The reviews were great, thanks for not hating me. :L
Please don't hate me after this either.

Enjoy.

Chapter 45 – To Love Or Not To Love
RPOV

Friday

I stayed at the cottage last night with my parents. It was the one place I felt safe. I didn't sleep at all; instead I tossed and turned thinking about what he'd said and what I was going to do. His threatening words kept replaying in my mind. "If you say 'I do', I promise you, your family will die." I didn't know what to do. I could do the selfless thing and protect my family, my friends, and Jacob. Or I could say those words, take a chance, and put their lives in danger.

Who was I kidding, just thinking about that makes it obvious what I need to do. He was a devious person, everyone would write off my nerves as pre-wedding jitters. Nobody would suspect a thing. I couldn't talk, I knew he'd hurt Jacob if I did. I didn't understand why he was doing this to me though. My rejection set him off. I couldn't believe that someone could be so despicable.

I sat up in my bed and hoped that something would give me sign over what to do. I thought about how I was supposed to leave the ceremony, I couldn't bear to leave Jacob at the alter, I wouldn't do it. How did I even know he had an army? And that's when I remembered what Jake had told me about Oregon, Idaho, and Vancouver… It was all making sense now.

If Damien was really the one who attacked me then what was his motive? All of it kept getting more and more confusing as I pieced together all these clues that I'd been neglecting for so long. This was all my fault. If I'd just listened to Jacob in the beginning then all of this could've been prevented and I would've been waking up as the happiest woman on earth.

I stared at the same white drawer in front of my bed as I had been the entire night and wished that somehow it would speak to me and tell me what to do. I searched desperately for a loop hole. How would he know if I told my parents right now? It wasn't like he had people guarding me or was standing outside my bedroom window right at this moment… Or was he? Did he bug our house? Is that how he'll know? Was he near Jacob? I was being so paranoid. I didn't know anything.

"Sweetheart?" My mother called, I could smell pancakes on the horizon and I chose to put all the stress to the back of my mind right now. I needed to eat, get my strength and then figure out what I was going to do.

"Coming." I called back and stood up feeling weightless after staying up most of the night. I went into my bathroom, feeling like a zombie, holding back the tears that threatened to overwhelm me. Getting on with my daily routine, I forced myself to focus on the task at hand. When I was sure that my teeth weren't going to get any whiter and my skin wasn't going to get any cleaner, I got dressed and went to eat breakfast.

"Took your time." Dad said and chuckled. He looked at me sceptically for a second, noticing that something was off. "Excited?" He asked and hugged my mother around her waist while they waited for my answer. I nodded because I knew that saying anything at this moment would cause me to start wailing uncontrollably. Looking at them, their happiness, I wondered if I'd ever have that now.

"Well, Alice has a list of things that she needs to do with you. There's no time to waste today." Mom smiled and I just nodded again. They both knew something was bothering me, it was their sixth senses I guess. "Sweetheart, what's the matter?" She asked.

I kept my voice low, "There's something I need to tell you," I turned to face her and they both listened intently, "It's about Dami—" I was cut of by the door flinging open.

"Damien, what a nice surprise." My mom smiled, "Coming to check on the bride to be?" She winked and completely forgot that I had anything to say. I felt like an idiot. Of course he was listening.

"Well, I wanted to make sure the bride was on her best behaviour and right on schedule." He looked over at me and smiled devilishly. I tried to smile back but found it hard with the small tremors rocking my body.

"You know what, I'm not hungry. I think I'm just going to go meet Alice." My mother gave me a stern look before nodding. She probably knew from experience that today would be a day full of nerves. The only thing she didn't realise was that today was nothing like her wedding day.

"Great, I can take you there. Alice asked me to be your escort for the day. She even gave me a list of appointments that she'd planned for you with her. Funny how stressful a wedding day can be." He grinned and I pressed my lips together in a hard smile, trying to put on a charade for my parents.

I walked towards the door and Damien's hand wove around my back, ushering me out the door swiftly, no doubt I'd be paying for my dubious actions. "Would you let go of me already." I said when I'd had enough of his contact. He simply pressed his finger to his lips, telling me to keep quiet and began running with me towards the middle of the forest.

The scenery was so familiar, I knew I'd been here before but I couldn't remember it. The awkwardly slanted tree with dull moss growing on the outside formed an awning. it blocked the sun from peeping through the tiny cracks in the leaves. There were so many layers of shrubbery growing around it that I had a hard time finding any holes with light shining in.

"Recognise it?" He asked angrily. I just looked around, trying not to make eye contact with him, afraid that I would set him off. "This is where you were attacked." He smiled. I assumed that he knew that from finding me but then I realised who he really was and immediately started to back away.

"I knew your voice was familiar." I whispered, taking a few steps away from him.

"It took you a while." He laughed, "We even came past this place when we were hunting." He paused, reliving the thought I suppose, "You were so close to finding out that I just had to distract you. You're so gullible, you know that. Anyone could've planted a seed of doubt in your mind." He chuckled again and I searched for an exit strategy but where could I run? There was nowhere to run to without him catching up to me.

"I remember your voice, you were the one who told that man to attack me, you were the one who told him to stop and then you carried me to the hospital. I remember you!" I shouted angrily, wanting to rip his head off but knowing I wouldn't stand a chance. I remember him putting thoughts into my mind and then taking mine away. All of it was flooding back to me and I sunk down to my knees with the realisation that my attacker had been under my nose this entire time. How could I have been so stupid?

"Well done!" He clapped and laughed, he started circling me like a predator circles it's prey and I immediately felt my world come crashing down on me, they'd never suspect a thing, he could put thoughts into anyone's mind, he could stop them from ever finding me again, "So, this is how it's going to work," He became serious, "You will walk down that isle, you'll wait for Jacob to say 'I do' and then when the time comes, you'll say 'I can't do this, I'm sorry' and cry like a little baby while you run out," I looked up at him, disgusted while he spoke like this was all just a little game to him, "Oh c'mon, give me points for being creative, after all, you have to make the groom suffer a little bit when you decide to leave him at the alter." He chuckled, "Now, let's practice." He got on his knees to look me in the eyes and took my face in his cold hands, "Say, 'I can't do this, I'm sorry'." He smiled.

"No." I spat and he took a deep breath before trying again.

"Renesmee, I don't think you understand that I can have my army here in less than two minutes, that's not very much time for your family and friends to prepare, not to mention the fact that I am carrying the dagger with me, I could easily kill any one of your family if they suspect a thing." He smiled devilishly. "Now, lets try again, say, 'I can't do this, I'm sorry'."

I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I stared into the golden eyes of the cold monster in front of me, "I can't do this, I'm sorry." I complied with his request, feeling the weightlessness of my opinion against him.

"You're such a good actress." He applauded while I moved my face to the side so I wouldn't have to look at his victorious eyes. "Once you've done that you can meet me right here." He smiled and it all hit me like a train, today would be my last day as me. I didn't know what would happen to me once Damien had me. "If you decide to do the selfless thing, that is." He smiled and pulled me up roughly before shoving me in front of him and forcing me to run towards the main house where I would be meeting Alice.

I had so many things running through my mind and for the first time in my life, I wished that my parents could hear my thoughts. I tried to find a loop hole, a way to tell someone what was going on but I couldn't come up with anything. My heart was beating so fast I had to literally calm myself down before I gave myself a stroke. I couldn't think of any way out of this. I was trapped in my own nightmare.

When I got to the main house everybody greeted Damien and I. They thought of him as family now, they would never assume that he was capable of something like this and of course they would never take my nervousness for anything other than pre-wedding jitters.

"Where have you been?" Aunt Alice screeched and pulled my arm to go upstairs with her, Damien followed closely behind, smiling as though he was the happiest man alive.

"Sorry, I had some stuff to take care of this morning." I said quietly and Damien touched my arm, telling me to really sell it because apparently I wasn't doing a very good job under the circumstances.

"And what the hell is going on with those bags under your eyes? Have you not been sleeping? You're just like your mother." She began mumbling things to herself and I quickly lost interest. There were bigger things to worry about today than my sleep deprivation.

"Do you mind if I come in there with you? I want to get in on the action." Damien laughed and Aunt Alice smiled, she mistook his enthusiasm for actually caring about what she did instead of wanting to keep an eye on me.

This was going to be a long day but still I hoped it would never end and I could be me for just a little while longer.

"Okay Damien, I'm gonna have to ask you to step outside. I have to get this bride into her gown." She winked and he simply smiled and nodded.

He put his hand on my shoulder, projecting his thoughts into my mind and simply saying, "I'll be listening carefully. Don't be stupid." I closed the door, feeling a sudden relief that he wasn't in the room; I could finally breathe a little.

"Okay, let's get you out of that robe and into this amazing gown." She gestured towards the clothes rack that held only one white zipped up dress bag holding the perfect wedding dress inside.

"Aren't you excited? There's about an hour to go." She squealed and I smiled. "What's wrong?" She simmered down and put a supportive hand on my shoulder.

"I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed. I didn't expect this day to be so action-packed" I was telling the truth but I knew she'd take it in the wrong context. She had no idea what I was really talking about.

"Well what did you expect? Calm and serene?" She laughed and bounced away to get the dress.

"Something like that." I smiled. She fitted the dress to me perfectly and I looked like a princess wearing it, if only I felt like one too, "Do you know where Jacob is?" I asked. I wondered whether Damien would allow me the privilege to tell Jacob how much I loved him.

"He's in Emmett's room with the boys," She snickered, "can't you hear them?" I'd forgotten about my other senses being so preoccupied with my thoughts the entire day.

I heard a soft knock on the door followed by gasps from my parents who took in my 'bridal beauty' as Aunt Alice put it when she was getting my make-up done.

"You look stunning, sweetheart!" Mom complimented and went to Alice's side to help her with the loose curls around my face that refused to cooperate. I looked over at Dad who casually leaned against the wall and stared at me with those proud eyes. I would've cried at that moment, but I knew I couldn't.

It was clear what I had to do; I couldn't let anyone get hurt because of me. I just couldn't bear the thought of losing them. I knew that when I left, I would never see them again so I made sure that I stocked up on memories right now. "I love you both." I said to mom and Aunt Alice who just smiled at me and kissed my cheek.

"We love you too, darling." Mom said and once they were both satisfied they left the room to take their seats in the hall that Alice had set up.

"You get more and more beautiful everyday." Dad said while looking at me and I simply blushed and looked away feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. It would be one of the hardest things to leave my family but I had to. "Ready?" He asked and bent his elbow for me to take his arm.

"Actually dad, there was something I wanted to do, could you just wait here, I'll be right back." I said quickly and rushed out the door. I'll be damned if I didn't get to tell Jacob how much I loved him.

"Where are you going?" Damien asked casually, trying to keep up appearances and voices while I walked towards Emmett's room. I simply put my hand on his cheek and thought, "Please, let me see Jacob." I pleaded with my eyes. "No." He said simply and laughed as if I had just told him the funniest thing; it was all to seem very casual, "Please." I begged and he took a deep breath before sighing and nodding. He touched my arm and thought threateningly, "Keep it simple. If you let anything slip, I will kill him in front of you." I nodded and walked swiftly to his room, closing the door behind me.

"Hey! What are you doing in here? Don't you know its bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding?" He smiled and came over to me, looking me up and down before grinning from ear to ear. I made a mental note of how handsome he looked in his tuxedo and how happy he was at this moment before taking a deep breath and hugging him. "Ness, what's wrong?" He asked. I so badly wanted to tell him what was happening but I couldn't, I knew Damien would know the second I projected anything into Jacob's mind.

"Nothing." I smiled, "I just wanted to tell you how much I love you." I could feel the tears in my eyes, my throat was beginning to feel stuffy and my stomach became tingly as I tried so desperately to hold it in. "I love you so much." I whispered and his arms tightened around me.

"I love you too." He snickered, not knowing that this was the last time he'd ever have the chance to say it. He pulled away and held my arms, staring intently into my face, "It's just you and me now, okay." I nodded, wanting to give him some piece of mind.

"Just you and me." I said quietly and nodded, taking in the flawlessness of this moment we shared. "You look so handsome." I smiled and straightened his bow tie for him, adjusting his collar in the process.

"You look so beautiful." He smiled. I couldn't help but reach up and press a kiss to his sweet lips, knowing it would be our last. I savoured the taste and texture of his lips on mine before parting and leaving the room. I couldn't stand to think of any more things that would be our last. I just wouldn't be able to leave.

I walked back up to Alice's room to find dad waiting for me, he smiled as soon as I walked in before he took in my distraught facials, "What's wrong?" He asked and came over to me, taking my face delicately in his hands and wiping away the stray tear that fell from the corner of my eye.

"Nothing," I smiled forcefully and took a deep breath, "I'm ready." I said and he nodded, shifting his arm for me to take it and leading me out the door. This was it.

We walked down the staircase and my head suddenly got lighter as I caught a glimpse of the decorated hall. I hadn't seen what Alice had done to the place but when I entered, it was like heaven. Everything was so elegantly placed. She went with the colour scheme I'd picked, lilac and white which I thought was simple and nice. There were ribbons connecting the rows of seats and pillars with ribbon circling it. I looked around while the music started playing.

My eyes finally reached the lilac carpet which led me to Jacob standing proudly at the alter, waiting for me. I gulped to keep the lump in my throat from rising any further. I looked towards the bench my family was sitting on and saw my mother, aunties, uncles and grandparents lovingly staring at me as I walked down the isle. It would have been perfect if Damien wasn't sitting there as well, watching me with a big grin on his face. "Relax." Dad whispered and smiled at me, ready to hand me over to Jacob.

When we finally got to the steps, it was time for me to let go, dad kissed my cheek delicately, "I love you, daddy." I whispered and kissed his cheek as well before letting go of his arm. I took Jacobs warm hands in mine but refused to look up at him. I couldn't bear the thought of staring into his eyes, knowing what was about to happen, at the same time I couldn't help myself. I let my eyes wander up until I met his, he was smiling from ear to ear and I felt as if someone had attached me to an anchor, I couldn't leave them.

"We are here today in the presence of family and friends to share with Renesmee and Jacob the most important moment in their lives." Carlisle began and looked at us, humbled by what he saw and blissfully unaware of the events to come and continued, "Love is something beyond the excitement of romance and being in love. It is a committed, thoughtful decision. Love is nurturing. Love is listening. Love is caring about your partner. Love lightens burdens because you divide them. Love intensifies joys because you share them." I looked down, not wanting to hear all the happiness that comes with being with the one you love, "Renesmee and Jacob came together as friends, today, they pledge to each other not only their love, but also the strength, warmth and most importantly, the fun of true friendship."

I waited patiently, thinking and rethinking whether or not I would obey Damien and say those words we practiced or if I would tell him what I really felt and say 'I do'. It wasn't a risk I could take, for once in my life, I needed to make a decision for everyone else, not just myself.

"Do you, Jacob Black, take this woman to be your wedded wife, to love her, comfort her, honour and keep her, and forsaking all others, for so long as you both shall live?" Carlisle asked and Jacob looked at me smiling.

"I do." My heart sank into the dark abyss known as intense realisation. Of course I couldn't stay, I couldn't put him or anyone else in danger. I had to do it.

"Do you, Renesmee Cullen, take this man to be your wedded husband, to love him, comfort him, honour and keep him, and forsaking all others, for so long as you both shall live?" Carlisle looked at me waiting for my answer. I could feel all their eyes on me and I just stared at Jacob, wanting to tell him again that I love him and that I will always love him but knowing I'll never be able to.

"I-I can't do this. I'm sorry." I said quietly and didn't look up, I didn't want to see his face, instead I picked up my dress and began running for the nearest exit. "Please don't follow me." I said to them as I ran for their lives.

What do you think is going to happen?
Review and let me know. (: