Haja

Chapter 6

Severus sat up on the edge of his bed and put his head into his hands in thought. Staring at Harry in the dim light, he was continuously surprised not to feel resentment and loathing for him. As he sat there, he realized that his old feelings of protectiveness for Lily had reappeared as the needs of her boy had been made known. He had pushed those aside all those years ago, in favor of harboring the hatred for the man she had chosen. As he looked at Harry, he now saw less of James and more of the girl he had adored so much.

Harry stirred, as if sensing that he was being observed, and he opened the green eyes so like hers and stared back at him. Severus opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Harry whispered,

"I'm sorry, sir."

Severus frowned. "What are you apologizing for?"

"For being such a bother. I know you don't like me. I'm sorry that you had to come for me. I shouldn't have tried the animagus—"

"Your cousin was hunting you for sport, Potter. You instinctively did what you had to do to survive. In other circumstances, I would have agreed that transforming for the first time without an experienced animagus coach present was quite foolish."

Harry turned his head away and Severus could see, even in the half light, that he was fighting to keep his emotions under control. Leaning towards the bed, he continued, "You were not foolish." He reached out and tentatively touched Harry's shoulder. The boy was trembling. "Going back and forth between your animal form and human tends to make ones emotions more difficult to control. Especially at first, your thought processes will be confused until you are used to making the transition."

Harry looked up at him warily and hurriedly swiped at the tears that leaked from his eyes and down his cheeks.

Severus sat back and straightened. "I am glad that you are awake, though. I have just realized what day it is. Draco Malfoy will be arriving tonight, to spend time with me as an aspiring apprentice."

He ignored Harry's look of alarm and continued. "You have a decision to make. As I see it, you can go to the Headmaster and ask to stay here at Hogwarts or you can go to Grimmauld Place. I believe that he is not yet convinced of the lethal environment at your aunt's. I believe that he might try to convince you to return there for the remainder of the summer. He has said that he will let you go to Grimmauld if he can get watchers to be there with you." Harry had raised himself up and now sat huddled in a tight knot with his arms around his knees. Severus could see that his pupils were becoming slitted and guessed that he was headed towards another emotion-induced transformation. He hurried on, "I propose that you stay here with me. Not as Harry Potter, but as my familiar, as a cat. Draco does not need to know that it is you. There will be ample time for you to remain in your human form if you stay within a warded room while you are. At other times, when you are in our company, you will be a cat."

He waited to see what Harry's reaction would be to that suggestion. He halfway thought that the boy might take the option of going to the headmaster. There probably would not be a question of it, if Severus had not told him of his own reservations.

The green eyes gradually became human again and Harry asked quietly, "You would really let me stay here with you? Why?"

Severus sighed and ran his fingers through his hair again. Then he looked at Harry intently. "I cared for your mother. I cared for her a great deal. If I am to be honest with myself and with you, I have spent these last years resenting you solely because you are your father's son, instead of seeing you as Lily's son. I still see a lot of him in you, and I still don't like that. But now I see her in you too. Added to the fact that I found your home life to be disasterous…" He leaned towards Harry, "I do not dislike you any longer."

Harry looked bewildered. "But—"

"There are no 'buts', Potter…. Harry. I find that I don't feel as I did even yesterday about you."

"Because I am a cat animagus? Is that why?"

Severus looked thoughtful for a moment and then narrowed his eyes. "I cannot deny that I prefer cats to humans in most cases. I have never had a cat as a familiar, though. We need to think of a name for you, and I must prepare that room, if you are staying." He gazed at Harry levelly, waiting to see what the boy would choose.

Harry chewed his lip and looked off at the fire. When he whispered, Severus had to strain forward to hear him. "Professor Dumbledore will make me go back. He believes that the blood wards are the best to keep me safe."

Severus asked quietly, "Have they always been… hard on you?"

For a moment, Severus thought that Harry would deny what he already knew to be true. But then he gave a brief harsh laugh and another tear tracked unchecked down his cheek.

"I tried! I tried so hard!" Harry's voice sounded forced through clenched jaws. "When I was little and before I came to Hogwarts, I just thought that's how everyone's family was. I thought everyone had a boy that did the chores, that got yelled at—"

"But they didn't just yell, did they? When did they start hitting you?"

Harry just looked at him, shaking his head in question, and Severus knew that he probably didn't remember a time when they didn't. His anger at the Dursley's boiled up in him again. Harry must have seen it, for he drew back against the headboard, eyes slitting again. In a blurry flash, he was the rail thin, black cat again.

Before he could bolt, Severus reached over and scooped him up. Harry started to hiss, claws extended, but Severus held him gently by the scruff and looked him in the eye. "I will not hurt you. You know that I have a famously short temper, but I will not ever strike you. You are safe here, do you understand?"

The cat stared at him with bright green eyes and gave a little 'meowrr' sound from his throat. Severus sat him down in his lap and stroked his back before scratching him behind his ears.

Harry 's first impulse was to leap away when Severus had released him, but the scratching arrested his movement as he leaned into the fingers. Closing his eyes, he heard a rumbling noise from close by. Opening them, he was startled to find that he was making that noise himself. He was purring. After a moment, when it appeared that Severus was willing to keep on with the scratching, he settled more securely on the lap.

"Get some more sleep," Severus's voice murmured. "I will be getting your room ready." Harry felt himself gently lifted and then placed back down in the warm spot where the Potions Master had been sitting. He curled himself around, tail over nose, and did as Severus said.

*********

When he woke up, he was again in his human form. A tentative stretch proved that his injuries were healing well. He was still sore, and there was an ache deep in his bones when he moved. Severus walked into the room and nodded.

"Good. I was hoping that you were awake. Follow me."

Harry stood up and followed the man, curious about where they were going. Severus walked through a door and stopped, allowing Harry to step in and pass him. He couldn't help the dropping of his jaw as he looked around.

Severus was speaking and Harry struggled to catch up with what he was saying. "…. and the house elf Dobby will bring you your meals when you must stay here."

"I have to stay in here all the time?" Harry felt a panic rising, even though the quarters were beyond description, and plenty roomy enough.

Severus shook his head, his expression one that said he was trying very hard to be patient. "During the time you are in cat form, you may be outside this room. But while you are in human form, and you must spend the majority of the day as a human, you will be warded inside this room. Draco must not see that you are here, or that you are an animagus. He must believe that I am still loyal to the Dark Lord."

Harry slowly wandered around the room, hesitating to touch things. Severus noticed his reluctance.

"The room and its contents are yours to do with as you will. You will note that there are textbooks amongst the books on the shelves. You will be working on your summer assignments while you are here."

He had expected Potter to protest that and was surprised when the boy merely nodded his head as he tilted it sideways to read the spines on the books.

"There are some animagus books here! I couldn't get to some of them in the library, even with my invisibility cloak—"

He swallowed and looked at his feet. Quietly, Severus asked, "How did you come to have such an object?"

"I got it for my first Christmas here at Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore gave it to me. It was my dad's"

Severus shook his head in exasperation before seeing that Harry wasn't even looking at him, but at the floor. He put a hand on the young man's shoulder and he jerked as if struck.

"I am not angry at you, Harry. I am angry at the Headmaster for gifting you with an object that can only encourage you to go where you shouldn't."

Harry looked up at him in surprise. "You're not – You're not mad at me?"

"No. But I will ask you to give it to me for the time being." Harry looked aghast at that and Severus hurried to add, "Only until I'm certain you won't be using it to hide yourself away."

Harry searched the dark eyes for a long moment before he nodded dejectedly. In the next instance his face fell into a look of despair. "Oh no! Everything is at my Aunt's house! If they find it all, they'll burn it!"

Severus shook his head. "Professor McGonagall and I paid a visit to that house. Before we left, we retrieved everything that could be summoned." He swept a hand to point at Harry's trunk, where it stood at the foot of the bed.

Harry quickly went and knelt down beside it, opening the lid. Severus had not paid much attention to the contents before, but now he went and sat on the end of the bed to observe.

Harry pulled out the invisibility cloak and let it slide through his fingers. It shimmered in the light and Severus could tell it was of the highest quality. Harry laid it aside and pulled out his wand. With a sigh he ran his fingers over its length before reaching back to tuck it into his pocket. He pulled out an oddly folded piece of parchment next.

He sat holding it for a few minutes before he said, "You'll probably want this too." He handed it up to Severus without looking at him.

Rather than taking it Severus moved to sit on the floor beside the boy. Harry looked at him in surprise, looked at the floor he sat on and then back at his face, as if trying to decide if Severus was sane.

Severus looked at the parchment curiously. "Why don't you tell me what it is, and then we can decide if it I need to hold it for you."

Harry opened it up slowly and with one last glance at Severus's face he pulled out his wand and touched the tip to the blank page. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Severus moved closer as lines began to appear on the parchment. Before long it was obvious that it was a map of some kind. Harry laid a finger to a spot and said, "Here we are."

The area was labeled as Snape's Quarters and Private Laboratory. Two red dots were labeled with their names and resting in exactly the spot they were sitting. Before Severus could grasp that, Harry was pointing to another area. "There's Professor Dumbledore. Looks like he's meeting with Professors McGonagall and Flitwick."

Severus held out his hand. Harry drew back a bit and then Severus asked, "May I see it?"

He handed it over reluctantly and watched as Severus traced his long fingers over the map, examining it minutely. He turned it over and saw the words of the men who had crafted it and frowned before saying, "This is a fine piece of magical construction."

Harry kept his eyes on the map, ready to snatch it away if it looked as if Severus would tear it. In a small voice he said, "I know my dad used it to know where you were. Remus told me that he tried to keep him from spying on you and setting you up, but my dad was—" He stopped and Severus looked over at him. Harry's jaw was clenched tight and he looked away. "I don't understand how he did some of the things he did. I had always imagined that he was kind. When I—" he swallowed heavily, "When I looked in your pensieve, I was just trying to see if you and Professor Dumbledore were keeping secrets from me. Instead, I found out my dad was a jerk. That was worse."

Severus realized two things at once. It was finally crystal clear that this boy was nothing like his father had been. And too, Harry's dreams and imaginings of the man had been shattered.

He handed the map back to Harry, inwardly resolving to get a better look at it later on. For now it was obvious that Harry needed it to be in his possession. Harry looked at him in surprise again and muttered, "If you don't stop doing what I least expect I'm going to have a stroke."

Severus smirked a bit before saying, "As I was saying, it is a fine piece of work. It should serve you well to know when Draco is about and when it is safe to emerge." Green eyes looked up at him with amazement. "I really have no desire to keep you prisoner, Harry. You must understand that."

Harry nodded. "I guess I thought you wouldn't want to see me any more than you had too."

Severus reached out and quickly ruffled his mop of hair before he could recoil. "You'll have to be putting up with me too, won't you."

A small smile quirked Harry's lips at that. He looked back down at the map and touched his wand to it again. "Mischief managed." The lines and words on the map sank back into the parchment, leaving it blank once more. Harry carefully folded it and laid it back in the trunk. He picked up an album then and Severus thought the boy was close to crying again as he sat holding it to his chest. Finally, he opened it and Severus saw that it was filled with pictures of Lilly and James. There was one where they were holding a very young Harry, and then there was a picture of the original Order of the Phoenix. Harry traced his hand over the smiling faces and said, "Sirius gave this one to me. Right before—"

He shut the album with an air of finality and laid it back in the trunk. Closing the lid, he struggled to rise without wincing. Severus took his elbow and steered him to the bed to sit. Harry looked around the room and shook his head. "This is too generous of you, sir. I can't put you out of your room."

"This is not my room, Potter, this is the new addition. It's not as large as mine. But it does have a feature I believe you will like."

He strode to the windows and drew back the curtain to reveal a garden door. Harry came over to look out and saw that there was a small arbor surrounded by a high wall. A fountain in the middle was the origin of a small pebbled stream that wound through the trees. Harry looked up at Severus and his chin quivered. Pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes he whirled away.

"Merlin! When will these emotions stop shifting?!"

Severus put a hand on his shoulder briefly and said calmly, "Soon. I am making a schedule for you to use while practicing transforming back and forth. Minerva loaned me her notes for mentoring a new animagus. You will have essays to write that help you think about the new emotions and instincts. It will serve to help you know yourself in either form much better, and gain control."

He waited until Harry was able to uncover his eyes and look up again. "The walls and door are warded against anyone but you and I coming and going. I hope that it will help you feel less penned in."

"Thank you, sir. I'll try not to be in your way."

"You won't be." He stood up and motioned towards the door to the other rooms. "Come, you must be hungry. Dobby will be sending up our tray any time."

Harry followed Severus back out to the sitting room. In a moment, Dobby appeared with said tray in hand. His bulbous eyes leaked huge tears as he served them. A fierce scowl from Severus sent him whimpering before he could latch onto Harry.

Harry ate slowly and Severus watched without comment. When Harry pushed his plate away before eating even a quarter of the food on it, Severus stood up and went to a shelf behind his desk. Plucking a small vial from it, he handed it to Harry.

"It's a nutritional supplement potion. If you cannot eat anymore than that, you will have to take it regularly until your appetite returns."

Harry took it wordlessly and swallowed it with barely a grimace. He handed the vial back with a murmured thank you.

Severus cast a tempus in the air and Harry looked up. "You should go into your room now. Draco could arrive at any time. Once you are inside there will be no sign of a door or another room. It will be warded against any sounds, as well. Do some reading and then some meditations on your animagus form. Afterwards, try to write down what you are feeling."

Harry nodded and made his way back to his room. Severus stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "If you need company, you may transform and join us out here later. A small doorway should appear and let you pass through when you need it."

The invitation seemed to make the boy brighten and he entered the room with a slightly easier step.

********

Harry found the one of the books on animagus particularly interesting.

…in most cases, the initial transformations from human to animal and back will be quite disorienting. This is due to the differences in the thought processes between the species. Some animals that have well-developed higher brain functions will not cause as much distress to the host. The exercises in this manual will assist the wizard in finding the path to transformation that will be the most comfortable….

Harry read ahead a little and noted that there were meditation directions and essay instructions, just as Snape had said there would be. For a moment, Harry thought about how different the professor had seemed. He was being very patient, where before he was constantly scathing and hateful. He seemed not to mind that Harry would be underfoot for the foreseeable future. He had gone to this trouble of making sure Harry was comfortable and had assured him that he would not hurt him.

While Harry had never feared that the Potions Master would ever physically hurt him, he had been relieved that the man had addressed his insecurities and had promised that he would not ever strike him. Harry shivered with the memory of his uncle and cousin. Beatings had been the only way the two had communicated most of the time. They took any excuse to serve up a round of bashed ribs, bloody lips and noses, or bruised kidneys.

…while in your animagus form, focus the human part of your thought processes on what you are feeling. This will be difficult until you have enough practice to recognize the difference between the human and the animagus. It is important that you practice daily, and that you keep a written journal. What you plan to remember tends to get lost when one has transformed from animal back to human. Writing it down as soon as possible helps you to go back and see what happened with clarity….

Harry found a journal in the desk and opened it to the first blank page. Sitting down, he began to write about his experience so far. He had written several pages before he stopped to look it over. The book was right. Writing it all down allowed him to see things he had missed in the simple experience. He could look back and analyze what had happened, how it had made him feel.

His stomach rumbled and he cast tempus to see what time it was. To his surprise, several hours had gone by. No doubt Draco was here and the two Slytherins were involved in deep potions discussions.

He closed his eyes and concentrated, doing as the book instructed, feeling for the changes that transforming caused in his mind and body. The shifting felt more comfortable this time and it was not as jarring to the feline brain. He could tell that he had more of his human thinking abilities this time. Going to the door, he sat down and looked at it. Snape had said that a small door would appear when he wanted to leave. Giving a soft meow of question he finally stood up on his back legs and put his front paws on the wood. As he stepped back, a small door on a two-way hinge appeared in front of him.

He pushed through with his nose and then turned to watch the doorway disappear again now that he was in the sitting room. He looked around and quickly ascertained that no one was there. Were they in the lab? Or maybe they were already at dinner.

Harry trotted through the room to the door to the Potions Master's private lab. It was closed. Maybe the man had spelled it to admit Harry? He repeated the process of standing on his hind legs to place his front paws on the door. Again, a small door appeared and Harry pushed through the doorway. His sensitive nose was almost overcome with the smells in the lab. He gave a series of delicate sneezes that caught the attention of the blond working over a cauldron.

"Severus, a black cat just appeared. Should I chase him out before he knocks something over?"

He was already wiping his hands on a cloth and heading towards Harry before a voice instructed, "Leave him be, Mr. Malfoy. Get back to your work. You should be at a critical stage of brewing, and leaving it unwatched even for a few seconds could make your work be for nothing."

Harry sat back on his haunches as Draco scowled and returned to the cauldron. From here, Harry could see that the flame was high and that Draco's normally immaculate hair was hanging limply around his sweaty face.

Harry heard the sounds of boot heels on stone and looked under the tables to see the familiar black robes swishing towards him. Well, not as familiar from this vantage point, but he knew who they belonged to. The boots and robe stopped at the table Draco was working at. Harry could see that the Potions Master was observing the contents of the cauldron as he did in class. He took the stirring rod from Draco and lifted some of the fluid up to drip back into the rest.

"Almost satisfactory, Mr. Malfoy. If you were a student, it would be quite satisfactory. But for a Potions Apprentice, it is lacking. The few seconds that your attention wandered are to blame. Did I not instruct you that constant watching was the key?"

Draco muttered something and Severus leaned towards him. "You wished to refute this?"

Draco raised stormy grey eyes and with a quick flick of his wand he extinguished the flame under the cauldron. "When I wanted to come here to see about being an apprentice, I really just wanted a chance to be with you; out of the mansion for once. I get here and you start me off right away on this potion that probably took you years to master! Can't it be done at a lower flame for a longer period so it's not so bloody hot?"

Severus crossed his arms over his chest and glared. "This will not be the vacation you envisioned. You asked for a look into how an apprenticeship worked and what it would be like. You will find that I have a schedule already planned with your assistance in mind. Had you told me you merely wished to be out from under your parent's watch, I would have denied your request."

Draco looked at his feet glumly and nodded. "I just thought it would start out a bit slower, with me assisting you or something."

"You will be assisting me. An apprentice is an invaluable resource. However, the training of one requires a great deal of patience that I do not have. We will be working closely together, but you will be doing many tasks that you may find distasteful. We will be working long hours on some days. We will be traveling to remote areas to harvest plants, herbs and animal parts that are hard to come by or very expensive. You will get dirty," he motioned to Draco's hands, and sweaty." He motioned to the limp hair that Draco pushed out of his face.

Snape regarded him quietly while Draco continued to stare at his feet. He turned and looked at the cat watching the exchange. Harry found himself walking over and winding himself around the ankles of the Potions Master. The tall man bent down to rub the top of Harry's head before turning back to Draco. His voice was quiet but firm.

"If you have changed your mind about the summer's work, you may back out now without complaint from me. I will simply revise my schedule and plans. However, if you stay, you know now that it will require your cooperation and hard work. I can assure you that at the end of the summer, your knowledge of potions and their foundations will be significantly above any other seventh year. You will know, without a doubt, whether or not the career suits you."

Draco looked up at him and nodded. "I did want to see what being a Potions Master was like. I just thought that it would be more fun, because we're…"

"I will not coddle you through it because you are my god son."

Harry stopped his rubbing against Snape's ankles at that bit of information. '''What?!''' At his meow, Severus bent again and scooped him up. He settled Harry into the crook of his arm and continued to rub his head behind his ears.

Draco narrowed his eyes as he looked at the cat and said, "His eyes look like Potter's. That white patch even looks like that ridiculous scar, just like Potter."

Snape tightened his hold on Harry when he would have leapt out of his arms. "He does bear some similarities. However, my new familiar is very sensitive to moods. So you will treat him accordingly. He is in training, just as you are."

"I've never known that a familiar required training," Draco commented. He reached out to pet the cat but drew his hand back when Harry hissed warningly.

Snape gave a low chuckle. "A familiar of mine will be trained not to jump up on counters and tables where dangerous potions and draughts may be brewing. He will learn that the laboratory is not the best place unless he has been invited. Shedding hairs may contaminate brews and cause any number of unexpected results."

Harry knew that Snape was talking to him when he said these things. He was letting Harry know that his presence would be welcome when possible, but that sometimes it would not be. Harry appreciated that the man was being forthright.

Draco seemed to have used the short time to make up his mind. "I'll stay if you still want me to. I'll try to work harder. I want you to be proud of me, Sev."

Harry felt the man tense up. "As the apprentice, you are to use formal address when we are in public. You may be more casual here in these rooms unless someone else is present." He looked at the blond for a searching minute. "Well, Mr. Malfoy. It seems that it is dinner time. We will, of course, be dining in the Great Hall with the others who are spending the summer here. It helps to get out of the dungeons periodically."

Draco looked down at his wrinkled robes and ran a hand through his stringy hair. "I'll just go shower first—"

"You will have to make do with a quick freshening spell. It's what I use most of the time when I am in the midst of brewing or classes."

Harry thought his keen hearing heard Draco muttering about that explaining Snape's oily appearance during the school year.

The two of them headed towards the door and Draco looked at the cat in Snape's arms. "You never said what his name was."

Snape paused for a moment and Harry stilled. They had never gotten around to discussing what his cat name would be. He held his breath, waiting for whatever silly name spilled off the man's tongue.

"Haja. His name is Haja."

A/N: Note to self…there is no poison ivy in the UK. Thanks to everyone who pointed out that little error. I was going to change it, but I've never had good luck with trying to edit /and/or replace chapters here on ff. So, I decided that the poison ivy affliction will just have to stand. Maybe stinging nettles would have been a better punishment for the Dursley's, and a more geographically accurate one, but if you are familiar with poison ivy, it's pretty gross. Look it up. Maybe you can allow me to have this little detail if you just believe that Minerva and Severus wanted to hex them with something not so common to the average UK resident. Wouldn't that have made it more frightening? I'd like to think so…

So, now we know that Haja is Harry's cat name. The meaning will become clearer in the next chapter. Terrifica Oneiroi is the reviewer who made the first correct guess as to the meaning. I thought more of you would guess it before now… and no, it has nothing to do with anime or manga! Teas and biscuits to T.O.!