Chapter 7

That evening I was very restless. Restless and nauseous. I had refused to have dinner, but Felicia had sit down to talk to me. She had told me not to worry too much about my nosebleed, because it's usually very innocent. It just meant that the mucous membrane in your nose was a little damaged, which happens quite easily because it's so sensitive. Then she persuaded me to have dinner anyway, because it'd only make me feel better. Although I would have bet anything on it that it must have tasted great, to me the spaghetti had been bland and I didn't eat much of it. (Taro told me to be strong, like a real rancher, hang in there and plant lots of crops tomorrow.)

Natalie hadn't said much to me after our game of Monopoly and Elliot had said nothing to me at all. Although it wasn't my fault he was afraid of blood and nearly passed out, I still felt bad for him. If I could have, I would have warned him to take cover or something. (Or tell him to just close his eyes and don't be such a sissy, like Natalie advised me to.)

I was just brushing my teeth in the bathroom when Natalie came in. She leaned against the door pilar, crossed her arms and observed me, with a frown on her face. I continued brushing my teeth, counting the seconds in my head. If you wanted to brush your teeth well, you had to brush them for at least hundred eighty seconds, my mom had once told me. I was at seventy eight when I couldn't bear her observance any more, stopped brushing and spit out the toothpaste in the sink.

"Something wrong?" She tried to ask it just as casually as I had done when I had asked her about Vaughn while organizing books. She failed, just like I did back then.

"What makes you think so?" I looked at her reflexion in the mirror.

"I don't think so, I know so," she corrected me sharply. I turned around and leaned against the sink, mirroring her body language. I didn't cross my arms, though.

"I'm a little upset I forgot my medicines," I admitted, hoping she wouldn't ask any further and hoping she would at the same time. She raised an eyebrow.

"Oh," she said and thought for a bit. "Are you on the contraceptive pill?" She asked. Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow.

"Contraceptive pill?" I repeated.

"I read somewhere that most women who forget to take their pill get nauseous and a little emotional," she explained. I wondered where she got the knowledge from, but decided not to ask about it. Because I didn't really know what to say at that moment, a short silence squeezed itself between us, but I eventually broke the silence with a thoughtful 'No, I'm not on the pill.' She nodded slowly, waiting for further clarification, which I didn't give.

"Is it bad that you forgot your medicines?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly, "I hope not." She merely nodded and detached herself from the door pilar to hug me. She smelled like strawberries, fresh ones, and soap.

"If there's ever something you wanna talk about…" she whispered, "Don't hesitate." I nodded. Tomorrow we would pretend this never happened.

The next morning we got up early, because we would have a lot to do. Taro told Natalie and Elliot to clean up the two main islands, and ordered me to get back to farming. So I went to my ranch first to inspect the damage done by the typhoon. Apparently, Natalie had shut all the wooden shutters in front of my windows the day before the typhoon and I was relieved to see that none of my windows were broken. And above all expectations, my potatoes were fine and ready to be harvested. I pulled them out of the earth one by one and stuffed them in my backpack, satisfied with the results of my hard work. When I finished, I emptied my backpack in the shipping bin and went inside. I walked over to the bathroom, opened the cabinet above the sink and took out all the jars filled with pills and tablets. I took one or two from each jar and flushed half of them away with a glass of water. Their bitter taste reminded me of the day the doctor told us to come to the hospital so he could announce I was dying. I took the second half of the medicines, flushed it all away with another glass of water and grimaced. I put everything back in the cabinet, closed it and left the farmhouse.

That day I had bought two bags of new seeds, both turnips and potatoes, planted them and watered them. Although it may not sound like a lot of work, I was completely exhausted. I barely had the energy to return to my farmhouse, open the door and drag myself to bed. As I lay there on my bed, I wondered if I shouldn't call the doctor. I frowned. It had been three weeks since my last blood transfusion*. Perhaps I started off a little too enthusiastic and ate up all the red blood cells or something.

I had been about to get up to walk to the phone when someone knocked on my front door. Three discrete knocks. I got up slowly and reluctantly, walked to the door and opened it. I was pleasantly surprised, and that must have been clearly visible on my face, to find the Sunshine Islands' very own cowboy on my doorstep and felt a gnawing feeling of embarrassment when I realised I must have looked like a mess. I didn't even need a mirror to tell. He didn't mention it, though.

"Hi," I greeted him. He cleared his throat before he spoke.

"Um.. I have a package for you." His voice sounded a bit weird, but I didn't pay much attention to it.

"A package?"

"The captain asked me if I would mind bringing it to you because they were behind schedule or something."

"Oh," I answered and he handed me the package. It had been wrapped up neatly and the address had been written in an even neater manner. It was beyond doubt that it was my mom's handwriting. "Thanks. You wanna come in for a drink?" I asked him, forcing a smile. He looked a little hesitant, but smiled back anyway.

"Perhaps another time," he told me and I nodded.

"I guess I'll see you around." He nodded too and turned around. He waved me goodbye before he left Ranch Island and I waved back with one hand, cradling the package to my chest with the other.

I closed the door, put the package on the kitchen table and started to curiously unwrap it. It held a carton box, with two letters, a lot of jars with I-didn't-know-what-yet and an envelop. I decided to start with the letters first and opened one of them.

Dear Chelsea,

Although we fully support your decisions, sometimes the whole situation drives us insane. Then I make your father get the photo albums from the attic so I can flip through them. Your dad can't stand looking at the pictures, but to me it's very calming. I took a few from the albums and put them in an envelop for you. I hope it works calming to you too.

We miss you and love you dearly,
Your mom

P.s. Don't forget to call! Your dad can't stand waiting for your phone call.

I smiled, although the tears stung behind my eyes and picked up the envelop with photos. I sat down on my bed, opened it slowly, almost ceremonial, and flipped through the photos.

One by one, I flipped through them. They all were memories. Precious memories.
But I flipped through them as if they were the holiday pictures of a stranger.

* Because the blood structure of leukemia patients is abnormal and very instable, they need bloodtransfusions. For example, if you don't have enough blood platelets, you bruise very easily and have occasional nosebleeds. Wounds take very long to stop bleeding or don't stop at all and need to be treated at the hospitall. If you don't have enough red blood cells, you get tired really quick because you are constantly lacking oxygen.

In some way I am proud of this chapter, and in another way I can't help but think something is a little... off. I can't tell what yet, but as soon as I figure it out, I'll fix it!