OMG this took way too long for me, I think this is my longest chapter, like ever... but thanks for waiting and reading. 3
"It's so nice of the Templars to give me an escort out of the city." I goad to Carver walking ahead of me. "Oh shut it." he snaps. "Cullen wanted to make sure you had an uneventful exit. So I'm stuck with you until you leave." I do find it interesting that Cullen allowed us leave without much of a hassle. But given the circumstance of everything that's happened I can understand why he would want us to leave as quickly and quietly as possible. I shrug off the thought and Carver's tone. "Given the company, I'd rather have him here then you. The view would have been much more, pleasant." Carver looks back at Fenris. "Are you hearing this? It seems your woman enjoys the sights of other men."
Your woman?
I glare at Carver then look at Fenris for his reaction. "My companion is her own woman, as long as she doesn't act on it she can look as long as she desires." he emphasizes the word look while glancing in my direction. I give my most innocent smile which I feel is not very convincing so I grab his hand and lean my head on his shoulder. "Well as long as I can act it out my desires on you, then I am content." Fenris smiles at my comment while Carver looks absolutely revolted. I however am happy that he finally decides to shut up. "I'm only joking. Besides I only have room in my life for one man with such a dislike for mages. Anymore would be too stressful."
"Really, and what about me? I am a Templar now; do I make your life more stressful?" Carver sarcastically smirks. I make an offended face and wrap an arm around his neck to which he instantly grimaced. "Why must you wound me oh brother? To say you have such a discord with me stabs at my heart." I dramatically boast while he tries to push me away from him. I giggle and release him from my grasp once we've made it to the estate.
Fenris and I part ways so he can head to his mansion to retrieve any items he wishes to take with us. I fondly hope it's a casket of that lovely wine. Carver also decides to leave which is peculiar to me since he was insistent to 'watch me like a hawk' as I put rather comically however no one found it that funny. He only mumbled under his breath that he would meet me at the docks. "Oh, is there another Mage you wish to say goodbye to?" I charmingly prod. "Shut it." he hisses between clenched teeth turning away. "Maker Carver, you make it too easy." I softly laugh to myself as I step into the house.
It seems odd that I never truly realized how big the estate is until I'm walking through it for the last time. Also how it's mainly filled with piles endless crap I don't really need. I'm quickly able to shuffle through the items I'm taking and the ones being left behind. I make sure to bring some extra cloths and armor pieces, my journal, some books and a few potions just in case. I pass by mother's room and stop, stealing a moment to look at the door.
This may be the last time...
I take a deep breath and enter the room. Everything in the room has remained the same. After what happened, I could barely bring myself to go in the room let alone change anything. It takes me awhile before I walk over the pristine bed and pick up a pillow. I run my finger along the soft silk before holding it close to me, but my fond memories are cut short.
Maker, it still smells like her!
I put the pillow down and quickly step away. I realize I should limit my time here or I'll be a mess when it's time to leave. I take another moment then walk over to her vanity. I smile as I remember how she would try to fix me up for some of the noble parties, but in the end it was no use. I never fit in with that crowd and she could see that. So after the first bad joke to the Seneschal, no more formal parties for me. A glint of metal catches my eye taking me away from the memories. I look over and notice mother's locket; the one I found in the foundry. I hesitate a couple times before I pick it up. I look at the locket as if I'm looking at it for the very first time. The front has a gold trim with a pearl inlay. The original design has faded a bit over the years but I'm still able to make out an intricate swirl pattern throughout. Inside are two images I plainly recognize, and to my surprise they've been painted rather well given the size of the locket. A part of me wonders if mother was the artist as I observe the pictures. As a child, I've seen her talent for it but nothing really like this. On one side is Bethany, Carver and I as children, our father's portrait is on the other. I run my thumb over the pictures, tenderly looking over them. "Oh, I miss you guys." I whisper to myself with a shaky voice. Reluctantly, I close the locket and carefully place it in a small pouch on my hip. I feel I have spent enough time here, any longer and I'm afraid I won't be able to leave. With a heavy sigh I walk out, leaving this past behind me.
Varric arrives to see me off. He's decided to stay in Kirkwall, rotating between his suite and the estate. He and Carver both are willing to keep a lookout for any suspicious characters, or unexpected returns. We stand unsure outside the house for quite some time before one of us speaks up. "Are you sure you want to stay here?" I ask. He shrugs and smiles. "Hey chances are people are going to come snooping around here. Someone has to stay to give some kind of explanation, or kill them if they have ill intent." Jokingly, I start to pout. "But what if I go on adventures? Who's going to cover all the boring parts with amazing bullshit?" He lets out a hardy chuckle. "I leave that to you my friend" My smile slowly fades to an uneasy grin. "Look I know we're both horrible at all this emotional shit so I'll make this quick." I kneel down and give him a hug. As soon as I do, I find it will be difficult to let go. The quiet sobs catch Varric off guard. "Hawke?" My grip gets tighter and I shake my head. "I can't Varric. Besides my family you were the first person that ever saw anything in me, who actually believed in me." He sighs and slowly pulls me away. "Yes, and that's why I can see you're going to be fine without me." I sigh and my forehead touches his. I never thought how hard it would be to say goodbye to him. I suppose I never considered this day would come; I didn't want to think about it. We sit there for a minute before I take hold of his hands and nod. "Thank you Varric, for everything." He gently smiles. "Right back at 'cha kid."
I'm hesitant to leave, still holding his hand as I gradually walk away. Eventually we break, and I turn away. I try to stop the tears before they fall, and it takes all my strength not to look back at him one last time.
I meet Fenris in front of his mansion frowning. He shares the same unsure look I had earlier when I parted ways from Varric. I take a step next to him and mock his stance; arms slightly crossed with his finger tapping on his chin, lost in his own thoughts. He takes no mind to my presence. He's either ignoring me or really doesn't notice I'm there. Feeling rather foolish, I except defeat and drop the act. "Are you truly ready to leave this?" I finally ask. "I don't think I know how. For years this was another thing I couldn't let go." He doesn't look at me. His eyes are still fixated on the mansion; full of loss. "This and the wine." I mutter under my breath. He gives me a faint smirk then focuses back to the building. For what seems like the longest time we stare. Finally I tilt my head, and smile at the one idea that keeps floating in my mind. "You wanna set it on fire?" I ask half joking but the thought intrigues me. He looks at me in disbelief but then thinks about as well. A devious smirk slowly makes its way to his lips matching my own; I think I have my answer. I try to concentrate a spell big enough for such a feat, but stop. "Wait, do you have any neighbors? We should probably try to contain this as much as possible." He ponders over it for a moment. "Hmm, not that I know of."
"Good, though I doubt it really matters anyway with all the rubble everywhere else" A wicked giggle escapes me as I call upon a raging inferno that quickly engulfs the mansion. I step back in amazement of the sheer power that has been unleashed. The motions of the flames are absolutely hypnotizing. The vibrant colors dance about the structure, gradually climbing to the top. Fenris takes hold of my hand and we watch as the place goes up in flames. I feel my breathing becoming heavy and I'm unsure if the heat I'm feeling is coming from fire in front of me or from my very core. I glance over to Fenris, who looks enamored with the sight of it all. His eyes move vividly over mansion, twitching back and forth from flame to flame. He tightens his grip on my hand as the fire rises higher. At the same time we look over to one another, lost in the moment, simply captivated with each other. With a loud pop from the blaze we embrace. Fenris pulls me in and deeply kisses me. I feel the world melt around us as I fiercely pull him closer to me. The sparks set kindle our passion; like a match our hearts are aflame. I feel as if nothing has the power to stop us now or ever.
"Ahem..."
Except maybe Isabela. I'm not sure how long she had been standing there, but by the look on her face I would think long enough. I had also forgotten that Aveline wanted to walk us to the docks, and I must say this was not one of the best moments for the guard captain to catch me in. Her look is a pure mix of frustrated astonishment which only amuses Isabela more. "If you two arsonists don't mind we do have a boat to get to." she chuckles. I frown and let go of Fenris. However when we look back at each other we smile; ready to end this chapter and continue anew. We casually make our way to Isabela, and I mockingly pout at her. "You really do know how to mess up a meaningful moment." She shrugs. "What can I say; it's what I do best." she chuckles and turns away. I smile and continue to walk behind Isabela but Aveline stops me. "Shouldn't you...?" her voice drifts, half expecting me to pick up on what she's asking. "What?" I shrug. She glances over to fire then back to me and crosses her arms. I'm still somewhat surprised. "Aveline, it's the house of a degenerate slave owner and blood mage; a snake of a man. Excuse me for trying to give Fenris some closure." She frowns and her voice is more authoritative. "Hawke." I hate that voice. "But…" I start to protest but I realize my words will not sway her. Like a child I sulk over to the mansion and create a cone of cold spell to put out the fire. "Never let me have any fun." I mutter under my breath passing her. She shakes her head but I could see a faint smile on her face.
The sun begins to set as we make or way to the docks. I stop dead when we reach Isabela's ship, marveling over the gorgeous sight before me. A massive vision of deep mahogany and dark oak leaves me in wonder. Completing it is a figurehead of creamy porcelain stone, arms stretched outward as if reaching for the Maker himself. I'm so taken Isabela must lift my chin up to close my gaping mouth. "Impressed?" she says with a smile. "It's absolutely beautiful." I say wide eyed. "I know" she beams. "I wouldn't want anything less since it nearly cost me my life." she takes a moment to look over her prize and smiles. "But she is a sight, and she's mine."
"Well isn't she a beauty?" Aveline looks on, equally impressed with the ship. "Jealous?" Isabela smirks. "That I have this magnificent creation at my hands and all you have left is boring cesspool at your disposal." The comment makes Aveline scoff. "Hardly, Donnic is the only magnificent creation I need." Isabela's brow perks up, intrigued by her statement. Aveline returns with a cheeky look that makes the pirate laugh. Then something unexpected happens; Aveline looks upon Isabela with heartfelt eyes. "For what it's worth, safe travels Isabela." Isabela looks at her confused but then she smiles and nods. "It's worth more than you know. Farewell Aveline." she begins to walk away then shouts over her shoulder. "Try not to tear up Kirkwall too much Mrs. Man hands!" Aveline rolls her eyes crossing her arms. "Shut up whore." Isabela laughs glancing over her shoulder. "That's my girl." she smiles and heads off to prepare the ship.
I turn to Aveline who still looks a little upset with me for the fire I started. Unexpectedly I nudge her with my elbow and smile. "Admit it, you're gonna miss me." she only shrugs. "How can I not? You've always been there when I needed you and Xander's the best guard dog around. You're a true friend Hawke." she seems quite frank about the whole thing, but I know better. "Come on..." I egg on. "It will be a bit boring without you, I'll give you that." She finally smiles back. "There you go!" I gush, giving her a hug and a big kiss on the cheek. She laughs and playfully pushes me away. "Alright go on before I regret everything I've said." I laugh it off and notice Carver out the corner of my eye. As I suspected he's saying goodbye to Merrill. What I didn't expect was how he said it. I see him place a small flower in her hair, then whisper in her ear. She pauses and giggles. I laugh to myself, wondering if Carver decided to tell her something dirty after all. I find their awkward exchange endearing. Carver sees me staring and quickly frowns. He turns to Merrill and says a quick sweet goodbye as I walk over to them. I give a little smirk and nod to Merrill as she gets onto the ship, then turn to Carver. I can already see he wants to say something that's probably going to annoy me so I stop him before it happens. "Look, I know we haven't always been on the best terms, and sometimes we're constantly at each other's throats." He rolls his eyes at me. "Is this going somewhere?" My glare returns. "Dammit Carver, I'm trying to make this a meaningful goodbye. Could you not be an ass for like five seconds?" he starts to object but I put my hand up. "I love you ok. You're my only brother...my only real family left." Before I realize it, I'm crying. I try to calm my shaky voice but it's no use. I didn't think saying goodbye to Carver would be so hard. But I can't deny that I'm going to really miss him. He says nothing when he sees my tears. He only pulls me close to him and embraces me. Like a flood, all my emotions are let go. Father, Bethany, mother, Carver, my time in Kirkwall, I'm drowning in a sea of memories; good and bad.
When he lets me go, I attempt to get a hold of myself again. "Just do your best here alright, and know that I love you and I'm proud of the man you've become." I try to wipe away the remaining tears when Carver tries to find the words. "Thank you Luna...I..." I interrupt him with a kiss on his forehead then I place a hand on his cheek. "I know brother." We're like this for a few seconds before Fenris walks over to my side. He looks over to Carver and nods. Carver nods back and they shake hands. "You be good to her, she's a special one she is." Part of me wonders if he means that as an insult but the thought fades as Fenris looks at me and smiles, wiping away a tear on my cheek. "Always." His gentle tone warms my heart and I can't help but smile. Carver sees this and rolls his eyes again. "Alright, on the boat you two, you're starting to make me sick." My eyes narrow and before he can stop me I wrap my arm around his neck and start messing with his hair. "Oh come now, maybe if you stop man-whoring around, one day you'll find yourself someone that'll make even you want to feel like less of an ass!" He struggles as I manically laugh. I eventually let him go and pat him on the shoulder. "Goodbye brother. If it means anything, I'll miss the hell out of you." To my surprise Carver starts to laugh. "You're such a bitch sometimes." But gradually laughter stops. "But, I will miss you more than you think. Be safe sister." There's uncertainty in his voice, like he's afraid of something. I've never heard him like this; it scares me as well. I wonder if leaving him behind is really the right thing. But I know that this is probably something he needs more then I. For good or bad, I've already made a name for myself here. So, I guess it's time for him to do the same. I'm still scared for him but try not to let it show as I give him another hug and say my final farewell. Fenris takes my hand and we head towards the ship, turning away from Kirkwall.
I feel a little relieved as we start walking up the planks. I'm somewhat glad to be away from this place. There has been many loses but I've also gained a few treasures along the way. A mixture of melancholy and accomplishment washes over me when we embark the ship. My mood quickly changes once I see one of our traveling companions.
Anders is sitting on a crate, resting his head on folded hands. I blink a few times, hoping my mind is playing tricks on me. Realizing it wasn't, I walk towards the crate, glaring at the unwanted guest on top of it. "What are you doing?" I harshly ask. From the look on his face, he's surprised at my presence. He turns to speak but it's Isabela who gives me my answer. "I told him he could come with us." she casually states. "He's in just as much trouble as we are." I fold my arms. "I would say more so since he blew up the chantry!" He scowls at me and stands up. "I stand by my decision! Something had to be done, and someone had to do it." His tone is cold and defiant, like he still has something to prove. It seems his last statement is directed at me, which only irritates me further. My hand balls up and before anyone could catch it, Anders is on the ground, holding his face. With my fist still clenched, I tower over him. "You know I was prepared to stand with the mages even before that little stunt you did! You could have told me." I notice a faint glow is quickly dissipated as he makes no effort to stand. "Why? You would have stopped me."
"Probably." I shrug. "But how would know if you never asked? There could have been some other option then that. We could have found-" Justice's glow returns along with Anders's anger. "How long would it take, and what lengths would you go to?" I'm unsure if it's Justice or Anders asking the question, and honestly, I don't care anymore. "I wouldn't have killed those people!" Justice retreats as Anders solemnly looks away. "You should have just killed me then." My face twists in disgust. "I'm not going to let you be a celebrated martyr. Better for you to live and come to grips with what you've done then to let you off that easy." With my last statement the air finally goes silent; neither of us has anything left to say. We're both suspended for a time before I finally relent. I sigh and reach my hand out to help him up. Hesitant, he looks at my hand and back to me before accepting my help. He shuffles about for a while, fixing his robes before he timidly coughs. "It does seem I am in your debt for sparing my life back there." I wave him off. "You owe me nothing. For the time being, I'm done with you." I turn away from him and head to my cabin.
I'm so angry I want to hit something. However, I don't want damage anything on the ship. So I just pace about muttering curses under my breath until seeing the sun over the water calms me down a bit. I run my hands through my hair and walk over to the window watching the sun slowly fall into dusk. Subtle hues of red and purple dance within the rays of orange and yellow; ultimately falling into the deep blue of the sea. I'm so enthralled by it all I'm caught off guard by a hand on the small of my back. I flinch slightly, but then hear a warm voice. "A little jumpy?" Fenris wonders. I give a weary smile and sink into his arms. "I was just thinking."
"What about?" he asks. I pause and look out the window again. "Everything."
"Mmm." He hums as he softly rubs my back. I turn into him wrapping my arms around his waist. I smile and rest my head on his shoulder. We stand there holding one another watching the sun set into the sea, wondering what awaits us beyond.