'White Lies'
Disclaimer: for Christmas i give the gift of KH rights to their respective owners. As well as a sack of coal out of jealousy.
xxx
CHAPTER 6: The Fight
"This thing is, Roxas... I think I'm falling in love with you."
Roxas had officially gone insane. He'd most definitely lost his marbles, gone around the twist and what have you. Because that was the only truly plausible excuse for what had just (not) transpired. There was no way on earth that could have just happened. That Axel had said what Roxas had mistakenly thought he'd said in his deluded mind.
But when Roxas looked up at Axel, to see his friend avoiding his eyes nervously, he instantly knew that Axel had truly said what Roxas had heard.
The gaggle of students that had been passing by either slowed or completely halted at Axel's (rather loud) declaration to face the pair, shock evident on each of their faces. Roxas, who was, as had been previously stated, used to being invisible to crowds, felt having their attention did little to help the matter at hand.
Having a larger number of eyes fixed upon him than he had and would ever be comfortable with, Roxas began to feel constricted and completely overwhelmed by suddenly being shoved into the spotlight. He needed to get out of here. Now.
The split second he started to run his armed snaked out and tugged Axel's wrist, hence pulling the Senior along with him. Roxas hadn't even known what had impelled him to do so, but afterwards decided he needed to fix this as soon as possible, and go back to being a nobody. That's what Roxas did best, after all.
Slowly his pace a few corridors away, Roxas opened the door of a neglected and permanently deserted classroom and shoved Axel inside before following him in and shutting the door behind himself with a sharp resounding click. He stayed like that for a few moments, facing the closed door, with his hand still clutching the handle. He had every opportunity to run right now if he wanted to, as his mind was very much pointing out.
No. He had to fix this. It was only way things could go back to being normal. Roxas sighed, slowly turning around to face his problems. Just when everything had been going so well for me, Axel had to screw it up.
It took longer than necessary for Roxas to open his eyes to look at Axel. And the moment he did so he felt sick to the pit of his stomach. He most certainly wasn't a homophobe considering that he'd come to accept that people should have the right to love whoever they chose.
However, when it concerned him specifically, Roxas unfairly altered the rule.
Axel had positioned himself on the rickety old teacher's desk, at the front of the classroom. He was leaning forward ever so slightly, as if, almost... eager.
Eager for... what though?
Clearly Axel had misinterpreted Roxas's actions. Not that that wasn't understandable, seeing as he had just dragged him off to an empty and very, very private classroom. It was just ... honestly what did Axel expect Roxas to do? Roxas was, all in all, utterly bewildered as to what Axel was attracted to about him. He was nothing special, to be perfectly honest. He was average. Just average.
The need to express this vitally important factor to Axel forced Roxas to finally speak.
"Oh-kay." He breathed out, ignoring the fact that if he hadn't done so he probably would've suffocated mere seconds later, "So... so that's that. It's all, out in the, ah, open, I guess."
Axel raised his eyebrows; clearly whatever outrageous response he'd expected from Roxas had been surpassed by his surprisingly calm and rational demeanor.
"Well," Roxas tore a hand through his hair, a nervous habit, "So. You like me. Apparently."
Axel gave a small sheepish smile. Roxas put it so bluntly that it now seemed an undeniable fact.
Roxas crossed his arms in front of him and slowly began to pace back and forth; pretending to not notice how Axel's concerned eyes followed his every move. Neither talked, until Roxas spun around and broke the silence.
"Look, I just wanted to say that you have no reason to like me... like that, ok? I'm short and have really bad mood swings sometimes and I have bad taste in music and can't dance and am not as good at skateboarding as people are led to believe plus I'm not at all good with people and above all that I'm nothing. I'm a nobody."
Axel simply continued to gaze at him. By this point it was kind of becoming unnerving.
"And I have a girlfriend." Roxas stupidly added. He probably should have pointed that out sooner.
Axel deeply exhaled through his nose, but opted not to talk immediately afterwards, as he carefully chose his words. This conversation was a metaphoric minefield, after all, and Axel at least valued their friendship that much.
"Listen, Roxas, I'm not going to go into a rant about why I like you. I just do. Besides, telling you in the first place was clearly a mistake so I'm sorry about that. We can just ignore this now, alright? Then everything will go back to the way it was, I promise."
Roxas scowled. This wasn't how it was meant to go. Axel wasn't meant to act so composed over the bombshell he'd just uncovered for Roxas. Now that they were at this very point, they couldn't simply rewind to the past. That was impossible.
"That's bullshit! You can't just say something like that and then try to cover it up afterwards. It's TOO LATE. Can't you tell? I don't even..." Roxas groaned in complete misery over how quickly his world had shattered, "Why would you even like me? You know me, and you should know I would never... could never like you like that."
Axel gave a disbelieving snort, "Yeah right." He muttered to himself, eyes widening when he noticed he voice had carried and Roxas had heard. Roxas clenched him jaw.
"Why are you so set on believing I'm into guys? Are you deluded?"
"You didn't chuck out the flowers ... so that's a pretty big indication."
"Wait a second," Roxas hissed, "that was you?"
Axel flopped back onto the desk, lying back against the horizontal surface. Breathing out, he decided he had nothing to lose now, so why not come completely clean. "Yeah, and the chocolates, and the cards."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Roxas roared, causing Axel to jump slightly. Roxas never ever had lost his cool to that extent, "Why would you even assume I liked that kind of shit in the first place? HUH?"
Axel snapped his mouth closed, biting back his retort. This was point that it dawned on him. Hayner that little absolute bastard! He'd played him. He'd played him the whole goddamn time! Roxas loves romantic stuff Axel's ass! How had Axel been so bloody blind to such a blatantly juvenile prank?
Axel swallowed down the bile he could feel rising in the back of his throat. He felt violated.
Roxas, in the midst of his furious rampage, didn't notice in the slightest the way Axel seemed to deflate hopelessly on the desk and continued to pester him.
"Hey! Come on! Answer me!" He spat, "How stupid were you to think I would even consider liking that kind of commercial romantic shit even though I specifically told you how much I hated it on Valentine's Day in class!"
There was only so much a person could take before they broke, and it was at this point of Roxas's prying that Axel snapped, "You want to know who told me? Really? Ok then, Roxas, you asked for it. You know you best buddy, Hayner? Yeah, the one you hang out with every single fucking day seeing as you're best friends. He's the one who told me you were bi in the first place and he's the one who told you liked that sappy crap. So if you have anyone to blame for all this, blame good-old Hayner. Some friend you have."
To say Roxas was outraged would be a massive understatement by miles. He's voice cracked and he spoke barely above a whisper. "I can't believe you'd go by something Hayner, a boy you've never talked to before, said about me over what I'd say to you about myself."
Axel felt his chest twist painfully in guilt, but before he could salvage his own decency and make anything resembling an apology Roxas had ground his teeth together, spun around and silently left the room, leaving Axel completely alone with only his thoughts and feelings for company.
xxx
After marching out of school even though he should've been attending maths class, Roxas headed straight home and loudly made his way to his bedroom, taking full advantage that the rest of his family absence. After he gave a fair few anger ebbing kicks to his door frame, Roxas instantly phoned Kairi, in some desperate need of comforting.
The phone rung at least ten times until Kairi finally picked up. Roxas counted.
"Hello?"
"Are you busy or something, Kairi?" Roxas spinelessly asked, "It just took you a while to answer..."
"No! I'm free. So, what's up, Roxas?"
"Oh man, Kairi, you wouldn't believe what's been going on since the last time you rang."
"You mean ... does this have something to do with all those little cards in your locker?" Kairi had always been especially perceptive when it came to certain issues.
"Yeah. It turns out they were from Axel... can you believe it?"
"Uh... who's Axel?"
Roxas gave an irritated huff, clicking his teeth together, "Listen, Kairi, now's no time for games."
"No, really, Roxas," Kairi said patiently, "you've never talked to me about any Axel before."
Scrunching his nose in thought, Roxas thought back and realised he never had. It was kind of strange, seeing as he talked to Kairi about everything, even the most insignificant details like exactly what time the paperboy delivered the paper. Why would he completely skip a whole entity like Axel in his numerous conversations with her?
A few long seconds passed before Roxas eventually realised why he'd never told Kairi about Axel in their frequent phone calls; because he didn't want to associate his romantic life with his maths buddy - it was too strange a link to be made.
Whilst allowing his mind to wander absently, Roxas began to notice some strange and slightly suggestive noises coming through from the other line. Mainly Kairi's distant giggling, followed by her hushes and shushing. ...What?
"Kairi? Kairi are you there?" Roxas said loudly into the phone.
Kairi slightly flustered voice eventually answered, "Yeah, sorry about that Roxas. Got a little –"
"Kairi," Roxas bluntly cut across her, "what are you doing?" Or, rather, who are you doing it with?
Silence ensued for a few seconds before Kairi gave a defeated sighed and quietly spoke into the receiver, "Now, Roxas, it's not what you –"
"Don't you dare say it's not what I think, Kairi, because I know it is."
Slowly exhaling, Kairi calmly tried again, "Listen, Roxas, you're my boyfriend. You are my emotion tie and I stand by that... but... I'm in another state and it's nothing serious since it's purely to satisfy my physical needs, I swear, Roxas. You're the only one for me."
Roxas felt his heart constrict painfully. He and Kairi had been so happy for the past year ... how could she even...? "Clearly I'm not." He flatly replied.
"Roxas, I –"
"You can't honestly think I'll buy that crap, Kairi! You mustn't find me that important an emotional tie if you favour your libido over our relationship!"
"We've been going down a bad road for a while, Roxas, surely you must –"
"Bad road?" Roxas spat, "I haven't done anything wrong!"
Kairi, losing her cool only to have it substituted by anger, snapped, "See, that's the thing with you, Roxas! It's always everyone else's fault! Never yours!"
"What? You're saying I forced you into bed with some other guy? Far out Kairi, just admit you're easy and then I'll at least have some respect for your honesty."
"You're heartless, Roxas, and I'll be glad to be rid of you. Screw it. It's over."
"Good!"
"Fine!"
"Fan-fucking-tastic!"
Kairi let out an annoyed growl on the other line, which was followed by a clicking sound and a resounding dial tone. Roxas slammed his cell phone shut and threw it at brute force towards the opposite wall in his room. The silver instrumental flew through the air before smacking the opposing wall with satisfying thud before skidding underneath his bed. Roxas felt hollow inside.
It's like a set of dominoes. One bad thing leads to another...
xxx
"Heard from Roxas?" Larxene asked at some point after school whilst the quartet all hung out in the local park in the nice weather. She was evidently trying to get a quiet Axel to become involved in their conversation, though Axel really wished she wouldn't. He simply wanted to think and stare miserably at the blades of grass his was tugging out of the ground, feeling sorry for himself.
"Nope. He's still ignoring me." Axel gave a hollow laugh, "Big surprise there."
"Sora said that sometimes it takes a while for Roxas to get his head around big news." Riku said.
Axel let the meaningless words wash over him, before curiosity got the best of him, "Who the fuck's Sora?"
Riku exchanged dubious looks with Demyx and Larxene, "Uh, Roxas's twin brother. I thought you knew that."
"Well, I didn't." Axel snapped.
Riku gave an exasperated sigh, "Were you even aware he had a brother?"
"...No."
"You know his friends though, right?" Demyx tried to helpfully supply.
"What, by name?"
When his friends continued to gaze at him expectantly, Axel sighed, "I know that the beachy one's called Tide or something. Oh! And I know Hayner and Wak-wak, kinda."
Riku drummed his fingers idly on his knee, "For liking someone you sure don't know much about the people they associate with."
"Shut your damn mouth, what do you know?"
An embarrassed blush made its way across Riku's face, though he dipped his head in an attempt to hide it. "I was just trying to help."
Demyx, who hated confrontations occurring between his friends, swiftly changed the topic, "So... Riku, why were you and Sora talking?"
"Purely for Axel's benefit. Sora's just some annoying little Junior but I semi-befriended him in order to help Axel out but finding out things about Roxas. Although I kind of regret it now since Axel's being such a whiny bitch."
"I don't need you spying for me," Axel hissed, "I already know enough about Roxas."
"Oh really?" Larxene snorted, "Like the fact that he has a twin?"
Axel gave a defeated groan and slammed his head repeatedly into the ground, wishing the world would rewind itself to the moment before he confessed to Roxas so he could right his decision to confess and simply leave things the way they were and always should be.
He had honestly believed that confessing to Roxas would have given him some lasting feeling of release, akin to the weight being taken from his shoulders. Instead, since their short albeit loud argument Axel simply felt sickening guilty. Well, he hopelessly thought, things have to get worse before they get better.
For many reasons he found it very hard to believe that things would ever get better.
xxx
A/N:
YAY! Merry Christmas everyone. Hope Santa gets to all your houses.
Anywho, I saw that this was half-complete and felt that I might as well finished it in the 34C heat to ease my boredom and take my mind of the ridiculous temperature.
Please forgive me for its crapness. In my defence I'm half asleep.
I'll let you off the hook for not getting me an xmas present if you comment instead :D
J x