Ch 4
That night, we did not have sex. Right when Stan's peep wiggled it's way to an erect position, guess who came storming in? I will wait so you can make your guess. Think out of the box. It's hard. I bet you won't guess it right.
Butters, the annoying fuck, came barging in. Why? For no reason at all. He ruined the night that I would have remembered forever as the night I bumped uglies with the most amazing guy in the world, my boyfriend, and by extension, my soulmate.
"Butters, what the fuck are you doing here?" Stan growled angrily. Butters was nervous, but I didn't care because I wanted to beat the shit out of him.
"I-I, oh hamburgers," he rubbed his knuckles against each other and looked down at the ground, avoiding visual contact with Stan or me. Thankfuly, when Butters ran in here, we were safely under the sheets and if we positioned ourselves correctly, our penises wouldn't show.
"Eric sent me," Butters finally spat out.
"Why?" I asked, starring him down with a deathly jewish glare.
"Well, you see, well um, he thinks you guys are, umm, well gay. He wanted, oh OH HAMBURGERS!" He starred at Stan's crotch. Soon the part of the blanket near Stan's penis was wet, white, and moist. Stan was so embarrassed (I could just tell) and I wanted to hold him and say it was okay, but I couldn't because that sounded a bit gay for my standards.
"We aren't gay. Get the fuck out Butters!" I yelled as Butters ran out mumbling "oh hamburgers" over and over again.
"Shit," Stan said, his face red as a tomato.
"It's okay," I said, but it wasn't. Cartman will soon know and he will tell everyone before we can, unless...
"Hurry! Get to a phone and call everyone you have the number of and say that we are gay! Do it now!" I said hurriedly.
"W-What?" Stan said, but it soon dawned on his the reason of my actions. I jumped up (with no clothes on) and ran over to my pants and tugged them on. Stan simultaneously ran to his phone on his dresser and fingered the buttons.
"Hey Kenny, Kyle and I are gay. Talk to you later. Tell people!" Stan said in a rushed tone. He then proceeded to hang up and call more people. Tweek, Craig, Token, Clyde, Kevin, and even Jason. All the conversations lasted less than 20 seconds.
"Anyone else?" Stan asked.
"The girls, but they don't need to know,"
"Yeah, I only have Wendy's number anyway and fuck her," he laughed. We felt better.
"Want to continue?" Stan asked.
Truthfully I didn't. I wasn't in the mood anymore. My mind was about to explode with thought. What if everyone excludes us now? I voiced my fear.
"No, our friends are cooler than that. They would not be that big of dicks." Stan comforted.
"I...I don't know," I sighed.
"Don't be such a negative douche," Stan kissed me. I kissed back less enthusiastically.
As I expected, the next day went horribly. Stan and I bravely stood side by side, holding hands, by the bus stop as usual. In my mind I hoped Kenny would come first so he could help us when Cartman verbally rapes us but that did not happen. A couple of minutes after standing in the snow Eric walked up with a wicked smirk on his pudgy face.
"Sooo, what have we hmeare (here)?" Eric said smudgly.
"Shut up fatass," I hissed.
"Yeah, c'mon Cartman, can't you be a halfway nice person this one time?" Stan pleaded.
Cartman pretended to think about it. He exaggerated the motions to the extent where it would be funny in a different situation. I balled my free hand into a fist and stuffed it in my pocket.
"Let me think about it. Okay, I will be the better person and not make fun of you gay, faggot, dick sucking, ass fucking, queers."
"Fuck you," Stan spat
"No thanks, my ass is for shit, not dicks," Eric said, covering his butt and backing away a few inches.
"Whatever," I said and flipped him off. I realised a little too late that I had mittens on and that you can't really tell what I am doing with my hand. The message was still received and Eric glared at me.
Soon after, Kenny came trotting along, smelling of tobacco smoke and rat poison. He doesn't always smell like that, I suspect he isn't allowed to bathe or wash his clothes regularly so he wears dirty clothes sometimes and smells of home.
"Hey fags," Kenny said in a muffled and joking sort of tone. I nodded in recognition.
When I looked over to Stan it looked like he was about to be sick. He stared at the ground with a pink tinted face. I couldn't tell whether it was flush from the weather or the embarrassment, or both.
Later still, the bus came and we all got on. Cartman made sure to stay as far away from us as possible and ended up sitting next to some ugly kid named Jason.
Anything is better than faggots, I thought sinisterly. Stan wouldn't let go of my hand, but I didn't mind. If he let go he might faint from the looks of it. His pink face turned a greenish colour and he teetered back and forth as he walked to his seat. Other children stared at us as if we were some hideous mutated freaks. Maybe we are.
I teed to start up a conversation and pretend everything was normal but my mouth was dry and I couldn't form any words.