A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and faves and reviews! Love 'em! Unfortunately, for those of you who think that this is a Blaine/Finn story… you may be wrong. Title of chapter is inspired by the Dixie Chicks' song "Without You", not any of the other "Without You" songs out there.
All or Nothing – Chapter 6: Without You
I woke up the next morning feeling hung-over. I always felt that way after crying myself to sleep. It gives me a headache. Luckily, today was Sunday and I didn't need to go into work. I heard Lady Gaga blaring from the radio downstairs and groaned. Kurt was in the kitchen, making breakfast as he usually did on Sunday mornings. I would have to face him if I wanted his great cooking. I didn't know if it was worth it though.
I climbed out of bed, and headed downstairs to find Kurt dancing around as he made eggs and bacon. Hashbrowns were also frying on the stove. I just stood at the doorway, not sure what to say. For a few minutes, he didn't notice me. Then he twirled, and saw me standing there. His smile went to a frown.
"Hello Finn," Kurt said. "You look like hell."
"I feel like it," I replied. "Kurt, I'm sorry I yelled at you."
"It isn't that you yelled at me Finn," Kurt said, turning away to flip the fried eggs. "It is the things that you said. That I was jealous? I mean, that hurts after all we've been through together."
"I know. I wanted it to hurt at the time I said it. I feel really bad."
"Good. You should. Now sit down. Breakfast is almost ready. Afterwards, you can call Blaine and apologize to him for freaking out."
"Was he actually upset?"
"Well… no," Kurt said, dishing up the food. "I just think you should explain to him why you freaked out."
"I figured you already had."
"It is your business."
"That has never stopped you before."
"True. Maybe I'm changing. You need to change too, and open yourself up to a relationship. Especially with Blaine."
I dug into the food that Kurt placed in front of me without another word. The truth was, I did want a relationship with Blaine. I still loved Will deep inside, and I don't think you ever lose that feeling about your first love. By closing myself off for all these years, I hadn't had to face that realization that no matter how much baggage I was carrying about Will, that I needed to move on as he was not going to come back into my life, and Blaine was in my life now, giving himself to me. I would be stupid not to take him into my life.
After breakfast, I called Blaine. We had an hour long conversation about what happened. I explained that the chest hair triggered a harsh memory of Will inside me and I didn't know how to deal with it.
"I could wax if you want me to?" Blaine said, and we both laughed.
"I like the hairy chest look," I said. "I just need to stop associating it with Will."
Blaine explained to me that it had took him a good amount of time to deal with the feelings towards his ex too, and that he had made a lot of bad decisions during that time. He said I should feel proud that I didn't let myself just find easy rebounds, and that I waited to explore a relationship, not just sex.
"I had a good amount of abusive relationships after my ex," Blaine explained. "It was like I was punishing myself because I thought I wasn't good enough. It took me about three years to get over that feeling. What triggered it was ending up in the hospital with broken ribs and a broken leg because my last boyfriend, if you want to call him that, threw me down the stairs and into some chairs. I vowed I wouldn't let myself be a victim anymore. I think you're finally getting over being a victim to how Will ended things."
We set up a date for Wednesday night, and ended the call. I was feeling great. I headed downstairs to fill in Kurt on the conversation. He was excited for me. We ended up watching a marathon of America's Next Top Model and veging out the rest of the day. Around three in the afternoon, the phone rang, and Kurt answered it. He went silent, and stared at me.
"Kurt?" I said.
"Just a moment," Kurt said into the phone. "Um…"
"What?" I said, getting concerned. "Is it mom? Is something wrong with Kayla?"
"No," Kurt said solemnly. "It is Will. He wants to talk to you."
My face went blank. All these questions started running through my head. But did I really want to ask them? This is the man that didn't even have the heart to tell me in person that he was ending everything. I took a breath, and clinched my fists.
"You tell him I never want to talk to him again," I said, and turned my attention back to the television as Kurt ended the phone call.