Authors Note: well I've had fun with this fic.. I should update more often.. but hey, I have a life... okay maybe not, but hell you dont care, your here for the story! D:
Psychosocial
The main thing to remember while in trouble is to never fear. Why? Fear can screw your thoughts up so badly you'd end up running right into the one you wish to avoid, this is one of the top shinobi guidelines. Unfortunately for Sakura and Sasuke they never heard of this before. They were simply scared shitless with just an ounce of killing intent. To Naruto, who was watching from the trees, it was annoying. He would have to do something about that soon.
Lets start from the begining. Right after Naruto and Ibiki's little yelling contest, Anko burst through the window. However upon seeing two Ibikis, one was Naruto with a henge, she facepalmed. "again ibiki? I know I said you practice yelling at yourself for fun, but I was joking..." She said sighing. Ibiki flustered and sputtered, before realizing Naruto was in his seat, and the other Ibiki was infront of him. Damn brat. "anyway, you brats meet me in two hours" She said, jumping out the window.
"but... where?" A random gennin asked. Ibiki was about to answer but Naruto said it instead. "thats part of the test, for any ninja it should be easy... considering the second exam would have about twenty anbu and jounin around it, not even attempting to hide, but of course your child mind couldnt think of that could it?" Naruto sighed, walking out the window, ignoring the laws of gravity. Ibiki sweatdropped as Naruto walked on the air.
Naruto suddenly yelled "oh no!" Ibiki blinked. "what?" Naruto shouted "Gravity exists!" then fell the three stories and stood like nothing happened. Ibiki now banged his head onto his desk, at which point everyone stared at him. "YOUR DISMISSED" He yelled, making everyone, including the chuunin, scurry from his wrath and into safety.
Skip to forest of death: Pedosnake Appears
Naruto was damn close to murdering these two, as he called them "retarded walrus". The pink haired one was so damn obsessed with Sasuke it made him want to throw her into the everfilling chamber pot of the ageless. For those that dont understand, you dont want to. Then Sasuke, the prick had the sheer gall to ORDER HIM like he was superior, though he didnt actually follow what he said, instead, when Sasuke told him to hand him the heaven scroll, Naruto handed him a scroll that was labeled heaven, but instead had a fake diary of his secret gay life. The people of Konoha looked down on same sex relationships, and Naruto saw this as a perfect chance to embarrass the brat. Naruto himself didnt care on such relationships, he figured love who ya love, nothing else mattered. The intolerance of Konoha sickened him slightly, but he experienced far worse than they had, they were simply shunned, he was beaten a few times, though only by drunks and teachers, who did so in "accidents" and got off scott free.
Suddenly a large wind knocked the other two members of his team back, while he barely felt a breeze. Naruto shrugged "hey guys, I'll be back in a few minutes, carry on without me" Naruto said, and before either could respond he exploded into a pile of kittens who scampered away. Both swore they never saw this.
(with Naruto)
Naruto was up in the trees, smiling and waving at a man who was shocked to find he had been discovered. "Oiy! Pedo-chan!"
Orochimaru replied "who in the hell are you?" He twitched lightly
Naruto smiled "an ally, you want the Uchiha, correct?"
Orochimaru's eyes widened at this, this kid had figured out what he wanted in less than a few minutes of speech. "what is it to you?"
"oh that is simple, I wish the Uchiha to die, and his little whore too, I know you can arrange this in the third exams, with your skills as a body expert it would be easy to fool morticians." Naruto smiled.
"what would you get though?" Orochimaru raised his eyebrow
"simple, you leave konoha without the war" Naruto smirked.
Orochimaru weighed the options, he didnt care for konoha, he simply wanted the uchiha, that was all this war was for. He nodded "alright, though I'm not sure why I didnt think of this.."
"simple, because I'm one of the, if not the smartest person in this dimension" Naruto said without giving the aura of arrogance.
Orochimaru chuckled "dont get too full of yourself kid" and with that said the two seperated.
Naruto eventually joined back up with the whore and the emo. He really needed a good name for em. "that was refreshing" He said as he joined with them. "and on the bright side, I got an earth scroll!" He smiled. Around this time Orochimaru screamed at the top of his lungs. Naruto laughed loudly. "so wha-" He was interupted by another gust of wind, blowing his teammates back. He stood there as if nothing happened, still smirking. "well well well, seems we got a snake in the grass, soon its gonna be a snake in a certian prick's ass" Naruto moved slighty as ninja wire came out from the dust cloud the blast of wind, going past him, it went straight the uchiha, who immediately picked a log up and blocked it with it. Or at least thats what would have happened if the ninja wire was just a bit longer.
Instead, the wire wrapped around the damn near retarded Uchiha and tied his arms to the log, like Naruto was tied to the post when they first trained. Naruto facepalmed and sighed as he saw another wire going right at Sakura, who was tied to a tree from it. He sighed and used his own wind jutsu to clear the dust, and reveal Orochimaru's hidden form. "yo, go ahead and do what ya gotta do to these imbeciles, so I can get out of this damned forest" He sighed.
Orochimaru wondered how the man new he was him, but shrugged it off and bit Sasuke and Sakura, knocking them both out. "they shouldnt remember past the wires being launched." He said walking away. It seemed the man had an alliance with him for the time being.
Naruto picked up his annoyingly weak teammates and dragged them to the tower.
(small timeskip :D)
"first match, Sasuke vs Fuu, begin"
In the stands Kurenai was betting against kakashi "I bet your pet will lose, I saw Fuu fight my team, he doesnt stand a chance."
Kakashi was eager to take the bet but before he could respond, Naruto snorted "you'll see"
Kurenai, as always, was quick to say "think a woman cant handle him?"
Naruto chuckled "oh not that, I mean hes as weak as Sakura, but this particular woman doesnt stand a chance."
Kakashi raised his eyebrow "what happened in the forest?"
"the final level" Was all Naruto said.
Kakashi seemed to understand, as he was too shocked to speak. Kurenai blinked and moved her attention back to the fight.
Fuu seemed to be winning, with her first tailed form, however as she was just about to finish sasuke, something happened. All her energy was suddenly sucked away from her, swimming into a vortex that went straight into Sasuke's eye, which was currently shaped like a five point star. Fuu imediately fell over, knocked out. The match was won by Sasuke, and a few more matches went by before Sakura and Ino fought.
Normally this would have been boring, if Naruto didnt telepathically release some of Sakura's muscle use, as each person uses about twenty percent of their muscle, making her strong enough to win the match, just barely though.
The last match was a strange one indeed. Naruto was going to fight Neji. The mutters from the stands were mostly about the insane meets the knowledge. If only they knew the truth.
"you both ready?" the proctor asked.
Both nodded, Neji with a blank face, and Naruto with the smirk he always had.
"begin!"
Neji sighed "you should give up, fate-" He started, only to be cut off as ducktape was over his mouth.
Naruto stood a few feet infront of him with a roll of ducktape whirling on his finger, like a hoolahoop.
Neji roared in anger, while the stands roared with laughter. Neji immediately ripped the tape off. "bet that stings like a hammer to the face." Neji looked up just in time to see a hammer flying right towards his face, which collided and made him fall on his back.
Naruto smiled "trust me, Fate, time and space are my slaves, they hold no meaning for me, nor any of the three. Allow me to give you a lesson of just who your are fighting, you arrogant little prick." Naruto began his tale "you see many years ago, god decided to give three mortals true immortality, and these three beings are known as death, fear, and pain. These three beings are more powerful than anyone else. Death is known to be the most powerful, however that is a lie, he is the weakest, well he would be second strongest if not for his rules about his powers, death happens only once after all"
Neji snorted "so you claim to be death?"
Naruto smacked the back of his head lightly. "Gibs, now shut up and listen. The second strongest is Pain, who has attained the powers of the false gods you all worship, along with a weapon, he calls himself a god, but he knows the truth. He has a few rules, but not nearly as bad as Death does. Now the most powerful is Fear"
Neji yelled at him "that makes no sense Death is the most powerful, Fear is weak"
Naruto smirked "wrong again you damn sociopath, Death only happens once, and is quick, by lifetime perspective. Pain is longer, but Fear is constant, we all experience fear, some way or another, the kages fear their paperwork, Kakashi fears everyone on earth turning into copies of Gai. now let me finish, Fear has no rules, logic bends itself it Fear's will, as a blanket can turn into a monster with fear."
Neji smirked "I fear nothing but fear itself!"
Naruto smirked "good.. because I.. AM FEAR" And with that stated, he cast a genjutsu on Neji, possibly one of his most lethal weapons was this genjutsu, he would probably need psycho-evaluation later.
The genjutsu Neji expereinced was a terrible fate indeed. In Neji's mind, he was naked, tied down in a Jail house shower, and he had no teeth. Suddenly he heard a voice yell out "shower time!" And whimpered.
"the third exam matches are as follows
1st match Sasuke vs Gaara
2nd match Nara Shikamaru vs Temari
3rd match Naruto vs Shino
4th match Kiba vs Hinata
final match, Sakura vs Tayuya
With that said, you are all dismissed, you have two months to train before the third exams" Sarutobi said.
Hope that was worth the wait.
Why the fight with Neji so soon? well I had 123998071234 ideas about that fight so I decided to use it as his match in the preliminaries.
Now a small rant
I see so many people making Naruto's IQ around 200+, nothing would be wrong with that... if the person portraying him actually had such an IQ, which is why this Naruto's IQ is strictly at 153, though his logistics are incredibly high, I cant make him smarter than myself, otherwise I could not portray him correctly.
next little rant.
These people on fanfiction complain so much about yaoi, and at first I agreed because 80% of the stories I saw were yaoi, yes I took numbers. The thing I LOVE is how they say in the description, DONT LIKE DONT READ. Now I doubt that you'll read a yaoi without noticing it, which is probably why you should read the AN and summary.
Third,
People on here are so biased against gays, to insult Sasuke they make him gay. Personally I have a few gay/bi/lesbian friends, and frankly they are alot better people than my straight friends, which is not all that shocking to me. No, just because I have gay friends doesnt mean I'll turn this into a yaoi.
and lastly...
God like Naruto's.. they are usually great and a perfect read, however.. lately I've found some that say he is godlike.. but he loses to the weak and wins to the strong like one I read the other day, where Naruto fought Kakashi and completely owned him.. then nearly lost to neji in the finals... see what I mean now?, Neji is just chuunin level at best, Kakashi is on par with Jiraiya without sage mode, see the problem?
Sorry bout those.. I have alot of anger issues and its best to adress problems head on, perferably one of these rants will change someone, who knows?
till next time,
this is Kensei signing off ;D