Touch the Horizon

Chapter Eight: Left Behind

By: Light of the Firefly

OOOOO

Nanao winced at the loudness of Renji's outburst, and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to release the sudden tension of the headache he just brought on. The yell added with the bang from the door jolted her brain, and reminded it to throb apparently.

"Please keep your voice down, sir." She said, as the throbbing picked up the pace in her skull. How hard had she hit the pavement anyhow? She ended up closing her eyes, as even the light from the hallway was making it more intense.

Renji ignored her discomfort and the other man completely, assuming it was just some doctor.

He focused solely on his lieutenant, who sat in a hospital bed, of all places. He had been so worried something had happened, that she was lost or hurt too badly to return on her own. They had searched high and low for her, eventually splitting up to cover more ground. He had finally felt a burst of her pressure a few blocks back.

After just having ran all the way here, arguing with pushy nurses to get to her room, and now seeing she was in fact hurt, Renji was pissed. Mostly at Rukia for allowing the whole situation to happen, but at himself and Nanao as well. Why would she leave to wonder around a completely new environment alone, anyhow?

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW-" He started, and made to brush by the reincarnated captain to yell at her some more, but a large hand on his chest stopped him in his tracks. He stumbled back a step from the unexpected restriction.

"Slow down there. That's no way to act in front of a lady." The voice was calm, but firm as steel.

Renji stared down at the hand on his chest, stunned silent by the gesture. Since he had earned Captain status, he wasn't used to anyone randomly putting their hands on him. Or getting in his way, for that matter. He was seeing red suddenly, his temper soaring to new heights. Who the hell did this guy think he was, anyhow?

"Classy worded jerk, are ya? Look, bud, this isn't your business. And if you don't get your damn hand off…" He knocked the hand away and when he turned his glare up to the taller man's face, his words failed him. "…me…sir?" The last few words came out in a squeak.

"What's with everyone calling me that today?"

Nanao saw Kyouraku's stance relax when Renji stopped showing any signs of a threat. In fact, Renji looked more like a teenager who just met a celebrity. The redhead stared, wide eyed and open mouthed at the other man. She would have laughed at his expression if the situation wasn't so depressing. He looked just as shocked as she had felt when she saw him too.

"Wha…" Renji stammered intelligently.

"Just calm down a bit. The lady here has been through a lot in the last day."

His path fully blocked from his lieutenant, Renji continued to stare at a face he was trained to look upon with utter respect. He straightened his back automatically out of habit, and swallowed nervously. He had to fight back the urge to bow and apologize.

After a moment, he managed to tear his eyes away and look past the man in front of him at Nanao sitting on the bed. She stared back, looking a little embarrassed.

"Ise…"

"I know." She nodded at him, fidgeting with the sheet in her lap. This whole thing was turning into a bit of a mess, she thought.

Captain Kyouraku glanced at her over his shoulder, one eyebrow raised. "You know this guy, I take it?"

"Yes. It's fine, he's fine I mean." She managed, and he moved to the side to let Renji pass by him.

Renji however, remained where he was, still stunned. He eyed the taller man up and down, then glared at Nanao, hoping she could explain what was going on. He had attended this man's funeral for god's sake.

She remained silent however, avoiding his eyes, and not offering any information, and that only irritated him more.

"You plan on telling me what's going on here, Ise?" He asked suddenly, letting out a sigh. He crossed his arms over his chest, and nodded toward the other man. "Like…am I missing some big secret here? Is this some undercover thing I don't know about?"

Nanao shook her head at him and gave him a stern look, hoping he got the message to stop talking about this right now.

She then turned to face Captain Kyouraku, or whoever he was now. She met his dark eyes once again and realized he had been gazing at her intently. He was watching her, gauging her reaction to Renji's appearance if she had to guess. He was overprotection personified.

Nanao found herself forgetting her new captain was even in the room, the more she looked into those darker eyes. They were much more expressive than the amber ones she had been so used to. She could easily read the intensity in him now, the fire, the quick wits. The world was tunneling around her, and he was becoming the focal point. Which, was basically the usual reaction she used to get with him in the past.

But…this wasn't him, was it?

Her chest lurched painfully again as the thought crossed her mind. Nanao had a hard time making herself believe it wasn't really him, when he stood looking at her the way he did. It was so similar to the intense stare of the man she once knew.

"I think some kinda damn explanation is in order!" Renji snapped, breaking the silent moment between the two. He was feeling left out of the loop here, and was wondering what the punch line was. They were totally ignoring him! And he would be damned if he didn't get some answers here. He was talking to a dead man, so obviously someone needed to explain something. Was there some kind of top secret operation going on that no one ever informed him about or what?

He felt a little betrayed suddenly, that if there was some big secret here his own lieutenant had been keeping it from him so well all this time. He wanted answers. He didn't want to be the only one not in on whatever the hell was going on.

First and foremost, obviously, why was this Captain, who was supposed to be long dead, standing here right now?

"Now, Ise!" He snapped when no one piped up to his first request. He was avoiding Captain Kyouraku's gaze, and staring intently at Nanao over his shoulder.

"Manners." The man in question reminded, and shot him a bit of a warning glare at his tone.

It effectively wiped the angry look Renji was giving Nanao right off his face. He cleared his throat, eyeing Kyouraku uneasily, shifted slightly where he stood.

"Sorry. I'm just pissed, ya know? I'm obviously surprised to see you-"

"-Not right now, sir. Please. I will explain when we leave here." Nanao cut in.

Renji shot her another look but she ignored it. She couldn't discuss it with Captain Kyouraku standing here. Once they left, she would tell him everything, but they couldn't do it now.

She blinked suddenly, surprised to feel the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She would have to leave him, wouldn't she? Of course she would, he was human now. She had to go back, and let him be a human. Without her. He had a new life here, with no wars or death, a new life that he most likely enjoyed. She had no right to interrupt that.

He looked well dressed and healthy, no hidden burdens in his dark eyes. Like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. This version of her caption hadn't faced years upon years of loosing friends, of killing enemies, of trying like hell to sleep at night with all the chaos churning through his thoughts. This man didn't drowning his sorrows in sake, numbing the bitter slices of life he had lived through. His face wasn't lined with the stress, his eyes glowed brighter than she ever saw when he was a part of her past.

No, she decided. This man was happy, and he had certainly earned the right to continue on like this. Ignorance was bliss, apparently.

She felt the burning sinus feeling of new tears starting up again, and quickly tried to turn her thoughts elsewhere. Yes, he certainly earned it. She would leave here and let him be. She had gotten her wish, after all, to see him once again. Now she had to let him go. Again.

"Tense in here, eh? Lover's quarrel?" Kyouraku asked good naturedly when silence stretched in the room, and her eyes had turned sad again. He was confused, but knew these two obviously had some communication they needed to sort out. Something told him her sadness had nothing to do with the redhead, but it bothered him regardless. She looked so fragile to him suddenly, and he had to fight the urge to sooth her. Instead, he tried to pull her focus elsewhere. He was wondering if he should just leave. She had someone here who she knew to take her home now, really she didn't need some stranger hanging around anymore.

But he just couldn't bring himself to leave the girl yet. He felt an irresistible pull to her, like being next to her was the most natural thing in the world. He felt the whole atmosphere change with her so close, this strange girl.

"Hardly." She snorted, glaring right back at Renji who was still giving her dirty looks. He reminded her so much of a child having a fit sometimes.

"And do you just call everyone 'sir'? If so, I don't feel so old now from your slip earlier." He was pleased the sad look on her face had passed.

She tried not to crack a smile at him, as he sounded so much like his previous self in this moment.

"He's…my boss." She offered lamely, meeting Renji's eyes meaningfully across the room to make sure he would keep his mouth shut. Hopefully he was smart enough to catch on that this wasn't who he thought it was. It had taken her longer than necessary to understand it, but Renji didn't have his heart tangled up with it. Maybe he would come to the conclusion she failed to see without anyone telling him.

"Ah, angry boss. I certainly know that feeling." The man nodded, seemingly happy with this explanation. And strangely relieved it wasn't a romantic tie of any sort. He couldn't explain that thought, so he brushed it aside for later consideration.

Something about this girl had him coiled tighter than a spring, and he felt the most absurd urges. Like wanting to chastise her for foolishly stepping into traffic and getting hurt; or the more violent urge of throwing the redhead out forcefully for upsetting her. It made no sense, she would most certainly not appreciate those actions, but he couldn't help it.

Was this some mid-life crisis kicking in, he wondered. No, it was much deeper rooted, he felt like he was forgetting something important here. Something huge, that tied all the loose ends together neatly and made everything make perfect sense. It was such a strange feeling, and he tried hard to remember what it was he was obviously forgetting but it was lost to him. He would defiantly need to figure out what had gotten into himself when he got home.

"Yes…AND, your rather late. For work, obviously. So, get your shit and let's go." Another look from the Kyouraku-look alike and Renji finished lamely, "If…you don't mind, of course…"

"Of course." She said quietly, and pushed the blankets away. Her clothes were wrinkled from having slept in them, and her hair was freed from it's customary clip.

She couldn't care less for once, those were minor details now. She was always so meticulous about her appearance, but right now with the world having felt like it flipped, she just started glancing around the room for her shoes.

Having Captain Kyouraku standing next to him with her in the room made Renji feel like a subordinate to them both. A third wheel, even. Renji felt that if he ordered her to leave right now, she would probably turn to Kyouraku and ask permission. Most likely not even out loud, they would just share one of their stupid silent looks and she would know her answer.

Renji closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Why was he so pissed off, anyhow?

The last 24 hours were mostly to blame, he figured. He had been picturing every possible worse case scenario for why Nanao never returned, and had worked himself into a panic. He would never forgive himself if she was hurt badly or even killed because he was too busy arguing with Ichigo to notice she slipped out the door.

Opening his eyes again, he looked at the two of them. Nanao had began to get up out of bed, but swayed a little. Captain Kyouraku steadied her quickly with a hand on her elbow.

"Feeling alright?" He asked her, and she nodded back. "Sure you should leave right now? Maybe wait for the doctor to check you over?"

Renji didn't miss the meaningful look he shot at him over Nanao's shoulder. He was mad, most likely that he was asking her to leave when she wasn't all together just yet.

"Really, I'm…alright. I just stood up too quick. Dizzy. From standing too quick." Renji couldn't remember her ever rambling. He was used to her straightforward, simple answers. She was precise, she didn't stammer over her words. He watched as the other man looked over her features closely, before letting her arm go. She took a few steps over to the wall where her shoes sat on the floor just fine, without stumbling.

Renji didn't miss the way Captain Kyouraku watched her every move, either. It was unnerving, really, to see two people so focused on each other. Nanao was not cold and distant with this man, not like she is around everyone else. He remembered seeing the two of them over the years around the divisions, and they were practically inseparable then.

Renji thought of the flimsy bond they built together only recently as Captain and lieutenant. It was new, fresh, and severely underdeveloped.

These two, however? Even in the academy he had heard stories told about the two of them, and their fierce loyalty to one another. He was also in debt to Captain Kyouraku and Captain Ukitake for the part they played in saving his friend. And he remembered the day he had accompanied Rukia to the 8th Division offices, after the execution mess. She had wanted to personally thank him, and he had simply brushed off her formal thanks with an easy joke and offered the two of them a drink. Which Nanao had quickly reprimanded him for. Now that he thought about it, Nanao had stood against the Soutaicho alongside her captain for that ordeal. That alone spoke volumes of her loyalty to him. Renji didn't stand a chance of her accepting him fully has her captain now, or maybe ever.

He knew right now, with that man in the room, his words held no weight with her. It irritated him, it was frustrating beyond belief, but there was nothing that could be done for it. He felt uncertain and insecure for the first time in years suddenly.

"I'll wait out in the hall." Renji mumbled, turning on his heel to leave. He felt too out of place around them, and it was just uncomfortable. He still wanted some answers, but she made it clear she wasn't giving him any until they left.

Not to mention, Captain Kyouraku was acting kinda strange, wasn't he? Renji's eyes traveled over the man one last time before he walked out the door. Hell, the man even looked different. Something wasn't right about him, but he supposed he would just wait for Nanao to explain.

He closed the door behind him, leaning against the wall to wait on his lieutenant. A few nurses in the hallway shot him wary looks. His tattoos always did that to people, not to mention his suddenly foul mood. He was sure they could feel his temper steaming around him. Sighing, he continued to wait.

Nanao slipped her shoes on, one hand on the wall for support. She wasn't terribly dizzy, more like the sensation came and went with sudden movements. She kept her movements slow, moving about gathering her things.

She felt eyes on her, but kept her back turned to the other man in the room. She wasn't ready to face another goodbye with him just yet.

Renji had excused himself, and now she was alone again with this new version of her previous captain. She was feeling a little at a loss.

She picked the glasses up off the table and put them on. Adjusting them more than necessary, childishly avoiding facing him still. She then bent down and picked up the books, arranging them in her arms for a ridiculous amount of time, as well.

"You know…" His voice startled her, as he was closer than she had thought, but she kept her back to him, standing still. "I didn't peg you as a girl who avoids an awkward situation."

She let out a sigh and stared at the wall hard. He was always too observant for his own good. Even this version of him.

"Your right. I'm not usually like this. It's been…a strange few days." She admitted, finally turning to face him. She cradled the books to her chest, they gave her something to hold on to. Squeezing them tightly to avoid reaching out to him. She had to say goodbye now, but even the thought of it made her feel sick.

He looked back down at her evenly, with a look that clearly said he knew she was being evasive. And she lost her voice once again. His facial expressions were too identical, it made her breath catch.

She needed to go, or she might have another breakdown.

They stood so close, but Nanao felt so far away from him suddenly. She stared for several moments into his dark eyes, and traced over every detail of his face for the last time. They were lifetimes apart now.

Her next words came out as little more than a sad whisper. "Thank you again. For everything. You'll never know how much it has all meant to me, sir. And, this may not make any sense to you, but I want you to know that I forgive you. I…just needed you to know that."

His features turned into a mild surprise, but he said nothing in response, only continued to watch her. He looked as if he wanted to say something, as if it were on the tip of his tongue.

But he remained silent, and Nanao nodded at him by way of parting.

She moved around him then, walking towards the door.

Every step felt like torture, she felt the very atmosphere around her protesting her movements, tugging at her. As if chains of steel pulled her back to where he stood.

She even felt the restlessness of his own meager reatsiu flaring up. It was an instinctual reaction on his part, one he had no conscience control over. To her, it was a small show of proof that on some level, he recognized her.

She forced herself to ignore all of that, though. Because it wasn't enough, it still wasn't him.

She kept going, and when her hand touched the doorknob, she didn't hesitate to turn it. To walk away. To leave him behind, to live this new life of his. To remain happy an oblivious.

Her grasp on the cold doorknob was bone crushing, as she was trying to prevent her hand from trembling. Just as she was about to open it, one word stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Nanao-chan…"

Her breath caught in her throat, and the world around her cracked and crumbled. She could almost hear the shattered pieces crashing to the floor all around her.

She whirled around, blinking tears from her eyes.

"What…what did you call me?"

He smiled at her a little, looking sheepish.

"I…honestly don't know where that came from. You never told me your name, and that…just seemed to come out. Sorry." He offered by way of explanation. He looked a little embarrassed, she thought. She stared at him, stunned. Her heart slammed in her chest, and she couldn't move an inch from where she stood, she felt frozen by that one simple name.

"I don't want you to leave without telling me how I can reach you."

Nanao squeezed her eyes closed.

"Nanao-chan…"

She was sure she would hear the hesitant voice in her head for weeks to come. How could he remember that?

"You can't." Nanao bit her lower lip, and choked on the sob she was suppressing. "Reach me, I mean. I have to go."

"Your sad again." He said quietly, taking a few steps towards her. She stopped him by holding out a shaking hand to halt his advance. If he came any closer, she would never leave.

"Please, I…" She sniffed, as the tears were winning the battle. "Goodbye."

With that she fled out the door, passing Renji but not stopping.

She ran down the halls, tears streaming from her cheeks.

She didn't even slow down when she burst out the exit door, just kept running. She had to get away now, as far as she could, or she would never have the heart to do so.

Renji watched her take off and furrowed his brows in frustration. He had just found her, damnit, now he would have to track her down yet again.

Captain Kyouraku stepped out of the room next, and looked both ways trying to catch a glimpse of the girl, but she was already gone. The redhead didn't need to be an expert to figure the man had said something to upset her. Which was nothing new with those two, if memory had served him correct.

"Way to go." Renji muttered angrily, pushing away from the wall and walking off in the direction she had went. "Now I have to start all over."

"Wait, can you tell me how I can find her? I know it's a strange question, but I…just want to talk to her again. Nothing creepy, I promise."

The question stopped him in his tracks, and he turned an unbelieving stare back at the previous captain. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Captain Kyouraku, with all due respect, I doubt Ise wants to speak with you right now. She just made that pretty clear, don't you think?"

"Who?" The man looked confused again, and Renji just shook his head. Women can cause men to completely loose their heads. Either that, or the man was drunk. Which with him, was always a possibility.

"Look, I don't get what's going on, your acting like you lost your head or something, but don't bother her, ok? She's upset right now. She was crying when she left. Just leave her alone to cool off or something. " Renji started walking away then, dismissing the conversation.

The man stood, watching the redhead make a turn down another hall and vanish out of sight.

Not a chance. He thought to himself, turning back into the room to grab his coat. It struck him as a little odd the way he was acting, but he couldn't worry about that stuff right now.

And why had the redhead called him that name? He was certain he had heard it somewhere before, but couldn't quite place it.

And, god, he had called the girl Nanao-chan. What had gotten into him? He wasn't even sure where that name had come from, it popped out when she was trying to leave. The look she gave him when she heard it would haunt him, he was sure.

Nanao-chan…it seemed so perfect, somehow.

He wasn't sure what kind of spell that girl had cast on him, but he decided it felt right. There was something irresistible in the way she looked at him. She had stopped him in his tracks last night when he caught her staring at him across the street through the rain. He had felt her eyes on him, and it made him completely forget where he was even going.

Raising his arm, he brought her forgotten book up to open the cover.

He grinned at the Library stamp on the inside cover. He knew the place well. One way or another, he was going to cross paths with her again, he would make sure of it.

OOOOO

Thank you, as always, to all the wonderful reviewers. ^_^