounding arrogant having caught her off guard. He leaned against her from behind intimately and she froze. It was pretty typical of him do attempt gropes when he had her cornered, she should be used to it by now. But her body reacted the same every time.
"Not yet." She said finally, just as arrogant.
"Do you have a plan of escape then?" He asked, his voice dropping to a deeper tone. The blade at her throat moved, forcing her chin to lift higher. It exposed more of her neck and the back of her head rested against his shoulder.
"Always." She answered, her hands landing lightly against his thighs. She pressed against his unyielding muscles, trying to push him back a bit, but he wouldn't budge.
"Your sure?" He asked, and she could hear the smile in his voice. The blade against her abdomen pressed her back into him more, and she felt his lips skim up the column of her neck lightly.
"This is a hard one to get out of." He said casually, the blade at her throat pressing slightly harder against her skin to emphasize his words. She shivered, more from the movement of his lips against her neck as he spoke than from the blade. "We should make a wager, then."
"What's the stakes?" She asked, skeptical. She has lost many before this, and wasn't sure she should agree to any. Nanao knew he held back when they sparred, and whenever they made a wager he really wanted to win, he unleashed it on her.
No matter how sure she was she could win, she always lost, and he always won the wagers.
Some weren't bad, like having a drink with him, or going to dinner. Others, however, downright irked her. Like letting him have a week free of paperwork, or allowing all the sake he wanted in the offices for a month.
The worst was when she had to wear a damn pink, specially made haori for a day. It had been identical to his, only sized for her. She didn't leave her office until that particular wager timed out. He had gotten quite a kick out of it, and didn't leave the office the whole day either, just to laugh at her. And make remarks about how 'lovely' she looked in that color. The few division members who did see her that day, had perfect poker faces when they addressed her, as she turned her mighty glare at anyone who walked in the office. It had been awful. She told him she planned to torch the thing that evening, and her captain pouted. He told her he had been hoping she would wear it around her home, over her nightgown, so that she would think of him. She burnt it to ash after that comment.
"A kiss." He said simply, and she stiffened instantly. He had never asked anything intimate like that of her in the past. "A willing kiss. Where you fully participate in the act."
"No." She said instantly.
"No?"
"No."
"Why not, Nanao-chan?" He asked, truly curious. His head leaned back from her, thankfully freeing her of the brush of his stubble against her neck.
"Because you always win." She stated, obviously.
"Would that be such a bad thing? One kiss?" He asked, quieter.
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes."
"I have been told I'm a good kisser." He hedged. "It wouldn't be such an awful thing. I know you secretly would love a kiss."
"I'm not betting on a kiss, sir." She said, firmly. "You'll have to pick something else."
"But that's all I want." He pouted, even with her back turned to him she knew what his face looked like.
"You can find someone else to kiss, I'm sure."
"I want to kiss you." He said, sounding serious suddenly. "Badly."
"No." She said, trying to sound firmer still.
"If you win, you wouldn't even have to worry about it." He wheedled, and she felt the blade easing off her skin slightly, the one at her abdomen as well. He was trying to trick her into thinking he was relaxing his stance, to make her think she had a chance to win, that she could take him off guard now.
Nanao knew all too well how he thought. The sparring they did together had honed her perfectly to his tricks. She wouldn't fall for it.
"I'm still refusing the wager." She said, angry at her traitorous body that heated at the mere thought.
"Then kiss me anyhow." He said, the swords dropping from her all together. She was freed, could move away from him at will now. But Nanao couldn't make her foot take a single step, and Captain Kyouraku didn't back away from her an inch either.
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Tell me why. A good excuse, not any line about professionalism and work. I want to hear, from you, why not." He said.
"Why are you doing this?" Nanao asked accidentally, she had never meant to voice that question. She cringed a bit, her tone had sounded a little raw.
He stepped around her then, coming face to face with her. He sheathed his swords, and she stared up into his dark gaze. His eyes were so sincere as he stared back at her.
"You know why. You have always known." He said quietly, and her throat went dry instantly. Swallowing, Nanao looked away, breaking the spell he held her with his eyes. They didn't talk about their true feelings, both artfully danced around the subject. It was an unspoken understanding between them, however.
"Please look at me, Nanao-chan." His warm, calloused hand brushed over her cheek, turning her head back to him. When she met his eyes again, he smiled softly at her. "One kiss."
At her silence, he stepped into her, his eyes never leaving hers. Nanao knew she could have gotten out of it, she need only ask. But she stood still dutifully, betraying what logic told her not to give in to.
The hand on her cheek slid into her hair, griping her gently as the distance was closed.
She inhaled sharply when his lips brushed against her own, but that didn't help her, as she only inhaled his scent deeper.
Her whole body relaxed it's tense stance, melting a little at the contact. Her hands landed automatically against his chest, fisting in his clothing.
He let out a quiet moan as his firm lips continued their exploration over hers. The kiss went on, innocent and soft, and she felt time grinding to a halt around them.
She felt his tongue slide against her then, and she knew she had to stop this now. It had gone too far as it is, and she couldn't let it go any more. She would be lost if she did.
Nanao jerked away instantly, and took several steps back away from him. She needed the distance, or she would never walk away.
She met his eyes, and they stared silently at one another for several moments.
He reached out a hand to her, opening his mouth to say something.
Without a word, Nanao turned and shunpoed all the way back to the compound.
That day was forever burned into her memory. She wondered now what would have happened if she had never left, if she had stayed. Whenever she revisited this spot, that day came to mind, always. It was so quiet and peaceful here, full of so many warm memories and laughter, like sunshine on her soul.
These days, however, it lurched her heart to come here, knowing she would spend the time alone. The pain took her breath away sometimes when she stepped into the field by herself.
She didn't know what had possessed her to come here today, but she had. She needed the clarity, she supposed. The facts to help solidify her knowledge. What she had felt in the Real World had rattled her to her core, and she needed to be grounded again to the truth.
She wasn't sure what happened, but she knew there was no way it had been Captain Kyouraku that day. The man had died in her arms, for god's sake. She had been there when his light extinguished, Nanao knew for certain that he was gone. There was no way possible she had felt him there.
But the truth of the thing was, she had felt him there.
The experience had been on the forefront of her thoughts all week. She had messed up several important papers, as her mind wondered off while she was at work.
She had also had to avoid her new Captains offers to lunch, or whatever other activity he could think up all week. He was concerned, she figured, and was trying to weasel information out of her.
There was no way she would tell him, or anyone for that matter, they would tell her she was crazy.
The worst part was, she was telling herself that already.
"You don't know?" Captain Ukitake's voice broke her from her thoughts, and she turned to him.
"No, I just felt…ill suddenly." She told the same lie to him she had told to Captain Abarai to explain her behavior that day in the Real World.
"Why did you decline to go back this weekend with Abarai-san then?"
"I don't want to go back. It was a terrible feeling." She said, honestly. "So I told him I didn't feel well today to avoid it all together. He went without me."
"It's not uncommon, you know." Captain Ukitake said, and she met his gaze, surprised. He smiled patiently at her. "You remember your early days in the Academy, right?"
"Yes." Nanao said. She cocked an eyebrow at him.
"Well, it was a while ago, but you may remember the sense of nausea often caused by the dimension shift?" He asked, and she realized he was explaining her symptoms to her. She suppressed a groan, and went with it. If he was doing this, he obviously bought her fib. "I figure that's what happened to you. You haven't been there in years, after all. It was basically new to you all over again. You should go back, it will pass the more you visit. It's is very common, don't let that scare you away. The Real World is an interesting place to go."
"Yes, well, I'm not a new student." Nanao said, feeling like she needed to defend herself here. She was well aware of the dimension skip, and had adjusted accordingly. But there was no way she was going back. What if that happened again? What if she had raced off after the passing feeling she had felt and made a total fool out of herself?
"I would never accuse you of being unprepared." He chuckled at her, and unfolded from his sitting position next to her. He stretched a moment, taking a deep breath of the fresh, wild air. "I'm just saying that your…much like the new recruits in that manner."
"I've got enough experience to handle that, sir." She tried not to sound defensive, but did anyhow. "And I'm not going back. This was a feeling I have no interest in revisiting." She clarified to him, and he looked back down at her. A warm smile lit his features.
"I never thought you to be scared off by something as simple as dimension sickness." He challenged, as he started to casually walk away from her.
"What!" She demanded, on her feet instantly as well.
"You surprise me is all." He waved nonchalantly, his back still to her. "I figured you to be more…direct with such a problem."
"Your baiting me." She accused, narrowing her eyes at him.
"Maybe so." He shrugged, the sun glinting off his white-silver hair with the movement. "Then again, I'm not the sly one here, am I?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" He was almost to the center of the field now, and she had to raise her voice so he would hear.
"It means, I'm not so easily fooled, either." She saw him turn his head and wink over his shoulder at her. "Quit telling stories, and quit running away from things. Whatever the truth is, you are better than that."
He vanished with a flash step and she felt like screaming.
He had known she was lying to him? Of course he did, it was stupid of her to even try. He was side by side with her previous captain through the years. He had been there as she grew up. He could read her well, and she snorted at herself for trying the same antics as she had used on Renji.
Worse, Captain Ukitake had played along, making her feel like a foolish, inexperienced new graduate. Which had irritated her, naturally. She had worked far too hard to be seen by others as incapable.
And he knew this, of course, and played on it in his favor.
Then, to ice the cake, he called her honor onto the table, forcing her to rise to the challenge presenting itself. Which backed her into a corner of proving herself.
Damn him, she thought, seething. Nanao had forgotten how smooth that man was.
If she didn't know him so well, if she had been anyone else, she would have stomped off to the Real World this instant to prove to herself she was no coward.
Gritting her teeth, she had to fight back the urge to do just that.
But, she was reasoning with herself, that's the reaction he wanted out of her. It was one of his natural mentor talents. He pushed people gently, with a steady hand, to do their best. He truly wanted people to reach their potential. It was a trait she adored in the silver haired man. It was a trait Captain Kyouraku had shared, the two of them together could make anyone do anything, and believe it was their own choice all along.
Letting out a frustrated breath, she glanced around the large field one more time. Her eyes softening as she did so, and a slight smile lifted her lips.
If she closed her eyes, she could imagine his deep laughter filling the nature-made arena. His presence lingered here more so than any other spot in all of Soul Society. This was where so many endless hours were spent together, testing and molding to one another.
Yes, she missed him tremendously.
If she thought back to that night in Urahara's shop, she could still feel the reatsiu pattering across her senses. It was there, she would swear it to the heavens. There was no mistake.
Yes, she would have sworn her soul that she had felt him a few days ago.
Nanao wondered if that scared her more than the thought that she had imagined the whole thing. She had nothing more to go on but those few fleeting moments.
Yes, if she knew there was truth behind that, she would be in the Real World, chasing after whatever wisp of his energy she could trace.
She squared her shoulders, and turned her head skyward, glaring at the dimming blue expanse above.
She would go back. It was decided. Whether it was the reatsiu she had felt, the shove Captain Ukitake gave, or the general need of a distraction, Nanao couldn't say.
Perhaps it was a mixture of all of those things, but she was not going to run from any issue.
OOOOO
Renji stubbed a toe, quite painfully for the third time this morning, as he rounded the corner. He let out a grumbled slew of curses and kept going down the hall. He had to start going to bed earlier, he thought grouchily.
A few young members walked by him, bowing in cheerful greeting. He nodded to them, and kept going silently.
Never a person who enjoyed being up this early, he tried to avoid people in general at this hour. For fear of what he would snap at them.
He hated Mondays. Passionately.
His weekends seemed to consist of too much sake lately, and too little sleep to boot.
He stumbled through the door to the office, half mumbling a greeting to his lieutenant out of habit, and headed straight for her special blend of hot tea waiting on his desk. The steam rose from it like a beacon promising caffeine.
He picked up the mug and flopped down in his chair.
The first sip was perfection every morning. Renji sat silently for a moment, swallowing as much of it as he could without burning his tongue to jump start his still hazy brain.
After a moment, he glanced over at his quiet office mate, her head was turned down as she read over some paper. The fine features of her face hidden by that strip of ink black hair that always hung down over her cheek. He had thought about Nanao frequently this weekend while he was at the Real World with his old friends. She was never far from his mind, and Renji was a little embarrassed to admit that to himself. He wasn't sure at what point she had come to take up a spot in his thoughts, but she had regardless. He remembered frequently how frightened she had looked, standing in the shop that day, trying to hold herself together. And it had called something protective out of him.
He took another swig, trying to brush those thoughts away. He always meant to ask what kind of tea it was that she made, but always forgot. It didn't really matter, he supposed. She was thoughtful enough to make it for him and always have it waiting when he arrived.
"Are you feeling better, Ise?" He asked, clearing his throat. His voice had come out a little more graveled than he thought it would.
"I was never sick, in all honesty, sir." Nanao sighed, setting the brush down and leaning back in her chair. She met his eyes levelly.
"Um," He said intelligently. He wasn't sure how to respond to that statement.
"I simply didn't want to go. I apologize for not being truthful from the beginning." She said, looking embarrassed.
"You could have just said so. I thought you had fun when we went?" Renji asked, taking another swallow of the hot brew.
"I did, very much. I would like to request another trip there whenever you would like to go again, sir."
The redhead processed this information, and nodded thoughtfully to her. " I go almost every weekend. Your always welcome."
"Thank you. I'd like to try again this weekend, then."
"What changed?" He asked, avoiding the subject of the bad episode she had last time.
"Captain Ukitake spoke with me." She said, noticing the flushed look on her captain's face. So HE was the one who had approached him about it, she thought wryly. "He pointed out that the dimension skip can cause the sudden onset of illness I had experienced. I'm better prepared now, and would like to give it another shot."
Nanao didn't add that she knew that was all a bunch of crap, or that it hadn't been the problem at all. She wanted Renji to believe it was a simple matter, and that it was resolved now, so that he would take her again. She needed to face this fear, or whatever it was. She had, in all honesty, had fun in the Real World.
"That was the problem then?" He asked, sounding pleased. It was a common thing, after all. Nanao said she hadn't been to the Real World in many, many years, so it made perfect sense now. He had been worried sick over her, but his mind was set at ease now.
"Yes." She said.
"This weekend then?" His voice sounded a bit hopeful, she thought.
"This weekend." She agreed, determined to jump this hurdle.
OOOOO
I hope this satisfied some of the reviews that wanted some Ukitake appearances? :)