Hey guys! I totally forgot to update on Wednesday and this morning I was sitting in Chemistry and I was thinking about the story, I literally swore out loud because I missed my deadline. .

Anyway, here's what you've been waiting for...ish. (:
And thank you for not bombarding me with hate reviews and mail. hehe

Enjoy.

All I wanna do and all I wanna be
All I wanna feel is somethin' real
I want to believe that everything I do, from here on out will be with you
It's gonna be with you.
-Jonah Johnson – With You.

Chapter 40 – Bound To You
RPOV

Sunday.

I couldn't even begin to describe how miserable I was, if there was ever a moment where I wanted to just go back in time and change what happened, this would be it. I don't know what happened to me, it was like one minute I was watching a movie, and the next Jacob was storming out of the house, angry.

Yesterday I spent the night in my bed at the cottage. I needed to be away from everyone, I needed to really think for myself. I was being so stupid, so immature. I was engaged to the most amazing person in the world and it wasn't because I was forced to, it was because I wanted to. I had made this decision all on my own because Jacob was everything I'd ever want in a man.

He's handsome and smart. He's sweet and sensitive but still rugged and manly. He's my protector and my best friend, he knows everything about me and I know everything about him yet he still loves me. He's always honest with me and completely faithful. He tolerates my romantic movies and is spontaneous with dates. He's always there for me. He's my everything.

I knew that now. I knew what I wanted. Seeing Damien nearly kiss me brought me back to reality and made me realise that the only person I want that close to my face was Jacob. All this time I'd been curious as to what it would be like to love someone else that I totally forgot about how much I loved Jacob. I forgot about just how deeply I felt for him. He was my own personal ray of sunshine, he made everything better and I needed him now more than ever.

I told Damien that I needed some space and he offered to take off for a few days so that he wouldn't be in the way. I was thankful that he left for a while. I knew he'd be back for the wedding though and I wasn't sure how that would go down with Jacob but I shrugged it off for now, I had bigger problems to deal with.

I didn't sleep at all last night, I just stayed up, staring into the blank darkness and thought about every different way I'd hurt Jacob. I never wanted to do that to him, I loved him more than anything in the world and I could never intentionally hurt him. I knew that I needed to tell him the truth. I needed to tell him about everything that's been going through my mind. I needed to make everything better because I knew that I wanted to marry him on Friday. I knew there was nobody else I'd rather see on the end of that isle but him.

I'd been cooped up in my room all day and most of the night, pondering whether to go out and look for him or to stay put and wait for him to calm down. I couldn't put it off any longer, if I spent one more hour in this room I would combust. It was close to eleven and I sat in the darkness, letting the light from the moon guide my eyes. I had literally wasted a whole day not doing anything.

I dialled his number into my cell phone again and hoped that he would pick up. "Hey, this is Jake, leave a message and I'll get back to you." I sighed, knowing he probably had no intention of speaking to me, I called him at least fifty times in the last twenty four hours, hoping for a chance to explain myself to him, each time it went to voicemail and a piece of my hope faded away.

"Hey, it's me again. Where are you? I need to talk to you… I just—I—I'll just talk to you when I see you." I cut the call. Hoping he'd listen to the message—or messages I'd left- and call me back. I just couldn't wait that long though. I couldn't wait for something I had no idea would happen or not. I grabbed the keys to the Volvo and ran out the door, not bothering to explain myself to my parents. They'd probably have heard the entire story by now from Aunt Alice who'd most likely seen the whole thing in a vision.

I dialled Seth's number on the way to La Push, hoping that maybe he'd seen Jacob somewhere. "Hey Ness." His voice was low and saddened.

"Seth, have you seen Jacob?" I asked quickly while concentrating on the road ahead of me.

"Sorry, Alpha's orders. I can't tell you." He sighed, I tried to fight the rising lump in my throat that threatened to overwhelm me with tears. The whole pack must've heard by now. They'd probably all got the same misconstrued story Jacob saw. "Look, I have to go. See you around." He said quickly and cut the call. So I couldn't ask anyone where Jacob was because they probably weren't allowed to tell me. They probably all resented me so much right now. When I pulled up outside Jacobs house, I was greeted by Billy who gave me a brief look of discontent. As if I didn't already feel bad enough.

"Have you seen Jacob?" I asked, not bothering with small talk at the moment. He looked at me quickly before looking around.

"Nobody's seen him or heard from his since last night." He moved his chair forward a little more and I looked at him, hoping that he had some idea where he could be.

"Billy- if you know where he is— I need to talk to him." I begged quietly. I could feel the tears almost spilling out of my eyes and I couldn't let Billy see me like this. I didn't want pity.

"I don't know where he is." He said simply and rolled his chair up the ramp. That was a subtle 'Fuck off' from Billy. Great, my soon-to-be father in law hates me. I don't blame him though. I hate myself.

"It's not what you think." I tried to explain, he wheeled around to look at me with a disappointed expression plastered on his aged face.

"I think I got a fairly good idea of what happened." He simply said, "I know you, Renesmee, and I know you're not that type of girl. So why are you acting like it?" He asked wisely. I was stumped by his question and I broke into tears.

"I love Jacob. I would never do that to him." I said softly, just low enough for Billy to hear. He just nodded and wheeled inside. He'd back Jacob till the day he died, and until Jacob told him I was in the clear, he would try his best to avoid me; it was something the Quileutes all shared. They were all a closely knit family; no one could come in between them.

"Look what the cat dragged in." I heard a girl sneer behind me, her voice thick with sarcasm and annoyance. It didn't take me two guesses to figure out it was Demi.

"I don't even know why she showed up." Harley said with resentment. I turned around to face them, both their faces depicting the anger I had induced. Demi's shirt flared as she walked toward me, the wind blowing her shoulder length black hair behind her. Harley walked next to her firmly, her deep blue eyes delving into the depths of unknown betrayal and anger.

"I know what you're going to say." I looked down, hoping that they would go easy on me. Knowing them, they wouldn't want to hear my side of the story. Jacob's word was law.

"Oh yeah? What the fuck do you think I'm going to say?" Demi charged toward me, her fist balled up at her sides as if she were going to punch me in the face.

"Demi, she's not even worth it." Harley tried to calm her down, holding her arm so that she didn't come any closer to me. "You have absolutely no idea what you've done, do you?" She said angrily and glared at me while Demi nudged off her arm.

"I know—I'm so sorry, but it's not what you all think, nothing happened, I wouldn't have let anything happen. Especially not with Damien, I wouldn't do that to Jacob." I tried to plead with them but it seemed like they weren't gonna sway an inch away from their opinion until I proved myself. "I love Jacob. I love him more than an—"

"If you loved him so much, you wouldn't have cheated." Harley said sternly and Demi was slowly taking deep breaths trying to calm herself down. I guess the story got a little twisted as it was passed on from one pack member to the other.

"Jacob is our brother. He is our family. You can't just break him apart you two timing—" She bared her white teeth at me, not able to finish her sentence. She started to charge at me and I didn't know what to do. Harley quickly latched onto her arm, restraining her from attacking me right then and there.

"Demi! She's still an imprint. You know what will happen if you hurt her." She said indignantly. Her tone clearly implied that if there were no rules against harming imprints, I wouldn't be alive.

"Why don't you just go run back to your new bloodsucking boyfriend?" Demi snapped and marched toward the large oak, slamming her fist into the tree trunk to let off some of her anger. I cringed, knowing that she was probably hurting herself by doing so.

"All right, you've said your bit, now listen to me! I did not cheat on Jacob. I am his imprint, I am his fiancée and yeah, I sure as fuck haven't been acting like one but who gives you the right to lecture me? I know who I am, I know what happened and I know who I want, so come here and try to punch me, just try because I don't give a shit. So if you don't know where Jacob is, I'm going to leave to go find him because I love him." I spoke with authority and I felt empowered by the fact that I could stand up for myself. Both Demi and Harley were taken back by my use of language and they both raised a questionable eyebrow at me before looking at each other.

"We can't tell you, but there's only one place he'd really go." Harley said and Demi walked over to me, invading my personal space and pointed her finger at me. Our faces were only inches apart as she stared into my eyes with anger.

"You know what? You just got on my bad side, so if you ever pull shit like this ever again, I won't hesitate to kill you in your sleep, capiche?" She looked completely serious so I raised my head to her level and looked her in the eye.

"Get the fuck out of my space." I said slowly and precisely. She backed away from me, still proud of what she'd achieved but knowing this wasn't her business to get involved in. I knew she wasn't joking, I could tell by the expression on Harley's face that she knew Demi was completely capable of doing so. She walked away with Harley, they didn't bother to glance back at me, instead they marched on toward the forest.

I started taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself down and pull myself together. I knew where he was, he was at our spot on the beach. That's the only place he'd go. I just knew it in my gut that I'd find him there. I ran towards the beach, only focussed on Jacob, not caring about the world and their opinions. I knew I needed to make things right with Jacob before I even considered making things right with everyone else.

I didn't know what I was going to say to him, I can't even imagine what I've put him through. All this time I've been so selfish, I only think about myself. I'm only thinking about the fact that I want to be with Jacob, that I want to marry him, that I want a life with him, but what if that's not the best thing for him? I paused, thinking about it for a moment.

What if being with me was hurting him more than I could ever imagine? I was so selfish in thinking that this was all about me and not even acknowledging how he really feels. Maybe I'd hurt him so badly that he couldn't even fathom the possibility of ever loving me the way he did. I was so stupid, so immature, thinking that I could get away with having these unknown feelings. I had made my choice a long time ago and no vampire was going to change the way I felt about a certain wolf.

When I got to the cove I saw him, he held a lilac flower in his big hands and he picked the petals off one by one, his eyes were red and he quickly wiped his nose with his forearm before continuing to the flower apart. He threw them away one by one and watched as it drifted away with the wind, so peaceful and calm. He looked as if he were stuck in a daze but slowly being tortured from the inside out.

He looked up at me then and I stopped in my tracks, I didn't know what I was expecting him to say. I was hoping that he'd shout at me or say something to that effect that made me grovel for his forgiveness. I would beg on my knees for him. Instead he stayed quiet and content, looking at me as if he couldn't bring himself to say anything, he looked away and continued to pick away at the flower, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

"I'm sure." He looked up at me, his wondrous eyes filled with tears that I'd put there. I took a step closer, testing the boundaries at first. He didn't seem to mind.

"Hm?" He mumbled.

"I'm sure I want to marry you." I took another step closer, "I'm sure I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I moved a little bit more, "I'm sure that you're the only one for me." I continued taking step forward until I was right in front of him. I knelt on the ground and grasped his face in my hands, "I'm sure that this Friday will be the beginning of our life together." I pressed my lips to his softly and pulled back, "I'm sure about us." I whispered and kissed him again.

I felt his tears run over my fingers, "I'm sure I love you." I kissed him again, "I'm sure I need you." I began to cry with him, "I'm sure you're my world." I kissed his tears away, "I'm sure. I'm so sure." I pressed my lips to his again. I savoured the feeling of his soft, plush lips, hoping that this wouldn't be the last time I ever felt them.

"I'm sorry I've hurt you." He stayed quiet and for that I was grateful, I wanted to get everything out before I forgot what I had to apologise for, "I'm sorry for taking you for granted and I'm sorry for not being there, I'm sorry for putting him first, I'm sorry for being so sorry all the time." His lips turned up slightly at the corners and I sighed, thankful that he seemed to be trying to hold back a smile.

"Renesmee…" He started but I pressed my index finger to his lips and he was silenced.

"Let me just say this. I'm clingy and annoying sometimes but it's because I love you. I'm jealous sometimes but it's because I care. I will call you a million times a day because I just want to know how you are. I'm impulsive and irresponsible sometimes because I want to have fun with you. I'm moody all the time because I can never make up my mind about anything besides you. You're on my mind twenty-four-seven. I need you because without you I don't know what to do with myself. You're everything to me, you know me better than anyone. You know I'm this ridiculous, perfectionist girlfriend who just can't seem to stop hurting her boyfriend, but I'll try, everyday, I'll make up for every single time I've hurt you." I took a breath before looking at him, hoping for some indication that he was taking in everything I was saying.

"Ness…" He started and I cut him off again.

"If you'll let me, I want to marry you, this Friday and begin our life together." I stared into his bloodshot brown eyes and prayed that somehow, he would forgive me.

Will he or wont he? You'll be surprised. ;)
And what do you think is going to happen between Jacob and Damien? ;D
Review, my lovelies. (: