Haja

Chapter 11

'''……..''' = catspeak

********

Harry sat in stunned silence, only nodding and murmuring agreements when it seemed that the Headmaster was waiting for it. He tried to wrap his mind around the scope of the things he was hearing and failed miserably.

"…the moneys paid to your aunt each month was more than enough to see you receive what you needed… …very generous stipend for any clothing expenses, as well as extra for their agreement to feed and shelter you…"

The Dursley's had been paid every month for his upkeep? Why then had they always complained about his eating their food?

"…it is really unfair that you blame your clothing choices on your family. The smarter thing to do, Harry is to accept the responsibility for wearing the things you have chosen for your aunt to purchase. By the looks of it, I am certain she had quite a time using the funds provided to obtain your wardrobe…"

Why had they clothed him only in Dudley's cast-offs? Why had they been so resentful of him if they had been paid to care for him?

Harry couldn't help but hear the constant barrage of negative comments in his mind; hateful, hurtful, foully worded slurs that he had heard from his aunt, uncle and cousin for as long as he could remember. He flinched as he recalled the physical assaults he had endured as well.

"….and I really think you should be more grateful that your mother's sister raised you right alongside her own son and treated you as her own—"

"Her own what, sir?" Harry had finally had enough and the question burst forth before he could stop it. Albus's eyes widenened as Harry stepped forward, his hands fisted tensely at his side.

"Her own slave? Her own muggle version of a house elf? No, that would have been too good for me if that were all. How about her husband and son's personal punching bag?"

Albus stood up behind his desk and held out a placating hand. "Now Harry, it does no good to exaggerate. Just because you weren't fawned over—"

"Fawned over?" Harry stood up then. His anger began to boil over and he ripped his shirt over his head before baring his back to the headmaster. Never before had he exposed these scars; not even to Ron or Hermione. He had always been very careful to keep them covered in the locker room. Criss-crossed scars marred the white flesh from the base of his neck to disappear into the waistband of his jeans. Some scars were the perfect imprint of a rectangular shaped belt buckle. He whirled back to face the man and screamed, "Does that look as if I were fawned over? How about this?"

He held out his left hand to show his palm. Burn scars in the shape of the stove top burner showed pink and shiny in the flickering lights of the room. Harry held up his hand even more and spread his fingers. Three of the fingers had a peculiar bend to them and he shouted, "Dudley stepped on my hand last summer while I was working out in the yard. My fingers were broken and displaced, but did my loving aunt use any of the money you say she got to take me to the doctor? No! They laughed when I cried over the pain—said I was too old to be acting like a cry baby. I had to splint them as best as I could since I can't use magic there. They're crooked and stiff. I couldn't hold a wand if I had to... Good thing it wasn't my wand hand, wasn't it, sir?"

Albus got a stern look on his face. "Harry, you will remember to whom you are speaking. I'm sure that if your aunt knew how badly you were hurt she would have had such an injury seen to."

Harry began to laugh hysterically. Holding his arms tight around his bare stomach he fell to his knees.

"Do you really hate me too, professor? Why are you doing this? Why don't you believe me?" The laughter turned swiftly to a torrent of tears that he was powerless to stop. He buried his head in his arms and wept, the betrayal of the old wizard leaving him raw and feeling as if the flay scars had been ripped open anew. "Why don't you believe me?" he choked out again.

Albus was standing there, staring at the weeping boy, finally taking in the sight of a hideously emaciated teenager, riddled with scars, when Minerva came in. Her wand was drawn, as she had been forced to use her Deputy Headmistress privileges to gain access to the office. She hurried to Harry's side, throwing a disbelieving glare at Albus when he continued to stand there and do nothing.

Minerva knelt beside Harry. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Harry, transform to Haja and I will take you back to the dungeons."

The various portraits around the room were mumbling in their frames about Albus apparent loss of reasoning abilities. The old wizard looked around at them and then back at the boy and woman on his floor. Sitting down heavily he sighed.

"I- I'm sorry, Harry—"

Minerva held out her wand, pointing it at him in her anger. "Don't say another word Albus. When I get Harry settled I will be back. You will be lucky if Severus doesn't incinerate you for this. You have gone too far this time. Think about that for awhile!"

She turned her attention back to Harry. "Haja…" she whispered, "be Haja for a bit and I will carry you out of here, Harry."

The weeping had ceased and Harry was motionless, face still pressed to his knees and arms around his head. The scars on his back made Minerva want to cry. How much more was there that they still hadn't learned about?

A shudder ran through the body before it was replaced by a trembling Haja. Minerva scooped him up and cradled him, drawing the ends of her robe sleeve around him. She stood up and gave Albus another outraged glare.

"I will be back. The portraits here are my witnesses, Albus. When Severus and I spoke to you before I thought you understood what it was we had found in that house. I see now that you have continued to delude yourself as to the reality of Harry's life. I know that you believe that he will be instrumental in the downfall of Voldemort… but I dared to hope that now you see just how close you are to losing him before that can happen."

Albus's face crumpled for a moment and she softened a bit. "Albus… you are my dearest friend… but in this you have been blind, and your machinations to win this war at Harry's expense have to stop now."

She turned and walked out of the office, leaving the ashamed-looking Headmaster surrounded by former Headmasters berating him loudly for his callousness and carelessness.

********

Snape was pacing his floor when Minerva knocked. He yanked the door open and Minerva handed him the cat in her arms. Haja was all stiff with tension and he clawed at the sleeve as it fell away from him. Snape drew the edges of his own robe around the cat and he calmed.

Over-head, Haja heard McGonagall murmuring about what she had witnessed and Snape's indrawn hiss of anger. The hands holding him tightened uncomfortably and he mewed. Immediately they loosened and a large hand began to slowly pet him from between his nose to sooth down his back.

McGonagall was saying something about "unseen scars" but Haja just wanted to be oblivious. He just wanted to be somewhere, be someone who didn't matter so he wouldn't be seen. He wanted invisibility.

Struggling briefly, he jumped down and ran to his door, pressing his paws on the appearing wood. As soon as it opened he dashed through and then on to the door leading to his garden. Outside he ran until he found a hiding place that felt surrounded and safe.

He must have dozed off, there under a rose bush. The sound of the magic brook, bubbling over rocks as it wound through the garden, had lulled him into enough relaxation that he was able to sleep. A different sound let him know that it was footsteps on the path that had awakened him.

He looked out through the thorny branches and saw the black boots and robes of the Potions Master.

"Haja…it's safe to come out. You can remain in your cat form, if it makes you feel better."

'''I just want to hide.'''

"I know you do. But eventually, reality must be faced by us all."

'''I always trusted him.'''

Snape didn't ask who he meant. He knew that Haja meant Dumbledore. "He has made some errors in the decisions he has made on your behalf." He was seriously understating how wrong he personally believed Albus had been, but at the moment he simply wanted Haja to know he wasn't alone.

'''Errors? Is that what you call it when…''' Haja didn't complete his sentence and it ended in a plaintive meow.

Severus sat down on the ground in front of the bush. Haja blinked in disbelief that the man would lower himself to do so.

"None of us believed anything other than you had been kept safe and comfortable until you were old enough to come to school here. Once here, you could have told someone—"

'''Told who what?''' Haja spat with a hiss. '''From the moment I came here everyone treated me either as if I had been raised to know what I was, or they resented me enough for who I was to want to kill me. Who else besides Dumbledore should I have trusted? My own head of house didn't believe me about the Sorcerer's Stone. You thought that I was an attention-seeking prat with a hero complex.'''

Snape remembered how much Minerva had lamented that Potter seemed bent on finding the stone to protect it. While Harry at that time had believed that Snape was actually the one out to steal it, none of them had told him the truth as a way of dissuading him from the pursuit.

Snape sat silently for a long time, thinking and just letting Haja be. Then he said softly, "I was wrong."

The silence stretched out for another bit before the cat meowed again.

'''Ron and Hermione knew a little of it, but I never wanted them to feel bad about what they couldn't fix. The twins know, I think. They tore the bars off the windows of my room a few years ago.'''

"Bars on your windows—" Snape growled. A renewed rage at the Dursley's surfaced and he willed his voice to calmness. "When was this? Why did they not speak up about it?"

'''It was right before second year… Ron and the twins came and got me in the flying car…They told Mrs. Weasley…I think she thought they were exaggerating. They do that, sometimes.'''

Snape silently agreed. Who would have believed such a story coming from the resident pranksters?

The sounds of the brook and the breeze fluttering the leaves became the only sound as the two of them sat there. Snape waited patiently, meditating his own anger at the Headmaster away and trying not to think too hard about his own part in having made Harry miserable all these years.

The weight of the small cat settling into his lap drew him back to the present. Haja settled himself slowly, as if expecting to be expelled. He stiffened for a moment when Snape laid a light hand on his head and gave him a few strokes. The cat slowly pulled his paws underneath his body as he let himself sink into the warmth of the robe covered legs. Snape kept petting him, not speaking, letting his fingers sift gently through the fur and bring more peace to them both. The whispers of the outdoors around them helped begin healing Haja. It would be a long process, Snape was thinking, to heal both the cat and the boy.

********

Haja vaguely remembered being carried inside and laid down on his bed. A soft blanket covered him and he drifted back into a deep sleep.

Harry awoke as his human self and stared up at the pattern of sun and shadows moving across the ceiling. He could tell it was morning light and was a little distressed at having slept for many more hours than usual. He stood up and went to the windows, leaning against the cool glass and feeling the contrast of the sunlight as it shown through.

As much as he wanted to believe that the previous day had been a nightmare, he knew that it had not been. Albus Dumbledore, for reasons Harry didn't understand yet, had manipulated his life, had forced him to live with relatives who loathed him without checking to see if they were even giving him a minimum if care. One thing Harry did understand now was that the Dursley's had been receiving money for housing and caring for him; money that Harry had known nothing about; money that had never been spent on him as far as he could recall. No, the only thing that remained clear in his mind was the continuous resentment that the Dursleys had always expressed over the cost and inconvenience of taking him in. Where was that money, then? Maybe they had never received it? Maybe they didn't know of it? Maybe, if they had, they would have looked more kindly on their nephew and cousin. Yes, that must have been it…

The door opened behind him and he turned to face Snape. The man closed the door carefully behind himself and allowed Harry to see that he wasn't a threat before he stepped forward.

"I came to see if you were up to lunch in the Great Hall."

Harry looked fearful and Snape hastened to add, "After yesterday, I have no intention of allowing Albus anywhere near you. I can also guarantee that Minerva feels the same way." He waited for Harry to process that.

Harry stared at him, eyes dark with misgiving. Finally, he looked down at the pajamas that he had somehow been put into and then back up at Snape. "I- I need a shower…"

Snape nodded. "That would probably help you feel better. Will you come up then, afterwards?"

Harry took a deep breath and turned back to the window. Snape could barely hear his whispered, "I'll try…" response.

Snape knew that was the best he could hope for right now. He intended to push forward and get the harvesting trip to South America underway. Harry needed to be away from here, away from all the pain and the things that had caused such anguish.

He put a hand on Harry's shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze, before leaving Harry to his thoughts.

Harry stood there, unable to make himself move for the longest time. He did not want to leave this room. He certainly did not want to go anywhere near the Headmaster. But Snape had promised… so far he had kept his word whenever he had given it.

Before he went to the shower, he took out his journal and wrote in it for a few minutes. He felt a little bit clearer when he put it away.

The shower refreshed him and he changed to Haja quickly and made his way up to the Great Hall.

At the door to the Great Hall, Mrs. Norris sat waiting. Haja sat down beside her.

'''Well, little one, you had quite a time yesterday,''' she meowed.

'''You think?''' Haja returned sarcastically.

She lifted a paw and gave him a gentle swipe. '''Manners, please. I'll be watching out for you when I can. No one will ever expect me to be more than Argus's shadow. But I'll be watching.'''

Haja peered at the orange-eyed cat. '''Why?''' he felt compelled to ask.

The cat's whiskers twitched in a cat-shrug. '''Because you're young… because you're a cat… because no one deserves to be treated like that.'''

Haja stood up and rubbed his head against her chest in a display of gratitude. Together they entered the Great Hall.

He hesitated as Mrs. Norris trotted up and sat down beside Filch. Snape's eyes were on him and he slowly walked towards the table. Beside Snape, Dumbledore sat watching him and Haja stopped. He almost fled before his eyes shifted back to Snape and he saw the reassurance there.

He carefully made his way to the table and made sure to stay on the side of Snape away from the Headmaster. Snape put a hand down and gave him a scratch behind the ears. Dobby popped up and laid a plate in front of him, one that had an assortment of bits of diced chicken, cubes of roast beef, and a small portion of tuna. Haja nosed the plate, pushing it under the table to the side of Snape's feet before he settled down to eat. He felt better and more sheltered from the Headmaster with the wood of the table and the Potions Master's body in between them.

Above him the conversation had continued as if nothing had ever been amiss, but Haja could sense some tension in the humans.

He heard Snape say, "My preparations for the harvesting trip are well underway. I will be leaving with Mr. Malfoy at the first of next week."

Poppy Pomphrey spoke up, "It has certainly been nice with you having a summer apprentice. The Infirmary stocks have never been replenished so quickly. I believe I will go on holiday as well, since everything is in order."

Hagrid spoke up, "Will ya be takin' Haja, professor? He can stay with me and Fang."

Haja heard the question and a soft meow escaped him. He moved to sit between Snape's feet.

'''Please…'''

Snape cleared his throat. "Haja will be going with us."

McGonagall leaned forward and asked, "Are you certain, Severus? Are you sure the rain forest is the right place for a domesticated cat? Think of all the wild animals that he could encounter."

"I have been there before, you realize. I am aware of the dangers."

Haja heard Draco mutter, "All this over a cat… I don't understand it…"

Under the table Haja felt another presence and he turned to see Mrs. Norris. She gave the smaller cat a lick on the ear. '''Just be careful, little one. Minerva is right… there are ferocious animals that would prey on the young and less experienced. I dare say you would make a tasty snack for something looking for the opportunity.'''

'''I'll be very careful, Mrs. Norris. Anything… as long as I don't have to stay here or go back to my aunt's.'''

Above their heads the conversation had turned to the more mundane workings of Hogwarts in summer, of preparations for the next term and plans for holidays before that term began. Haja and Mrs. Norris finished the meal on Haja's plate and sat cleaning their whiskers while the humans finished theirs.

When the chairs began to move back from their places and the people stood up, Haja ran to stand under Snape's robes, pressing himself against the man's legs. Without a word the man stooped down and scooped the cat into his arms, securing him against his body. Haja squeezed himself against the ribs, molding himself as closely as possible. He didn't relax until Snape entered his dungeon rooms. Snape lowered him to the ground and Haja wound himself around the man's legs, giving him the small gesture of appreciation for making sure he didn't wind up in Albus's arms again.

Draco had followed them down and he settled himself in a chair before the fire, several books in hand. Snape sat down in a chair and snapped his fingers to summon some parchment and a quill.

"So, Severus, what sort of lodgings have you secured for us? I assume that you are familiar with the best establishments, since you have done this before?"

Haja had jumped up into the chair and settled himself between the arm rest and Snape's thighs to listen to the preparation discussion. He, too, was curious about what would be happening when they went on this trip. He had never been farther from home than Hogwarts, and in Surrey he had never been farther than the zoo they had visited when he was ten.

Snape had not answered Draco and Haja looked up to see him regarding the young man with a look that was both amused and irritated. "Lodgings? I think you'll find our … accommodations … a bit more rustic than perhaps you expected."

"Oh. You mean we will be staying with friends of yours, then?" Draco asked as he flipped through several pages of a book. Haja could see that it was a book on potions botany.

Haja could feel Snape actually shake as he chuckled darkly. He gave a shiver at the sound.

"Draco, you really haven't read much of the information on the rainforests, have you? We won't be 'staying' with anyone. We will be residing in tents, when it's feasible, and in makeshift shelters fashioned from the native foliage when it's not."

Haja sat up, looking up into the man's amused face, even as Draco sat there gaping at Snape. Before Draco could form a response, Snape continued, "Besides, the people indigenous to the area we are headed to are not ones that make good acquaintances."

Draco squeaked, "Why not?"

"Because they have a penchant for collecting the heads of trespassers and shrinking them for trophies. And that's after they immobilize their victims with a very potent neurotoxin from the tiny Poison Arrow tree frog."

Both Haja and Draco stared at the Potions Master in shock, suddenly understanding that this would not be any ordinary trip.

********

A/N: Sorry it's been awhile since the last post. All kinds of real life stuff kept getting in the way!

Yes, I know that there may not be the types of natives, plants or animals that actually live in the South American rainforest where the guys are headed. I beg your indulgence as I try to make it real, but use artistic license to fashion my story. Just enjoy it without nitpicking it apart, okay?

Your reviews have been awesome, and again, I apologize for not giving individual replies like I used to. Time is just not on my side these days! But know that I treasure all responses to my stories! In fact, some of you have given me a few ideas for upcoming events!

November is almost here and during that month I will probably not update this fic unless I absolutely can't get an idea out of my head. It's NaNoWriMo time and once again I will be attempting the 50,000 word goal! The good news for some of you is that I plan to focus the effort on Search for His Soul, and maybe even a continuation of The Portrait. Don't expect any posts to show up just yet, as the entire month is spent in shear creation, and no editing. All you other aspiring writers should give it a go. It revs up the creative juices and gets the thought processes going. Hopefully, it will get me out the stall I have been feeling coming on!

My best to you all, and many thanks for your reviews and alerts!