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Chapter 5: Freedom?

Bella's Point of View

"Bella, please, please forgive me?"

His face was completely torn, and for a brief moment I pictured myself running towards him arms open and forgiving him. But what problems would that solve? It wouldn't solve the problem with Edward being too clingy and possessive. It wouldn't fix the fact that he growled at Max when Max was being such a good friend to me and that Edward was just angry in general. Most of all, it wouldn't fix the problem that somewhere deep inside I wanted nothing more than to do some things for myself, to be… independent, my own person, without Edward.

Somewhere during my discussion with Max, I had figured that much out for myself. I was tired of being introduced to everyone as Edward's new wife. Edward's this, and Edward's that. He was becoming more controlling and more possessive. He wouldn't leave my side, and I couldn't be away from him with someone else for even a second without him worrying about me and thinking I was doing something completely immoral.

He needed to give me my space. If he wasn't willing to do that, then I would have to leave him for a while so that I could be on my own. My entire vampire existence had revolved around Edward and Renesmee. I wanted some time for myself. I hoped I wasn't being too selfish, but I honestly think I deserve to be free of my duties as wife if only for a few hours, just once. I don't even think I would mind taking Renesmee along with me, but I knew I couldn't. Everyone would worry much more if Renesmee were missing as well. Jacob would probably have a heart attack.

Therefore, I had to leave both my duties behind. I thought about how hard it might be for Renesmee. How could I do that to her? I quickly figured out my answer. Girl's night, after the shopping trip! Yes that would be perfect, the perfect getaway. I just wanted to spend some time with my sisters without my husband.

It must have been a few hours that we stood there looking across at each other, just thinking, wondering what exactly was happening between us. As the sun began to rise, Edward had basically crawled to my side

I glanced down at Edward, he was kneeling at my feet. I sat down next to him. "Bella, please, anything, I'll do it, just forgive me!"

I knew I wouldn't be able to hold up much longer, "Edward," I said, "I need some time alone; I hope you can understand that. I don't really want to talk to you right now. I want to clear my mind, and then tell you how I feel. I promise I will, just give me a day or two to sort things through."

"You want to be away from me?" His voice was shaking.

"Just for a day, a little while, I want to spend some time with other people. I .. will be back," or so I think.

"I don't understand," he mumbled.

"Edward, I've always liked quiet time, and time by myself, it's just who I am. These past few years with you have been the best of my life, let me assure you. I just, I need to be alone. Charlie always knew how to keep his distance and let me be when I needed to be," I paused, reminiscing.

"Do you wish you were still human Bella? I am so, so sorry, I knew I shouldn't have listened to you, I'm so sorry!"

"No, no Edward I love who I am now, I really do, trust me. It has nothing to do with still being human, and everything to do with my lost independence," I hoped he would understand, "I have to go," I looked at his distraught face and felt so bad for him. I could not stay here a second longer, however.

"Bye, I will see you later," I began to get up.

"I love you Bella. I love you so much, please, please don't go."

"Edward, you don't understand. I need to be away from you."

"Isabella Cullen, do not leave me here without any idea as to where you are going. You may need to get away from me but I need to be with you."

"I am so sorry Edward. Do not worry about what I am doing. I will be with Alice and Rose tonight," I began to run home.

Edward did not follow me. The sun had moved higher into the morning sky, and I figured it was about six or seven in the morning. Alice was sure to be ready to get shopping. As soon as I was in the door, I noticed Renesmee was fully dressed, probably pulled from her bed at five am, and Rosalie and Alice were standing beside her.

"BELLA! Where have you been!? You know this is my day! Are you trying to make me unhappy and strip me from one of the most enjoyable days of my existence?" Her face moved into a little pout, "You know I love back to school shopping!!! Hurry! I laid out clothes for you upstairs. Go, get dressed! NOW! Move it, move it, move it sister!"

I decided now was not the best time to tell her of my plans for this evening, or even to say anything outside of: Yes Alice, Thank You Alice, Alice you're right this color is perfect and my favorite Yes, Alice this outfit would look lovely on Jasper as I stare dumbstruck at the frilly feminine clothing.

I ran upstairs and mindlessly changed into whatever Alice had laid out for me. I took a quick glance in the mirror. My hair was like it always was, my dark brown messy curls along the bottom of my otherwise straight-wavy hip length hair. I was wearing a pretty, dark blue summer dress that was tighter at the top and flowed outwards at the bottom, it had little white flowers scattered all around it with a rounded neck line that went a little deeper than I would expect from Alice. She put me in these pretty white sandals with only a small heel, for Alice's standards, and a white flower adorning the top. I wondered why Alice had dressed me this way, and figured she had probably seen us going out at night and my reluctance to change again.

I sprinted back downstairs and then outside and into Alice's car that was already half way down the driveway.

I sat in the back with my daughter. She too was wearing a dress, as was Rose and Alice, I smiled, so we were going out tonight.

"Mommy!" Renesmee cheered as I shut the door behind me.

I smiled at her and gave her a hug, "Hey sweetheart."

"Yes, thank goodness she is finally here. I was so close to leaving her here." Alice said, slightly annoyed, and slightly relieved that I was finally here.

"I'm sorry Alice, Rose, I'll uh tell you about it later, if you don't already know," she half-smiled half-frowned at me in the rear view mirror.

Rose turned around to look at me, "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I should be fine." I said, not really sure. I knew that Alice and Rosalie had picked up on that as they looked at each other quickly with worried glances.

Renesmee turned to me, "Mommy, what's the matter? When I woke up you and Daddy were not at home." She reached her hand across to me and put it in on my face. She showed me her worry when she had woken up and looked around our room and then downstairs, to no avail. He next image was of Alice who came and stole her away so that she could fix her hair and dress her up.

"Don't worry, honey, Mommy and Daddy were just outside in the forest," I thought quickly, "having a midnight snack."

She was not convinced.

"But you just went hunting with me and Max yesterday," she argued.

"Daddy wanted to go, so I went with him," I smiled at her, hoping to fool her.

"Oh, okay," she smiled too.

Alice, probably worried that Renesmee would question me again, turned up the music. By the time all four of us had began to sing along, we had arrived at our first destination.

Alice pulled out her purse, , containing her shiny black credit card, the grin on her face was absolutely stunning, the excitement oozing out of her; she was probably the only one in the world who could possibly spend the daily limit on one of those cards in a day. She made sure no one else was buying anything when it was her day for shopping. Nothing could slow her down today, and nothing could wear her down. I picked up Renesmee, afraid she would get tired much quicker if I let her walk at Alice's-shopping-'walk'-pace, and we were off.

At first we were a little slower as Alice did the math in her head to figure out how much more Renesmee would grow over the coming months. She was sure to be at about a seven-year- old's height by the end of the year, and with Renesmee's birthday coming up Alice just kept using it as an excuse to buy her more things.

After we finished in the children's stores for Renesmee, Alice was smiling and ready to shop for the boys. She was so happy, even Rose's sigh when Alice started piling on the ties and suits for Jacob as well, was ignored.

"That kid has no fashion sense! None! All he wants to wear are those stupid cut-offs and disgusting old t-shirts! Who does he think he is? If he is going to be a part of this family, he had better start dressing like it!"

Quietly, for only me and Rose to hear, Alice whispered, "And if he thinks he can marry my niece looking like what he does today he has got his head in the clouds! I am going to tie him down and teach him how to dress if I have to!"

We were at the last stop for Men's clothing when Renesmee said, "Mommy, nobody's bought anything for Max!"

Alice almost burst into flames, she was so upset with herself. "MAX! I forgot about him completely!" She ran into the store, like the crazy woman she is (when she is shopping) and practically bought him half the store.

In the back corner of the store there were these cute sweaters with funny things on them. I spotted them, but went there carrying Renesmee, but hiding from Alice, knowing that in no way would Alice knowingly let any of the men in the house be seen in any of them. As I was laughing at the funny quotes and pictures plastered on the sweaters with my daughter, my phone began to vibrate in my pocket.

I looked at the caller-ID. It was a call from Edward's cell phone.

"Hello?"

"Bella!" He was clearly happy that I had even answered my phone.

Renesmee too could hear who it was. "Daddy!!!" She exclaimed.

"Honey, you want to talk to daddy?" She nodded her head, excited.

I handed her the phone, surprised at how easily I had dodged that phone call.

"Daddy! Yeah, I am with Mommy. No, she is carrying me so that I won't get lost cause aunt Alice likes to move fast when she is shopping. Okay. Love you too, Daddy! Hold on, let me ask her." She held the phone against her chest.

"Mom, Dad wants to know if you could talk to him really quickly. He says it is very important."

I nodded my head to her, and she held the phone up to my ear for me so that I would still be able to carry the clothes I had, seeing as Renesmee was in my other arm. I heard Alice call for me up at the front of the store by the register, and I moved towards the front of the store.

"Hey Edward, what's up?"

"I love you," he said.

I did not say anything, wondering what else he had to say, and honestly, not quite sure how to respond to that.

He did not say anything either.

"Edward, is that all? Alice is about to chop my head off if I don't move it out of the men's store. Next stop is shoes." I laughed a little, making sure Renesmee could not sense my discomfort.

"Do you love me too?" We were at the register now, and Rosalie was helping the lady sort through the pile on the counter. Alice heard Edward's question and looked over to me, wide-eyed.

I was almost certain this was the scene that Alice had seen in her head a few days ago, and questioned me about.

Knowing that Renesmee was there made me want to say "of course I do" just to comfort her, in case she heard his question too. Even though she didn't have a vampire's perfect hearing, she was holding the phone to my ear.

"I have to go, I'll talk to you later." I quickly hung up the phone. Rosalie and Alice both turned to me a little stunned. Renesmee seemed unworried so I figured that she hadn't heard.

As soon as we were out of the store, I buckled Renesmee in and shut her side of the door. Alice and Rose had not gotten into the car, and they stood by my door, not letting me get in.

"Bella, all I had was a vision of you and Edward talking. The only thing I heard you say was that you were sorry and that you were going out with me and Rose tonight. That's it. Now, tell us what else happened last night," the look on her face was so worried.

Rose was looking intently at something behind me, but I ignored her.

I took in a deep, unnecessary breath, "Okay, okay. We just had a little argument, and I kind of want to get away from him for a while. He has just been on my last nerves recently," I was about to finish there but Rose gave me a look, telling me I better explain myself.

My voice, raising an octave, nearly screamed, "He's annoying the hell out of me because he is being so damn clingy and possessive and controlling and I just cannot stand it! He wants me to be with him every second of every damn day and I just want to be alone! He's mad that Max and I were talking for a few minutes. He is mad that he can't read Max's mind, he thinks Max has some secret plan to steal me away from him. He got angry because I didn't tell him that I could feel every second of my transformation," this got a shocked reaction from Rose and Alice, "and he's angry because I want to be with you guys for a night instead of him."

Alice looked at me sympathetically and opened her arms for a hug, I was about to break down and dry-sob into her arms, and I almost would have, if I hadn't heard a loud scream come from my daughter inside the car.

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