Hey! This chapter was really hard to write :P The song I used is Automatic by Tokio Hotel. Enjoy!
"Is everything okay at school?" Blaine asked, looking at the girls.
"Yes" Barbra and Elizabeth said.
"Is Natasha giving you any trouble?" Kurt asked to his daughter, after sipping his coffee.
"No" Elizabeth said, shaking her head "She doesn't even look at me"
"Good" Kurt said "If she does anything to you, tell Mr. Schue, or Coach Sylvester, I'm sure they'll do something"
"Don't worry, dad" Elizabeth said.
"We should go" Barbra said, looking at her watch.
"You're right" Elizabeth said.
They both stood up and took their empty dishes to the sink. After saying goodbye to Blaine and Kurt, the girls climbed inside Elizabeth's car. She started to drive them to school, and Barbra turned on the radio.
"Is she really not giving trouble to you?" Barbra asked after a while.
"Who?"
"Natasha, obviously"
"No, I told my dad already" Elizabeth said, her eyes fixed on the road "Didn't you hear?"
"Yes, but I thought that maybe you were lying, so he wouldn't worry"
"That's ridiculous!"
"You've done it before" Barbra said, shrugging.
Elizabeth didn't say anything. Her cousin was right, she had lied to her parents sometimes, because she didn't want them to worry. Especially when she was bullied at school. But they always found out, eventually.
"I said the truth" Elizabeth said after a while "She's isn't giving me any trouble, you don't have to worry"
Barbra nodded, and they were silent for the rest of the trip.
Elizabeth choked on her water and started coughing. Spencer patted her back, and she slowly stopped coughing. Elizabeth looked at the boy with evident shock.
"She kissed you?" she exclaimed.
"Shhhh!" Spencer looked around, before he whispered to Elizabeth "Yes, yesterday in the locker rooms"
"But why?" Elizabeth asked, in the same hushed tone.
"I have no idea"
"Have you talked with her?"
Spencer shook his head, and Elizabeth looked at the salad in front of her. The cafeteria was pretty noisy, but Spencer had told about the kiss only in whispers. The girl took another sip of water.
"Does that mean she likes you?" Elizabeth asked.
"I don't think so." Spencer said "I think she's just playing with me"
"Hey, guys" Sam said, sitting next to them "What are you talking about?"
"Oh, just talking about our history project" Elizabeth said.
When Sam wasn't looking, Spencer smiled at her, grateful that she didn't told Sam. Elizabeth winked at him before they changed the topic and started talking about the Glee Club.
Barbra was paying attention to the Spanish teacher, when a note landed on her desk. She opened it and read it.
"Hey!"
She looked around, and saw Jonathan sitting a couple seats away from her, smiling. Barbra rolled her eyes, but smiled and wrote another note, which she threw to Jonathan.
"Hey"
Jonathan quickly wrote another note, and threw the paper to Barbra.
"Are you okay?"
The response landed on Jonathan's desk a few moments later.
"Yes, why wouldn't I be okay?"
The boy made sure that the teacher wasn't looking before he threw the little paper to Barbra.
"You seem kinda…distracted"
Barbra frowned and wrote another note, which ended up on the boy's desk.
"But I'm paying attention. Well, at least I was before you started throwing me notes"
When she read the next note, Barbra frowned again, confused.
"I don't mean right now, I mean in general"
She wrote an answer and threw it to Jonathan.
"What do you mean?"
Jonathan was about to throw the little paper at her, when the teacher looked at him. She extended her hand, and he gave her the paper.
"Thank you, Mr. St. James" the teacher said, before she threw the paper on the trash can.
Barbra tried not to laugh, and Jonathan shrugged while looking at her.
Natasha was going to leave when Spencer cut her off, appearing out of nowhere.
"I need to talk with you" he said.
"Make it quick" Natasha said, crossing her arms.
"Why did you kiss me yesterday?"
Natasha did her best to maintain a neutral expression. She licked her lips before she answered.
"Because I wanted to"
"Because you wanted to?" Spencer repeated "You can't just kiss me because you want to!"
"Yes, I can" Natasha said, stepping towards him. She ran a finger down his chest and looked at him in the eyes "In fact, I could kiss you right now if I wanted, and you wouldn't resist."
Spencer stepped back, glaring at her. She smirked.
"After all, you didn't resist yesterday, did you?" she said.
"Stop playing with me!" Spencer exclaimed, hitting the wall "Why did you kiss me?"
Natasha looked at him for a moment before she said:
"Poor Spencer. Do you still have hopes that I might have feelings for you?"
The boy frowned, but he couldn't hide the hurt in his face. Natasha smirked and came closer to him.
"I knew it" she said. Then, she whispered in his ear "Don't be so naïve, Spencer"
Natasha smiled and walked away. Spencer rubbed his face, frustrated. Why did he love her? She wasn't the same girl she was when he first fell for her. No, she was cruel. She played with people's feelings and used them for her own advantage. So why did he expected her to love him back once again? It was stupid, but he couldn't help it.
"You're an idiot, Spencer" he mumbled.
Instead of going to his next class, he walked towards the choir room. When he sang that song in his bedroom in front of Elizabeth and Sam, it helped him to make up his mind and deal with his feelings. The power of music, Elizabeth had said. The boy turned on the lights of the empty choir room. He took his iPod from his bag and connected it to the speakers that were resting in a corner. When the music started, he began to sing.
Automatic
Automatic
Spencer closed his eyes, and the rest of the world disappeared. He was left alone with his feelings and the song he was singing.
You're automatic and your heart's like an engine,
I die with every beat.
You're automatic and your voice is electric,
Why do I still believe?
It's automatic, every word in your letter.
A lie that makes me bleed.
It's automatic when you say things get better.
But they never...
He sang louder, clenching his fists, without opening his eyes.
There's no real love in you.
There's no real love in you.
There's no real love in you.
Why do I keep loving you?
Spencer sat in a chair, as he kept singing.
It's automatic counting cars on a crossroad.
They come and go like you.
It's automatic watching faces I don't know.
Erase the face of you.
It's automatic.
Systematic.
So traumatic.
You're automatic
He stood up, singing his heart out.
There's no real love in you.
There's no real love in you.
There's no real love in you.
Why do I keep loving you?
Automatic.
Automatic.
Automatic.
Automatic.
He thought about Natasha, the girl he loved despite he knew it was no use.
Each step you make.
Each breath you take.
Your heart, your soul.
Remote-controlled.
This life is so sick.
You're automatic to me
He opened his eyes and looked around, before he sang the chorus again.
There's no real love in you.
There's no real love in you.
There's no real love in you.
There's no real love in you.
There's no real love in you.
There's no real love in you.
Why do I keep loving you?
Spencer let all his emotions flow with the last words.
Automatic
Automatic
Automatic
Automatic
Automatic
He sighed. It didn't work, he felt as terrible as before. Spencer took his iPod and left.
The girl washed her face and looked at herself in the mirror. Small drops fell from her long eyelashes, and her cheeks were pale. Natasha used a paper towel to dry her face, and kept looking at her reflection. Suddenly, anger filled her when she looked inside her own green eyes in the mirror, so empty. They weren't empty before, they were beautiful. They were full of happiness and dreams… Spencer was right, she has changed. Natasha felt a big urge to slam her fist against the mirror so she didn't have to look at those empty eyes anymore…
"Natasha?"
She turned around when she heard that familiar voice. Elizabeth was standing there with a worried look on her face. Natasha couldn't decide what was worst, the emptiness of her eyes, or the look on Elizabeth's face.
"Are you okay?" she asked, stepping towards her. Natasha stepped back, almost by instinct.
"Yes, I'm fine" she said, as neutrally as she could, but a little bit of fear was noticeable in her voice. What was she so afraid of?
"Really? You look pale"
"Stop it, would you?" Natasha snapped suddenly "I don't need you to worry about me, I don't need your pity!"
"Natasha…" Elizabeth said, taken aback.
"Why?" Natasha said "Why did you forgive me?"
"Everyone deserves a second chance"
"Gosh, how can you be so stupid? I locked you in a closet!" Natasha exclaimed, stepping towards her "I treated you like filth!"
"Why?" Elizabeth asked "Why did you do that?"
"Because…" Natasha looked at Elizabeth "I don't know!"
"You must have had a reason!" Elizabeth said, and this time she stepped towards Natasha.
"I don't know!" Natasha exclaimed.
Elizabeth looked at her firmly, and Natasha looked inside those blue eyes. They weren't empty, they were filled with a lot of things she wished she had. Like courage.
"What are you so afraid of?" Elizabeth exclaimed, her face mere inches from hers.
"You!" Natasha exclaimed "I'm afraid of you!"
"Me? Why?"
"Because you're everything I'm afraid to be!"
"What?"
Elizabeth did not expected what happened next. Her eyes widened when she realized that Natasha's lips were against her own, and her hand on her cheek, and her whole body pressed against her own. Elizabeth was running out of air when Natasha pulled away.
"What…?" Elizabeth whispered, taking a step back. She touched her lips with her fingertips, shocked.
Natasha was breathing heavily. Her eyes were wide, like she couldn't believe what she had just done, and her cheeks were flushed.
"Why did you do that?" Elizabeth asked, her voice a mere whisper, but loud enough for Natasha to hear it.
"Because…" she clenched her fists and looked down "Because I'm a fucking dyke like you!"
Natasha ran away, leaving Elizabeth alone. She fell on her knees, unable to breath properly. Was that real? Or was it just a weird nightmare? She needed to tell someone. But who? She didn't think about it for even a second before it came to her mind.
Elizabeth was walking towards her, pale as a ghost. Sam ran to her and put her hands on her shoulders. Elizabeth looked like she was about to faint, and Sam frowned, worried.
"Lizzie, what's wrong?"
"She kissed me…" Elizabeth whispered, looking at the floor.
"Who?" Sam took Elizabeth's face between her hands, making her look up "Who kissed you?"
"Natasha"
It was like the whole world disappeared. Everything seemed to slow down, and every sound came muffled to her ears, like she was underwater. That couldn't be true. It didn't make sense.
"What?" Sam managed to say.
"I was… she was in the bathroom and…" Elizabeth said.
She started to breath heavily, and Sam hugged her. Elizabeth grabbed her shirt and buried her head on her chest.
"It's okay" Sam said, caressing her back "Calm down, Lizzie, it's okay"
After a while, Elizabeth was calmed enough to form coherent sentences. She told Sam everything that happened in the bathroom, and she listened carefully to her. When she was done, Elizabeth threw herself into Sam's arms again.
"What should I do, Sam?"
"First of all, you should talk to her" Sam said.
"I can't do it alone" Elizabeth said.
"Then I'll help you" she looked at her girlfriend in the eyes "Everything's going to be alright, don't worry"
Natasha slammed the door of her bedroom, ignoring her mother's concerned voice. She flopped on the bed and buried her face in her pillow. What had she done? She kissed her!
"Damn!" she shouted, her voice muffled by the pillow "DAMN!"
How could she be so stupid! All that time hiding her true self, pretending to be someone else… And then she came, with her blue eyes, and her perfect hair, and pale skin, and dazzling smile. And it was terrifying. Because Natasha knew that she could be the one to make her reveal her secret, so she had to be careful. And then, in one second of impetus, Natasha kissed her, and ruined everything!
"It's her fault!" she exclaimed, throwing the pillow against the wall "It's all her fault!"
"Natasha?" her mother said, standing on the other side of the door "Honey, are you okay?"
"Go away!"
"Natasha…"
"Just leave me alone!" Natasha exclaimed "Leave me alone!"
She wanted to be away from people's eyes, their judging looks, their hurtful words… When did she become one of them? Natasha sat in a corner, hugging her knees against her chest. And then the tears came. Her life was ruined. Now Elizabeth would tell everybody the truth, and everything would be ruined.
"It's all her fault…" she whispered.
It was Elizabeth's fault. For being so secure, so brave, so beautiful, so talented… It was Elizabeth's fault for being proud of whom she was, for being everything Natasha was afraid to be. So she had to make her disappear. Elizabeth had to disappear from her life, so everything could be like it was before. Maybe if she made her life a living hell, she would switch schools, or move to another city. She would be gone. But then, Sam appeared. And she was just like Elizabeth, proud, brave… a threat. But Elizabeth was a bigger threat. Because she was different. Because every time Natasha looked into those blue eyes of hers, she felt something she had never felt before, and it was just terrifying.
"Natasha, please come out" this time, her father begged her.
Natasha didn't answer. She wouldn't come out, not in a thousand years.
"Someone wants to see you" her mother's voice reached her trough the closed door.
Great. Another idiot was here to make her more miserable. She didn't care who was it, she wasn't going to come out.
"Natasha, please let me in" someone else said.
Natasha looked up, her eyes wide. It wasn't possible. Why was she here?
"Come on, we just want to talk" a different person said.
Oh, no. They were both here. What the hell were they doing here? What did they want? Natasha stood up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She opened the door, only to find Sam and Elizabeth standing there.
"What are you doing here?" Natasha asked "How do you know my address?"
"Spencer gave it to us" Sam said, and Natasha cursed him on the inside.
"Go away" Natasha said.
"Please, we just want to talk" Elizabeth begged.
"Did you tell everybody?" Natasha asked.
"No, only Sam. Please, Natasha, we need to talk"
Natasha considered it for a moment and then she stepped back, letting them in. They stood there awkwardly, and Natasha closed the door.
"What do you want to talk about?" she said.
"About what happened in the bathroom" Elizabeth said.
Natasha was looking everywhere excepting Elizabeth's eyes. She couldn't bear to look at her right now.
"Why did you kiss me?" Elizabeth asked softly.
"I told you already" Natasha said "Because I'm like you"
"Then why did you do all those things to her?" Sam asked, but her voice was surprisingly free of anger "Only to hide your real self?"
Natasha looked at her, and then she looked back at the floor. Although that wasn't entirely true, she nodded.
"Why?" Elizabeth asked "You could have told me, or your parents!"
Natasha snorted, and Sam and Elizabeth exchanged puzzled looks. Natasha finally looked at Elizabeth.
"Maybe it was easy for you" she said "Coming out of the closet. I'm sure your parents are accepting, I'm sure they hugged you and said that they still loved you, no matter what"
Sam and Elizabeth looked at her. It was true. They never had problems with coming out to their families.
"But my parents?" Natasha continued "They're not like that. I know exactly what they'd do if they knew the truth"
Silence fell upon them, as no one knew exactly what to say. Natasha's eyes darted to the picture on her bedside. There was her, being hugged by a boy. Blonde hair, green eyes, beautiful smile. Just like hers.
"He's my twin brother" she said, pointing at the picture "Nick"
Sam and Elizabeth looked at him. They were identical, excepting for the fact that he was a boy, and Natasha was a girl.
"What happened to him?" Sam asked after a while.
Natasha smiled bitterly and took the picture. He looked at her brother for a moment before she left the picture on the bedside again.
"He told my parents he was gay" she whispered.
Sam frowned, surprised, and Elizabeth blinked a couple times. Natasha looked at them.
"My dad was furious" she said "I could hear him shouting from my bedroom, saying all those hurtful, horrible words. Like he wasn't his son"
She sighed and blinked the tears away.
"He told him to disappear. To get out of our house" the girl continued "Nick came to our room, and he started packing. I told him to stop, that I would fix it. I talked to my father"
Natasha went silent.
"What happened next?" Sam asked.
"I begged him to let my brother stay. He accepted. But it was not the same" she sighed and shook her head "Of course it wouldn't be. He didn't even looked at Nick in the eyes; he didn't even talked to him. Like he was garbage"
Natasha sat in the bed, looking at the ceiling, and she kept talking.
"Eventually, people at school figured it out. They knew that Nick was gay, so they started bullying him. It was terrible, he couldn't handle it. Not even with my help, it was useless"
Elizabeth sat next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Much to her surprise, Natasha didn't even flinch. She looked at her, and Elizabeth was surprised when she saw tears running down her cheeks.
"One day, I came home late from volleyball practice" Natasha said "My parents were out of town. I called my brother, but he didn't answer. Then I went to our bedroom…"
A loud sob escaped Natasha's lips, and she covered her face with her hands. Elizabeth stroked her back, trying to comfort her. Sam looked at her, without knowing what to do.
"He had killed himself…" Natasha whispered.
Elizabeth covered her mouth with her hands, and Sam opened her lips slightly. Natasha kept crying.
"He drank something, I don't know what" she said between sobs "And he was gone, just like that"
After a moment of hesitation, Elizabeth hugged her. Natasha let her do it, and then she kept talking.
"He was everything to me" the girl looked at them for the first time "The worst part is, my father didn't even care"
Natasha looked at the picture again.
"That's why I will never tell them" she said "Nobody else can know. Please."
"We won't say anything" Sam assured her.
"We know how you feel" Elizabeth said.
Natasha nodded and wiped her tears away. She looked at them, and then she said something really surprising.
"Thank you."
"I told you ten thousand times, I'm okay!" Barbra exclaimed.
"If you say so" Jonathan said, unconvinced.
They drank their coffees in silence, but Jonathan kept looking at Barbra.
"I heard Adam has a girlfriend" the boy said.
"Oh, yeah" Barbra said "How do you know?"
"Facebook" Jonathan took a sip of his latte "She's really pretty"
"Yeah…"
"I got it!" Jonathan exclaimed suddenly "You're worried about Adam!"
"What?"
"That's the reason you've been so distracted!"
"Why would I be worried about him?" Barbra asked.
"Because he's your cousin" Jonathan said "And you're worried he gets heart-broken"
"That's ridiculous!"
"You were worried about Lizzie when she started dating Sam, remember?"
"That's different!"
"No, it's not." Jonathan smiled at her "Admit it!"
"Okay, okay, I'm worried about him!" Barbra said.
"He'll be fine, don't worry"
"I know…" Barbra said, looking at her coffee.
Spencer turned around when he felt someone tapping his shoulder. Natasha looked at him.
"Can I talk with you?" she said.
"Okay" Spencer said.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For everything" Natasha said "Remember when you asked me why I turned into such a bitch?"
Spencer nodded.
"I was trying to… protect myself. And I ended up hurting you" she said.
"Protect yourself? From what?"
"The world, I guess. When my brother killed himself, I didn't know what else to do"
Spencer nodded and patted her shoulder.
"It's okay" he said.
"And sorry for kissing you in the locker rooms" Natasha said "I was trying to prove something, and I used you"
"What were you trying to prove?" Spencer asked, confused.
"If I could feel 'something' with a boy" Natasha said "Anyway, I gotta go"
"Natasha!" Spencer called her when she was leaving. She looked at him "If you need someone to talk, I'll be here"
Natasha smiled faintly and nodded before she disappeared down the hallway.
Elizabeth scooted closer to Sam and rested her head on her chest. They were lying on the couch, watching the ending credits of RENT.
"Do you think Natasha will come out some day?" Elizabeth asked.
"I don't know" Sam said.
"I hope she will. That way she wouldn't have to hide herself from the world anymore"
"You're really worried about her, right?"
"Well, now that I know why she did everything she did, I can't help but worry" Elizabeth said "I wish I could help her…"
"You did help her" Sam said.
"Did I?"
"Of course. When we talked to her at her house, she seemed kinda… relieved. I think she needed to say it to somebody, she needed to be comforted. And that's what you did"
Elizabeth didn't say anything else. The girls kept watching the credits of that movie they had seen countless times, thinking about everything that happened that day.
"I think she will" Sam said suddenly "She can't hide who she is forever"
Elizabeth smiled and nodded. She closed her eyes, and Sam caressed her hair until she fell asleep.
Wow, that was tough to write! I might take a little longer to update the next chapter, since my computer is not cooperating with me and I'll need to fix it -.- But I'll do my best to update soon, I promise!