Why Edward? Why?

Chapter 23: Time To Talk

BELLA POV

I looked back at him, thinking over all the memories of us together from our marriage to each other. It was nearly eight years since we had tied the knot.

Had it been a good eight years?

How was I supposed to answer that question?

Yes it had been all lovely with the waking up to each other every morning, entangled in each other's legs and arms.

The joy of being together, the kissing, the cuddles and the sex as well as the amount of love committed were important. The love that had flowed between us was still there, just buried beneath the surface. It was like algae, it floated just below the surface but it was still in the water, still hard to reach, no matter how close.

Did Edward still want me?

The last I'd seen he was kissing Tanya, the woman who had tried to kill me while I was still unconscious. He had yelled in her face, declaring his love for me. Or was it just an act? Was I insulting him by thinking this?

Was I ready to continue this marriage?

Was I ready to accept that I might just not be able to conceive a child of my own? Could I live with that and remain a faithful and loving wife to a husband who I didn't really know if the chemistry and love was still active? If I could continue to live with the only man I had ever loved, would I settle for adoption and give up on the natural way to get a baby?

"Bella" Edward said softly. It alerted my attention to him but also scattered my carefully made thoughts and made them dashed back to their drawers deep within my mind and locked them shut.

I looked at him with wide child-like eyes.

Then I sighed.

"Bella love, I'm not at all involved with her" Edward said sftly, looking me swiftly staight in my eyes, answering my thoughts.

"Really?" I asked smoothly.

"Yes" he answered.

He walked to the edge of my bed and sat down on the chair. "I cannot stand her. I love only you. You're my wife, but you've seen all the bad parts of me, before we were amrried. I'm sorry if you can't do this anymore. I'll promise you this though-."

He took a deep breath.

"This can only work out between us if we both want to continue this. I want to remain married to you. If you want a divorce then I will wait until you are ready and give it to you if you don't want to be with me anymore."

"It isn't a situation of 'not wanting to be with you'" I argued, straightening my back as I defended myself. "It's the fact that I need to wake up properly and sort my head out. That can only happen if I can trust you. You, to me, were the husband who looked like you were cheating, although I know that is all Tanya's scheming."

I sighed again.

"I do want to be with you Edward, it's just hard for me to trust my own actions. I have a part of me screaming that I can't trust you. I don't want to listen to it, but it's my logic that is telling me that. I need to learn to trust you properly so I can trust myself. I haven't exactly been the best wife ever but a woman tries!"

"Bella" he interrupted me. "You ARE a good wife to me. It's just that we look like we are having an issue here. I will not give up until you have trusted me enough to fall back in love with me again."

My head jerked up and my mouth was in a wide 'O' shape.

I found my speech slowly.

"I-I never said it was a fact of love, Edward" I half gasped. "I was just thinking that I am a bit well…bossy sometimes." My answer was feeble.

"Bella stop blaming yourself and admit it to yourself!" he moaned, shaking his head slightly and he looked pained. "You can't trust yourself around me so you are put off trusting me as your partner. You still have strong feelings of love for me, you just don't want to love me again in case you get hurt. Can't you see that sweetheart?"

My brain was nodding along with him. I couldn't believe it.

"Edward, are you sure you aren't over-reacting with this?" I hesitantly asked. "I don't hate you or anything! I still love you Edward-"

"You're not IN LOVE with me as much as you were before Bella" he interrupted me again, as if he was forcing me to agree with him. "You are giving in to your brain which is telling you that you feel in-sercue slightly."

My brain was nodding; forcing me to agree with Edward as well.

I suddenly found it harder to breathe; the air was slowly chugging in and out of my mouth lazily.

I shook my head "Don't be an idiot Edward. Now you're scaring me."

"It's true Bell-"

"WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP WITH THIS BOLLOCKS!" I half screamed at him, making him jump and nearly fall off his seat.

" I have been back to the living world for exactly half an hour now and I do not need you messing with my scattered thoughts. I will decide this when I can mull it over! Not when you decide that I'm a freakin child and you're the adult telling me that I'm wrong and your right!"

I glared at him, narrowing my eyes and crossing my arms.

He sighed heavily.

"You haven't even said that you missed me or that you were worried about me" I added childishly.

He half chuckled.

"Bella love, stop being silly."

"You stop being a complete jerk, Edward and then I might decide to speak for myself!"

He laughed.

It was amazing how much I had missed him, seeing his smile. His laughter was one thing that I had sub-consciously craved to hear, to know that my husband would always be there for me and make me happy.

"I do love you Edward, it's just…I want to be appriciated like when we started thast honeymoon. Or better, when you first asked me to marry you. Or when you told me that you loved me. Or when we first met? ANYTHING that shows me that you are devoted to me as much as possible. I know its selfish but-"

He interuped me a third time.

"Bella love, calm down. I understand." He said gently.

There was a silence.

"Can I kiss you Bella?" he asked, in the same way he had nearly twelve years previously.

I responded in the same way I had before, but this time I wasn't marking his homework and instead I was in a hospital bed.

"If you want to Edward."

He smiled his croaked grin I'm missed more than him and leaned forward to meet his lips with mine.

It was exactly how it was all those years ago.

It was cheesy; fireworks in my head, a slight dizziness took over me and my pulse ran twice as fast as normal. I smiled and wrapped my arms round his neck and he pulled me closer to him.

We pulled away after a minute and laughed out loud at the same time.

"You are so beautiful Bella, I think I'm in love with you" he breathed.

"You better know that Edward" I quoted. "Because I'm in love with you too!"

It was odd to quote ourselves from when we were teenagers.

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