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"The queen's idea?" She gave him a skeptical look and withdrew her hand from his, mentally berating herself for forgetting, even for a moment.
"She is…the perfect partner, the perfect mother, and the perfect friend. She helped me stop feeling sorry for myself and I grew to respect and admire her greatly. Thank you for finding her. She says thank you as well, because of you, she has everything she had ever dreamed about." His eyes danced with amusement.
Calitae looked him in the eye with a straight look on her face, "I have no idea what you mean."
"Hah. I know you helped her to come to Denerim and sponsored her. She told me."
"Well, she may be perfect but she certainly didn't keep her promise." Calitae gave him a sideways look.
"I mean it when I say she and I are friends. She and I share most everything. So she knows that our days are numbered, at least more so than her own days, and she knows that I… that I never stopped loving you, Calitae. The twins are about the same age as I was when I took the throne not to mention more prepared and between you and I, much better at it than I could ever be. Fereldan is in good hands." He pulled a leather-wrapped bundle out of his surcoat and held it out to her, "I even brought you a copy of all the papers we signed to ensure everything was taken care of just in case you thought I had finally run away. I wouldn't be surprised if Eona slipped a letter in there for you as well, just in case I couldn't explain properly."
She chewed on her lip and didn't look at him or the bundle. "This is not some concussion-fueled dream? I am not laying in the yard with the fence laughing at me while I slowly drown in my own blood?" She leaned out of the window, looking down.
"I really must meet this fence that has it out for our dear Warden. But no, not a dream unless I am dreaming it too. Where are you – ?" In one fluid motion she swung out of the window and came back in through the other, hopping across the desk and went into the bedroom. Curious, he was about to follow when she came back out carrying a box.
He could see it was carved with thorny vines and what looked like Dalish runes on the lid. She slid open the top and showed him the contents: a rose cradled in a bed of black silk. The rose. Still frozen in that perfect moment between bud and bloom. "I...I can't believe you still have it. That it's still alive."
"Another one of those mysteries that seem to follow me. The Maker Himself will have to come pry it from my cold dead hands before I willingly give it up." She ran her fingers over the box's carvings. He could see something shift in her stance and when she looked back at Alistair her face was set in a hard expression. "We're in love with memories - with the past. Is that any better than being lost in the Fade again?"
He felt like he was a never-ending emotional battle with her as a feeling of dread washing over him, "What? What are you saying?"
"I don't blame you. It was a different time but it's easy to forget how tough it was on the road. It was half our livetime ago, we are changed people now. You have a family, and a luxurious home, warm food in your belly every night, and you are quite beloved as king. Are you sure you want to give that up for sleeping on the ground in the rain and cold, eating travel rations, hunting down more darkspawn or whatever else decides to try to eat us? Just for a chance at reliving a memory?" Brown eyes searched grey.
He stepped closer to her, looking down at the box between them, "You have a family too. And I would like to think we would make new memories."
Calitae's cheeks flushed, her tattoo fading slightly, "Yes, I have a family and I am a coward. It's easier to be away from him than see your eyes looking at me, hear your laugh. Less chance of him realizing I've been lying to him his entire life."
Amusement tinged his voice, "I would call you many things, but a coward is not one of them."
She chewed on her lip again, "You have three children to marry off, and your future grandchildren to bounce on your knee."
"I do. But that won't be the rest of my life."
"It could, some men would die for that chance." He could see now she was purposefully being stubborn.
"I know. I love my family more than I can possibly express. But they – but it's not enough for me. Does that make me a bad person?" He placed his hands over hers on the box.
"I don't think you could be a bad person if you tried." His touch was distracting, so she tried again, looking away, "I don't own you, you are free to do as you please. I would be a fool if I thought you were meaning to do nothing but be in my company forever."
He took the box from her, gently removing the rose. "I don't think you are letting yourself hear what I am saying." Taking a hand, he knelt before her, presenting the rose once again. "Calitae Tabris of the Grey, if you would have me, I pledge to stay by your side until we hear our Calling or until the fates decide otherwise. All that is before you, I give to you."
"You can't re-give this." She took the rose back, not smiling, "You are going to make my face leak. Get up." Her heart was racing, she couldn't believe that this wasn't another dream to torment her.
He didn't move, "You are ruining a perfectly good moment, my love."
She tried to hold a stern expression but finally the smile he felt like he had been waiting for forever broke through as she shook her head, "I'm still planning on leaving tomorrow. I won't say no if you want to come along."
He could barely contain the feelings of relief and nervous excitement as he wrapped his arms around her, "And you call me the exasperating one! But that wasn't a no, I'll take it!" For at least this battle, he would claim victory.