Touch the Horizon
Chapter Eleven: Moving Along
By: Light of the Firefly
OOOOO
Returning to her office, Nanao spared a quick glance at her captain's desk. Renji didn't even raise his eyes when she walked in, staring a little too intensely at the paperwork in his hands, she thought.
Was he frowning? Or scowling, maybe.
"Everything alright?" She asked, sitting at her own desk.
He mumbled something back that she didn't catch, still not looking at her.
Nanao waited a moment for him to clarify, but he never did. She shrugged a little, getting her own stacks of papers organized. His moods were usually temporary, anyhow.
She set to work, flipping through the papers quickly.
The silence stretched on, and she wondered what was on her captain's mind. He was usually attempting conversation by this point, maybe something happened to put him in such a mood. He seemed pretty focused on the paper in his hand, but his eyes were burning holes in it, not reading. And the tension in the air was snapping.
"The 13th has asked me to fill-in as needed for Captain Ukitake." She tried, feeling a pang of guilt. Really, she had wanted him to leave her alone to lick her wounds. And now it was bothering her that he wasn't crowding her.
She wondered if she had just grown so used to a man driving her up a wall that the absence didn't feel right to her. Regardless, Renji still said nothing.
"It will only be a few hours a week. Any objections?" Nanao hedged.
Still no response from the redhead, though, other than a sharp shake of his head that he had heard her.
Leaning back in her chair, she took a moment to looked him over, noticing the tense set in his shoulders, his hands squeezing tightly on his paper. It was a bit wrinkled from the abuse.
"Sir?" She began. "What's wrong? Has something happened?"
He exploded from his chair, both palms slamming into the thick wood of his desk. The loud bang made her jump, and she met his angry eyes with her own startled ones.
"Oh, so we're talking now, Ise?" He snarled at her. "You ignore everything I say for two weeks, TWO WEEKS, and now you want to talk? Your concerned about me? Really?"
"I…" She swallowed thickly, realizing how offended he was. Crap, she thought, what a mess. "I didn't mean-"
"-It doesn't matter anymore! I've tried, Ise, I've tried. You don't want me to be anything but a captain? Is that it? You have certainly made that clear since we returned, haven't you? You have acted like a damn zombie walking around here for weeks and I can't stand it anymore! I've tried everything to get you back to yourself again, but you ignored every single attempt! What an idiot I was for giving a damn, huh?"
"I didn't mean to upset you." She said quietly, watching the hurt pass over his face. She didn't have a good explanation for him. The last two weeks have been a blur, really. Her head had been stuck in a bad place over seeing her old captain, but she was trying to get things back to normal. "I just…needed some time, to sort out my thoughts. It's been…hard."
"Lame excuse. It wouldn't have been so hard if you would let someone in to help." He was pacing now, his frustration was practically charging the air.
"I'm not a good talker, Sir. I'm not good with people-" She started but he cut her off quickly.
"-I can't help, though, when you completely shut me out! You have been beyond difficult, you can't expect me not to be pissed."
"I know." Nanao murmured. She had pushed him away, after all. It was deliberate. She had no one to blame but herself for this. Had she done the right thing, she wondered? He was obviously hurt by her actions, she could see it plain as day now.
But, wasn't this what she wanted? No attachments. No one to grieve if something should happen. She had no friends. Captain Ukitake was there by default, but he was more a mentor than friend, and his death was accepted by her years ago due to his illness.
She didn't need or want friends, not really. There was weakness in such attachments. It was a soldier's life here, she had known that all along. Since she was a child she witnessed the frequent deaths of those around her. Friendships didn't matter. It took Lesa and Captain Kyouraku's death to really blast that reality into her face. They had been everything to her, and she had lost them both so suddenly it had made her head spin.
She never wanted to feel that way again.
"Let's take care of it now, then." Renji's voice so close snapped her out of her dark thoughts, and she looked up to find him towering over her seated position. His hands on his hips, and a scowl of his usually handsome face. His eyes met hers bitterly, she noticed. "Tell me what you want. You want a strictly business relationship? Fine. If that is how you want to be, then that is how we will be. I wouldn't attempt to cross that line. I'll stop 'bothering' you so much, I'll leave you alone to your own damn depression and not say another thing about it. And you can waste away to your memories alone. Just say the word."
Silence rang after his harsh wording, and Nanao's face softened. She really had hurt his feelings. She swallowed thickly.
Nanao leaned back in her seat, feeling small with him standing like that next to her.
A part of her wanted someone. Someone to talk to. To pour her heart out to and make another being understand how broken she felt. To have someone there, a companion. Someone to weather the storms with.
She was important like that once.
She closed her eyes briefly, they had began to sting irritably.
But then…what was the point of all that? It would solve nothing, fix nothing. She would still be where she was now, confused and torn. Alone, with only memories to remember how things were once. Wishing and hoping for things long gone. She felt fate laughing at her once again.
Her eyes snapped back open, and she set her jaw tightly against the lump in her throat.
"Well? Is that what you want?" He asked, his tone held a hint of some unnamable emotion. She met his eyes then.
"Yes." She whispered, watching his features harden, "That's how it should be."
Renji felt the crater between them split open at her quiet words. He could practically hear it stretching and cracking, could feel the tremors from the shift between them. A deep canyon had just been dug between them.
He met her cold, violet stare head on and in silence.
If he was honest with himself, he would admit to feeling hurt, but not right now. His fists clenched.
Right now, he was spitting mad, and had to get the hell out of this office before he did something he would most likely regret. Enough damage has been done already.
Turning smartly on his heel, he stalked away from Nanao without another word.
She watched his retreating form with forced indifference. Nanao knew she wouldn't ever forget the look in his eyes just now. She felt it jerk painfully at her heart when he stared into her eyes after she had spoken her peace.
She felt cruel, suddenly, and winced at her own behavior.
She heard a few doors slam distantly, felt the vibrations in the floor from the force of it. His reatsiu spiking in anger.
Nanao let out a tense breath to try to calm herself.
She had irrevocably driven him away now, she was sure.
OOOOO
Renji stormed into the storeroom of Urahara's Shop, yanking the blank gigai off the hook angrily. He jerked it roughly into place and stepped into it.
He had directly went and got approval for a few personal days. He had left the offices and found himself directly coming here. He wanted some time away from her. Away from her sad, depression, and the fragile sight of her. Hell, for years he had been letting off steam in the Real World, but this time took the cake.
"Ise, you jerk…" He muttered hotly.
He wasn't sure why the whole damn thing bothered him so much, but it did. Tremendously.
The nerve of her….
Why couldn't she lean on him? Couldn't she understand he could help?
The gigai conformed quickly to him, and he felt the confinement settle uneasily, he was too agitated to ignore the discomfort right now. Renji cracked his neck, and took a few deep breaths. His gaze slid to the ceiling, as he let his head tip back, searching for some clarity to calm himself.
He couldn't find it.
He was so mad and frustrated he didn't even know what to do with himself. He wanted to hit something. Or tear something apart. Looking around the surroundings of the small storeroom, however, he reigned in those thoughts. Urahara would not take kindly to him destroying the shop.
He couldn't believe how things have gone so wrong with his lieutenant in such a short amount of time. They were in a worse spot with one another than they were before all this, back when they were simply working together sharing bullshit pleasantries.
She was little more than a stranger again.
At least back then he never knew there was more to the woman. He had just assumed she was some workaholic paper pusher with no personality. He missed his ignorance to her now. He had gotten a glimpse of the woman underneath, of what she truly was, and in a matter of weeks, everything had been ruined between them.
Renji took another deep breath, and tried to clear his thoughts.
In the silence of the storeroom, he heard muffled voices through the door, and figured Urahara and his employees were lounging in the main hall. He made his way toward them, grumbling to himself the whole way.
He slide the door open, catching sight of the shop owner sitting at the low table, his back to the redhead.
"You wouldn't believe what that damn woman-" He began, halting midsentence when he saw the other occupant of the room.
It was captain Kyouraku, of all people (or his reincarnated self anyhow) sitting at the other end of the table, sake cup half raised to his lips. His dark eyes widened in mild shock also. He was just as surprised at Renji's sudden appearance it seemed.
"Ah, Abarai-kun!" Urahara called cheerfully, tipping his hat up to meet his eyes. "How are you this fine day?"
"What's he doing here?" He snapped, pointing an accusing finger at the man in question. The very man who was at the heart of all of Renji's current problems at the moment. He felt his anger boiling, and transferring from his lieutenant to the familiar sight of the previous captain of the 8th.
"Hello to you, too." The captain Kyouraku look-alike smiled back, unruffled by the redhead's outburst. He raised the cup in his hand in a friendly salute.
Renji felt his blood pressure rising.
"Tariku-kun is an aquatiance of mine. Do you know one another?" The shop owner grinned mischievously. Renji's jerked his sight to the other man and gaped at him.
"Is this a joke?" He accused grouchily, shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "After the morning I've had, this isn't exactly a funny one."
"Sit with us, then! Sake cures all ailments!" Kyouraku smiled warmly, gesturing to an open spot to his right. "I don't suppose you brought your lady friend along?"
Renji glared at him, bristling with hostility. He wanted to scream at the hopeful light in the dark gaze. "No. She stayed back at the office. She's being a rather pain in the ass, as a matter of fact. Why do you ask?"
"I found her to be good company." He said lightly, pouring a cup for the redhead. "I never did catch your name that day at the hospital."
"Abarai Renji." He snapped, looking back to Urahara and quirking a brow. The man gave a simple shrug and gestured him to sit.
"Renji, huh? Good name for someone like you." Kyouraku nodded and pushed the full cup over to the redhead. He wondered why that name rang such a bell, but dismissed it. Perhaps they had met at some point, but then again he was sure he would remember such a person. With the tattoos and hair color, he imagined Renji to be hard to forget.
Renji lowered himself stiffly to the ground. He shot a wary look at the other man, before snatching the cup and taking a large pull from it. God, he did need a drink. This day was turning awful.
"Wrenko Tariku." The man offered easily, watching Renji as he drank. When Renji heard the name, he sputtered into his cup, coughing fitfully.
"Are you alright there?" Tariku asked, concerned by the sudden harsh coughing. For some reason, the noise of a coughing fit always grated his nerves. It never failed to make him feel anxious. He forcefully shook the feeling off, as the redhead's sputtering seemed to be settling down.
"It was you?" Renji demanded, around coughs. "YOU were the one that left the number for Ise at the damn library?"
"Ah, yes, I heard it never reached her. Not to mention the elderly clerk at the library, I believe you intimidated him a bit. He is an old friend of mine. I was surprised to hear how you handled that."
"I didn't mean to upset him." Renji muttered defensively, feeling like he was being reprimanded by a superior. There was such a striking resemblance between the man sitting next to him, and the previous version of the caption of the 8th that Renji had the fight the urge to be nothing but formal out of respect. "I thought it was just some guy trying for a date or something."
"Would it have made a difference then if you had known it was me trying for a date?" He asked lightly, but truly curious.
"Probably not." Renji glared. "Ise is a busy woman. She wouldn't have been receptive to such an offer, I'm sure."
"I'm sure." Tariku agreed easily, smirking. It was adding up now, the redhead obviously held a flame for the girl. "What kind of work do the two of you do, anyway?" He asked, changing the subject to lighten the boy up.
"Aw, now, let's not talk work." Urahara piped up for the first time, waving his fan. "Boring subject. Arabia-kun, you never told me what had you so angry when you came in?"
Renji had honestly forgotten the other man was still in the room until just now, startled to hear his voice again. He opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off.
"Woman troubles, of course!" The Kyouraku look-alike announced, filling Renji's cup for him once again.
"What makes you think-"
"-Oh, yes. I did hear you say something about a woman when you barged in." Urahara nodded thoughtfully. "Pesky creatures, they are. The sooner you understand that there is no understanding them, the better off you'll be!"
"You could spend a lifetime trying to figure out the mind of a female." Tariku agreed, topping off his own drink.
"I'm not here to discuss woman." Renji grumbled, taking another large swig of his refilled drink. He winced slightly at the potency of the alcohol. "I'm here to get the hell away from one in particular."
"Ise?" Tariku guessed, his voice toned innocently. Renji shot him a warning glare. But it seemed to go unnoticed.
"Not your business." He swallowed another mouthful of sake, barely noticing that the other man filled his cup once again.
"Not yet my friend." He grinned, noticing the pink tint rising to the boy's cheeks. "Few more drinks of this stuff, you'll spill your life story."
"I can attest to that!" Urahara laughed, sipping his own drink cautiously. He planned to stick around to avoid the lightweight blurting out anything he shouldn't. "Strong stuff. Where did you get it anyhow?"
"Your cupboard down the hall, actually." Tariku said, turning the bottle for the shop keeper to have a better look at the label.
"That's my best stash! Do you know how much I spent on that!"
"It was worth every yen!" He toasted cheerfully.
"Why do I let you in here, again?" Urahara mumbled, taking a larger drink of his finest sake than he meant to. The man was just as infuriating now as before, it seemed.
Renji caught the movement of the black cat out of the corner of his eyes as it strolled by nonchalantly in the hallway.
"Excuse me a moment." He mumbled, stumbling to his feet less gracefully than intended. That stuff was certainly stronger than he thought.
"Of course." Urahara smiled. He turned back to his other guest, talking lightly as Renji made his way to the privacy of the adjoining hallway.
Once in the hallway, Renji crossed his arms over his chest, facing the cat who lounged leisurely in a sunspot on the floor.
"Did you need something?" The masculine voice of the cat asked innocently at the accusation in the redhead's eyes.
"Don't give me that! What the hell is this?" He waved an arm in the direction of the room they had just left.
"He came by one day a year or so back, to the shop."
"Yes, and?"
"You have to understand, he was once a very powerful soul. He is naturally attracted to this place because of the reatsiu." She sighed at Renji's behavior.
"And so you both have started up a damn friendship with him? Is that wise?" Renji knew he sounded like a hothead, but he just couldn't care at the moment. Everything was just out of control because of the man in the other room right now, and he wanted nothing more than to figure out what to do about it.
"Probably not." Yoruichi admitted. "Allowing him around will waken things inside him, that are supposed to remain slumbering while he is going through this incarnation. But…It's hard not to, though. He was a great man when I knew him. He comes by every so often, usually when he is troubled by something. I think a part of him recognizes myself, and the other employees here. It most likely brings him a measure of belonging being around familiar faces to his soul. "
Renji glared at the cat, who seemed to be lost in her own thoughts suddenly.
There was booming laughter coming from the main room, the other two men obviously enjoying themselves. Renji thought he could see amusment in the golden eyes staring back at him.
"Ise is a mess over this, you know. She knows he's here." He muttered, glancing out the window.
"Yes, I would imagine that to be difficult. They were together a long time in the 8th." Yoruichi agreed.
"She…I don't know what to do about it." He sighed in defeat, the sake having taken the fight out of him.
"Perhaps you shouldn't do anything, then?" She suggested. "Things will happen the way they are supposed to."
He nodded solemnly.
"From what I've observed, that man in there is struggling with his own demons. He is probably just as confused as she is. Being such an old soul, a part of him has strongly held on to his previous memories."
Renji remained silent, feeling slightly guilty at her words.
"Go back in, and enjoy yourself. You'll find him to be just as good of company as he once was." She suggested.
"Yeah, I could certainly use more to drink." He muttered irritably, turning back to the room and making his way inside.
OOOOO
AN: Short chapter, and I apologize. The next happenings wouldn't fit here, so I've decided to make it into chapter 12. And, for those wondering, there will be Shun/Nanao interaction in chapter 12.
Sorry for the delay, as well. Life has been a little wild here lately, and that's the best excuse I have to offer. I've had a hell of a case of writers block, and usually don't take such a long time to update.
Soooo, Thank you tremendously to those who have reviewed the last chapter, I read each one as they come, and I'll admit to the fact that they always make my day. The last few have certainly helped me out of my writers block. So, special thanks to flowergod613, Terra, Breezybiatch, Akai-Miko, Morbidly-funny, Skolli, Kitsune Moonstar, Xanvonis, Zylstra, Nagasasu, and Oicheraltai for lighting the fire under my ass to get writing again.
Thanks a million, and stay tuned, more to come (and quicker, as well!) Like I said, chapter 12 is long, and a lot of happenings will be in there, too.