Chapter Eleven: Unfurl The Flag

"Wait!" Sam cried and then gave a sudden yelp of pain as his ankle turned treacherously underneath him. The cry echoed around the hospital corridor and she stopped, albeit reluctantly.

"Let me guess – you're a friend of Marty's? A special friend?"

Sam could almost see the inverted commas around that remark. "We work together," he admitted, wishing he was confident enough to balance on one foot. But given the height of his heels, he wasn't going to risk falling over and breaking his other leg. How the hell did women manage? Maybe Deeks was right (for once) and Kensi really was Wonder Woman? He certainly had a new respect for her now. "Listen, I don't think you understand what's going on."

"Please, don't insult me. I might look like a bimbo, but having blonde hair and blue eyes doesn't automatically make you dumb into the bargain."

"Gearing up as a drag queen doesn't automatically mean you're into cross-dressing either." He could hear how lame that was the second he said the words.

"Really? Next thing you'll be telling me that if you hold a guinea pig up by the tail its eyes don't drop out." Sam found he couldn't take his eyes off her. Deeks was right – she was smart and so damned sexy she was smoking, and here he was trying to persuade her to give the guy another chance? There was something very wrong with this picture.

"We're federal agents," he blurted out. "I can prove it," he added hastily, seeing the look of disbelief in her eyes. "Just turn around for a second."

"You're going to pull a gun on me, aren't you?" She gave Sam the sort of look he associated with door to door salemen or Mormon missionaries.

Sam shook his head. "Nope, worse than that. My ID's down my panties." Somehow he managed to keep a straight face as he said that.

"I'm a doctor. I've seen it all before." She held his gaze without flinching and Sam wished more than anything that he was just wearing his normal clothes and could flirt with her properly. Deeks was unconscious, after all. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him… much. And it wasn't as if he was going to be in any shape to chase Sam for at least a couple of weeks. By which time, knowing Deeks, he would probably have hit on a couple of dozen nurses and got it out of his system. But it was no good, Sam realised. He couldn't do that to Deeks. Not until the guy was back on his feet and could put up a fair fight.

"You've not seen this before." And when you do, I want everything to be back in the positions God meant them to be in.

"Big baby." But she turned around. "If you come at me with a gun or a knife, I warn you, I'm strangling you with my stethoscope."

"Promises, promises." Sam delved furtively in his underwear. God alone knew why the designer had made these particular panties go all the way up to just below his nipples, but it made a difficult operation that much more tricky. "See?" He held up the ID. "We were undercover tonight. Hence the drag."

"Marty said he was an investment banker."

"Yeah, dumb story. Like anyone would buy that. He can be pretty dim," Sam blurted out tactlessly. "Sorry, I meant pretty but dim." It didn't seem to help.

"I believed him." She glared stonily at him and then fell forward into his arms. "Oh my God! He's been stabbed and I've been such a bitch."

"It could have been worse – at least he was unconscious." Sam patted her gently on the back, congratulating himself on his empathy. Maybe there was something to be said for dressing up in a frock after all? Here he was, with this hot doctor literally throwing herself into his arms, pressing her incredible breasts against his own false ones and… nope, with that thought the moment was gone. The industrial strength lycra in his control panties probably didn't help either, as it kind of squeezed away any latent ardour. But he could enjoy the snuggling at least. He tightened his arms around her and let one hand drift slowly downwards.

"That perfume you're wearing?" She sniffed gingerly. "What is it?"

"J-Lo La Glow." With great restraint, Sam forbore from asking if she liked it. He'd been pleasantly surprised with the scent and was actually considering buying some for himself.

A violent sneeze racked her body. "No – I hate it. I'm violently allergic to it." She pulled away from him and put one hand over her nose and mouth. "And why am I standing here talking to you when Marty could be bleeding to death in there?" With that, she was gone, tearing back down the corridor, at about twice the speed Sam could have managed, given her shoes, which had a t least 4 inch heels.

Some guys had all the luck, Sam reflected. Even though he was out for the count, Deeks had still managed to pull. Plus ca change, plus cela meme chose and all that trudged wearily back to the waiting room. "I think I managed to sort things out with Deeks' lady friend," he announced.

"I'll sleep better for knowing that," Callen informed him. "You want the good news?"

"They found your wig?"

"Not quite as good as that." One wag in the LAPD had posted a picture of it on Facebook entitled "Free to a good home: One Tribble" and Hetty had practically frothed at the mouth, insisting that tribbles looked nothing like that and what was the LAPD coming to when young officers knew nothing of such a seminal episode.

"Renko ordered us pizza?"

"Better. Eric's coming over with a change of clothes. And underwear," Callen said significantly, and gave a surreptitious shimmy, just to try to loosen things up a little bit. It as a hell of a shock to the system when free-range organs were suddenly constrained like this. "Oh, and Deeks is in surgery," he added, and nodded to where Hetty and Kensi sat, looking like a pair of hens left out in the rain.

Sam mulled this over. Maybe once he'd washed this muck off his face and changed into a tight shirt, he might just go and try to comfort the doctor? Show her how sensitive a real man could be? A real man, who had the benefit of being fully conscious and (hopefully) in possession of his fully compliment of assets? It was worth a shot. It would take his mind off worrying about Deeks, after all. And it was exactly what Deeks would do, were the tables turned.