Author's Note: … I am not the most punctual of updaters.

Disclaimer: The story I own, but the characters ain't my own, and that's known.

From the first moment her powers had manifested, Wanda had known she was different. Not merely different from the rest of humanity; that much was self-evident. No, she was different even from her father, who's slightest gesture warped metal, or her brother that outraced the wind. She, however... she could do magic. Other mutants trained in metal rooms and learned in classrooms. Her teacher was a witch and her syllabus was eldrich knowledge.

All these thoughts passed through her head as she bent her focus to the task at hand. With a flick of her wrists, she produced a deck of cards and scattered them into the air. Observers would see only a cloud of cards, but her senses picked up something none other could detect: a cloud of possibilities, endlessly more complex and shifting than the 52 floating cards floating through the air before her. The sheer number of potential outcomes was so vast, it was no small wonder she had some issues with fine control. She halted that train of thought before it could continue; hard experience had taught her that over analysis was the enemy of concentration. In the span of a heartbeat, she reached out into that cloud of what could be, feeling more than looking, sifting and sorting through the possibilities for the one she wanted.

There!

With another flick of her wrists and a triumphant smile, the falling cards spiraled and twisted, seemingly by chance, actually by design, until every card rested on the ground. Instead of the large mess scattering a deck usually creates, the cards had fallen in the shape of a perfect, delicate rose. The triumphant smile on her face only grew more satisfied; the delicate nature of that bit of magic was further proof that her control was getting better.

Her stream of self-congratulating thoughts was interrupted when a chunk of carrot cake hit her in the face.

"Booooo! That's poopy magic! You're a poopy birthday magician! I wanna see rabbits and hats!"

As cake dripped down her scowling face, Wanda wondered what the hell had convinced her this was anything but the stupidest idea in the world. Oh right. Toad. The wart had the audacity to suggest she help out with their finances after Lance totaled his jeep during his latest attempt to impress Kitty. What's worse, he didn't even look ashamed when she pointed out how stupid that idea was. Her? Work? Preposterous! But then he had gone and made those stupid huge pleading eyes and pathetic hopeful smile, which wasn't cute, and wasn't adorable, and... and... somehow she'd found herself standing inside of a costume shop looking for a magician outfit.

Wiping the worst of the smeared cake frosting from her face, Wanda grimaced and inspected her costume. The shop wouldn't be happy about the cake stains, but she'd warned them she needed a kid-friendly washable outfit, not a leotard with a matching cape and hat. Stupid costume shops only selling sexy outfits...

Looking back to her prepubescent crowd, she fixed the cake-throwing brats with her best withering glare: the kind that usually sent toad hopping for the hills. Another piece of cake hit her in the face.

"We want REAL magic, pull some birds out of your pants or walk on water or somethin'!," screamed the lead brat, his pudgy face red with all the indignation an 8-year old can muster.

"That's not magician stuff, stupid," snarked one of his twerpy friends with huge glasses, "that's Jesus stuff."

"Same thing! Mommy, make her be better at magic!"

Wanda cast a pleading glance at the overweight soccer mom lounging with her friends on the other side of the living room. Unfortunately, the woman seemed far more intent on downing her entire glass of wine than paying attention to the swarm of screaming children. Without turning her head, she waved a hand absently at her son, "That's nice, honey."

"But moooooOOOooom, you didn't even loo-"

"Not my problem, happy birthday."

The other women seemed to think this was hilarious, and drunken shrieking laughter rose to compete with the bored angry heckling the children were flinging in Wanda's direction.

Shaking the cake off for a second time, Wanda switched tactics. The brats wanted magic? She'd give them magic. "I hear you! For my next amazing magical display, I'm going to... to bend silverware using only my mind!"

She just managed to dodge the cake that time.

Producing a handful of kitchen knives, spoons and forks, she waved her fingers at them and mumbled some nonsense that she hoped sounded like "real magic" to the hive of spoiled brats in front of her. As each utensil curled up into a tight spiral, she shot a smug grin at the ringleader. The little monster's only response was to cross his arms and stick out his tongue, "You bent them with your hands! I saw you! You're a faker!"

"Faker! Faker! Faker! Faker!"

Wanda's lower eyelid twitched as the rest of the spawn eagerly took up the chant. Tossing the ruined silverware over her shoulder, she scowled and rolled up her sleeves. She knew the risks; too much magic and the parents might get suspicious, but the importance of not blowing her cover was less and less important with every goddamn thrown chunk of cake. Subtlety be damned, she was busting out the big guns for this one. "Alright! You want real magic? Who wants to volunteer? Actually, screw that, I'm picking and I choose you."

She pointed straight at the pudgy ringleader of the brats, who had the decency to look surprised at least, before crossing his arms even tighter, "Nuh uh. I don't wanna be a part of your stupid show."

Wanda's smile was almost psychotically cheery, "Too bad!" With a careless wave of her hands, she told gravity to fuck off and propelled the small child into the air. The room immediately hushed, children staring speechless at their suddenly floating friend. Chuckling, Wanda propelled the boy in small circles above his friends, "So, how's this for real magic? Still think I'm a faker?"

Keeping his arms crossed like a vice as he hovered around upside down, the boy stuck out his lower lip in defiance,"This is stupid."

It was hard to tell whether the woosh of air was from the child falling to the floor or Wanda deflating faster than a leaking balloon. Picking himself up, the little monster sneered at her, "I totally felt the wires, that was the cheesiest thing ever! Criss Angel is way better than you! Mommy, why didn't you get me Criss Angel?"

"That's nice, dear."

It was at that moment Wanda lost her mind. Raising her hands over her head, she screamed at the pack of snot-nosed ingrates, "ENOUGH! I can take criticism, I can tolerate ingrates, and I can ignore a bunch of little philistines like you who don't think anything is magic unless it involves a rodent and a hat, but I will not, I repeat, I will NOT BE UNFAVORABLY COMPARED TO CRISS ANGEL!"

With a final scream of rage, she brought down her hands, and everything went to hell. Light and noise exploded into the room as one lightbulb after another overloaded and exploded. Whirling with manaical glee, Wanda pointed at the chairs and sofas, which promptly gained a life of their own as they pounced and chased children in circles. Still laughing, Wanda raised her foot into the air and stomped. The rug immediately decided it would rather roll itself up than lay on the ground like a normal inanimate object, scooping up several children as it did. Cackling madly, she raised her arms once again, "Fly my pretties, fly, fly!" Plates of cake and icecream abruptly launched themselves from behind her, pelting anyone and everyone in the room. Children screamed, Wanda shrieked, and the soccer moms in the back broke out the vallium.

Step by step, Wanda advanced through the swirling chaos towards the pudgy little brat who'd dared to compare her to that... that hack! Half trapped inside of his own bewitched birthday cake, the boy looked up at her with wide eyes as she loomed over him.

"So, brat," she purred, her voice dangerously calm, "Any last taunts?"

Lip quivering, the boy opened his mouth, "This... is... AWESOME!"

The chaos in the room froze in midair, and Wanda swore she heard a record scratch.

"... What?"

"This is SO COOL! Your were like, 'RAAAAAR,' and then the furniture totally turned into monsters or something and then, 'fly!fly!' COOOOL!"

As the rest of the children immediately started screaming their agreement from inside the various items of furniture they were trapped inside of, Wanda had to stop herself from falling on her ass in confusion. One by one the bewitched objects reverted to normal, spitting out overexcited children. Before she could fully register what had just happened, Wanda was surrounded by a swarm of grabbing, cheering kids.

"Can I have an autograph?"

"Shut up, I want one more!"

"How'd you do all that, are you really real magic?"

"She's way better than Criss Angel!"

Torn between accepting their praise, running screaming from the house, or punting the ones who got too close, Wanda just stood their gaping. Mrs. Soccer Mom came to her rescue, pushing her way through the crowd of cheering spawn, "'At was a pretty good show, you made my boy happy. Here's your pay for an hour's show, keep the change." Wanda blinked as the woman handed over her entire purse, pausing to pull out another bottle of vallium for herself. "Okay kids," the mother continued, downing a pill with disturbing ease, "time to go hit the pinata." Having the collective attention spans of a goldfish, the flood of children instantly poured out of the living room, leaving a very confused scarlet witch standing alone, purse in hand.

Wanda looked at the wreckage of the room. She looked out the window at the children and parents gathering in the backyard. She looked down at her ruined costume. She looked at the purse which was inexplicably hers now. Shrugging to herself, she strolled out the door and struck out in the vague direction of the mall. Did her friends need this money for the jeep? Yes. Was she going to buy lots of heavy things for herself and make toad carry them for her first? Oh yes.